GF not putting much effort

[green69]

I've realized that my GF puts very little to no effort in our relationship. First off I'll say she's an extremely busy person with school and work and has a lot of guy friends who constantly invite her out. Yes, they pretty much all wanna get with her and most of them have asked her out at some point but she's turned them all down so they play the 'friends' role. Most of them have no game anyway but just letting you know the specifics of the situation.

Anyways whenever I invite her out she'll sometimes say she can make it, sometimes she can't. That's fine, we're all busy right? But she almost never makes any effort to pick another day that fits her schedule...it's basically I ask her if she wants to something on Day A she says she can't, so then maybe 3-4 days later I ask if she's available on Day B and she says she's busy...not "I'm busy that day but how bout Day C". It's really annoying having to ask constantly when she's free with no effort in return and frankly I'm sick of it. Other things are fine in our relationship, just this weekend she paid for dinner when we were out and I f*cked her at my house (my first time, and our first time) so I'm getting some mixed signals here.

Do I just stop inviting her out and see what she does? Or confront her about it and see what's up? I honestly don't think she's intentionally doing this, she's just used to not doing any of the scheduling work since she has so many guy friends who do all the work for her.

 

[DJDamage]

This is a common behaviour with medium to low interest women.

I hate to say this but your relationship is on borrowed time and the clock is ticking....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxUrKv-PFU

 

[#41]

I think the bigger issue is that you were describing her as your GF despite the fact that you've only tapped it once a few days ago.

 

[shinko]

she's got options she isnt silly. she's used to be chased and so forth. stop being so avilable yourself. offer to see her and if she doesnt counter offer then leave it and wait for her on another occasion to ask YOU out to do something. if it never comes, dude let her go. e.g this weekend you've prob already 'begged' her to come out with you, next weekend expressly make plans to see your boys and go out and have fun. dont call your lady and if/when she asks hey what we doing this weekend tell her your going out with the guys. do that enough times and she'll start to realise she needs to catch you before you makes plans because lo and behold you have a life of your own that doesnt revolve around her.as mentioned before she hasnt got a huge amount of interest in you atm and you doing everything on her terms in hardly going to make you stand out from the rest of the crowd of her groupies.
saying that proceed with caution and introduce this 'new you' slowish, your changing the rules of the relationship and if you dont do subtely your gona have a wingeing girl on your hands. good luck

 

[young_gun]

Wow, tough situation here, man. It's obvious that you want to stick together with her, but you want some things to change. I don't think you should drop her (YET) but if things are gonna change you're gonna have to put your foot down and put an end to it.

Maybe she doesn't even consciously know she's doing it. Sometimes I get caught up in the heat of my life and don't realize that I'm indirectly shunning the people around me. When this happens, I'm GLAD when someone confronts me about it, because it lets me gets some perspective on my actions. I think you should do the same with your girlfriend. Confront her about it, let her know how it makes you feel, and if she's willing to change / compromise with you, then she's a keeper. If she isn't, and she continues to make time for everything but you, then you need to drop her ASAP. That way you can use your time finding a girl who won't constantly put herself and *especially* other guys in front of you.

I think that drastically changing your behavior (i.e. stop calling her, not making plans) will only serve to shooting you in the foot. She won't know why you're acting the way you are, and by doing this, you're basically sidestepping the problem. Instead of just letting her know that this bothers you, you're using indirect methods of communication - which she probably won't even read correctly - to get your point across. Bad idea. If you really want to make this one work, you're going to have to start communicating effectively with her, an ingredient for all healthy relationships.

But, I WILL say that this shouldn't be an issue in the first place, and if she truly wants to make it work with you, she has some serious making up to do.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Everyone thinks she's doing this consciously... she likely isn't. I'd listen to young gun's advice. It's better to be honest and direct with things like this. "

 

[BigKuta]

Sounds like her interest level is dropping or was not there to begin with. Always stay mysterious.

 

[Nutz]

What they all said. And start doing what she likely already is: see other people and keep your options open. The less you give her the more she'll have to work. That creates demand and interest and will make you something of a challenge.

Furthermore, the person that's least invested in the relationship has all the power. That's just the way it's always been. Now start using that truism to your advantage!

 

[J Roc]

dump that b1tch and get more options

 

[green69]

Thanks for the input guys. I think I will have a talk with her in a few days and see what she says. I definitely agree that is she isn't willing to put more of an effort then I will drop her ASAP.

It's funny because the first 1.5 months of us dating she would always text me often etc. and just generally seemed more interested. Even though we agreed to be exclusive pretty early on (after about 3 weeks, her idea) I didn't feel invested in her and I had my own things going. I didn't really have any emotions involved. But the last month I feel like I'm turning into an AFC all over again worrying if she doesn't text me, wondering when can I hang out with her AGHHH I hate it I gotta stop. I have a lot of school work coming up so I gotta focus I can't worry about this BS. I was so casual the first while and I felt I was in charge of things now the roles have reversed.

It will be nice to finally get an answer because I hate not knowing what's going on. If she says she isn't interested anymore whatever that's fine at least I can move on and meet some other girls but for now I'm tied down but at the same time not getting much in return.

 

[ThePhotographer]

Don't ask her anything, just be busier than she is.

If you start talking about it, then it will get weird.

So yeah - find some stuff to do other than your GF

 

[green69]

hey guys I appreciate the responses. I chose the route of finding out what was up instead of just ignoring her and waiting for her to come to me. We talked for a little bit and she threw up some excuses like she's feeling "off lately" and such but I didn't buy that and pursued further and she finally admitted it really sucks because she feels we just don't have much in common. We talked things over for a couple minutes and I decided we might as well end things now before we get too far and she sadly agreed but asked if maybe I wanted to be friends and I declined and then we said goodbye. The conversation was pretty short and abrupt that was it. Glad I found out what was up right away instead of trying to stall/delay and play games and what not.

 

[MisterMcGee]

A legitimate, mutual, and friendly break up is a good thing.

 

[Tenzen]

well done, get to the bottom of it before it surprises you

 

[benny69]

Well,

Maybe if you would have used the ignore her, be busy living your own life, see/flirt with other women strategy instead, she would have been more interested...what do you think? :rockon:

 

[Renegade357]

If I were you I'd dump her immediately. Or you could wait around for her to come up one day and say "We need to talk." You sound like a good guy, don't let women get away with this half-a$$ effort BS.


Edit: Doh, looks like you already took care of business. Good man

 

[thevilittletroll]

the same thing used to happen to me a lot before i found the community. the reason she lost attraction for you is that you became too available, needy, and expected sex from her. she knew that she could go out with you at anytime or place that she wanted. my guess is that you thought she was your girlfriend but in reality she was probalby dating multiple dudes the entire time. while she had a lot of attraction for you at first, you were her new shiny toy. once that shine dulls she loses interest because she found a new toy, or even several new toys. you need to make sure in the future to keep her attraction and interest levels high by continuing to be spontanious, interesting, and fun. another key is to make her think you're not hanging out with her just for sex. if sex becomes a chore for her she'll become less interested. sometimes it just needs to be about the fun. remember she can get sex anywhere.

 

[sighsigh]

So... you're calling her your girlfriend even though you've only had sex with her once (as a poster mentioned). You agreed to be exclusive with her before even having sex. And you decided to have a talk with her about your feelings and the direction of the relationship.

This all screams AFC.

She acted the way she did because she had a low interest level. I think you should brush up on PUA theory.

 

[DonJuanabe]

For a girl to be a girlfriend two things are required: 1) sexual relationship with her and 2) she has to verbally express that she is your girlfriend or you two are a couple, exclusive, or something similar.

 

[VladPatton]

You handled it well, man. Next time just maintain the correct firing order before you call her your gf and commit to more. Jumping the gun and calling her your gf, then having her loose interest, causing you to worry, will get you these results.