GF of 4 months broke it off today

[AwlaysFukedUp]

4 months down the f*cking drain. We were texting today and she sent me this:

"Hey.

I have been thinking a lot about us lately, and where our relationship is headed. I'm feeling uncertain about our future, and I don’t think that's a good sign. You're really special and you deserve to be with someone who is ready to give you that relationship you’re looking for.

We are a great match in many ways- you're attractive, funny, and we have fun together. But for whatever reason, I'm not feeling strongly enough about this, and I know at this point in my life that it is important to me to have that strong connection with someone. You deserve real feeling and enthusiasm and for whatever reason I just can't deliver that to you right now. I have been waiting for stronger feelings to come because we seemed compatible, but they just haven’t.

I don't want to be in your way and hold you back from you the life you will be living soon with someone who is ready for that, and knowing that's not me I think it is best to free you up. I really really struggled with this decision because I like you and don't want to hurt you. I didn't make it lightly but I feel sure it's the right thing. I’m really sorry about it. You have been very sweet to me over the past few months. You can call me to talk if you want to. I am writing this to you because I am very selfish and don’t want to see you hurt. If you do need more closure though, I can talk on the phone. I wish you all the best."

I called her after I got this and we talked for a few minutes. She essentially said that she liked me, felt we had chemistry, and blah blah blah, but she was waiting for feelings to come and they never did. She also said she feels "heartless" or like she doesn't have emotions right now.

A few other things to note:

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship
-She's on lexapro (don't know for how long, but probably since before we met)
-She had a kidney infection the past week and stopped taking her birth control last Wednesday, then just got back on it yesterday or something

All bad signs, I know. BUT her and I had ridiculous chemistry in EVERY way and she was quickly becoming like a best friend as well as someone I was falling for, so I thought we were feeling the same (or close) and it would work. I was wrong. Apparently she never had real feelings for me (even though by her words she wanted them), all the while I'm legitimately falling in love with her. We had both agreed multiple times that we had crazy chemistry, which we also both agreed is extremely hard to find. She would also call me her boyfriend in text messages to friends (I know this because she'd text in front of me).

Per the usual post-breakup I feel absolutely horrendous. This totally took me by surprise. I'm shocked, hurting to a point I can't even describe, and I feel like everything I was looking forward to in the near future has totally crumbled. I'm trying not to think about the good times we had, but I can't help it, and whenever I do it breaks me even further. We were supposed to hangout tomorrow, we were going to take a trip to the beach in two weeks (which I made reservations for), and she told me she would be there for me/with me when I moved (moving to a new place in the same area next month). All gone. All of it plus 4 months of time, memories, and me falling in love with her.

This was one of the 2-3 girls EVER in 10-12 years of dating who I felt honest-to-god STRONG chemistry with. It hits even harder because I feel like I might never find this again. I also hate dating and was really happy to be out of that "game".

I sent her this text after:

"Hey I just wanted to say a few things that are on my mind because you said you feel heartless or like you don't have emotions right now. You told me that you're on anti-depressants. They can be great, but they also numb your emotions and make you think/feel differently than you otherwise would. Also, you said you stopped taking your birth control last week. I'm sure you already know this, but birth control messes with your hormones and starting/stopping can change the way you feel. On top of those factors, you just had a traumatic experience with that stalker guy and having this kidney infection. And lastly, I honestly don't think you gave "us" enough time. 3 months isn't even long enough to get over your ex of 2-3 years, let alone catch feelings for someone else. If you would have given us longer you might have caught feelings like I did. I'm not trying to change your mind and I respect your decision even though it crushes me, but I just wanted to make you aware of these things if you aren't already, because they may be influencing your feelings."

It was from a 98% rational perspective. I really am not sure if it's a good thing she's breaking it off now, or if there was a chance she'd have eventually gotten feelings in the future if we kept seeing each other.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this. Just last weekend she also wanted me to spend the night two nights in a row, which we had never done before. This plus a lot of other things made me think we were getting closer and closer, then she drops this bomb on me today.

The best way I can sum up how I'm feeling is... Hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't even know what to do or where to go now.

 

[Cazam]

Its pretty easy from what you wrote You were pushing to hard for a relationship she lost interest.

Now there is only one thing you can do cut contact. Stop texting calling essentially go no contact.

You as a man are the price let her do the bonding.

 

[AwlaysFukedUp]

Its pretty easy from what you wrote You were pushing to hard for a relationship she lost interest.

Now there is only one thing you can do cut contact. Stop texting calling essentially go no contact.

You as a man are the price let her do the bonding.

Well yeah, because I wanted a relationship with her.

But we were actually taking it slow--meaning no labels, and she was fine with that as was I. Then out of nowhere she drops this bomb on me. She said she had been thinking about this for a while, but she wanted me to spend the night with her last weekend two nights in a row. It just makes no sense

 

[AwlaysFukedUp]

You know no guy in my position could do that man... We need closure. And it doesn't matter either way. It would've been over no matter what I did or didn't say. She obviously doesn't care about me or my feelings, never truly did, and never truly will--whether she wanted to or not. And if I were to take her text at face value, then it's simple... She just never had feelings for me. She wanted them, but she waited and they never came. So it's not that she had them and lost them, it's that she never had them to begin with. Meaning I was doomed the second I started catching feelings for her because she's totally emotionally unavailable.

At this point I WANT her to know that I'm in love with her. And I want her to realize, down the line, IF she ever "comes to her senses" emotionally, that she had a great catch who was in love with her and she threw him back for essentially no reason

 

[Georgepithyou]

Women always have to be the first to have the talk, make them chase the relationship.

 

[Cazam]

You know no guy in my position could do that man... We need closure. And it doesn't matter either way. It would've been over no matter what I did or didn't say. She obviously doesn't care about me or my feelings, never truly did, and never truly will--whether she wanted to or not. And if I were to take her text at face value, then it's simple... She just never had feelings for me. She wanted them, but she waited and they never came. So it's not that she had them and lost them, it's that she never had them to begin with. Meaning I was doomed the second I started catching feelings for her because she's totally emotionally unavailable.

At this point I WANT her to know that I'm in love with her. And I want her to realize, down the line, IF she ever "comes to her senses" emotionally, that she had a great catch who was in love with her and she threw him back for essentially no reason

You're projecting your unwanted Love onto her. It doesn't matter how you feel, it only matters how she feels. Your Love is perceived as easy and unwanted by her. Another golden rule is to tell a woman you love her as little as possible, and especially not when she's leaving you.

Men love idealistically, women love opportunistically. You'll never be loved by women in the way that you want them to love you. This is the Redpill. This is in the Rational Male by Rollo. I suggest you read it.

I'm only telling you this because I've made the same mistakes as you in the past. If you want to keep women in your life then you have to play the Game.

Strongly all of this. You can now confront her and have closure and come of as desparate and needy or you might have another shot with her by going no contact.

But it seems like you already have made your decision.

You get solid advice here but i know you will not use it till you hit rock bottom.

 

[backseatjuan]

By age 30 women accumulate body count which is usually consistent with this formula, lost virginity at age 16, besides fcking at parties been in relationship with guys every 4 months or so, thus 30 - 16 = 14 years, multiply 14 by 12 which is 168 months, divide by 4 which is 42 is her body count. But before she finds another boyfriend she has to go on dates, while in relationship with you for example, and fck a few dudes. So we multiply this number by 3, to get a rough minimum estimate. 126 dudes.

That bull sht about 2 - 3 year relationship, I don't buy.

Conclusion for you, and realization, relationship is garbage, nothing but a way for girl to not look like a HO. For you it's nothing more than to show a lazy side of yourself, secure the vagina, spend money, and spend your life away on a girl who will leave you in about 4 months. Thus, SPIN PLATES. Instead of having a girlfriend, have several btches that you constantly bang and several more than come and go. It's like having an LTR with never ending girlfriends. One leave, who cares.

 

[stovepipe]

You were nothing more than some rebound cawk. A guy who she can use to absorb the emotional pain she had left over from her previous relationship so she doesn't have to deal with her own emotions.

You were the best candidate as you wanted a relationship, meaning you opened your heart to her. Sometimes men open their heart without even knowing it or even wanting to admit. Women pick men strategically after relationships. They have an emotional radar for that chit. Men that will want a relationship, be emotional and want them.

The more into her you are, the easier it is for her to heal her wounds and forgot about the guy who was just penetrating her cooter before you. Whoever cares less about their partner holds all the power. In this case it's crystal clear what happened, who had the power and who got used as an emotional sponge. Her mission was accomplished but unfortunately someone had to get hurt as a result of her selfish behavior.


You got played son! Except it, learn and move on. Do yourself a favor and never talk to her again! If you reach out you're only making yourself more beta than she already sees you as.

 

[Igetit!]

4 months down the f*cking drain. We were texting today and she sent me this:

"Hey.

I have been thinking a lot about us lately, and where our relationship is headed. I'm feeling uncertain about our future, and I don’t think that's a good sign. You're really special and you deserve to be with someone who is ready to give you that relationship you’re looking for.

We are a great match in many ways- you're attractive, funny, and we have fun together. But for whatever reason, I'm not feeling strongly enough about this, and I know at this point in my life that it is important to me to have that strong connection with someone. You deserve real feeling and enthusiasm and for whatever reason I just can't deliver that to you right now. I have been waiting for stronger feelings to come because we seemed compatible, but they just haven’t.

I don't want to be in your way and hold you back from you the life you will be living soon with someone who is ready for that, and knowing that's not me I think it is best to free you up. I really really struggled with this decision because I like you and don't want to hurt you. I didn't make it lightly but I feel sure it's the right thing. I’m really sorry about it. You have been very sweet to me over the past few months. You can call me to talk if you want to. I am writing this to you because I am very selfish and don’t want to see you hurt. If you do need more closure though, I can talk on the phone. I wish you all the best."

I called her after I got this and we talked for a few minutes. She essentially said that she liked me, felt we had chemistry, and blah blah blah, but she was waiting for feelings to come and they never did. She also said she feels "heartless" or like she doesn't have emotions right now.

A few other things to note:

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship
-She's on lexapro (don't know for how long, but probably since before we met)
-She had a kidney infection the past week and stopped taking her birth control last Wednesday, then just got back on it yesterday or something

All bad signs, I know. BUT her and I had ridiculous chemistry in EVERY way and she was quickly becoming like a best friend as well as someone I was falling for, so I thought we were feeling the same (or close) and it would work. I was wrong. Apparently she never had real feelings for me (even though by her words she wanted them), all the while I'm legitimately falling in love with her. We had both agreed multiple times that we had crazy chemistry, which we also both agreed is extremely hard to find. She would also call me her boyfriend in text messages to friends (I know this because she'd text in front of me).

Per the usual post-breakup I feel absolutely horrendous. This totally took me by surprise. I'm shocked, hurting to a point I can't even describe, and I feel like everything I was looking forward to in the near future has totally crumbled. I'm trying not to think about the good times we had, but I can't help it, and whenever I do it breaks me even further. We were supposed to hangout tomorrow, we were going to take a trip to the beach in two weeks (which I made reservations for), and she told me she would be there for me/with me when I moved (moving to a new place in the same area next month). All gone. All of it plus 4 months of time, memories, and me falling in love with her.

This was one of the 2-3 girls EVER in 10-12 years of dating who I felt honest-to-god STRONG chemistry with. It hits even harder because I feel like I might never find this again. I also hate dating and was really happy to be out of that "game".

I sent her this text after:

"Hey I just wanted to say a few things that are on my mind because you said you feel heartless or like you don't have emotions right now. You told me that you're on anti-depressants. They can be great, but they also numb your emotions and make you think/feel differently than you otherwise would. Also, you said you stopped taking your birth control last week. I'm sure you already know this, but birth control messes with your hormones and starting/stopping can change the way you feel. On top of those factors, you just had a traumatic experience with that stalker guy and having this kidney infection. And lastly, I honestly don't think you gave "us" enough time. 3 months isn't even long enough to get over your ex of 2-3 years, let alone catch feelings for someone else. If you would have given us longer you might have caught feelings like I did. I'm not trying to change your mind and I respect your decision even though it crushes me, but I just wanted to make you aware of these things if you aren't already, because they may be influencing your feelings."

It was from a 98% rational perspective. I really am not sure if it's a good thing she's breaking it off now, or if there was a chance she'd have eventually gotten feelings in the future if we kept seeing each other.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this. Just last weekend she also wanted me to spend the night two nights in a row, which we had never done before. This plus a lot of other things made me think we were getting closer and closer, then she drops this bomb on me today.

The best way I can sum up how I'm feeling is... Hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't even know what to do or where to go now.

Out of that whole wall of text,there were 8 words that stood out,like a big flashing neon sign in the dark of night,and dare I say.....THIS is what likely killed the attraction/passion of the relationship for her.......


"she was quickly becoming like a best friend".


@AwlaysFukedUp,sir.......you f*ckedup.


You CANNOT be both. You cannot be both her "best friend" and her lover/sexual interest. You told her that you didn't think she gave the relationship enough time,that you felt 3 months wasn't long enough. You said that,but then in the 3rd reply of this thread you said that you two "were actually taking it slow". Soooo.......she DID give it enough time. I mean,you DID say you two took things slow.

The problem was with that "she was quickly becoming like a best friend" jive. Sir,becoming a chick's friend....ESPECIALLY a "best" one KILLS sexual attraction. The only place a man and woman can have strong sexual feelings for each other AND be "best friends" is in the MOVIES. Like Disney,the LifeTime channel for women on cable.


That's what she meant when she said that she was "waiting for STRONGER FEELINGS to come". They didn't come because you two were too busy becoming "best friends". You cannot be both....you CAN'T. You need to let SOMEONE ELSE be her "bestie",while you be her MAN.

Let someone else be her best friend. She can go to them to talk about issues she has with you,brag to them about how wonderful her man (you) are,etc,etc. Friendship and strong sexual chemistry are like oil and water.....they don't mix.....or at least,that "best" friend and chemistry don't.


Believe it or not,she TRIED. Three months is nothing to sneeze at. Most chicks would have cut it off if they didn't immediately feel any "sparks" at the first date.....certainly after 2 or 3 weeks. I'm TELLING YOU......you need to CUT OUT trying to be best friends with women you have sexual interest in. Let them be "best" friends with someone else.

 

[TonyTenner]

At this point I WANT her to know that I'm in love with her. And I want her to realize, down the line, IF she ever "comes to her senses" emotionally, that she had a great catch who was in love with her and she threw him back for essentially no reason

This is the wrong way to go about it, completely. As the others said above, the only option is to go no contact.

Most of us have had a version of that text she sent you. And mostly these come in our blue pill days. You've a lot to learn. Good news is you're 30 years of age, approaching your prime. Now is the time to learn and put into practice everything you see here. From your post, I can tell you haven't read The Rational Male. Start there.

The best thing I've found to do when in your situation is to go out with friends, a lot. You'll feeling like moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. Don't. Go out with your friends, have fun, bat away negative thoughts and try to get a few quick lays under the belt - it's the best way to soften the blow.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you want her back you need to agree with her decision to break up with you and say something like:
"You know I have been giving this some more thought and I think it was actually the right decision. I realized I had sort of been feeling the same way but didn't want to admit it. You are an amazing person and I hope you find happiness. Anyways, take care."

Then go NC for at least a month. If she reaches out to you then reply very short, and let her know you are doing great and then be like "I gotta run...meeting up with a friend."

Sometimes this will be enough to make her second guess her choice enough and realize she made a mistake because you aren't acting the way she is expecting you to act which is to beg her to take you back and ask for a 2 chance etc...

Either way realize that time and distance are your friends right now not your enemies. She will be thinking about you even if she doesn't want to and when she doesn't hear from you her mind will have to fill in the blanks for her which usually works to your advantage.

 

[stovepipe]

If you want her back you need to agree with her decision to break up with you and say something like:
"You know I have been giving this some more thought and I think it was actually the right decision. I realized I had sort of been feeling the same way but didn't want to admit it. You are an amazing person and I hope you find happiness. Anyways, take care."

That is the worst advice you can give him. Re-read your post and see how pathetic it sounds. Straight up beta chit is what that is.

Let your nut sack hit the floor and move on to the next. Don't waste your time chasing some Lexiproed up mental hot mess. She played him like a Nintendo. The only reason he felt that strong connection with her his due to her mental illness.

These crazy b!tches can literally read you like a news paper and give you what they know you want. As a result the victim feels like he found his soul mate or some unicorn connection he hasn't felt before or only once.

I'm telling you once you stop attaching feelings or committing to these kind of sloots, or most any women for that matter, you become bullet proof and more desirable. Women are loyal to dogs, not cats. The worse you treatem, the more loyal they become. Become the controller, not the console.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Nah, it's basically agreeing and walking away. It will send her hamster into overdrive if done right. Obviously the best time to do it is immediately when she breaks up with you.

 

[dude99]

4 months down the f*cking drain. We were texting today and she sent me this:

"Hey.

I have been thinking a lot about us lately, and where our relationship is headed. I'm feeling uncertain about our future, and I don’t think that's a good sign. You're really special and you deserve to be with someone who is ready to give you that relationship you’re looking for.

We are a great match in many ways- you're attractive, funny, and we have fun together. But for whatever reason, I'm not feeling strongly enough about this, and I know at this point in my life that it is important to me to have that strong connection with someone. You deserve real feeling and enthusiasm and for whatever reason I just can't deliver that to you right now. I have been waiting for stronger feelings to come because we seemed compatible, but they just haven’t.

I don't want to be in your way and hold you back from you the life you will be living soon with someone who is ready for that, and knowing that's not me I think it is best to free you up. I really really struggled with this decision because I like you and don't want to hurt you. I didn't make it lightly but I feel sure it's the right thing. I’m really sorry about it. You have been very sweet to me over the past few months. You can call me to talk if you want to. I am writing this to you because I am very selfish and don’t want to see you hurt. If you do need more closure though, I can talk on the phone. I wish you all the best."

I called her after I got this and we talked for a few minutes. She essentially said that she liked me, felt we had chemistry, and blah blah blah, but she was waiting for feelings to come and they never did. She also said she feels "heartless" or like she doesn't have emotions right now.

A few other things to note:

-The biggest thing... We started dating pretty much immediately after her last relationship, which was a 2-3 year relationship
-She's on lexapro (don't know for how long, but probably since before we met)
-She had a kidney infection the past week and stopped taking her birth control last Wednesday, then just got back on it yesterday or something

All bad signs, I know. BUT her and I had ridiculous chemistry in EVERY way and she was quickly becoming like a best friend as well as someone I was falling for, so I thought we were feeling the same (or close) and it would work. I was wrong. Apparently she never had real feelings for me (even though by her words she wanted them), all the while I'm legitimately falling in love with her. We had both agreed multiple times that we had crazy chemistry, which we also both agreed is extremely hard to find. She would also call me her boyfriend in text messages to friends (I know this because she'd text in front of me).

Per the usual post-breakup I feel absolutely horrendous. This totally took me by surprise. I'm shocked, hurting to a point I can't even describe, and I feel like everything I was looking forward to in the near future has totally crumbled. I'm trying not to think about the good times we had, but I can't help it, and whenever I do it breaks me even further. We were supposed to hangout tomorrow, we were going to take a trip to the beach in two weeks (which I made reservations for), and she told me she would be there for me/with me when I moved (moving to a new place in the same area next month). All gone. All of it plus 4 months of time, memories, and me falling in love with her.

This was one of the 2-3 girls EVER in 10-12 years of dating who I felt honest-to-god STRONG chemistry with. It hits even harder because I feel like I might never find this again. I also hate dating and was really happy to be out of that "game".

I sent her this text after:

"Hey I just wanted to say a few things that are on my mind because you said you feel heartless or like you don't have emotions right now. You told me that you're on anti-depressants. They can be great, but they also numb your emotions and make you think/feel differently than you otherwise would. Also, you said you stopped taking your birth control last week. I'm sure you already know this, but birth control messes with your hormones and starting/stopping can change the way you feel. On top of those factors, you just had a traumatic experience with that stalker guy and having this kidney infection. And lastly, I honestly don't think you gave "us" enough time. 3 months isn't even long enough to get over your ex of 2-3 years, let alone catch feelings for someone else. If you would have given us longer you might have caught feelings like I did. I'm not trying to change your mind and I respect your decision even though it crushes me, but I just wanted to make you aware of these things if you aren't already, because they may be influencing your feelings."

It was from a 98% rational perspective. I really am not sure if it's a good thing she's breaking it off now, or if there was a chance she'd have eventually gotten feelings in the future if we kept seeing each other.

It's all even more confusing, because a few weeks ago I sat down with her and told her if she needed/want space, or to see other people, or just to break it off or whatever--she could, and that she should do it right away. But she didn't want to. Then a few weeks later she does this. Just last weekend she also wanted me to spend the night two nights in a row, which we had never done before. This plus a lot of other things made me think we were getting closer and closer, then she drops this bomb on me today.

The best way I can sum up how I'm feeling is... Hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't even know what to do or where to go now.

She sprinkled a lot of sugar on her S#it sandwich before she broke up but to dumb down her jargon and woman speak BS what she was saying was " i do not have feelings for you. It is over but i dont want to be the bad guy in this so i will lie through my teeth about how awesome you are. "

This is how you should have responded to that long wall of BS she sent.

"Ok. No problem all the best."

Then go NC. Delete her from all platforms the move on. She is history.

Remember no second chances for her when in 3 or 4 months, when she can't stand the NC and she reaches out.

 

[dude99]

Nah, it's basically agreeing and walking away. It will send her hamster into overdrive if done right. Obviously the best time to do it is immediately when she breaks up with you.

He shouldn't want her back. One chance per life time. She wasted hers. Next.

 

[AwlaysFukedUp]

OP it wasn't out of no were. Unlearn this idea because you missed some flags along the way.
Cultivate in yourself the ability to read emotional logic from your girlfriends or wives etc etc.
Its critical

The red flags were right in front of me and I saw them but purposely ignored them because I thought it would work--i thought being with me would help her get over the pain from her last relationship ending and she'd fall for me like I did for her. She straight up told me 3 weeks ago "her heart was closed" during our sit-down. It was her telling me she didn't have feelings and COULDN'T have feelings right now. She reiterated this when we talked on the phone after the breakup text. It's one of the things in all that "you're so great" BS that I actually believe. There's nothing me or anyone could have done. I'm just the unlucky bastard who she chose to use as a rebound who gets to die on the cross for her sins

 

[BackInTheGame78]

He shouldn't want her back. One chance per life time. She wasted hers. Next.

Hardline stance and I respect it but typically the man is responsible for it with their change in behavior or getting too comfortable. If he changes his behavior and doesn't get all desperate there is a good chance he can reengage later.

 

[dude99]

Hardline stance and I respect it but typically the man is responsible for it with their change in behavior or getting too comfortable. If he changes his behavior and doesn't get all desperate there is a good chance he can reengage later.

To each their own. I live by one chance per lifetime.

Every woman that has ended things with me has come back wanting me back months down the road. Every woman i have ever dumped has tried to get me back down the road as well. It's a pattern. It is like clockwork. My answer is always the same:

" sorry, you had your chance. All the best."

 

[2Rocky]

Hey you got her....you can get another woman or 2 or 3....

best way to get over a woman is in bed with another.

Phuck your way through the phonebook for a couple of months to show yourself, Women are like trains. There will be another one along in 15 minutes.

If you need a step by step plan HERE

This is the best writing on dealing with the feelings https://blackdragonblog.com/2018/07/16/how-to-deal-with-scarcity-mentality-after-a-breakup/

 

[Lookatu]

Sorry to hear that OP.

I agree with all the posts above but remember, this is dating and you're not going to find a successful relationship on the first try. It's unfortunately going to be a cyclic pattern before you find a really good one(equal love/affection on from both sides).

There are things you can do as others suggested above to kind of protect yourself but also not make any foolish decisions and be more aware.

One of the questions I ask during the screening is how recently they've been single because then I can temper my expectations and adjust my level of investment accordingly because a lot of the times, you just end up being a rebound guy as you just witnessed yourself.

You just need to get out there and meet more women and move forward rather than soak in the past now.