Ok, so me and my gf have just started to have sex and how I act afterwards seems to be a problem. After intercourse I am always tired and whatever way I feel I just want my own space as a reward for all my hard work. However, she wants to cuddle afterwards and said I act like a different person after sex. She said she is getting the impression I am just using her and being nice to her before sex and then my true feelings come out after sex. I tried to explain it was just the hormones that were going through my body and not to take offence but she seemed genuinely sad about the situation. But in all honesty I just want my own space for 10 mins after doing the dirty deed, which is in stark contrast to my normal interactions with her becuase usually I am very affectionate and enjoy cuddling up with her. I know I will need to compromise somewhat, but she said her ex's have never acted the way I do after sex which I find hard to believe. Can anyone relate to this??
GF pissed at me after sex for 'changing'
- Thread starter Rampage1
- Start date
bukowski_merit
Master Don Juan
This is a sh!t test!!!!!!!
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NOTHING is better than a woman passing out in my arms right after a good long fvck session! Then i pass out with her and 3 hours later she wakes up like, "oh sh!t it's 11pm, i was supposed to be home at 9:30, my boyfriend is going to be pissed!" and then the frantic race to get on clothes and turn on engines begins!!!! :rockon:
But what im saying is - i can't really relate. I enjoy the feeling of her naked flesh against mine.
But that's besides the point.
The reason you fail the test is that she brought an issue that was bothering her to the table and you replied with gotd@mn logic!!!!! You tried to explain it to her as you would yourself.... She is not you buddy! She doesn't understand "i just fvcked you good and am tired/need space blah blah blah".... What her emotions hear is, "i don't want anything to do with you after $ex".... <- That's her concern!
DO NOT ADDRESS THAT CONCERN IN THE WAY YOU DID!
Why? Because it's approval seeking.... You're giving her the reason and hoping it's good enough for her approval....
You have two options here as far as i can tell:
#1 CALL ON BULLSH!T (you're basically saying "i don't need to explain myself to you. Take it or leave it! No fear = no chance she'll leave you!)
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "This is what i do after sex. If you don't like it - don't fvck me anymore!" (then stand your fvcking ground like a d@mn man!)
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "I get the impression you want a new boyfriend who will cuddle with you when he's tired from giving you orgasms/pleasure" (then, freezeout and don't buy into her frame.)
#2 REDIRECT (refuse to take what she said serious and make fun of it, and redirect the conversation elsewhere. If she tries to bring it back up - rediect again. Or use option #1)
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: (looking down at d!ck and talking to it.) "You see that man? She only wants sex from you." (Then look at your hands and say) "And she only wants cuddling from you" (sigh) "If only i could fvck you with my hand and cuddle you with my d!ck" (this makes not much SENSE as a response to what she said, but it doesn't matter it's so fvcking nonsensical that it'll work.)
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "My true feelings came out in that condom"
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "No my true feelings come out during cuddle when im not fvcking you" (brain fvck that can be taken as a compliment once/if she figures it out!)
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In reality though - you should probably learn to enjoy cuddling after $ex. There's many biological reasons that cuddling after $ex will enhance a womans attraction and attachment to you.
That's part of the reasons it's not a good idea to cuddle after sex if you're just fvck buddies with a girl! Cuddling after sex will release even more oxytocin!
(true story: I was trying to remember the name of the chemical that causes attachment (oxytocin) and i happen to look up and read "ads by google" and then. "Oxytocin Accelerator - The only legitimate oxytocin spray" ...... Google is getting so good at this internet thing that it can provide me with words im looking for!)
And you failed!!!!Rampage1 said:
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NOTHING is better than a woman passing out in my arms right after a good long fvck session! Then i pass out with her and 3 hours later she wakes up like, "oh sh!t it's 11pm, i was supposed to be home at 9:30, my boyfriend is going to be pissed!" and then the frantic race to get on clothes and turn on engines begins!!!! :rockon:
But what im saying is - i can't really relate. I enjoy the feeling of her naked flesh against mine.
But that's besides the point.
The reason you fail the test is that she brought an issue that was bothering her to the table and you replied with gotd@mn logic!!!!! You tried to explain it to her as you would yourself.... She is not you buddy! She doesn't understand "i just fvcked you good and am tired/need space blah blah blah".... What her emotions hear is, "i don't want anything to do with you after $ex".... <- That's her concern!
DO NOT ADDRESS THAT CONCERN IN THE WAY YOU DID!
Why? Because it's approval seeking.... You're giving her the reason and hoping it's good enough for her approval....
You have two options here as far as i can tell:
#1 CALL ON BULLSH!T (you're basically saying "i don't need to explain myself to you. Take it or leave it! No fear = no chance she'll leave you!)
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "This is what i do after sex. If you don't like it - don't fvck me anymore!" (then stand your fvcking ground like a d@mn man!)
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "I get the impression you want a new boyfriend who will cuddle with you when he's tired from giving you orgasms/pleasure" (then, freezeout and don't buy into her frame.)
#2 REDIRECT (refuse to take what she said serious and make fun of it, and redirect the conversation elsewhere. If she tries to bring it back up - rediect again. Or use option #1)
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: (looking down at d!ck and talking to it.) "You see that man? She only wants sex from you." (Then look at your hands and say) "And she only wants cuddling from you" (sigh) "If only i could fvck you with my hand and cuddle you with my d!ck" (this makes not much SENSE as a response to what she said, but it doesn't matter it's so fvcking nonsensical that it'll work.)
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "My true feelings came out in that condom"
or
HER: "Why don't you cuddle with me after sex? I get the impression that you're just using me for sex, and your true feelings come out after sex."
ME: "No my true feelings come out during cuddle when im not fvcking you" (brain fvck that can be taken as a compliment once/if she figures it out!)
-----------------------------------------------
In reality though - you should probably learn to enjoy cuddling after $ex. There's many biological reasons that cuddling after $ex will enhance a womans attraction and attachment to you.
That's part of the reasons it's not a good idea to cuddle after sex if you're just fvck buddies with a girl! Cuddling after sex will release even more oxytocin!
(true story: I was trying to remember the name of the chemical that causes attachment (oxytocin) and i happen to look up and read "ads by google" and then. "Oxytocin Accelerator - The only legitimate oxytocin spray" ...... Google is getting so good at this internet thing that it can provide me with words im looking for!)
There was no **** test mate. It was a case of being genuinely annoyed. If you call everytime a women gets annoyed in a realtionship a test then you have a warped vision of what a relationship really is.
In this case I don't think it is acceptable to 'call her on her bull****' in this situation. There is no bull****, it is a normal female response and is certainly not bull****. As for the redirecting, its ok it say a few words and pass is off with a funny joke, but that hardly going to diffuse the whole situation and I certainly won't be getting more action if I came out with one of those lines
lol
Yeah I was trying to explain how her oxytosin made her want to cuddle but when a man just blows the load he wants to roll over and sleep. I guess im going to have to cuddle a little, its not the end of the world. Thanks for your input.
In this case I don't think it is acceptable to 'call her on her bull****' in this situation. There is no bull****, it is a normal female response and is certainly not bull****. As for the redirecting, its ok it say a few words and pass is off with a funny joke, but that hardly going to diffuse the whole situation and I certainly won't be getting more action if I came out with one of those lines
lolYeah I was trying to explain how her oxytosin made her want to cuddle but when a man just blows the load he wants to roll over and sleep. I guess im going to have to cuddle a little, its not the end of the world. Thanks for your input.
bukowski_merit
Master Don Juan
Sh!t tests are not something women do consciously (most of he time anyway). YES, she probably was legitly feeling down about you not cuddling. And of course she expressed this to you....Rampage1 said:
You fail because you tried to address it in a logical way, not understanding that her logical brain didn't want an answer. Where did that get you???
My way would have shut her the fvck up, got her off the pedestal that gives her a right to b!tch at you when you've done hard work.... That's indecent! She does not respect the hard work you put it! (no matter what she says)
Don't want to believe it's a test? Believe you should talk these things out with women?
Fine, then you're just admiting you've been betaized and that you value her pvssy more than she values your d!ck.... Perhaps a pro-feminist board is a better for Rampage?
You diffuse it everytime she bring it up and she WILL stop bringing it up and she will respect you a lot more.Rampage1 said:In this case I don't think it is acceptable to 'call her on her bull****' in this situation. There is no bull****, it is a normal female response and is certainly not bull****. As for the redirecting, its ok it say a few words and pass is off with a funny joke, but that hardly going to diffuse the whole situation and I certainly won't be getting more action if I came out with one of those lines
So she owns your balls then? Great! Then your issue is way deeper than her not cuddling with you after sex.Rampage1 said:and I certainly won't be getting more action if I came out with one of those lines
Your issue is reclaiming your balls! You have the pvssy she gives you a pedestal!!!!! You fear losing it! That is why you will continue to get her to bring up every emotional problem she has with you FROM HERE ON!
Keep on being logical with her! I'm sure that'll work
Stop explaining sh!t to her!!!!!! That is not what she wants and it won't get you any further!Rampage1 said:
Have a good time with this one.
Proselytiser
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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Talking it over NEVER improves the situation just further ENTRENCHES her mind in what she was already thinking - in this case, he's using me because he doesn't cuddle.Rampage1 said:There was no **** test mate. It was a case of being genuinely annoyed. If you call everytime a women gets annoyed in a realtionship a test then you have a warped vision of what a relationship really is.
In this case I don't think it is acceptable to 'call her on her bull****' in this situation. There is no bull****, it is a normal female response and is certainly not bull****. As for the redirecting, its ok it say a few words and pass is off with a funny joke, but that hardly going to diffuse the whole situation and I certainly won't be getting more action if I came out with one of those lines
Yeah I was trying to explain how her oxytosin made her want to cuddle but when a man just blows the load he wants to roll over and sleep. I guess im going to have to cuddle a little, its not the end of the world. Thanks for your input.
This IS a test in the sense that it demands a response, there are a number of available responses to make, some of which are good and some of which are bad. This isn't a 'she's only half-serious and you just need to prove how alpha you are'. Yes, she is serious, and the effect of (some) of bukowski's proposed responses is to put her at ease and stop her worrying.
Ok i think some redirection is maybe the best solution in the future..calling on her bull**** would probably be a bit harsh in this situation but needless to say I would call her out on any actual bull**** that she tries to pull.
So even though it's not a test in her mind it is in reality because if I act wrongly I fail....interesting! Thanks for the advices lads
So even though it's not a test in her mind it is in reality because if I act wrongly I fail....interesting! Thanks for the advices lads