Gf having doubts?

[JS123]

Hi, so i've been with my girlfriend for 5 months now and she has told me she loves me. I told her I was in love with her the other day and a couple of days later she says to me that there is some things we need to talk about.
Her family are very open in letting me come over whenever I want, but my family are very closed in that sense, she feels that she wants my family to be more open and it's something she wants in a relationship.
We were brought up very differently with her being more independent in the things she did compared to me. She feels it might not work because we were brought up differently, but I've been trying to reassure her it will.
Any ideas on what I can do?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

If true, chicks are weird in that sense.

But believe me when I say...that is a scape goat to another real issue with her. Take a step back and ask yourself if you are more invested in the relationship than she is. What's the value you bring to her? When a female is really into a guy, your family could be a clan full of crack addicts and she will sympathize with you and not even care.

If your gut instinct is that you might be more invested...she's setting up a passive out. I would continue to monitor her actions and act accordingly. She pulls back- you pull back and emphatically spin other plates. if your gut is telling you that at any day she could swing this "excuse" on you to eject, you eject first and don't give her a reason why. Just my opinion

 

[ohrein]

She's supposed to be dating you, not your family. You also have no control over other people, including your family. If that's a problem for her then there's not much you can do. But I don't think it's the real issue. Women that want you will overlook almost anything. Seems like her attraction is dying off.

 

[Tictac]

She will either accept you and how your family 'works' or she won't .

she wants my family to be more open and it's something she wants in a relationship.

You can talk with her and try to 'open her up' about this. You are not going to change your family dynamics.

 

[JS123]

Thanks for the replies guys,
She said she'll try to keep it more closed with her family so it balances it out with mine, just to see if it makes a difference. We have exams coming up and I said to her we'll talk about this properly once they're done.
If she truly loved me, wouldn't she look past that and just sacrifice what she wants my family to be, for me?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

For starters, I strongly recommend you read the DJ Bible and swallow the red pill. Females don't "truly" love guys they are with. They love the way you make them feel and the value you bring to their life. If at any time that stops, they will turncoat.

Once you digest the pill, everything from your interaction with women to what's truly rolling around in their head will be seen clearer and be easier.

Continue busting your ass in school as your main focus...not her.

 

[JS123]

Thanks for the reply kenpiffyjr,
She always says to me how lucky she is to have me, her parents and all her friends like me.
It's just annoying the fact that she had to bring this up right before exams and it's just playing on my mind the whole time.

 

[Fireballs]

The more you try to logically change their mind, the more they WILL try to find reasons why it won't work.

Just agree with her..send her hamster into orbit.

 

[JS123]

Thanks for the reply Fireballs,
Should I just agree with how she feels and just see how it goes with us?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

@JS123

No problem. Don't get me wrong...in those moments, that's very well how she might feel. But you have to understand that women are strictly in the moment. That's why you can never bank on anything they say about their feelings in that moment.

If you want some experienced directions it's this:

Do not do anything or say anything that throws action to this issue of hers. It is what it is and YOU CAN NOT FIX THIS. This is like her complaining about why they can't play basketball with a football. It's just the way it is and to go out in the middle of a basketball game to complain for her or to substitute a football for a basketball for her and say "hey guys try this" will make you look pathetic to her. All WOMEN secretly know their issue is a scapegoat. They know it deep down. The only conversation I would have with her after these finals are over is "My family is the way they are and that's it". And just end the conversation.

If she draws back...YOU DRAW BACK. Do not complain about her drawing back. Do not chase. Just match her IL and act accordingly.

 

[JS123]

@kenpiffyjr

Thanks again, ill take your advice on board
When you said how women are strictly in the moment, did you mean she may be feeling the way she feels about it at this moment in time, but might feel different about it in another moment?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Yes. It's not to say when she says it that's how she feels and when she doesn't say it...she doesn't feel that way. But trust your gut on her actions and her actions alone. Words expressing feelings from a female mean nothing.

 

[JS123]

@kenpiffyjr
Yeah I guess you're right.
Would it be an excuse for her to say because we were brought up differently, our relationship might be difficult?

 

[JS123]

@Mauser96
Thanks for the reply,
Do you think it is possible to make it work despite the differences?

 

[LiveYourDream]

Thanks for the replies guys,
She said she'll try to keep it more closed with her family so it balances it out with mine, just to see if it makes a difference. We have exams coming up and I said to her we'll talk about this properly once they're done.
If she truly loved me, wouldn't she look past that and just sacrifice what she wants my family to be, for me?

I'd be uncomfortable with that ^^^^^ response from her. A woman who wishes your family was more open, and does so from a place of loving, has compassion for you and develops understanding that it's your family and your common experience with them, and it perhaps has been challenging for you, over the years, in some ways. She doesn't make it about her.

To me, her making an issue of your family's dynamics and whether they change to accommodate her preference, is a sign of self-centeredness and immaturity. What bothers me even more, is her solution to pull back the openness you experience with her family. She values openness. She wants wants more openness. However, when she doesn't get it, her solution is to punish you by making sure you get even less? Really? That's not a sign of caring to me. That's a red flag of manipulation.

 

[JS123]

Hi @LiveYourDream Thanks for the reply,
She said to me if my family were open about it it would be perfect. I know no one is perfect but she thinks I am the perfect guy for her and if it was someone else in my position she would have left him by now. I've explained to her how my family would become more open once it gets to that point of the possibility of marriage.
She said she misses the fact that in her previous relationship she had a close relationship with her ex's mum and misses that openness more than anything else.
I do really love her and just hope she can look past this, for whatever differences we had from our upbringing to our families.
We share similar values.

 

[LiveYourDream]

What is it exactly that she wants from your family that she perceives she is not getting?
What exactly were you getting from her family, that she intends to now diminish, in order to even things out, or however she said it?

 

[JS123]

@LiveYourDream
She basically misses the fact that she used to be able to go over to her ex's house and spend time with his family. My family are from an Asian background and are a bit more strict when it comes to relationships and would only accept it once it seems serious enough to them (5 months not being a long time).
With her family, she only lives with her mum and was given the freedom to invite her friends and/or boyfriend around whenever she wanted. She doesn't want to meet my family on a serious basis, she just wants to get to know them and spend time with them, like she had with her ex (she doesnt miss her ex, she just misses that openness with his family).

 

[LiveYourDream]

Your family isn't dating your girlfriend. Her level of expectations for their time and attention are misplaced.

 

[JS123]

@LiveYourDream Im not sure what I can do, i don't see how what she's saying is a big deal. I said to her nothing is ever perfect with a relationship and my family aren't ever going to change their beliefs.