GF is being disrespectful already.

[Crissco]

Thought ide post this here since I'm sure to get better responses. I'm new to this whole relationship game. I'm doing the best i can to be faithful and be a "good" boyfriend. There are somethings about this girl that is starting to bug me already.

Run down: we met on okcupid about 2 months ago. Date went well. Hung out 2 weeks later again had

her naked in my bed(posted a thread about this). Took her to the fourth date to put out. Over that now no problem. Here's the problem though. Twice already I feel she has disrespected me..1. She talks about school a lot since it takes up a lot of her time. But she sometimes mentions other guys in her class. Don't know if its to get me jealous or what's up. But it sometimes gets to me since honestly I dont care to talk about that.
2. Last night I told her to move her when were both half asleep. She moved over a bit. I said it again and i get this attitude from her saying she already did. I said woahh watch it then turned around and fell asleep. I called her disrespectful once and she told me thats what her father says to her and she doesn't like it(never a good sign)..

I tend to over analize things way to much and think the worst of sits like this. Like I said I'm new to this and probally thinking to much of it. But still its getting to me.

I wana make this work. But some **** needs to stop. Other then that no complaints.

Don't tell me to next next next. If the time comes believe me I will.

What's everyone's opinion on this?

 

[SecondHalf]

The talks about guys in her class?
Depending on the context, what's the problem with this.
If it's "he's so good looking, I'd love a piece of that", then yep, see your point.

Regarding the bed, move over thing ... again, no biggy.

Assuming that the guy talk was innocent, my high level opinion is that your wrapped a little tight there OP.
Wouldn't try to change this person to accommodate your preferences, I would stick it out and if it didn't work for you ... then walk.

SH

 

[Crissco]

Thats my plan. I'm new to this relashionship sh*t. I'm used to FB...relashionships actually scare me a bit.

 

[Die Hard]

Honestly, I don't think this is gonna work out... I'm pretty sure those two examples you gave are just indicative of a more general attitude problem with her.

All you can do, is set your boundaries. If you find that her behavior constantly forces you to remind her of those boundaries, I'd say it's time to NEXT her @ss.

I wana make this work.

You shouldn't! What the fvck does that mean, anyway? MAKE it work??? The two of you are either compatible and things work or you're not compatible and things don't work. If it's not working already, the only way you can make it work, is by either forcing her to change (which I doubt she will) or by forcing yourself to change (i.e. forcing yourself to accept sh!t from her that you really don't want to accept). Neither of those options is gonna work out...the whole idea of making it work is ridiculous.

Bottom line:

* Set clear boundaries
* If she can respect them, you be happy and continue the relationship.
* If she keeps pushing them, fvck her up the ass and throw her with the trash...

I must add the following, though... Setting boundaries can never be seen seperate from frame control. If your frame is weak to begin with, she's clearly not gonna respect your boundaries, no matter how resolute you are about them. If you are being easy going about trivial matters all day long and only become resolute at one particular incident that really matters to you (where you really feel she's stepping over your boundary, as opposed to the more trivial situations earlier), there's a good chance she won't respect that boundary.
But if you make sure you have a good frame all day long, which comes down to taking the lead in trivial matters, she's a lot more inclined to respect your boundary later on, in that particular situation where it matters to you.

If MAKING it work, is possible at all, it is through this way. You improve your overall frame, take a firmer lead and hope she will follow. But this is not something you change overnight, it has to become a part of your personality, you should have a subconscious tendency to firmly grab the frame, it should be INTRINSIC and PROACTIVE. You should firmly grab the frame because it's your nature and that's just what you're used to doing, not because you have analyzed the situation and rationally decided it would be beneficial for you to amp up your frame control at this point. It should've been amped up from the moment you met her, because that's just who you are, not as a reaction to her current behavior.
So you're really not gonna make this relationship work through this way either, but it might be something to consider with regard to future relationships.

 

[speed dawg]

Ah, another poster who is trying to control the advice he receives. The whole, "Don't tell me to next next next" blew your cover. You can't be helped if you don't allow yourself to be helped.

And no, you probably shouldn't next her overtly. But you're falling in love with this broad and desperately want it to work or you wouldn't even be worried about this dumb issue. You only prefer FB because no girl who go any farther than that with you before they nexted YOU. That's why you're new at relationships.

You're not dealing with chumps here, pal. We know what we're talking about. Guys like you tick me off coming here and explaining a situation but only want certain advice because it's what they want to hear. I don't think we'll be much help to you until this girl obliterates your manhood and you come back to this site desperate and willing to change.

And aren't you supposed to be 25 to post in this forum?

 

[window]

you are taking it way to personally to soon...she will think you are an idot if you get all huff and puff about minor things which you are. If she starts talking about stuff you dont like either ignore it change the thread of the convo or make light fun of it. The worst thing you can do is react to it.

 

[the_stig]

I'm about as analytical as it gets, but boy you're going to be in for a rough ride relationship-wise if you let such petty little things like this get under your skin so early on.

All the self respect preserving advice on here is great, but all too often guys let it get to their heads, don't know how to use it appropriately, and misjudge situations and end up costing themselves a decent girl.

I wasn't witnessing this girl first hand, personally I think you might have come across as rude by boldly asking her to move twice, but there will ALWAYS be some kind of a red flag if you look hard enough. With experience you learn to weed out what's a genuine threat, and what's typical female nonsense that most women front up.

 

[ATX1001]

I'm about as analytical as it gets, but boy you're going to be in for a rough ride relationship-wise if you let such petty little things like this get under your skin so early on.

All the self respect preserving advice on here is great, but all too often guys let it get to their heads, don't know how to use it appropriately, and misjudge situations and end up costing themselves a decent girl.

I wasn't witnessing this girl first hand, personally I think you might have come across as rude by boldly asking her to move twice, but there will ALWAYS be some kind of a red flag if you look hard enough. With experience you learn to weed out what's a genuine threat, and what's typical female nonsense that most women front up.

Exactly. I feel there's too much "You stepped on my new Nikes nig*a and now I'm going to knife your a$$ for dissing me!" around here. The sh*t you brought up is small potatos and barely worth my time writing this reply.

Disrespect is when she flirts with another dude in front of you and EVEN THEN I would just ignore her and start talking to other chicks.

 

[The_411]

This wasn't going to work from the start. If you get a girl completely naked and she doesn't want to have sex run the f away. It's a massive red flag.

 

[AW1983]

The sh*t you brought up is small potatos and barely worth my time writing this reply.

I have to agree. Sometimes girls will pull the talking about other guys thing at first just to see how you react and how secure you really are. Ignore it completely and do not give the slightest indication it bothers you or you are in trouble. If I'm hanging with a girl and she starts talking about other guys I converse/react no differently than if she was talking about any other subject I have no interest in that girls ramble on about all day, i.e. just enough interest to not be rude.

Unless of course she's talking about how much she wants to fvck them, then I'm out. But that should be a no-brainer for any dude with any self-respect.

 

[Crissco]

Came to the conclusion im going to end it with her. This is gonig to work out, it has trouble written all over it. Thanks everyone for the advice

 

[iqqi]

This is a general discussion thread, and should not be in the MM forum for any reason.

At least spell check your thread before misdirecting it, maybe you'd be taken more seriously.

 

[Married Buried]

This is a general discussion thread, and should not be in the MM forum for any reason.

At least spell check your thread before misdirecting it, maybe you'd be taken more seriously.

Ignore this. It's just from some American psycho Alcoholic chic who will never get married.

 

[pipe007]

"Ignore this. It's just from some American psycho Alcoholic chic who will never get married."

this American Psycho can make take your wife and make you look like a chump. Have some respect with the veterans. Plus this comes from a noobster?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sorry, pipe, but I agree with Malice. Icky likes hang out on men's forums to test them from the safety of her keyboard. You know, Attention....
She got her little fix.

Notwithstanding that little scolding, I do have to move the thread to general discussion. 25 is the minumum age.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Some of you guys say no big deal about this, but I see that Crissco is observing a very real tendency in this girl and I think he is legitimately concerned.

1) When you suspect that a girl is trying to make you jealous, she IS trying to make you jealous. Sometimes they are only semi-concscious of it, and sometimes fully. Depending on how blatant she is about it, a firm, "You know what, I prefer not to talk about other men." with full force (but not angry) will usually nip that in the bud. If that's too direct for the situation, immediately bring up other women and double the implied interest that she herself conveyed. Do it with nuance and she will be confused and become trained not to push your buttons.

2) I wouldn't be too bent out of shape about the moving thing this early in the game, but it sounds like you at least once had a different reason for calling her disrespectful and when a woman says "my father says that and I don't like it", you can bet your last dollar that she has a severe problem with disrespecting men.

I think Crissco's radar is serving him well, and while I'm not necessarily advising a full-on Next, he needs to train her NOW or face the consequences (months of hell culminating in her dumping him).

Respect is EVERYTHING, men. We train others how to treat us.

 

[Crissco]

Exactly Atom Smasher, and as time goes on disrespect gets worse. IMO its better to end it now then later.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

[Crissco]

Just ended it with her completely...Ahhh the single life!!(Sits back and grabs a beer)

 

[Desdinova]

Just ended it with her completely...Ahhh the single life!!(Sits back and grabs a beer)

If a girl behavior, personality and looks don't make you WANT to be committed to her, then "making it work" is fvcking pointless.

 

[Crissco]

If a girl behavior, personality and looks don't make you WANT to be committed to her, then "making it work" is fvcking pointless.

Realized that..Gotta go for what I want

Im new to this relationship sh*t. Im used to picking girls up, banging, fu*k buddies...