Gf having doubts?

[LiveYourDream]

How old is she? She grew up, just her mother and her? She and just her mother still live together?

Perhaps, unconsciously, she seeking to be part of a 'family' in the way she never experienced growing up. Perhaps, she's projecting those 'needs' on your family.

 

[JS123]

@LiveYourDream
We're both 20, she lives with her mum and sister.
No she says she wishes my family was more like hers in the way that they gave her the freedom to do what she wanted, whereas mine were less more lenient with what I could do.
She said she would have liked it if we had similar upbringings.

 

[LiveYourDream]

She sounds like a princess throwing a tantrum because reality doesn't fit her fantasy.

 

[LiveYourDream]

If your family is honorable and reasonable, than never apologize for how they are. You have gained much from what they have offered you. Do not tolerate her disrespect of them anymore. Her wishing they were different is out of line. They do not revolve around pleasing her. Expect her respect of them, tolerate no less.

 

[JS123]

@LiveYourDream I don't think she realises that a relationship is never always smooth sailing and you never always get what you want.
Should she just embrace whatever differences we have? And make it into a positive instead of a negative?

 

[LiveYourDream]

The irony is your upbringing, with your family and their rules, is what helped create you to be as you are now, the man she loves. Her judgement that your upbringing should in any way have been different is misplaced.

She seems to simply want the convenience of having what she wants, when she wants and how she wants. Do not allow yourself to perpetuate that in her, no matter how big of a tantrum she throws.

Be the man. Lead her. Lead the relationship. If you are continuing in a LTR, absolutely, lead her to learn consideration, compassion, patience, balance and sacrifice. Otherwise, she will forever be expecting you to chase her whims.

 

[JS123]

@LiveYourDream Thank you so much for your advice
I really appreciate what you've said and will take it all on board.

 

[JS123]

My gf said this to me the other day,
"It's just not what I want, I want to be able to go to my bf's house and chill and that they can do the same, that's what im used to and thats what i love"
"It hurts when my family are always asking about you but yours don't, we're different, I want to be with someone who's family is like mine because it's not just about us, our families have to get along too"
I thought to myself why should our relationship have to suffer just because of this small issue?
I'd appreciate your opinion and if I should just me more assertive and lead the relationship more

Is this a normal GF expectation? Have other men had GF's with such expectations? How best to handle her and her expectations for your family to be different and making it an issue in your relationship?

Thanks

 

[Tictac]

My gf said this to me the other day,
"It's just not what I want, I want to be able to go to my bf's house and chill and that they can do the same, that's what im used to and thats what i love"
"It hurts when my family are always asking about you but yours don't, we're different, I want to be with someone who's family is like mine because it's not just about us, our families have to get along too"
I thought to myself why should our relationship have to suffer just because of this small issue?
I'd appreciate your opinion and if I should just me more assertive and lead the relationship more

Is this a normal GF expectation? Have other men had GF's with such expectations? How best to handle her and her expectations for your family to be different and making it an issue in your relationship?

Thanks

This is horsesh*t. She's using your family as an excuse to split with you.

Give her what she wants.

 

[JS123]

@Mauser96 Yes I will explain that to her,
She said she wants to be with me and never wants to leave me, she just misses and wishes it was different with the openness of my family. I guess you can't have everything in life and some sacrifices must be made.

 

[dude99]

Hi, so i've been with my girlfriend for 5 months now and she has told me she loves me. I told her I was in love with her the other day and a couple of days later she says to me that there is some things we need to talk about.
Her family are very open in letting me come over whenever I want, but my family are very closed in that sense, she feels that she wants my family to be more open and it's something she wants in a relationship.
We were brought up very differently with her being more independent in the things she did compared to me. She feels it might not work because we were brought up differently, but I've been trying to reassure her it will.
Any ideas on what I can do?

Sounds like a lame excuse if you tell me. Believe it or not you telling her you loved her caused her interest to plummet because you just removed challenge. Sounds strange and counter productive but telling a woman you love them lowers their interest. Show them you love them. Do not tell them.

 

[guru1000]

She basically misses the fact that she used to be able to go over to her ex's house and spend time with his family.

Ah, I see. So she wants your relationship to mirror her ex's. And you're ok with this? Go with a direct:

"I am not your ex. This is how my family structure is. And that's it. If you're ok with this, then we will not speak about this issue again. If you're not ok, this relation ends here."

^^ And this is a good-guy response. I would be more inclined to kick her to the curb in her attempt to frame/compare your relationship with her ex's. Men need to grow balls these days. This is disturbing.