GF Not Following Through on Promise

[rolandsteady13]

Hey guys, hope all is well and thanks in advance for responses.

Been dating this girl for a bit (more than two months, less than half a year). Get along well, everything's great. As a thoughtful guy, I've done a few things to make her feel special / cheer her up if she's had a bad week. Not overdoing it, just every once in a blue moon. She's caught onto this and has said things like "I need to find a recipe of your favorite type of dessert to make for you" or "You work so late...one of these days when I'm not at work late I'll bring you a snack." Stuff like that. Few weeks later, she says something like "I've got a few recipes of your favorite dessert, I just need to get on with it and make one", to which I reply "That sounds great, I'm looking forward to see what you make." It's been a month or two and still, no dessert / no snacks at work late, and she hasn't mentioned it at all recently. She's probably forgot, frankly.

She's got a busy schedule, as I do, but this isn't an excuse in my mind. What's gnawing at me is that she's throwing out these things, yet hasn't followed through on either of them. Personally, if I say something or say "I'll plan a date for us to do X fun thing", I do it, I don't hem and haw about it. My questions is: how do I call her out on this, without seeming petty or childish? At the end of the day, I could give a **** about the dessert, it's more holding her accountable for something that she promised she would do, as a nice and thoughtful gesture to me. My gut is telling me to say something like "Hey, let's cook dinner at my place this weekend. Maybe we could have one of those desserts you found a recipe for." Seems to me this would be a good way to a) make her realize that she's screwed up and b) do it in a non-confrontational way that doesn't make her look at me like some whiny guy that is waiting for her to do something nice for me.

Any thoughts? I'm trying to toe the line between making her realize she didn't follow through on her own, without making myself seem like I'm getting angry over nothing.



tl;dr I've occasionally done nice things / surprises for GF. She mentions she will bake a favorite dessert of mine (says this twice or three times). Still hasn't followed through...best way to call her on this w/o being an ******* or seeming like a whiny *****.

 

[mikey2012]

Dump her. She has low IL

 

[Lozboss]

Roland

I'd leave it mate. Quite frankly-You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Women are ditzy and often don't realize the implications of their actions.

I get principle but you can't really call principle over a dessert. It's different if it was 'booking a trip' or 'going to see x show'.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Ask her to make you a sandwich. If she has a problem with it then dump her.

You can judge her IL instantly by saying:

"Hey I have a great idea, I'll come over tonight and you can cook or just make me a sandwich, cool?".

If not cool, find someone who is.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Had this same thing myself. Promises of meals to be cooked, turn in to take-away bought, turn in to changed plans at last minute, turns in to straight flaking. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

Thoughtful guys get milked. Get rid, before she does. And get less thoughtful.

 

[MOTU]

^^^^this. "You must spread some reputation around...

It's bratty little sister time. Next time she makes any future promise, roll your eyes and say "yea, and we can have some of that desert you've been promising too" and have a big sh!t eating grin on your face (not a p!ssy look).

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Hey guys, hope all is well and thanks in advance for responses.

Been dating this girl for a bit (more than two months, less than half a year). Get along well, everything's great. As a thoughtful guy, I've done a few things to make her feel special / cheer her up if she's had a bad week. Not overdoing it, just every once in a blue moon. She's caught onto this and has said things like "I need to find a recipe of your favorite type of dessert to make for you" or "You work so late...one of these days when I'm not at work late I'll bring you a snack." Stuff like that. Few weeks later, she says something like "I've got a few recipes of your favorite dessert, I just need to get on with it and make one", to which I reply "That sounds great, I'm looking forward to see what you make." It's been a month or two and still, no dessert / no snacks at work late, and she hasn't mentioned it at all recently. She's probably forgot, frankly.

She's got a busy schedule, as I do, but this isn't an excuse in my mind. What's gnawing at me is that she's throwing out these things, yet hasn't followed through on either of them. Personally, if I say something or say "I'll plan a date for us to do X fun thing", I do it, I don't hem and haw about it. My questions is: how do I call her out on this, without seeming petty or childish? At the end of the day, I could give a **** about the dessert, it's more holding her accountable for something that she promised she would do, as a nice and thoughtful gesture to me. My gut is telling me to say something like "Hey, let's cook dinner at my place this weekend. Maybe we could have one of those desserts you found a recipe for." Seems to me this would be a good way to a) make her realize that she's screwed up and b) do it in a non-confrontational way that doesn't make her look at me like some whiny guy that is waiting for her to do something nice for me.

Any thoughts? I'm trying to toe the line between making her realize she didn't follow through on her own, without making myself seem like I'm getting angry over nothing.



tl;dr I've occasionally done nice things / surprises for GF. She mentions she will bake a favorite dessert of mine (says this twice or three times). Still hasn't followed through...best way to call her on this w/o being an ******* or seeming like a whiny *****.

She will probably start flaking on you

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Either stop doing favors/nice things for her, or leave this chick altogether. The future promises song and dance is a favorite tool of seasoned manipulators. There might even exist the possibility that she (and others who engage in this sort of behavior) are unaware of their doing this, but it really doesn't soften the blow either way to repeatedly get led on like that, does it?

 

[BrainDamage92]

Goddamn females. Well if she doesnt care about you calling her out wont make her care more but it will make you feel better its all very much like that...

But I dont see it as such a bad thing, most likely she feels too lazy to do it, which shows shes not wifey material, but who cares you dont want that i suppose? Ofc there is the option of her interest dropping very low, and her hiding it well.

I generally noticed that when a girl is not interested and was only fishing for attention she forgets. WOmen use the flirt, which is the signal to fvck to get attention and not give anything in return.

Like this girl I been foolin with, I tell her to watch a certain movie and read a certain book, 2 weeks later she still hasn't. Telling me shell come over, then she doesnt. Me telling her about something thats going on in my life, then some time later when thats brought up she forgot all about it. Moreover, in most of the convos I feel obliged to say "YOURE LYING" when I catch her in an obvious contradiction. "You get bonus points for listening carefully.". Hell ye I listen carefully and I dont like what I hear. Ok, *****, now let me get that attention fueled emotional tampon out of your vagina and see how this feels? I hate this ****, some fool fuked her over so shes all over him but uses me for tamponing. **** you, girl.

Do the same, the fact that she is your GF dont change ****, cut back on the nice things, when she starts complaining, tell her you are still waiting for that dessert. If she tries to pull the "A relationship is not about keeping track of who did what for it, and who gives more blah blah blah", just dump her, Ive had that trick done to me, it means "I will get everything I want from you but dont expect much in return".

 

[rolandsteady13]

Thanks for the responses. Not really sure if this is worth dumping her over (or if this means she has low IL), but, unfortunately, I'm not sure she's going to bring it up again, otherwise I would definitely do the "when are you going to make it? You keep saying that, but you haven't done it" line. I feel like I oughta at least give her a chance to show that I'm not going to tolerate this again and that she needs to be more thoughtful in the future if she expects nice things from me as well. Dumping a girl without giving her a chance to see the error of her ways and change them doesn't really seem to be a constructive way to handle a difficulty in a relationship, at least to me.

I haven't really done anything overly nice for her in the last few months, but I can tell this girl seems interested. I've already spent the weekend at her parents house at her invitation, she's said a zillion times that she wants to meet my family, and has stated on her own accord that she realizes she ought to be more active in suggesting date ideas. So the last part at least indicates to me that she realizes she needs to try more. Whether or not she does it is another story.

 

[KingBeef]

Ask her to make you a sandwich. If she has a problem with it then dump her.

You can judge her IL instantly by saying:

"Hey I have a great idea, I'll come over tonight and you can cook or just make me a sandwich, cool?".

If not cool, find someone who is.

THIS... You will find out what her IL level and then take it from there....

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Don't be surprised if there are more empty promises down the road. Had a ex like this just different scenarios. I'd occasionally help move furniture, heavy **** or whatever & while I was doing it she'd always make a sexual comment, which was great. Let's just say it was pretty rare she actually followed thru. You gotta tease them & be playful call them out on this sh*t asap. Does she smoke a lot weed?

Remember b*tches want a challenge.....easy down on this "make her feel special / cheer her up", doesn't sound like she's deserving it. The pedstal dries the P up really fast.

If she ever mentioned dessert again, I'd be like YES you WILL be making it in highs heels and just an apron on x day. ACTIONS speak louder than words dude, remember that.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Y'know how us guys get mad at girls when they want us to automatically know how they're feeling about something when we don't? Y'know why we get mad? 'Cause we hate that they expect us to be mind readers and know what they're thinking/feeling at any given moment.

Well, guess what? Men do it too - and this is what YOU'RE doing.

The reality is, this isn't a big deal, except in YOUR head. But, as big of a deal as it is for you, she has NO idea you're THIS annoyed about it. So, you could do the thing women do where you just hold on to these feelings until you suddenly burst one day, OR you could just bring it up in a conversation, talk about it so she KNOWS how you feel about it, and then see if things improve. And no, I don't mean a convo where you just say "yeah, that would be nice" and hope she gets the hint (hinting - another thing WOMEN do that doesn't work so well). I mean actually bring it up and let her know your feelings about the thing.

And yes, I said FEELINGS. Women can relate to your opinion about something if you attach an emotion to it vs. just saying what you THINK (i.e. "I think you need to do x, y and z 'cause we're dating").

The most effective way I've been able to do this is to mention to her the whole "Love Languages" thing (if you don't know about that, look it up - www.5lovelanguages.com). In one conversation, you bring this up and mention what all five are (words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; and physical touch). You then ask her what she thinks hers is. After she tells you, make sure you ask her what that means to here - "oh, so yours is 'words of affirmation" - so, you like when nice things are said to you, or when I call you pretty, etc.?" Then, you tell her that yours is. To get to what you want her to do - in this case, making you dessert or following through on something she promised you - you should go with saying yours is either acts of service or receiving gifts - then you say to her something like:

"I've always noticed that I tend to give a lot to others/do a lot for others, and it always makes me feel more cared for when people do/give things to me."

From there, you continue on:

"And I'm not saying it has to be anything big, like buying me a bunch of stuff/doing a bunch of unnecessary things for me. I'm talking simple stuff. For example: you've mentioned before that you'd like to make my favorite dessert, which for me would definitely make me feel like I'm being cared about because it would make me feel like you were paying attention to the things I like and wanted to see me happy."

And that's it! That's the convo - simple, not angry, and gets the point across. Now, if she doesn't come up with that dessert shortly after THAT... well then, you may have to have a different convo at that point, lol...

 

[El Payaso]

It's simple. The next time she promises to do something for you, you just say "Yeah, like you've been promising to make that dessert for me".