PLease Read this....
This has been coming back to bother me for the last few months or so. PLease read it, but don't waste time calling me afc...cause it's something I have to deal with regardless. I'll just give the details and let me know if you can give me some advice...
I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months now. It's long distance, but we see each other every weekend, so things are good. A little while back we were chatting and conversation came up about the guy she dated just before we met. This is where things started to bother me.
My gf had been single for about 2 years after getting out of a serious relationship where she kind of got her heart broken. She started dating again about a year after the breakup. She used lavalife and met nothing but losers who didn't get past tht first date with her. One night when she was out with a girlfriend at a club a guy approached her (he was Jewish, which she found out later, but said he was a non-practicing Jew) she said he seemed like a nice guy so she gave him her number. They went out the next night and hit it off. By the 4th or 5th date, about 3 weeks later, she decided that he really liked her because he introed her to all of his friends and wanted to see her every weekend, both friday and Saturday and sometimes even sunday.
She normally waits to have sex, but it had been 2 years and she figured that they were both mature enough (she was 25, he was 30), so she figured why not and started to have a sexual relationship with him. Things were going fine, she had met all his friends so she wanted to intro him to a few more of his(he'd already met her best friend), but whenevershe would invite him to meet her friends, he would come up with some kind of excuse why he couldn't make it. He was always super nice to her and everything was fine, but things weren't evolving any further. This was after about a month since the sexual relationship began.
She decided to confront him and ask if he had ever dated anyone seriously who was non-jewish. He then told her that he had before, that his family didn't like it very much(his parents were dead, raised by his grandparents with his brother and sister) even though he had no problem with it himself, so it would cause problems. He said though that he really liked her and that they could still hangout for now and that his family might be more accepting later on. She was surprised when she heard this because she had assumed that they were already dating since they saw each other all the time and he included her into his social circle(his friends were all Jewish too). So she told him that they shouldn't see each other and she dumped him. She met me about a week or so later when she was visiting my town althought we didnt start dating for about a couple months or so after that since I was away on road trips for work. I only found this out later on because initially she had said that she had finished with the guy about a month or so before we met. He emailed her once more after though to ask how she was and if she would come to see him again and acted like they hadn't had the conversation. So she emailed him a final time to end it again.
Anyway....I know that was, but here's the thing. I know my gf is a good girl and that she doesn't take sex lightly, but it really bother me that she was involved in this relationship where the guy had no intention of getting serious even if he liked her. To him it was just hanging out and having sex. I've got no problem with people who have casual sex, I just don't do it myself and I never get involved with anyone who does it either. So when she told me about this....it stayed in my mind and it continues to bother me. ON one had I want to know more details so that maybe I'll see that it wasnt that big a deal. And on the other hand I just want to forget about it, but I can't.
Still it kind of ruined the image I had of my girl and grosses me out. No one wants to think of their girl with another guy. It doesn't bother me that much when I know it was a former boyfriend, but when it seems like a more casual thing makes me nauseous. Why would this guy go through all the effort if he knew it couldn't be more serious? I hate think of her as another notch on the guy's bedpost.
It keeps bothering me so I was wondering if i should talk to her about it. Just let her know my thoughts about it and maybe she could clearify a few things. I guess I just like the good girls and this kind of caught me off guard and messed me up a bit. I really like her and want to stay with her, but you can't really have a great relationship if something always comes back to bother you. If I'm dating someone casually then I never really care about these things, but I'm trying to decide if she's more long term. It seems that way, but not sure how to deal with this. ANy advice?
eb
This has been coming back to bother me for the last few months or so. PLease read it, but don't waste time calling me afc...cause it's something I have to deal with regardless. I'll just give the details and let me know if you can give me some advice...
I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months now. It's long distance, but we see each other every weekend, so things are good. A little while back we were chatting and conversation came up about the guy she dated just before we met. This is where things started to bother me.
My gf had been single for about 2 years after getting out of a serious relationship where she kind of got her heart broken. She started dating again about a year after the breakup. She used lavalife and met nothing but losers who didn't get past tht first date with her. One night when she was out with a girlfriend at a club a guy approached her (he was Jewish, which she found out later, but said he was a non-practicing Jew) she said he seemed like a nice guy so she gave him her number. They went out the next night and hit it off. By the 4th or 5th date, about 3 weeks later, she decided that he really liked her because he introed her to all of his friends and wanted to see her every weekend, both friday and Saturday and sometimes even sunday.
She normally waits to have sex, but it had been 2 years and she figured that they were both mature enough (she was 25, he was 30), so she figured why not and started to have a sexual relationship with him. Things were going fine, she had met all his friends so she wanted to intro him to a few more of his(he'd already met her best friend), but whenevershe would invite him to meet her friends, he would come up with some kind of excuse why he couldn't make it. He was always super nice to her and everything was fine, but things weren't evolving any further. This was after about a month since the sexual relationship began.
She decided to confront him and ask if he had ever dated anyone seriously who was non-jewish. He then told her that he had before, that his family didn't like it very much(his parents were dead, raised by his grandparents with his brother and sister) even though he had no problem with it himself, so it would cause problems. He said though that he really liked her and that they could still hangout for now and that his family might be more accepting later on. She was surprised when she heard this because she had assumed that they were already dating since they saw each other all the time and he included her into his social circle(his friends were all Jewish too). So she told him that they shouldn't see each other and she dumped him. She met me about a week or so later when she was visiting my town althought we didnt start dating for about a couple months or so after that since I was away on road trips for work. I only found this out later on because initially she had said that she had finished with the guy about a month or so before we met. He emailed her once more after though to ask how she was and if she would come to see him again and acted like they hadn't had the conversation. So she emailed him a final time to end it again.
Anyway....I know that was, but here's the thing. I know my gf is a good girl and that she doesn't take sex lightly, but it really bother me that she was involved in this relationship where the guy had no intention of getting serious even if he liked her. To him it was just hanging out and having sex. I've got no problem with people who have casual sex, I just don't do it myself and I never get involved with anyone who does it either. So when she told me about this....it stayed in my mind and it continues to bother me. ON one had I want to know more details so that maybe I'll see that it wasnt that big a deal. And on the other hand I just want to forget about it, but I can't.
Still it kind of ruined the image I had of my girl and grosses me out. No one wants to think of their girl with another guy. It doesn't bother me that much when I know it was a former boyfriend, but when it seems like a more casual thing makes me nauseous. Why would this guy go through all the effort if he knew it couldn't be more serious? I hate think of her as another notch on the guy's bedpost.
It keeps bothering me so I was wondering if i should talk to her about it. Just let her know my thoughts about it and maybe she could clearify a few things. I guess I just like the good girls and this kind of caught me off guard and messed me up a bit. I really like her and want to stay with her, but you can't really have a great relationship if something always comes back to bother you. If I'm dating someone casually then I never really care about these things, but I'm trying to decide if she's more long term. It seems that way, but not sure how to deal with this. ANy advice?
eb
