GF has a crush on a new guy

[Kailex]

Sorry!

Oh jesus... apparently I can't even PM a message to someone on these forums correctly.

 

[Greasy Pig]

And her reaction to NC is the hamster spinning itself to death.
I jumped for joy when I read how nuked that little bastard is.
Bask in the limelight. Fvcking awesome job!

 

[Immortality]

BK

I have been keeping track of this thread since you first started it. While in between classes at school i have gone onto this site specifically to read what material people are telling you.

Im speaking from experience, as is every other poster on here, these guys are telling you exactly what you need to do.

I'm telling you only to listen to them and heed their advice.

This girl is afraid. Your lack of communication is causing that little bastard hamster to spin like crazy. It will only stop when you contact her. Once you do this she will stop coming back, stop calling and txting. Once you contact her and she has even the slightest thought that you want her, she will know that she can have you back at anytime and the hamster will begin to spin that she has a greenlight to go and do anything she wants.

I've been in this spot about twice in the last three years, and even though i thought i was keeping my frame when i contacted my ex, i didnt. I lost the battle but i didn't know because you cannot beat emotion with logic, just like you cannot win an argument with a woman. They just don't think like we do.

Some men draw a circle around what they will clearly protect and what they are willing to use. Most draw this circle around themselves. Some draw this circle around a family, and fewer still draw a circle around everybody. Every circle has a center. That center is you.

What can protect if you cannot protect yourself? what can you save if you can't see a threat to yourself? What can you hold dear if you place no value on yourself?

You have an oppurtunity that many people don't recognize. Right now you probably feel like a bag of hammered sh!t. Thats okay. You feel like everything you put into this girl was for nothing. and your right. Thats okay as well.

Your gonna have to understand this is all a process and after you get done grieving over whats lost you need to start making yourself better. Not for anyone but yourself. My landlord gained about 25 pounds of muscle after his wife cheated and he did it because he harnessed his emotion and turned it into willpower and discipline.

What you need to is spend time with your brothers. Those friends that you know would take a bullet for you. Soend time with them until you feel better about all this, don't be a little ***** around them just let them know your messed up and that you need to take your mind off things. Don't be alone right now, it will only allow you go down memory lane and thats not where your mind needs to be. I saw a movie about wyatt earp(Kevin Cosner not Kurt Russell) and his woman questioned his authority. He snapped back and told her this.

"Women come and go but brothers are forever"

Look, i don't mean to preach, and if you need to vent you are more than welcome to send me a message and ill do my best to help you through this. You will be okay, but you need to stay strong. I've ignored advice on this forum and failed. However, when i have listened, I succeed.

Don't go back, you know you shouldn't but you want to because logic says you made an investment and you must protect it. Don't do it, its a lost cause. Her family knows that you aren't responding to her but they don't know why and even if they did they will tell you to work it out because they will be looking out for their blood, not for you.

This is a chance to ride the lightning and become something great. This pain is a pain you will either overcome and come out stronger or will it will break you and come back again.

This is what i call the tempering process of men. Exactly what you will become is unknown, all that is certain is that you will be better.

My best wishes man, and remember message me if you want/need to.

-Thundernuts

This guys post is GOLD! If you for one second VALIDATE her by wanting her she will LITERALLY jump in the opposite direction. It is AMAZING how these women all think the same and do the same things. Right now you are WINNING!!!!! My only concern for you is despite what everyone is saying you have this women by the b#lls! She is powerless. She is begging to get back with you and I would personally just use her for pleasure while trying to find someone else who is loyal. You will be imprinted in this girls mind for weeks tho. You can rest assured she is regretting her decision every single hour and like Thundernuts said you gotta use this as motivation to become better. I was never so devastated in my life from my breakup. I have a disease and the stress triggered a flare. I lost my jobs, my GF, and my health. I'm slowly trying to heal, but it's very hard. Reading what some of you have gone thru has helped me as well and even tho I'm a super beginner to the dating scene, from my one situation I can tell you that these people are all right! Once you submit to her, you lose and she will most likely revert back to claiming she likes this guy. I F-ed up by doing the opposite and not letting her REGRET! Instead she made me regret HER decision and in the end she recovered and I'm left broken cuz I validated her time and time again.

 

[Lord_Elpus]

As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do.

I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we've been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy.

I need help with this since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams.

Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly.
If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can.

I sincerely know how you feel, brother; no kidding at all. Read my first post. But it seems far better to distance yourself from that "torture" given her behavior instead of thinking of "...what can I do, I feel this way," etc. Of course, who am I to write any advice? I just came out of a 4yr relationship, but believe me, I know your feelings- I truly do, man. So what is the best course of action?

What has been advocated for quite some time: strict NC to work on YOURSELF, minus the what-ifs, should I have, and what not. If those questions pop up, slap yourself. Obviously, like my ex, your gal has already indicated how she's feeling, so you actually only have one path to follow if you want to regain yourself and anything you've lost in the process during this relationship:

DISAPPEAR. COMPLETELY. DON'T REPLY TO ANYTHING, DON'T CONTACT HER, DON'T FLOAT IN THAT POOL OF SADNESS.

Again not to get her back- though that would be interesting to see how it plays out- but instead to get YOU back to being a strong individual that doesn't care much for half-ass decisions and second-class behavior; even from the hottest female that ever walked the earth. Disconnect completely, pick yourself up, hang out with some friends (or family), improve yourself, and f*** the rest; just keep improving your situation. Credit here to Jariel and MillerCharm.

At the end of the day, we can look like wussies to ourselves and in front of the ladies or we can show ourselves to be what we truly are: MEN. And I know you have it in you, because we all do. So when the dust settles, the only person that will be the straight-shooter without hesitation is... YOU. So rock on, leave them in dust, and go mach 5.

We're all rooting for you!

Cheers

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Reading this thread only made me realize how badly I ended my relationship.

Instead of simply telling her to **** off after she told me about this other guy I tried to keep it going till it was totally doomed, and only then I went NC.

A lot of awesome advice on this thread, thanks everyone!

 

[DonGorgon]

"crush" no she has been Fing him everyday and is just doing what women do moving on to the next guy...lol nothing you can do .. most women F some guy at their job thats life...

 

[The_411]

Wait, what do you guys mean by hamster spinning? I couldn't totally ignore her because some of her things were still in my apartment. I wanted to burn them but I called her last night to come pick them up. I didn't want to see her face so I put them in a bag and left them at the entrance.

She rang the bell several times but I didn't respond so she just took her things and left. She still didn't stop texting me though.

"Please don't end things like this."
Gaslighting. notice how thre's no accountability on her part. She's terying to wind up to take the blame.
"So do you hate me now?"
Baiting. Trying to get you to justify her actions and tell her she's not a bad person again no accountability.
"I'm in love with you. There was nothing serious between him and I. At least give me a chance to explain."
Obfuscation and rationalization. She's trying to confuse you with feelings over rational sentiment.
"Please call me! Like I can't fvcking sleep!"
Gaslighting again. She's blaming you for her inability to sleep.
"I just need you to say something! Anything!"
She's jsut looking for a response to see that you are still hooked so she can try to reel you in
She's called me like a dozen times and is still calling me. Her mom has even called me like three times. I'm also getting calls from new numbers. I know it's definitely her using someone else's phone. I want to pick up just to yell at her to stop calling me. Now I think about what you guys are saying, she probably did sleep with him because I noticed a few nights before this, she would shut her phone off when I called. I don't get why she would do it. I never cheated or lied to her. Whatever, she's now free to go fvck him as many times as she wants.

I know in a few days, once the anger is gone, I will start to miss her because everywhere I look, something reminds me of her. Ugh. I hate this feeling. Sorry for ranting.

Just remember that the crap she is saying is done out of self-preservation and that taking erh aback repsonding if the worst thing you can do. She's only asking forgiveness because you called her out rather than jus lying down and taking her atrocious behavior.

 

[j.619]

I'm impressed as sh!t with how much positive support this guy is getting from the DJ community. Honestly... good sh!t, guys.

 

[Henuff]

This was awesome to read, only wished I handled my breakup like this. Good knowledge here!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The fact that he hasn't replied to this thread for a few days is not a good sign.

Most likely he has bought her bs and emotionally let her back in.

Hopefully I'm wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not.






PIMP

 

[Thundernuts]

I here u pimp. But I would be lying if I said I never took an ex back even after I saw all the incongruity between her words and actions.

We tried boys but I think BK just couldn't handle it.

 

[j.619]

I here u pimp. But I would be lying if I said I never took an ex back even after I saw all the incongruity between her words and actions.

We tried boys but I think BK just couldn't handle it.

Bummer. He'll have to live it to believe it.

 

[narcissist]

Bummer. He'll have to live it to believe it.

Sometimes you gotta make big mistakes for something to actually "click"

I have a feeling he'll be back some day in the future, after this chick rips his heart in two

Thats what had to happen for me to realize red-pill is the way to go

 

[TheGambino]

Excellent advice by all!

Nice to see us supporting each other instead of arguing.

OP, take the advice. Stay the course and stay NO contact.

You want your power back? YOU HAVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW WITH YOUR SILENCE.

You want her to hurt like you hurt? STAY SILENT.
F5ck her and her hamster, let them spin themselves to death, lol.

That's it! :cuss: :cuss: :cuss: :cuss: :cuss: lmfao

but serious, hamsters run in silence, give her nothing

 

[rollsolo]

Dude, this sort of happened to me except she didn't tell me and she ended up cheating on me after I questioned her about something. The reality of it is things happen when they happen and she's already found a new path down the river. I think it's best to break up before you get hurt. She's displayed throughly that she is interested in someone else. If she told me that I would take that as a queue that she wanted to see other people. She is emotionally cheating and that's no good as it will trickle down to her hurting you more and more before it takes it's toll on you. But if you decide to wait and play it all out, I'd hit the gym stay busy and focus on you and your work. Invest in yourself first, she or other women will come.

 

[rollsolo]

Dude, this sort of happened to me except she didn't tell me and she ended up cheating on me after I questioned her about something. The reality of it is things happen when they happen and she's already found a new path down the river. I think it's best to break up before you get hurt. She's displayed throughly that she is interested in someone else. If she told me that I would take that as a queue that she wanted to see other people. She is emotionally cheating and that's no good as it will trickle down to her hurting you more and more before it takes it's toll on you. But if you decide to wait and play it all out, I'd hit the gym stay busy and focus on you and your work. Invest in yourself first, she or other women will come.

*NOTE* Sorry for the double post

 

[BK Dude]

I'm sorry I did not update for a while but I traveled abroad for a workplace project last week. I don't know if ignoring her is helping because she's still bothering me. She has left me several emails and texts in the short time I was gone. She even dropped a letter at my house. Do I just call her and tell her to stop bothering me? I don't want anything to do with her anymore because listening to you guys, a lot of things make sense now.

When I think back, things seem much clearer and even though I don't have solid proof, I know for a fact she was also cheating on me. What pisses me off the most is that in one of her text, she asks me "Why are you ignoring me?!?!" Is she really this stupid to not realize what's going on. I was the perfect boyfriend to her. I even wanted to bloody marry her, I took her around the world on several trips, helped tutor her countless times when she was having problems with school and her family even adored me.

I've been ignoring her parents and I know her dad may visit me because I don't live very far from them. This just makes this very awkward because I'm very close with her family. Their house was like a second home for me and her mom used to make dinner for me all the time. I have no clue what to do when her dad comes knocking. I know he definitely knows by now. Do I tell him what she said to me plus my suspicion of her cheating or ignore him? I really can't ignore him because he has been very good to me. He'll probably want me to at least talk to her and that will just throw me in even further.

 

[In2theGame]

Do I just call her and tell her to stop bothering me?

NO! You absolutely stay silent. Shes trying to get a response out of you. Dont say ANYTHING!!! and stay quiet. She has the nerve to ask why your ignoring her while she messed with another guy!? Let her figure it out in that idiotic mind of hers. Again, i repeat.. Stay SILENT. If her father comes around asking about things, you just tell him that his daughter was cheating on you and you find that to be a huge disrespect towards you. Thats it. Her Hamster is spinning so fast right now that its starting to smoke.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I think you should talk to her. No contact works great if you are trying to move on, but you've moved on, and she and the family have not. Now, no contact is just a way of causing drama for them.

No contact should not be used for vengeance reasons. Be the bigger person, her loss.

I would tell her you know about the cheating. You will never be with someone who disrespects you, and that you've moved on. Tell her not to contact you anymore. Be strong and firm, and don't show any emotion. Be final.

If the parents ask, tell them it just didn't work out, and you need to be left alone to move on.

 

[Thundernuts]

Look man no dad wants to hear that his daughter is a cheater and most parens seldom believe it.

If her dad does come by just explain to him what happened and tell him you aren't just gone a be the guy who is the fallback plan. Remember that even if you take her back all you saying to her is that you will tolerate this behaviorm you can't go back man. I'm glad to see your staying strong. If this continues for another week send her a text saying you've had time to think about things and you decided you don't want to marry a woman who would leave you so easily for another man. She will say she didn't have sex with him blah blah blah. From that point on she will blow up for phone for another week or so and then she will hopefully get the hint. Getting her hamster to spin is great and all but I do get tired of the persistant pathetic attempts females make in order to get back together. Do t go back.

History repeats itself. Remember that.