frivolousz21
Master Don Juan
yea I can agree with this somewhat..at first I thought I dont get sick of that stuff with my gf
but I dont live with her.
just 4 nights per week!
agree
GF made plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas without me involved wtf!
- Thread starter MKS82
- Start date
yea I can agree with this somewhat..at first I thought I dont get sick of that stuff with my gf
but I dont live with her.
just 4 nights per week!
agreeOneArmDeeJay
Senior Don Juan
It’s never a good thing when your girl friend moves in.
Unless you have the balls and Man enough to tell her like it is and how it’s goin to be.
What will end up happening is you are giving her FREE rent,
Paying all or part of her bills,
Sharing vehicles,
Laundry and dishes piled high,
No home cook meals,
And Spending your money.
Oh and bittching about things.
Unless she’s your wife what’s the benefit of or purpose of her living with you?
If you still think it’s the good idea then you need to lay down the law early and soon as you see her slacking off in her duties you bust her chops for it.
And be willing to KICK her Azz out if she doesn’t.
She should always have that in her mind that you might throw her out and find a better girl. Or she will get lazy and you will be put in the same situation as the MKS82.
I’ve seen and heard this happen way too many times.
Unless you have the balls and Man enough to tell her like it is and how it’s goin to be.
What will end up happening is you are giving her FREE rent,
Paying all or part of her bills,
Sharing vehicles,
Laundry and dishes piled high,
No home cook meals,
And Spending your money.
Oh and bittching about things.
Unless she’s your wife what’s the benefit of or purpose of her living with you?
If you still think it’s the good idea then you need to lay down the law early and soon as you see her slacking off in her duties you bust her chops for it.
And be willing to KICK her Azz out if she doesn’t.
She should always have that in her mind that you might throw her out and find a better girl. Or she will get lazy and you will be put in the same situation as the MKS82.
I’ve seen and heard this happen way too many times.
I didnt give a full clear and picture of what was going on. I moved in with her and she pays more rent then me. She told me she was going on the trip in nov a month or two ago sometime. didnt really think about it until she reminded me yesterday. I just dont like that fact cause one its vegas and 2 I would want to be with her on thanksgiving cause I work a lot and its a chance to do something different and fun and 3 its around her bday so was going to do something all at once. I can't really say anything cause she first will probably revert to something along the lines of not taking her away from her friends and making her chose and two being possessive which I am generally not and three she will probably say Im telling her what to do. SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Im not going to end it though we have a dog and sh*t like that. Is it bad to think that a couple should spend major holidays together or what? I think the main problem is that we are both selfish and spoiled I know I am. When I dont get what I want i put up a fight. I know I need to grow up but so does she. To some extent its true that you need to do your own thing but when it comes do major holidays and you live together and love each other (she tells me out of the blue a lot) does this still apply?
frivolousz21
Master Don Juan
dont listen to anything else that contradicts what im saying.
THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU..IF SHE WANTS TO GO ON TRIPS TO VEGAS AND TOO SEE HER FAMILY AT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU.
UNLESS SHE IS ONE TWISTED BYTCH
OneArmDeeJay
Senior Don Juan
Thats sad just sad.
All because of stuff you don't want to leave.
Your not a Man but a boy.
Get your nads back and dump and leave the bittch.
Your just using each other nothing more.
And by the way Vacations and Trips are for your mate.
SparkleMotion
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2004
- Messages
- 188
- Reaction score
- 1
- Age
- 70
Your re-explanation, leaves us with the same conclusion.
NEXT HER!!!
She will only bring about future problems. So what that you have a dog? It'll be much worse when you accidentally get a kid (which probably will turn out not to be yours) and you feel like you MUST stay in a relationship that you absolutely hate.
IMHO, she should want to take you to meet her family and show you off to her relatives. Otherwise, she's hiding you for a reason.
NEXT HER!!!
She will only bring about future problems. So what that you have a dog? It'll be much worse when you accidentally get a kid (which probably will turn out not to be yours) and you feel like you MUST stay in a relationship that you absolutely hate.
IMHO, she should want to take you to meet her family and show you off to her relatives. Otherwise, she's hiding you for a reason.
Bill S. Preston Esq
Don Juan
It seems like nexting her would be hard cause then he'd need a place to stay.
Either way your GF has got it twisted and needs to be shown what's up. If she doesn't want to change just a little and include you in the trips or whatever then you need to set her priorities straight which naturally is easier said than done.
But if you leave it alone I only see it getting worse as everyone else has concluded.
Either way your GF has got it twisted and needs to be shown what's up. If she doesn't want to change just a little and include you in the trips or whatever then you need to set her priorities straight which naturally is easier said than done.
But if you leave it alone I only see it getting worse as everyone else has concluded.
The Nice Guy is Gone
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2005
- Messages
- 325
- Reaction score
- 2
Then put up a fight. If she is truly in love with you, then she wouldn't have made plans on a holiday without you, that shoudl be a given. Also, if she's going to accuse you of making her choose, then make her choose. Tell her that you don't need this crap right now, and either you and her will be together or you'll be moving out, and out of her life too. That's what I would do, but perhaps I'm a bit harsch sometimes. But if it's been over a year and she's using you as a convenient boyfriend while living with you, then something is seriously wrong.
Re:
Thoughts...
"It's not that easy. I can't leave. I left my CD's in his truck. I can't just give up 40 or 50 CD's. Five or six more years of this and we can end it violently." :crackup:
Anyways...
Note this... you're expending ALOT of mental energy, focus, time, and thought on this, on this negative sh!t. And while I'm sure you care, and it bothers you, do something or don't do something, but don't wade along in mediocrity living a half alive life because you're afraid to take action, even if that means LOSING her.
IF, either of you cared for holidays or QT, the first thought would have been.
"Gee let's decorate our new apartment, buy a tree, get a turkey, etc."
OR, she'd just back out, save the dough, throw it at bills or your christmas presents, or doing a christmas trip with you.
All of what I, and the guys say, is for not if this girl doesn't mean anything, if you're just casually dating her and can see other women, or don't care about holidays. I wouldn't care if it was just a casual relationship, yeah sure, you see each other, but there's strings.
From what you describe that isn't this situation, so I'll rule that out.
--------------------------
One attitude I always have is that
I AM IN CHARGE
Dude, THIS is your life. You have as MUCH right to have a girl who's there on holidays and communicates such things to you and backs out of trips for you, as you do to be walked over. It's a matter of what you want and don't want.
YOU are allowing her to be in charge, especially with the things you said about her excuses and moaning about your controllinger her. And perhaps you don't know what to do because you're afraid of the loss, of how to communicate it, and feel partly responsible because you didn't pay attention.
BE that as it may, it's the holidays. I could ask any girl I've ever dated, if she took off on a holiday, she'd tell me she doesn't care. Ask any X. EVEN the fact she was planning or contemplating it is sketchy. Sure, I know girls who do family trips FOR christmas because they hate giving each other gifts, and I can understand where she may not invite you (dad pays, it's the only time the family gets together, etc), BUT, she took both holidays?
---------------------------
Now...laying down the law by jumping all over her like she's inconsiderate is a BAD way to go about this. If you're goal is to get her to be INTO the holidays, set it up.
Offer an alternative.
If you haven't maintained charge of the relationship, try to assume control like some coup de' tat is a BAD way to go about it. Not to mention, a woman is likely to rush into a fury.
Slip a fun solution into the mix. Set it up. Surprise her or something. Cook the turkey, whatever.
Set the day up, so if she rejects your idea, then SHE is the guilty part. If she puts blame on you for not saying something before, well, act like you didn't realize the date, OR, just be honest and say you came to your senses, holidays are a big deal, blah blah blah. Or, 'i thought I would surprise you in our place.' You know her, tilt the scales.
---------------------------
She can make all the excuses, but if she's not going to lose any money, then her not staying home with you on one of the holidays (provided you celebrate them) is an admission of who's in charge. Vegas on thanksgiving?
Sounds fun, but whatever.
-------------------------
A-Unit
Thoughts...
THAT is straight out of Dane Cook.
"It's not that easy. I can't leave. I left my CD's in his truck. I can't just give up 40 or 50 CD's. Five or six more years of this and we can end it violently." :crackup:
Anyways...
Note this... you're expending ALOT of mental energy, focus, time, and thought on this, on this negative sh!t. And while I'm sure you care, and it bothers you, do something or don't do something, but don't wade along in mediocrity living a half alive life because you're afraid to take action, even if that means LOSING her.
That isn't dealing with the issue...that's false, fake, bullsh!t masking as reasons, when they're merely excuses.
IF, either of you cared for holidays or QT, the first thought would have been.
"Gee let's decorate our new apartment, buy a tree, get a turkey, etc."
OR, she'd just back out, save the dough, throw it at bills or your christmas presents, or doing a christmas trip with you.
All of what I, and the guys say, is for not if this girl doesn't mean anything, if you're just casually dating her and can see other women, or don't care about holidays. I wouldn't care if it was just a casual relationship, yeah sure, you see each other, but there's strings.
From what you describe that isn't this situation, so I'll rule that out.
--------------------------
One attitude I always have is that
I AM IN CHARGE
Dude, THIS is your life. You have as MUCH right to have a girl who's there on holidays and communicates such things to you and backs out of trips for you, as you do to be walked over. It's a matter of what you want and don't want.
YOU are allowing her to be in charge, especially with the things you said about her excuses and moaning about your controllinger her. And perhaps you don't know what to do because you're afraid of the loss, of how to communicate it, and feel partly responsible because you didn't pay attention.
BE that as it may, it's the holidays. I could ask any girl I've ever dated, if she took off on a holiday, she'd tell me she doesn't care. Ask any X. EVEN the fact she was planning or contemplating it is sketchy. Sure, I know girls who do family trips FOR christmas because they hate giving each other gifts, and I can understand where she may not invite you (dad pays, it's the only time the family gets together, etc), BUT, she took both holidays?
---------------------------
Now...laying down the law by jumping all over her like she's inconsiderate is a BAD way to go about this. If you're goal is to get her to be INTO the holidays, set it up.
Offer an alternative.
If you haven't maintained charge of the relationship, try to assume control like some coup de' tat is a BAD way to go about it. Not to mention, a woman is likely to rush into a fury.
Slip a fun solution into the mix. Set it up. Surprise her or something. Cook the turkey, whatever.
Set the day up, so if she rejects your idea, then SHE is the guilty part. If she puts blame on you for not saying something before, well, act like you didn't realize the date, OR, just be honest and say you came to your senses, holidays are a big deal, blah blah blah. Or, 'i thought I would surprise you in our place.' You know her, tilt the scales.
---------------------------
She can make all the excuses, but if she's not going to lose any money, then her not staying home with you on one of the holidays (provided you celebrate them) is an admission of who's in charge. Vegas on thanksgiving?
Sounds fun, but whatever.
-------------------------
A-Unit
Hellboy
Senior Don Juan
There's nothing wrong with demanding that she treat you with the respect that you, as her boyfriend, deserve. You need to learn to be more assertive within the relationship. For now you're whipped good and proper. She can walk all over you and use you or drop you as she pleases. Your only options are to accept the way things are or do something about it. It's too late to change her perception of you now. All you can do is walk away with a lesson learned, and say "never again will I be the bytch in a relationship".