GF wants to go away for a week - I said no

[Firedweller]

My girlfriend rang me and said she's going away for a week. I said where, she replied I don't know. I asked with who, she said I don't know who's coming. I then asked if you don't know why do you want to go and she said because my college organized it and I want to go away and have fun for a the week because I'm always just at college or with family etc.

I know that there are some AFC's going to this who have asked her out in the past before we got together a year ago and I know they'll be in the prowl. I don't want her to be in that environment basically. She is huge on jealousy and has even chucked a tantrum when she saw me having an outdoor meeting with some women and a man for work at a cafe.


I told her no because I don't want her going to who knows where and who knows with who and she got childish saying she is going to go and she won't talk to any one at the trip just enjoy her own time lol.

Now question is, what do I do from here? If she goes, I want to show her that I deplore her lack of respect but don't want to break up with her over this. I've been with her for a year and it's not common for her to be like this but she gets this big feminist attitude to her on occasions where she'll know she's wrong in a situation (not referring specifically to this) but she'll kick up a lot of dusting with the whole 'I am my own woman' attitude. But if I hang out with my mate and his GF, she will get hurt and be mopey which doesn't stop me from doing it again.

 

[TheException]

My girlfriend rang me and said she's going away for a week. I said where, she replied I don't know. I asked with who, she said I don't know who's coming.

she got childish saying she is going to go and she won't talk to any one at the trip just enjoy her own time lol.

Definitely not good. I'd say no man finds this sort of behavior desirable from a girlfriend. Could be just bored with the relationship or could be as extreme as I'm going to go cheat on you with this one guy from class for a week.

Whatever it is, it's not a positive thing. Either way, your reaction SHOULD HAVE been the same......should have been INDIFFERENT. You found out the hard way that no amount of logical fighting with a woman will ever lead her to change her mind. Instead....now you are the crazy, jealous, insecure boyfriend.

Now question is, what do I do from here? If she goes, I want to show her that I deplore her lack of respect but don't want to break up with her over this.

I would completely ignore the subject and when she brings it up again, do a complete 180 on it.

"Ya babe, it's fine. Go and have a blast"

Fake it if you must but don't let the tone of voice display that you are mad. Just don't give a sh1t. While she's away it will give you some space where you can more honestly think about breaking up or not. Right now, you won't be able to think straight, but ask yourself is this the type of behavior I want from a girlfriend?

If not...break up. Plenty of fish on a college campus my man. Trying to "punish" her will never do anything. You can't change a woman! You simply must find one that doesn't push your buttons or act in a way that you do not tolerate.

 

[Moroder]

If you want to stay with her, your best bet is to relax. You cannot put another person in a cage and treat them like you own them.
Accept her vacation as a quirk of an otherwise loveable person. Don't b!tch or complain about it, don't get too emotional. But do see your buddy and his GF, too. Don't get sucked into any argument about it. She's got her life, you've got your life, and you've got your life as a couple. Three different things not to be confused.

 

[mikey2012]

Dude let her go...she prob going get some covck...so even if you stop her she still will...

 

[MOTU]

OP, did she invite you to go as well? If she could have, and didn't, that's a really bad sign.

But as others have said, there really isn't a good outcome for you here. Acting jealous makes you look weak and insecure and letting her go makes you vulnerable to her making bad choices.

The fact she was so vague about where they were going and other details, almost makes me wonder if she was just fishing for a reaction #sh!ttest.

 

[RangerMIke]

You can't control a woman. If you start acting all upset by this you will lose your center and lose her, if you want to keep her. Let her go.... this is how women act. They flit from one thing to the next. If you are ready to move on and see other girls, just go ahead draw a 'line in the sand' and pitch a hissy fit. You will appear to be a woman, and she will start looking for a real man.

I really don't see this as a lack of respect towards you, just normal female behavior. She's running off to some college thing... big deal.

Call some other girls and spend time with them... you're in college, should be easy.

 

[Zarky]

OP, rejoice, in another 20 years, when you're my age, you won't really give two sh*ts what your girls are doing at any one time.

 

[El Payaso]

I don't see what the problem is.

While she's away, it gives you freedom to bang other women of your own. She will start to wonder why your attention has withdrawn.

 

[LMFAO]

You're being way too controlling. If you were Roger Moore would you really give a f&ck about her going away for a week? Fvck no, you just wouldn't give a sh!t and bang other girls while she's away. You'd just smile and laugh at her asking her does she really think she can last a week without me. The irony is with women that this frame of you not giving a fvck as you are abundant with 20 other vaginas is what would make your girfriend wet, and not the guy who cares so much that he doesn't want his girl to leave.

Are you married to her? Who gives a fvck. Remember this: all women are single before marriage. (Some believe all women are single also after marriage :crackup: )

 

[December_in_NY_1978]

No need to fight it man. Let her go, perfect time to start lining up some new broads to plow. Women are like a revolving door, keep new ones coming in and out.

 

[Firedweller]

The thing is, my GF tries to be controlling and is jealous, even if I go out of town for work she will make at least some comment about why can't my employer send someone else and not me. She expects a high level of respect from me and openness and so do I of her. The reasons why I don't want her going aren't based on whether she might cheat, if I thought she was a slvt then I wouldn't be dating her, they are based around the fact that she will be encouraged by my 'easiness' to let her do what she wants and who she wants and because she'll be surrounded by AFC's who will be bending over backward to be physically next to her. I am quite traditional in my approach to relationships and women, men should be able to tell the girl no when they are in a serious relationship. She has no qualms about saying no to me, even if I don't listen. And I'm not unreasonable too, I don't stop her from going out of town with friends or having AFC guys on her Facebook from college but one week away in a close camping style trip is crossing the line.

I work full time so I couldn't go to the trip with her and she knows that.

 

[Firedweller]

I think I've decided that if she goes, I will cheat on her the whole week she's gone. That way I won't be bitter towards her while she's gone and when she comes back.

 

[deepower]

You guys are amazing....If it is the man who is telling his girlfriend that he is going away you would say " oh yea man dont even explain anything just go you are the alpha potatoe blah blah blah. But in this case it is "her" who wants to go somewhere. Let her go, you can never be in a relationship if you don't trust the other person, period. Just grow up everybody. What is the problem if she doesnt know where they are going, maybe they didnt decide yet, she will tell you eventually. I t is not that you cannot contact her during that time. And if you go with your friend out, do it but if you feel like it. Not because you want to get back on her. That is plain stupid. And if you guys start playing like that let me tell you that it will be a nightmare from now on.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I think I've decided that if she goes, I will cheat on her the whole week she's gone. That way I won't be bitter towards her while she's gone and when she comes back.

You already are. You're preparing to cheat on her out of pure resentment - not to say that there exists a good reason to cheat on your partner... that's female-logic based drivel (ex. "he forced me to cheat", "I wouldn't have cheated if he didn't make me feel so insecure").

When resentment begins to build up in a relationship, it's horrifying how fast it can snowball to monstrous proportions. Are you ready for that possibility? It sounds like you will hold this against her for as long as you two are together. In your scenario, I think it comes down to "put up and shut up" or break it off and find yourself a girl who doesn't put you in uncomfortable situations ...and women always find a way to put you in an uncomfortable situation.

 

[dasein]

The thing is, my GF tries to be controlling and is jealous,

Regardless of semantics, she stopped being your exclusive GF the moment she suggested this indefinite trip, so she isn't your GF, she's just a chick you are banging. Women who are exclusive would never do this... ever.... ever, unless she's so immature that she just doesn't know better. What would her reaction be if you told her you were going on some indefinite trip with whoever wherever? Footstamping, crying and screaming, that's what, and she knows that full well. Maintain so you can keep banging her when she gets back while you are pursuing other options at the same time.

Here's what I'd say, "I overreacted to your trip. I think it's fine if you want to step back from the GF/BF thing and be more casual. We can still have all the fun we have now without any kind of labels. Go and have fun!" Then smile a big sh-t eating grin and give her a big hug. If she pulls the "are you breaking up with me?" "No, not at all, just stepping back some, there's no reason we have to be exclusive to have fun together and enjoy each other."

If she insists on "why can't I go and we stay BF/GF?" then very very calmly, "that doesn't really work for me... or any other couple anywhere, but it's not a great big deal, we can still have good times and fun without all the restriction and labels."

Key is to be totally calm and relaxed when you are going through this, to speak in the gentlest, kindest terms possible, not get confrontational and keep working back to the "we don't have to have labels, we can still have us, just not the pressure of being exclusive."

She may start crying when she realizes what's happening and how badly she has messed up. "Hey, everything's fine with us, don't feel like that, I want you to be free and happy to go on any kind of trips you want, that's a good thing, right?"

But know, if nothing else, this girl is not any kind of suitable prospect for a relationship. Maybe she will mature, maybe not, but at this point in time, you don't have a GF any more, and you should start moving your attitude towards accepting that and all the freedom and good things it brings your way. Good luck.

 

[deepower]

Regardless of semantics, she stopped being your exclusive GF the moment she suggested this indefinite trip, so she isn't your GF, she's just a chick you are banging. Women who are exclusive would never do this... ever.... ever, unless she's so immature that she just doesn't know better. What would her reaction be if you told her you were going on some indefinite trip with whoever wherever? Footstamping, crying and screaming, that's what, and she knows that full well. Maintain so you can keep banging her when she gets back while you are pursuing other options at the same time.

Here's what I'd say, "I overreacted to your trip. I think it's fine if you want to step back from the GF/BF thing and be more casual. We can still have all the fun we have now without any kind of labels. Go and have fun!" Then smile a big sh-t eating grin and give her a big hug. If she pulls the "are you breaking up with me?" "No, not at all, just stepping back some, there's no reason we have to be exclusive to have fun together and enjoy each other."

If she insists on "why can't I go and we stay BF/GF?" then very very calmly, "that doesn't really work for me... or any other couple anywhere, but it's not a great big deal, we can still have good times and fun without all the restriction and labels."

Key is to be totally calm and relaxed when you are going through this, to speak in the gentlest, kindest terms possible, not get confrontational and keep working back to the "we don't have to have labels, we can still have us, just not the pressure of being exclusive."

She may start crying when she realizes what's happening and how badly she has messed up. "Hey, everything's fine with us, don't feel like that, I want you to be free and happy to go on any kind of trips you want, that's a good thing, right?"

But know, if nothing else, this girl is not any kind of suitable prospect for a relationship. Maybe she will mature, maybe not, but at this point in time, you don't have a GF any more, and you should start moving your attitude towards accepting that and all the freedom and good things it brings your way. Good luck.

That is MANIPULATION...how disgustin. So your definition of a relationship is mainly a cage!!!
How ridiculous and insecure!!!

 

[Firedweller]

I met up with her and she from the outset was acting extremely immature and upset. She was saying 3 word sentences and not looking at me when I was speaking. After a few minutes of talking she kept begging to go saying she never gets to get out and that I know she never does bad things behind my back and that they're going to some mountain to stay and she loves that type of geography which is true.

I told her that I'm done arguing about it and she knows how I feel and what she chooses to do will shed light on how she sees our relationship going. She immediately asked what to do you mean to which I replied, it's obvious you don't want a fully committed relationship like I thought we were in so we'll still be a couple but I want a more laid back relationship where I can go to places with a bunch of guys and women without you getting upset and likewise with you - just so we don't get into another argument like this. She said she doesn't want that and I just shut her down at that point telling her the discussion regarding this is over.

She then kept asking me not to change my opinion of her and to feel the same as before and that I should trust her. I told her yes no worries then wrapped up the meet up and left.

She messaged me about 15 times after I left saying please don't change the way we are and don't be upset with her. I replied once saying I'm not upset I just know where we stand stand.

She rang me a later wanting to speak but I was getting ready for bed and I said I'm going to sleep and she said good night in a pi$$ed 0ff way and hung up.

 

[Firedweller]

On a side note, I actually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I was carrying this burden of trying to force her not to go but I feel like she's showed me what she thinks of my opinion. Because prior to this, I didn't think she'd just go away for a week to who knows where and who knows with. Call it pedestalling but I genuinely thought she was quite traditional with all that.

Never thought about that with my ex's but O well.

 

[Sensible]

Well, I'm not good at dating but I know about relationships cause I had long relationships and I'm 27 right now.

One thing I know is that you are playing it wrong. The more you try to control her, the more you make it worse and push her into somebody else's arms. Just let her go and don't say nothing. Be cool with that. It's the strongest thing you can do at this point.

When I was 20-21, I had a girlfriend like that. I also said no for such things like this one and I tried to control her. In the end she dumped me and I learned my lesson.

 

[In2theGame]

I met up with her and she from the outset was acting extremely immature and upset. She was saying 3 word sentences and not looking at me when I was speaking. After a few minutes of talking she kept begging to go saying she never gets to get out and that I know she never does bad things behind my back and that they're going to some mountain to stay and she loves that type of geography which is true.

I told her that I'm done arguing about it and she knows how I feel and what she chooses to do will shed light on how she sees our relationship going. She immediately asked what to do you mean to which I replied, it's obvious you don't want a fully committed relationship like I thought we were in so we'll still be a couple but I want a more laid back relationship where I can go to places with a bunch of guys and women without you getting upset and likewise with you - just so we don't get into another argument like this. She said she doesn't want that and I just shut her down at that point telling her the discussion regarding this is over.

She then kept asking me not to change my opinion of her and to feel the same as before and that I should trust her. I told her yes no worries then wrapped up the meet up and left.

She messaged me about 15 times after I left saying please don't change the way we are and don't be upset with her. I replied once saying I'm not upset I just know where we stand stand.

She rang me a later wanting to speak but I was getting ready for bed and I said I'm going to sleep and she said good night in a pi$$ed 0ff way and hung up.

Well played here IMO. You know why she was blowing up your phone when you left? because you let her know that your not going to be a cuckolded male boyfriend that lets his Woman roam out to hang out with guys who all want to fvck her. She's not dumb, She knows that many guys who have their c0cks ready will be there. Will she be doing anything with them? We dont know your girlfriend however, even if you have been with her for a long time... You still dont know what she's really capable of. Many of us have been there with our ex GF's claiming in a tantrum "I just want to go and have fun! its not like that!" or "Why are you controlling!" etc Whatever the excuse is... She wants her cake and eat it too. You stood your ground but the biggest thing that came out of this was that she felt you would walk away if you suspected she begins fvcking around. If she says shes going anyway, Dont argue about anything. Just say Ok. Simple as that. I can 100% guarantee you that she will begin asking you a sh*t load of questions like "Are you mad at me baby?" "I feel your upset now" etc dont let that shake you. Plus she may become more affectionate to "soften" the blow. Fvck you good, Give you a good BJ before she goes so that you let your guard down on your previous stance.

Again, Will she do anything with those "betas" on the trip? We just dont know but she definitely knows they like her and they WILL attempt to go after her. keep your strong stance on things and act accordingly with her actions.