GF says I've become a jerk since following "the system"

[h_amati]

Been studying Doc Love´s "system" for about a year now, long term GF (3+ years) accuses me of becoming a jerk, yesterday after a pretty heated argument she literally said: "I don´t know what you've been doing or who you've been talking to, but you have changed so much, you have become such a jerk, you´ve become so disrespectful and abusive, you were not like this, please get out of my house". Before I studied "the system" I was such an AFC, I´ve begun to change my ways and started being a challenge and not being a spineless wuss. This had very positive results for a while until yesterday. What would you do?

 

[dirt]

Stop trying to be someone you're not. If you have to read it in a book, its not you. Stop being a jerk. Be yourself. Or lose the girl.

 

[vegajed]

Make sure that you really are not being a total jerk. You need to be confident, but you don't need to be a jerk. Since you've had this gf for 3+ years I'd really examine the relationship.

VJ

 

[Oscar Wilde]

There's 2 options here: a) she could be right, you're acting like a jerk - change; or b) she is not able to control you anymore (she's a control freak type) and she doesn't like the fact that you are not submissive to her - don't change, it's time to get out.

Make sure to read georgie24s last 4 or 5 threads.

My personal experience is that even if you treat a gf well and with respect, they will still find faults with your perfect behaviour, not because of AFCism or that, but because they have emotional baggage, or over-analyses, or their friends are blocking on you. There's a possibility you've done nothing wrong too.

More info please.
Oscar.

 

[h_amati]

Thanks for your reply. She seems to dislike that she is not able to control me like she did before. She has accused me of seeing other girls and that this is why I've become so confident. Over the weekend she went to visit one of her brothers who lives in another city, she called me on my cell when I was with some friends and I said this was not a good time and that she should call me later, she got extremely p....d and called me again shouting over the phone. Yesterday she confessed that her brother won't talk to her if she keeps seeing me because she does not deserve how I treat her, she behaved like a total b@tch and wanted to end it. Today I called to say I sent her belongings over to her apartment and she did not seem so sure about ending it, I said that yesterday I went to see her to work things out and that she behaved like a b@tch and that she should not call me anymore, she said she didn´t like the way I was doing this, I did not give her chance to keep talking and hung up.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

ok, well you done and ended it there I guess.

tbh, I think that was the wrong thing to do - what you shoulda done (if you wanna keep it working) was sit down with her and logically go through point by point everything that's annoying her.

I am a supporter of the "talk to each other" system of relationships...

Osc.

 

[Mizer]

I agree with Oscar a bit. Maybe you are pouring it on so thick to a point of frustration. If she gets too frustarted, she will walk but after three years this shouldn't be easy so you still should have some slack to work with.


Remember, if you are always being a jerk, you have become predictable in the relationship and predictable is not good. It is just as bad as being AFC. Afterall, this is your main squeeze, man and not some random Hb from your last club outting. You can still be in control without
being too much of a......


Mizer

 

[stallion]

You had doc lov's system so I don't understand why you didn't notice that doc lov was not advocating being a jerk. Thats why he has the analogy of Wimpus Americanus and Macho Boy so you can avoid both and be a positive challenge. After reading your other threads, sounds like your gf is possessive, won't let you hang out with your other buddies. So in this case, you're not the jerk, she is the biatch, if I'm reading it correctly...

 

[FlyGuy]

Stop trying to be someone you're not. If you have to read it in a book, its not you. Stop being a jerk. Be yourself. Or lose the girl.

Worst advice ever. Why the fvck are we here if we don't want to change our behavior towards women?!

 

[FlyGuy]

Over the weekend she went to visit one of her brothers who lives in another city, she called me on my cell when I was with some friends and I said this was not a good time and that she should call me later, she got extremely p....d and called me again shouting over the phone.

Am I the only one here who finds this to be a bit of an over-reaction? I don't know the rest of the story, but this sounds like a case of a girl who got pissed because the "friends were more important". I mean come on, getting that pissed off because she called at a bad time? Maybe if you were rude about the way you said it... I dunno. She sounds like a control freak to me.

All I know is, if I called my girlfriend and she said it was a bad time and asked if I could call back (politely of course) I wouldn't have a problem with it. I CERTAINLY wouldn't call back and scream at her over the phone.

 

[dirt]

Looks like I've found my first adversary. Lord, FlyGuy. Take a Viagra or something. I believe the correct question here would be:

Why are we here if not to DISCUSS OUR OPINIONS and HELP A GUY OUT?

 

[FlyGuy]

Take a viagra? Hehe, that made no sense...

Sorry, I didn't mean that to be a personal attack. However, being a reforming nice guy myself I KNOW from personal experience that "being yourself" is not the advice to give to newbies here.

The whole point of this site is to help out guys that have problems with women. In other words, they need to change something about the way they think and act towards women in order to be successful with them. Being themselves has not worked for them! There is a link right on the FRONT of this web page about it: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/whynot.htm

Is that so hard to understand? The discussion forums are here to discuss various ideas and opinions yes. But the whole PREMISE of the DJ Bible is to improve yourself and your social skills involving women. To improve requires change.

 

[simplyme]

The point is, unlike us, this guy had NO problems, while being himself, onlyc after he stopped.

 

[FlyGuy]

Obviously he had some problem with the way things were going if he decided to change.

Before I studied "the system" I was such an AFC, I´ve begun to change my ways and started being a challenge and not being a spineless wuss.

I suspect there were other problems in the relationship that prompted him to look for answers.

Also, you two are ASSUMING that he is going overboard and being a jerk. What if it is the other way around? What if she is a control freak with emotional problems and he is tired of being a "spineless wuss" as he put it. You guys would rather have him continue supplicating for the relationship even though he isn't happy?

After reading your other threads, sounds like your gf is possessive, won't let you hang out with your other buddies. So in this case, you're not the jerk, she is the biatch, if I'm reading it correctly...

That's what I gather from his posts too, but I don't know the full story...

 

[digitalrat]

Originally posted by dirt
Stop trying to be someone you're not. If you have to read it in a book, its not you. Stop being a jerk. Be yourself. Or lose the girl.

Read this.
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/whynot.htm

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Originally posted by FlyGuy
Take a viagra? Hehe, that made no sense...

Sorry, I didn't mean that to be a personal attack. However, being a reforming nice guy myself I KNOW from personal experience that "being yourself" is not the advice to give to newbies here.

What's ironic is the original poster of the "be yourself" thing only has 5 posts. He's brand new, been here only since May 2003, and he's giving the worst advice one can give. Go figure.


-- Zero-

 

[BGMan]

I hope you're not going overboard and being a Macho Boy. But if you are doing everything right, then here's your answer:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_150/160_relationship_expert.html

BGMan

 

[SlyDonJuan]

A girl did this to me before

Originally posted by h_amati
Today I called to say I sent her belongings over to her apartment and she did not seem so sure about ending it, I said that yesterday I went to see her to work things out and that she behaved like a b@tch and that she should not call me anymore, she said she didn´t like the way I was doing this, I did not give her chance to keep talking and hung up.

I was acting like a jerk by yelling at a girl I am so pissed off and all she did was ended the conversation without giving me a chance to keep on talking. DAMN!!!! I wish I had a way to get even