gf has text message stalker

[Leykis]

What would you do (if anything) if your gf has an ex boyfriend that she has not seen for 4 months that text messages her everyday? And calls every other day even though she never responds or picks up the phone.

At first I just thought it was funny. She says that she wont pick up the phone and tell him to stop because the mere act of her picking up the phone will "give him hope". She has done this in the past.

I think she just likes to know that there is some guy out there that is so crazed over her that he would actually behaves this way. It seems like she dosent really want it to stop. But in my opinion it has crossed the line from really AFC to straight up scary stalker behavior.

I mean really, its been four months. Anyway what do you'all think?

 

[uniassign]

Yeah, this happens all the time, especially if the girls are hot.

One method I found really effective, is for YOU to answer the phone with an angry "HELLO". They usually hang up and won't call back.

 

[pimpette]

GigaloDJ
Why the hell would you go through all the trouble of befriending this guy?
how about you tell your GF not to pick up the phone when he calls?
I'm sure he'll get tired of calling

 

[CLOONEY]

Pick up the phone and tell him to stop calling or messaging, in an angry tone. If your gf is an attention ***** and wants him to keep ringing for the ego trip, thus she gets angry when you tell him to stop calling infront of her, I would think twice about your relationship with her. He should get the message.

 

[Quick]

Isn't there a way to block somebody's phone number? That should give him the message if he's a slow learner. If he starts going to payphones so he can leave her voicemails, then you know you have a real problem on your hands.

 

[NatureGuy]

Just change the phone number.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

I've been where you are, Leykis. And I have some bad news for you.

Human behavior does not typically allow for someone to continue to do the same thing, over and over, on a daily basis, hoping for a certain result and never receiving it, over a long period of time. In other words, one of two things are going on here.

POSSIBILITY #1: This guy is persistently insane. The oft-quoted definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different. It's actually one of the fundamental principles in psychology. If you put one of those electronic collars on your dog, and he constantly gets shocked when he gets close to the road, eventually he'll stop trying to go to the road. Why? Because he never achieves his goal. People (and animals) need reinforcement in order to continue doing a particular activity. Which brings me to...

POSSIBILITY #2: Your girlfriend IS talking to this guy... just maybe not when you're around. That was the case for me with a girl I was with several years ago. I kept asking why this one dude continuously called her every night. She kept saying that she didn't know, that he was just some pathetic dude who wouldn't leave her alone. So I talked to this guy, and found out from him that on days that I wasn't over there, she would talk to him sometimes for hours. I knew he was telling the truth, because he would tell me things he could only have known if he'd talked to her recently. She was rewarding his behavior, reinforcing it, and it therefore continued.

Why do women do these sorts of things? Well, you know why. She wants to keep a guy on the back burner... you know a "spare". A "just-in-case" guy. A backup. Plus, for a girl, the one thing more flattering than one guy wanting you is another guy wanting you. It plays to their vanity. They get attention from two different guys, and there's that feeling of power.

I seriously suspect possibility #2 in this case, bro. Very few people are so insane that they will call a girl every night for 160 nights without ANY reinforcement or reward for having done so.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Well done Giovanni... I didn't even think of that, but it's so obvious... That shee has happened to me before and I wondered that too... But now puzzle pieces are beginning to fit together from past relationships... :-(... Thanks for the downer. Great incite though, that was gold.... That is probably what is happening... ~Zappa

 

[Frank Zappa]

Come to think of it, I used to do this to my last girlfriend some too...

"I dunno why she keeps calling me!?!?!"

Then when she's not around

Answers phone, "What's up tootz"


When you lose control, you reap the harvest that you sew.
:-( ~Zappa

 

[Skel]

Your phone company can actually trace someone call. If you tell them you are being prank called or harrassed they can set something up on your phone. ONce they do this, all you have to do is call back your phone company and tell them that the last call made to my home was a prank call and they can trace it.

Just a thought

 

[Leykis]

Gio,

I agree with your post. I think that perhaps its a little of both. She has rewarded his behavior in the past. (Gone back to him after breaking up with him) and thus rewarding his persistance. I actually have met this guy. He is actually somewhat insane. When I started dating this girl we were out on a date and he called. At the time she had been trying to be "friends" with him. So she tells him that she is on a date. He freaks out and she says something like "If we are friends why should that bother you" He continues to freak out so she hangs up on him. About 20 seconds later he calls again so she picks up the phone and he says, "I'm just calling so you and your date can continue to laugh at me" So I would say yes he is truly insane. At that point she turned off her phone. It was really quite sad.

Now he doesnt call all that much but text messages her things like..

"I'm going skiing, wish I had you with me."

or

"How am I supposed to stop caring about you?"

truly pathetic stuff.

I know she does not respond to any of this. I know she is not talking to him and lying to me. If she was or I even thought she was I would drop her instantly.

It doesnt bother me that the guy texts her or calls all the time. In fact it is exactly what not to do if he is actually trying to get back with her. As every DJ here knows. Its beyond AFC its really quite insane. What does bother me is that it seems that if she wanted it to stop she could stop it. I think she should respond. She should pick up the phone and say "If you dont stop doing this I'll change my number." But instead she chooses to ignore it. I have had casual conversations with her about this and she just says that no matter what she says talking to him at all just makes it worse. I guess my question is would you put your foot down and say either get this guy to stop harassing you or I'm gone. I used to just laugh at this poor dude but its really crossed the line into harrassment and has grown tiresome.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

You've said it yourself, Leykis. This girl has the ABILITY to end this guy's constant pursuit of her. She just (apparently) doesn't have the DESIRE to.

Think about what that means to you.

 

[ades]

Try blowing a loud-azz whistle into the phone. I've done it before on a land line when we kept getting prank callers (pretty sure it was the same person) at home!

 

[ades]

Try blowing a loud-azz whistle into the phone. I've done it before on a land line when we kept getting prank callers (pretty sure it was the same person) at home and the calls stopped!

 

[4afe]

From my exprince as being a friend of a kind of hot girl. Im not AFC or any thing Just a friend and I dont want any thing with her she is kind of Fvcked up with drugs and all that crap. She would say that her old boy friends would stalk her just because she would run into them at the mall or she would keep some of their stuff and then say that they where stalking her when they would call or go over to get it back. See I told you she is Fvcked up, some times things arent as they look.

Ryan

 

[Halo]

Why did she answer his call in the middle of a date with YOU? That would piss me off, especially if she knew it was him calling.

I would think that just from the mere annoyance factor she would want to make the calls stop.