gf seeing another guy sat night

[edgewater]

Been going out with this girl for about a month now, anyways one of her guy friends from interstate is coming to town and she asked me if I have any problem if they meet up. I'm out of town this weekend so I wont know what happens. She has a high IL in me, and we haven't had any arguments or anything like that.

She flipped one week after I went out with her when I asked her if I could go to the beach with a chick friend of mine, I told her I was just testing her (which I was). Long story short - I remind her how she felt when I suggested seeing someone else.

What do you guys think I should do? Let her see this guy or plant the foot and say no?

 

[italostud]

Well your first fyckup was telling her you were testing her. Bro, you made yourself look like a ***** when u told her that.

 

[jakeyboy]

lets look at it this way... you'll be out of town for the weekend. even if you tell her not to see the guy, if she really wants to, SHE WILL. there you go... its a paradox. if you tell her not to see him, she thinks you're an overpossessive bast*rd, while if you tell her to go ahead, you yourself would be worrying about her getting up to some mischief. i'm sorry i aint got no real advice on whether to say yes or no to let her see him, however i can tell you that if she really wants to, there's nothing short of a bullet riding through her skull that can stop her from doing so

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by jakeyboy
if she really wants to, there's nothing short of a bullet riding through her skull that can stop her from doing so

Which is why you must stop caring, period. It's all zen-like and quite hard to grasp, but once you stop caring what your girl does, you free yourself from feeling pain in the event that she does cheat. And if she's doesn't cheat - well okay, that's cool too.


To be honest with you though, I think she's testing you right back for testing her. Girls NEVER forget things like that. She wants so badly for you to lose your cool and temper - she wants so hard for you to think that she sucked his cack this coming weekend. I highly doubt she will (based on how you told me that she has high IL and you get along well), but she wants you to think so. If you get flustered, she will:


1) Have gotten revenge on you

2) Found out that you actually do care for her, which


(a) Makes her feel loved
(b) Makes her feel powerful and in control of the relationship




Basically, you were doin' just find til you opened your big fat mouth about testing her.

 

[jakeyboy]

agreed with jake.

 

[edgewater]

haha cheers guys, good feedback from everybody. I was the perfect dj in attracting her, then I made a few afc mistakes when she succumbed, she had the balance of power but I got it back real quick. She's a hell of a dj herself to be honest and its been fun because she's a bit of a challenge, she's steadily lowering her guard now. I know for a fact she fears guys that control her because her best friend is in a real mess with an ******* of a bf at the moment.

Yeah I sound like a softcock talking like this, but to be honest, I like this one and I don't really care for getting all the ***** I can anymore.

Should I bounce back and maybe hit the beach with one of my chick friends this weekend? I mean, its all fair isn't it - or do you think this would be childish?

 

[edgewater]

btw jake - that frame of mind exactly what I've put myself in for the past few weeks. Ofcourse though, if I didn't like her all that much I wouldn't bother asking for advice here.

 

[Avsguy01]

If you want a relationship with this girl then you have to let her hang out with this guy. Trust is the most important aspect in a realationship. I bet you were a little pissed when she reacted the way she did when you told her that you were going to hang out with another chick. I wouldnt have tested her. That just sets the relationship up for dumb ass games. If you get mad at her for hanging out with this guy then theres a trust issue and she will probably move on. Trust is important. Without trust your basically setting yourself up for the AFC route.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

I say let her go out with him... if in the end, she chooses him or any other guy instead of you, help her pack. If she ends up choosing you, then you've bought yourself a little freedom by allowing her some freedom. Either way, you win.

 

[biker_gixxer]

She flipped one week after I went out with her when I asked her if I could go to the beach with a chick friend of mine,

Asked her if you could go to the beach with a friend? What is she, your mother? Does she give you an allowance every week and send you to your room if you've been bad? Come on bro, you're a man. You do what you want, when you want, end of story. If she doesn't like it, to bad, she can accept it or move on, either way you don't care.

She wants to meet up with her 'friend'. Tell her to go ahead and have fun, you'll see her when she gets back. If she's testing you or not, it doesn't matter, you'll still come across cool and confident.

 

[dietzcoi]

I can't stand it anymore....

It's apparently a no win situation, but for once I agree with the touchy feely types here. You have to let her go... you cannot stop it. You have only been together one month. If you had been in an LTR, different story.

Dietzcoi

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by italostud
Well your first fyckup was telling her you were testing her. Bro, you made yourself look like a ***** when u told her that.

Yep.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh by the way, I was curious about one thing. What was the commitment between the two of you? "Going out" can mean a lot of things. I am going out with four women right now and they are probably "going out" with other people. I could care less because there is no commitment, we're just going out.

Are you guys "dating" which implies some type of commitment agreed upon by the two of you? Even if it is, I'd let her see but I would use the Trump of her getting weird if you did the same thing.

Another question to everyone, is it AFC nowadays to actually call a woman you aren't married to but committed to you "girlfriend"? I don't know if they even use it in the High School forum any more. I mean it would easily define a committed relationship or is that type of thing behind the times?

Just curious....

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by edgewater

She flipped one week after I went out with her when I asked her if I could go to the beach with a chick friend of mine,

Thanks Biker_Gixxer. I was hoping I wasn't the only one who wanted to stick my finger down my throat after I read this.

 

[biker_gixxer]

I couldn't hold back Metal. It drives me up the wall when I see guys behave this way.

 

[edgewater]

Yeah you're right about the asking thing, but I had just got back from seeing her, and we made that 'connection', and she gave me head etc - I guess I'm not a complete arsehole inside. As I said there were circumstances around it which I was why I did what I needed to do with the test and it did bring her closer.

Oh by the way, I was curious about one thing. What was the commitment between the two of you? "Going out" can mean a lot of things. I am going out with four women right now and they are probably "going out" with other people. I could care less because there is no commitment, we're just going out.

Told me she loved me last weekend, but only via a txt message. And obviously when she freaked out that meant she wanted exclusivity.

 

[edgewater]

I'm well aware of the mistakes I've made and hell if I get burnt out of this - I know why and thats whats important, and it'll just be another learning experience. I guess this thread is really about the broader argument... Obviously our ideal DJ would never have a woman wanting to see another guy, friend or whatever - but for most relationships its a reality.

Some say trust is the important thing and that you should let her do whatever she wants and she will then see you as catch because you're carefree and confident in her.

Then on the other hand theres the 'my way or the highway' approach where you go 'look - if you want to be with me you have to make some changes to yourself else you can find a new bf'.

I'm going to play it like this... the following week she sees me I'll act somewhat disinterested, taking a step back on the 'connection' she built with me like I'm just on any old date again because, obviously, if she's going to do things like this I'm always going to be second guessing her. I'll be my usual funny self but I wont show signs that I'm as into her as I was before hand and make her work to get close to me agian. What do you guys think?

 

[Tha Realnezz]

You better plant that foot down,son.

 

[neoncola]

You've only been together for a month, and I guess that isn't that long. I say let her do what she wants, although I don't know why she would bother seeing another guy (even if it really is only a friend) if she told you she loved you that time.

She might feel like she has you now and needs another conquest, but doesn't want to lose you so says this guy is just a friend.

Definately act more indifferent now, become more distant. She should come to you.

 

[edgewater]

She called me when me just before, she'd had a few drinks (not a lot) and anyways somewhere along the conversation she was like "you never txt me first I ALWAYS have to do it first, you never message me first on msn I ALWAYS have to do it". Then she was like "I stopped messaging you in the morning and you didn't even notice. I bet you don't even think about me (half-jokingly)". She also complained I always end calls first. I told her that I'm always the one to call her though and I call her most nights out of the week. I ALWAYS leave her laughing when I finish my calls.

I think I've confirmed what she's trying to do. She's not hunting for other guys, she just wants me start doing all the little AFC things that she wants me to do. I said a few sweet things to her our close moments, some of you might think its sickening stuff but I believe that showing your sensitive side and then taking it away can be quite alluring to girls - especially for me because I'm quite muscular and I think they like to see me a little soft sometimes. (anyone with me here??)