gf hides her past

[pyros]

Hello there.


What would you do if you realised your gf (with whom your about to break up because other stuff) told you half the truth about some things of her past? You know, she told you some things, and after some time you linked all the pieces, and it does not make sense, so the story is not 'totally' true.

what if after this, she admitted that there are one or two things about her past, about her ex specifically, that she is not willing to tell you.
She gets really nervous, cries a lot etc etc when you ask her, and the only thing she says is: 'it is not that someone raped me, that is not the thing.'.

You have an argument several times because of this, and she says that she has 'her reasons' not to tell you.

You've been with this girl for two years now.



Thank you.

 

[ebracer05]

I would pull the trigger and actually break up with the girl.

If you're about to break up with her, you should have plenty of good reasons.

There is a very fine line between a lie and an omission and women are experts at rationalizing a lie as an omission. Of course she cries. Women are emotional by nature to a much greater extent than most guys understand. They particularly don't want to be held accountable for their actions, unless they're good actions. They will tell you a million times about how many chances they gave to the ex they had that was physically abusive to them as an attempt to somehow reinforce this extraordinary character, but do you think they're ever going to tell you about the one night stands they've had and about all the guys they didn't even know who banged them in some guy's bathroom at a party?

You have 2 problems. The biggest being you haven't broken up with her yet.

The second problem is that you've had several arguments with her about the same thing and accept the fact that she has "reasons" to keep information from you. And if you didn't know the girl very long, I think most sane guys would give her a pass at first for not wanted to let all of the skeletons out of her closet from the beginning. But 2 years dude? If she won't tell you after 2 years, she's not going to tell you. She has formulated an idea about who you are that in all likelihood, you will never change.

You should have your "reasons" for not putting up with this BS with greater fervor than she has from keeping whatever sex antics took place between her and some guy(s).

 

[betheman]

she is crying about her ex....think about it?

she still has an attatchment to him, enough to make her cry, for whatever reason! you are number 2, as for the omission, and jigsaw, they make all sorts of sh!t up, twist and distort the facts.
this one is not a keeper

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

hor?

 

[backbreaker]

there is **** about my past i don't particuarly go out of my way to tell women. drug abuse, living in my car for a few months, my relationship with my dad which isn't on good terms.

the difference is, when i hide my past, i actually hide it. there is only 1 girl i have ever dated, seriously that knows about my past drug use and that's my wife. and it took a while for me to come around to the idea of telling her. even longer about my relationship with my dad. these are things i block out. i do not think of them on a day to day basis. everyone has things they don't want people to know about.

the thing is, when a woman brings up issues so that you ask only to "not talk about it" to me that is the bigger red flag than the actual issue. like women who want you to know they are damaaged and vurnable but don't want to talk about it to stir up drama. that is the red flag, to me at least not necessary the bad ex. we all have ****ty ex's.

 

[pyros]

Its very weird. Ill tell you all the things she said about her ex, and you'll see that they do not make sense put all together:

- I dumped him after more than two years.
- He was never there.
- I did not trust him as much as I trust you. (ha ha ha, sure, this is why you hide some things from me)
- He asked me to come back together.
- We did but after a bit, I broke up with him again.
- We were dating for almost three years, with break up included.
- I dated him from 19 to 21. (she met me when she was 23).
- There was weird stuff in that relationship.
- It was not a normal relationship.
- I was meeting up with him until I dated you for three or four times.
- We kept in touch, going out for coffee or something but I never ever kissed him again, or anything.
- He had a new gf before I met you.
- When I met you he said he was happy for me, and we stopped contact.
- (talking about something else)...he does not know this even today.
- THERE IS THIS ONE THING THAT HAPPENED, RELATED TO HER EX BF, THAT SHE NEVER MENTIONED BEFORE, BUT NOW THAT SHE DID, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TELL ME ANYTHING. It makes her cry, tremble, etc, but no way she wants to explain me about it.
- It is not that someone raped me or anything.
- I asked her: so how long were you without sex after you dumped him and met me? (if u do the math, its suposed to be around 2 years, because she said she did not have sex with anyone else besides him and me) she replied:
'one year' I said: 'how long??' she replied: 'well........errrr...let me think....er.. (after one full minute of silence) no no, two years? I dont know it was a long time ago'. This conversation inmediately lead to the other one about that secret stuff she does not want to tell me.


I tryied to ask her once when she got so nervous and cried a lot, and she said that she could not talk about it. So I waited some days, and I asked her again when she was ok, but same result. We were about to break up so she says that why she should talk about it now? BECAUSE you never told me before?? thats why!


This girl is 25 btw.

Thoughts?

 

[cantgetright]

Her guts were wrecked by that Guy, and she was a willing participant.

 

[cola]

Leave it alone. Her past is in the past. If she treats you good thats all that counts.

 

[Iceberg]

Hello there.


What would you do if you realised your gf (with whom your about to break up because other stuff) told you half the truth about some things of her past? You know, she told you some things, and after some time you linked all the pieces, and it does not make sense, so the story is not 'totally' true.

what if after this, she admitted that there are one or two things about her past, about her ex specifically, that she is not willing to tell you.
She gets really nervous, cries a lot etc etc when you ask her, and the only thing she says is: 'it is not that someone raped me, that is not the thing.'.

You have an argument several times because of this, and she says that she has 'her reasons' not to tell you.

You've been with this girl for two years now.



Thank you.

Why do you need to know everything about this girl's past?

If a girl is treating you well, then who cares.

And if she's not treating you well, then just break up and get it over with.

I judge people on how they treat me, not on their past.

 

[Handsfull]

Its very weird. Ill tell you all the things she said about her ex, and you'll see that they do not make sense put all together:

- I dumped him after more than two years.
- He was never there.
- I did not trust him as much as I trust you. (ha ha ha, sure, this is why you hide some things from me)
- He asked me to come back together.
- We did but after a bit, I broke up with him again.
- We were dating for almost three years, with break up included.
- I dated him from 19 to 21. (she met me when she was 23).
- There was weird stuff in that relationship.
- It was not a normal relationship.
- I was meeting up with him until I dated you for three or four times.
- We kept in touch, going out for coffee or something but I never ever kissed him again, or anything.
- He had a new gf before I met you.
- When I met you he said he was happy for me, and we stopped contact.
- (talking about something else)...he does not know this even today.
- THERE IS THIS ONE THING THAT HAPPENED, RELATED TO HER EX BF, THAT SHE NEVER MENTIONED BEFORE, BUT NOW THAT SHE DID, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TELL ME ANYTHING. It makes her cry, tremble, etc, but no way she wants to explain me about it.
- It is not that someone raped me or anything.
- I asked her: so how long were you without sex after you dumped him and met me? (if u do the math, its suposed to be around 2 years, because she said she did not have sex with anyone else besides him and me) she replied:
'one year' I said: 'how long??' she replied: 'well........errrr...let me think....er.. (after one full minute of silence) no no, two years? I dont know it was a long time ago'. This conversation inmediately lead to the other one about that secret stuff she does not want to tell me.


I tryied to ask her once when she got so nervous and cried a lot, and she said that she could not talk about it. So I waited some days, and I asked her again when she was ok, but same result. We were about to break up so she says that why she should talk about it now? BECAUSE you never told me before?? thats why!


This girl is 25 btw.

Thoughts?

You a jealous that this guy had such a profound effect on her. Shes with you, yet still cries, etc, about him. Shes hung up on him, whether she admits it or not, which she will never do. Trust me. Drop it. If you you want anything at all with her, let it go. Fvck the other guy. Step up to the plate and show what kind of man you are.:cheer:

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Simple. If this girl is still crying and can't even tell you the full truth the she is still emotionally hung from her past situation. What I would do is just give her space (however long it is) and let her get over her past relationship. If she can't get past her old relationship how can she continue with the current one. It's been two years and she still hasn't gotten over it all. She's not emotionally strong. I would just charge her to the game. Her and her ex have some type of bond. This will come to haunt you in the future.

 

[pyros]

I dont know if she has a 'bond' with him now but who knows.
We have been almost 2.5 years together, she was talking in a subtle way about maybe getting married in the future, kids, etc etc...

What is clear is that something happened, and she does not want to tell me about it.
Funy thing is, she never said this before. Ok, she said they had a weird relationship etc but nothing dramatic, so I did not dig.
But now that I broke up with her, and she wanted to try again etc, so we did, and we were seing each other etc.
Then, one day, we were having a bit of an argument, and she asked me how long I was without sex until I met her. I asked her the same question and all this stuff suddenly popped.

She said she has her reasons not to tell me, that she understands that I get upset because of this, and that she blocked this in her mind. That if I knew, I would understand why she doesnt want to tell me. Hah! I really wonder what it is.

It really makes my blood boil that she doesnt want to talk about this, tell me what it is. She hid some other things from me, we were trying to fix this, and then another BIG one appeared, another that she also hid.


When she met me, she said that she was for almost two years alone, and that she was willing to meet someone. She dumped her ex, and she looked fine.

All this time she seemed fine, nothing major going on with her and now that I know all these things, I just cant accept that she hides so many things, you know, the person who I trusted the most, loved the most, etc. And she wants us to be friends, can you believe it?

Unbelievable.