GF txting other men

[anatoliy]

Hi! Although this is my first post on this forum ive been a long time reader and am very much thankful for all the insightful advice given on other threads and bible.

I need some advice with my relationship. I am 24 and she is 21. Recently I caught her texting with an ex that lives in another state and whom she havent seen for almost 2 years. The worst thing was her saying that she missed him and that they should do something soon (like catching up).
There were other txts too of guys replying to her pics on IG, where she replied in an open way.

I confronted her about this, she cried a lot and asked for a second chance, saying that she felt something for him when she txted him but he doesnt mean anything compared to me bla bla bla you guys know the drill...

She offered to shut down her Ig or block this guys. Also said that i could check her phone whenever i wanted from now on.

This for me sounds like a goodbye. But im considering on giving her a second chance because she is a good girl and doesnt usually act like this outside her “virtual life” - as far as i can tell, of course.

What do u guys think? Should give her a another chance or just dump her?

 

[Billtx49]

Well, she was honest and upfront about it when caught and will block and shut down, that’s good. The bad part is she’s looking for something she’s not getting right now…
Question is, do you want to be put in the position of always going through her phone. Texts are easily erased before you can see them.
Relationships are based on trust, and she just put a big kink in yours.

 

[dude99]

Hi! Although this is my first post on this forum ive been a long time reader and am very much thankful for all the insightful advice given on other threads and bible.

I need some advice with my relationship. I am 24 and she is 21. Recently I caught her texting with an ex that lives in another state and whom she havent seen for almost 2 years. The worst thing was her saying that she missed him and that they should do something soon (like catching up).
There were other txts too of guys replying to her pics on IG, where she replied in an open way.

I confronted her about this, she cried a lot and asked for a second chance, saying that she felt something for him when she txted him but he doesnt mean anything compared to me bla bla bla you guys know the drill...

She offered to shut down her Ig or block this guys. Also said that i could check her phone whenever i wanted from now on.

This for me sounds like a goodbye. But im considering on giving her a second chance because she is a good girl and doesnt usually act like this outside her “virtual life” - as far as i can tell, of course.

What do u guys think? Should give her a another chance or just dump her?

Typical 21 year old chick who has her cake and wants to eat it too, and her hampster wheel is spinning about her ex.
What is he up to.
Does he miss me.
Was breaking up with him a mistake.
Etc. Etc. Then she reaches out. He replies and you are where you are.


If she misses this guy and wants to get together with him to catch up like she said she is already setting herself up to cheat on you and or branch swing. She will just find a new way to hide it on you. She isnt sorry. She is sorry she got caught.

Ive been in your shoes. Once they start to do stuff behind your back it just shows their true character (or lack of.)

 

[anatoliy]

Well, she was honest and upfront about it when caught and will block and shut down, that’s good. The bad part is she’s looking for something she’s not getting right now…
Question is, do you want to be put in the position of always going through her phone. Texts are easily erased before you can see them.
Relationships are based on trust, and she just put a big kink in yours.

Typical 21 year old chick who has her cake and wants to eat it too, and her hampster wheel is spinning about her ex.
What is he up to.
Does he miss me.
Was breaking up with him a mistake.
Etc. Etc. Then she reaches out. He replies and you are where you are.


If she misses this guy and wants to get together with him to catch up like she said she is already setting herself up to cheat on you and or branch swing. She will just find a new way to hide it on you. She isnt sorry. She is sorry she got caught.

Ive been in your shoes. Once they start to do stuff behind your back it just shows their true character (or lack of.)

I agree in parts, but i forgot to add some important info: i already knew about this guy and had already asked her about him. She said it was her ex but i shouldnt worry because he dates a friend of her and they are just friends now. At the time i didnt judge her because i know that’s possible since im very good friends with one of my exs without feeling any attraction for her whatsoever.

Also, she said she didnt mean to actully meet him for real. as much as i think that is true im never gonna know what were her real intentions.

The point is, ive been cheated before and i broke up instantly - no conversation about it; but now is a different situation, nothing occurred, physically.

I dont want to be checking her social medias all the time, that would never work.

 

[way2smart]

Dump this girl now. She just showed that she has no integrity. If you dont dump her and you try to rationalize her bahavior and bla bla bla, you will be in a load of anxiety.

Do you really need extra anxiety in your life when life is already stressful as it is? This is the question you need to answer yourself.

I was in a similar situation before and my emotional well being as well as productivity suffered as a result of increased anxiety. I only found peace after i dumped her

 

[El Payaso]

She'll just get better at hiding her cheating behavior.

Dump her now. It's never going to get better.

 

[Von]

My 2cent.

She's only sorry she got caught. The fact she was doing it until you caught her... tells everything.

Why did she cry or felt quilts if everything was alright ?

I can understand my girlfriend talking to an ex... if they have a common thing left (like income reports, a child, a mutual friend, situations)..

My example: I still talk to my ex, 2-3 years after the break up because I still receive her income tax report... but that's it. I still have her on FB... but nothing been going on there between us since the break up.

You have a GF who's in need of something, she's clearly lacking something from you.

She reacted with guilt and sadness... it means she know what she did was wrong and she's sad she got caught.

If she was texting her ex about stuff like a Child they have, income taxe report being delivered at the wrong address, mutual friend situation... she would have TOLD YOU WITHOUT ISSUES (she would have no cried nor felt sad)

She's on the verge of cheating.

Either cause you are too needy, too scared of being cheated on that you act desperate, you don't give her good sex etc... it can be anything... but there is SOMETHING.

Confront her about it nicely,talk about how to solve it: identify issues, find solutions.

You should ask her to sit down at the table, and you guys talk. It's important to act CALM, RESPECT, like it's casual talk.

Communication help solving issues.
You have issues going on
Solve it

Only by talking to her and acting, you'll resolve it
(Your LTR might become better, you might see its ain't for you, etc...)

Good stuff happens when you decide to talk about it.

Today, I had a fight with my GF, we talked and solved... she wanted me more after...

Actions have to follow words in all cases.

 

[Red Legg]

At least she was honest...when I confronted mine she said "hes just a friend awww come on"

 

[Fireballs]

Unfortunately this is the beginning of the end ..

 

[anon56]

OP, listen to the advice. Experience speaks wisdom. Ive been on your boat too with one ex, if she doesnt do it with the guy shes talking to right now she will with someone else.

 

[Glassguy]

You have 2 choices:

1. Continue forward with someone who doesn't respect you enough to not talk to her ex (And other guys too wtf.). By doing this, you are validating that her doing this is somewhat acceptable behavior. You will lose all self respect if you stay with her.

2. Dump her immediately. "This isn't what I was expecting when I continued dating you and I'm not cool with it. I'm going to get back into the dating pool and find someone who offers what I'm looking for. Take care" and then ghost her.

For a guy like me who has very high self respect, it would be an easy decision.

 

[devilkingx2]

ecause she is a good girl and doesnt usually act like this outside her “virtual life” - as far as i can tell, of course.

she's the kinda girl that will invite 4 guys to run a train on her when you go out of town, I'd recommend not committing to a girl that isn't off the market while she has a bf

 

[foreverAFC]

its over

 

[djthiago1]

Wow man, she sounds like a real keeper; the things i would do to have a L O Y A L girl such as yours. You should definetelly marry ASAP and have tons of babies.

INTEGRITY is the most important part in a relationship, it's composed of Trust, Loyalty and Honesty. She broke loyalty and trust. She's OUT.

You can leave now and keep your self-respect or you can stay till she dumps you for some other dude.

Only one parachute in the airplane of love, and the one who gets out first suffers less.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I'd say the Instagram isn't a serious break-up offence (girls comment on my Insta in friendly fashion sometimes, if I reply to their comment on my dinner or something that doesn't mean I'm trying to f*ck them!). But the texting of the ex is more serious, why does she want to hang with him in the first place? Not cool if she's doing it in secret too.

As the guys have said, you have two choices: end this now or keep going.

Personally I'm going to be controversial and suggest giving her a second chance. As you said, if she's been loyal previously and got very upset that suggests that she does value you.

But don't make the second chance a casual thing you mention in 10 seconds. I'd sit down and say to her face, intensely, that you're giving her one more chance and one chance only not to f*ck things up. Tell her to stop contacting her ex, and I'd also ask her during that conversation if things between you are good or if she is feeling isolated/lonely/etc.

It might turn out during that latter half of the conversation that she's more honest with you about problems in your relationship. If she says everything is tip-top fine, you know that you can't really trust her.