GF of 2 years goes to Halloween party w/o mentioning/inviting me; sign of trouble?

[itishe]

Hey folks, long time no post.

Relationship is good but today I sent my GF a text to see what she's up to tonight. She tells me that she is going to hang out with a friend of hers that we know from highschool. I shoot her another text asking if she wants to come over after hanging out.

A bit later she calls me and tells me that she got my text but is going to be staying at her friends house because she is going to be drinking. So I asked if it was a costume party and she said yeah.

I don't mind that she's partying, but I find it very out of character to never once bring it up and in the text to almost disguise the fact that she is partying with "I'm hanging out with a Sherry".

Does this seem natural for a girl who usually invites me to most things that are social and the fact she didn't once mentiont his week that she's going to a party somewhat bothers me. Like I said I trust her but is this some sign I"m missing?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I am NOT trying to imply anything about your specific situation, because nobody here has any clue about your relationship except you.

However, I will say that this very type of behavior became increasingly common right before my ex-g/f of 3 years broke up with me.

Trust your gut.

 

[Dante420]

Hmmmm,


2 year relationship

Situation like this

It could be nothing, but how you react/respond to this may have more significance then the event itself. I been in a 2 year relationship, but that was my only relationship. So what I learned from that isn't enough to make me feel safe about giving you advice, you'll get a good answer and I'll be checking for it as well. Just trying to learn as much as possible, once you get into a ltr your invest a lot of time into a one girl. It's good to know how to react to everything at all stages and you don't find much relationship advice on here (recently anyway). All I can do is remind you to not go out of character. The way I see it a relationship is all about balance. Loyalty and respect are important.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

The way I see it a relationship is all about balance. Loyalty and respect are important.

Great general advice to keep in mind. Can't go wrong with that frame. It seems so obvious, that you'd think you'd never let the relationship stray from that... but at least in my case, surrendering part of my identity to my relationship, combined with how attracted I was to my girlfriend, really gave me a fear of loss that affected what I was willing to tolerate in terms of the balance of the relationship.

 

[itishe]

Yeah it's a weird situation as this is totaly out of character for her.

We had some brief texting after that conversation and now she's telling me she is in her friends basement and service isn't good. She said they aren't sure if they are going to go anywhere this is odd as she made it sound like they were partying at her house along with bringing a costume to her place

I should probably just dump her.

 

[Semtex]

Keep us updated, sounds like she's straight up lying

 

[KontrollerX]

Translation: A cute guy who she's thinking about trading you up for will be at the party.

The party will give them a chance to get to know eachother better (read: fvck and suck in between makeout sessions) and if she judges he emotionally and physically satisfies her enough as well seems to be an exciting fellow that is going places you will be on borrowed time which means she's busy deciding the fate of your relationship for the both of you and whether she can give you up or not and if she's making the right decision to branch swing on over to the other guy.

So you'll basically have a few months left in your dying relationship with her where you notice her behavior seems to get more erratic and out of character to how she usually acts towards you. Calling her out on the bad behavior will serve as a momentary bandage to the larger wound bringing back good behavior for a while giving you a false sense of security but eventually the bad behavior will creep back up again and she'll start engineering arguments between the both of you blowing up a minor issue into an epic argument.

This will be done to alleviate her guilt and get her angry at you so she can feel justified in moving on.

Chick logic at work here.

So anyway what happens next is the breakup.

Either it will take the form of an emotional tearjerker or it will be one of those types of breakups where guys regularly remark "It was like she turned her feelings off for me like a light switch!" when in reality after a chick meets your replacement and enjoys that new man behind your back for a while she's also busy mourning the loss of your relationship all those months you think things are fine or where you think you and she are "just going through a rough patch right now".

So its never a light switch effect on a chick's part to lose feelings for you, its always many weeks and months she does this, you just don't know it.

Yep, women are cvnts, get used to it lol.

 

[Jakes21]

Honestly, i wouldnt like that if my gf did that to me.im a full of sh*t kinda guy and would feel desrepected somewhat.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

KontrollerX... holy ever loving sh!t I am stunned at how exactly you just described my last breakup! Lol, you have got the signs down to a freakin' T.

 

[kingy]

ask her..... confronting girls and be willing to walk is probably the best thing u can do.

i wouldnt accept my gf going to a party, staying there and getting drunk. she'd be kicked to the curb

little tip, tell her that she is a woman with integrity and that you trust her. she will be less likely to do anything.

 

[kingy]

kontroller x done a good post there, can be very true.

also you dont know this is the case, confront her on it - say u dont accept this behaviour. then you want to build your value up, get girls chasing you would be priority but subtly. so no mentioning names like bragging just let her see you talking to girls, or having female friends e.t.c. also ambition wise build more value e.t.c.

work on yourself

 

[Dante420]

Translation: A cute guy who she's thinking about trading you up for will be at the party.

The party will give them a chance to get to know eachother better (read: fvck and suck in between makeout sessions) and if she judges he emotionally and physically satisfies her enough as well seems to be an exciting fellow that is going places you will be on borrowed time which means she's busy deciding the fate of your relationship for the both of you and whether she can give you up or not and if she's making the right decision to branch swing on over to the other guy.

So you'll basically have a few months left in your dying relationship with her where you notice her behavior seems to get more erratic and out of character to how she usually acts towards you. Calling her out on the bad behavior will serve as a momentary bandage to the larger wound bringing back good behavior for a while giving you a false sense of security but eventually the bad behavior will creep back up again and she'll start engineering arguments between the both of you blowing up a minor issue into an epic argument.

This will be done to alleviate her guilt and get her angry at you so she can feel justified in moving on.

Chick logic at work here.

So anyway what happens next is the breakup.

Either it will take the form of an emotional tearjerker or it will be one of those types of breakups where guys regularly remark "It was like she turned her feelings off for me like a light switch!" when in reality after a chick meets your replacement and enjoys that new man behind your back for a while she's also busy mourning the loss of your relationship all those months you think things are fine or where you think you and she are "just going through a rough patch right now".

So its never a light switch effect on a chick's part to lose feelings for you, its always many weeks and months she does this, you just don't know it.

Yep, women are cvnts, get used to it lol.

That's epically on point

 

[Dante420]

KontrollerX... holy ever loving sh!t I am stunned at how exactly you just described my last breakup! Lol, you have got the signs down to a freakin' T.

mine to

 

[jophil28]

Translation: A cute guy who she's thinking about trading you up for will be at the party.

The party will give them a chance to get to know eachother better (read: fvck and suck in between makeout sessions) and if she judges he emotionally and physically satisfies her enough as well seems to be an exciting fellow that is going places you will be on borrowed time which means she's busy deciding the fate of your relationship for the both of you and whether she can give you up or not and if she's making the right decision to branch swing on over to the other guy.

So you'll basically have a few months left in your dying relationship with her where you notice her behavior seems to get more erratic and out of character to how she usually acts towards you. Calling her out on the bad behavior will serve as a momentary bandage to the larger wound bringing back good behavior for a while giving you a false sense of security but eventually the bad behavior will creep back up again and she'll start engineering arguments between the both of you blowing up a minor issue into an epic argument.

This will be done to alleviate her guilt and get her angry at you so she can feel justified in moving on.

Chick logic at work here.

So anyway what happens next is the breakup.

Either it will take the form of an emotional tearjerker or it will be one of those types of breakups where guys regularly remark "It was like she turned her feelings off for me like a light switch!" when in reality after a chick meets your replacement and enjoys that new man behind your back for a while she's also busy mourning the loss of your relationship all those months you think things are fine or where you think you and she are "just going through a rough patch right now".

So its never a light switch effect on a chick's part to lose feelings for you, its always many weeks and months she does this, you just don't know it.

Yep, women are cvnts, get used to it lol.

KX speaks..That is a highly likely explanation of what she is planning.

However, you are in a tight corner here. IF you interrogate her about what she is planning, you will come off as a whiney insecure wuss. If you say nothing and just wonder about it all you are left with that knawing feeling that something ain't kosher.

What do you do? You invoke the "two strikes rule" ( without saying one word to her ) and you give her one strike for this "party with a girlfriend" stunt.
Why not just dump her now ? Because you have no evidence yet of bad behavior which would qualify as a dealbreaker.. What you have is her inconsistent, suspect, and changed behavior only.
The "two strikes rule" is used when there is room for doubt, or the woman shows contrition for some mild blunder and is willing to change her ways.


When you and she get together again, you go into 'yellow alert' mode during which her behavior is under close scrutiny. You adopt a mindset of vigilance .
IF she then acts in a way which triggers off your suspicions AGAIN, you give her that second strike.
You then tell her you are leaving the relationship (without listening to her BS explanation) and you walk to the carpark alone.

 

[dj_china]

you would know her best, as to whether this behavior is usual or not

if it isn't then I guess everybody above has already hit the nail on the head. just don't act too irrationally, think your actions through. don't dump her yet as jophil said -- i think this is a red flag but you should proceed with caution, and be prepared to next her if she messes up again

 

[Giles]

What KX said was amazing.

Don't worry about it go spin some other plates, and distance yourself from her before you're in the sitting alone in the dark and too ****ed up to find some strange.

 

[Weezy]

Wow, my GF broke up with me a couple of months ago and it was the exact same thing.

I was so blind to it before.

Going out with friends, a month before she was wanting me to marry her.

Not sure if there is anything you can do to save the relationship at this point.

 

[f283000]

brother, use your common sense. Why would a girl who's been in a relationship for 2 years go to a halloween party (where there will be plenty of booze, lots of guys, hook ups, and freaky dancing) and not tell her bf?

1. Shes getting a little bored of you
2. She is planning to get freaky with the cute guys there, or A cute guy (like KX said) with the help of her girlfriend

No need to complicate yourself so much over this just use your common sense. You know something is up, everyone does.

What do you do? You invoke the "two strikes rule" ( without saying one word to her ) and you give her one strike for this "party with a girlfriend" stunt.

if you haven't read the 2 strikes rule here it is

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

+1. My last breakup (5 yr LTR, 8 months ago) began with the same textbook behavior described by the OP and KX.

My greatest (of many) mistakes in that situation was allowing it to go on for months until she was finally ready to dump me. FOUR MONTHS of wrenching my guts out and overanalyzing and all that sh!t...God, I've come a long way.

The irony was that it was not until the wall had come crashing down that I discovered SS.

I have learned that when a woman takes a step away from me, I take two steps away from her. In this situation, I would consider her avoidance of you as a step taken away.

 

[trent81]

She's done. Move on.