GF extremely independent / causing problems

[shock]

I have been dating my GF for two months. She is fiercely independent. This is due to screwy childhood, and other things of her past.

She pretty much just knows what she wants, and doesnt settle for anything less. She voices her opinion, and is consistantly looking out for herself. Not such a bad thing as long as one can deal with it I suppose. I have dealt with it fine, giving her space when she needs/wants it, and let her do what she needs to do, without effecting how I want to live my life. We work really well together becuase of it I think.

Anyway..all is fine, until something either makes her sad/mad/ etc.. If she has a problem she will lock up like a safe, and you have to pry and pry to get anything out of her. I am totally opposite so I am open with my problems, and I will let you know if I have an issue, and we can get it resolved. I have a hard time understanding what she does, but I know she is just a closed off person.

But when her actions (being super distant, quiet, one word asnwers, indecisive, etc.) are effecting me..when do I draw the line, and be like look "You have a problem...great. You've made it obviously clear of that, and I know you are not going to discuss it with me, so please dont bring both of us down here with your mood"


hmmm

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

It's obvious you're the b*tch in the relationship getting all emotional.

"dont bring both of us down.. with your mood" :crackup:

Don't you see something wrong with that?

"dont bring both of us down.. with your mood"

WHAT THE **** DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY?

Don't you think its time you found your balls and started acting like you HAVE SOME? If you don't like the chick because of who she is, then MOVE ON. You can't change other people. You can only change yourself.

You don't like the way she clams up? Stops talking? Then MOVE ON. There is nothing you can do. That's the WAY SHE IS.

Can you accept her the way she is? Otherwise find someone you CAN accept.



I wish I could come over there and punch you in the head. :kick:

 

[ObieJuan]

How much of this are you going to tolerate? Either she makes you happy or she doesn't. Don't try to figure out how to say it, just speak your mind. IMO, she doesn't seem to be compatible with you at all (at least from what you say).

 

[flexion_]

If you don't like her then find someone else. She isn't going to change as you have said... you can't change people. I'm not sure why you are trying to change her either.

 

[Jariel]

She voices her opinion, and is consistantly looking out for herself.

You should be doing the same thing.

I have dealt with it fine, giving her space when she needs/wants it, and let her do what she needs to do, without effecting how I want to live my life. We work really well together becuase of it I think.

You have got the right idea here.

If she has a problem she will lock up like a safe, and you have to pry and pry to get anything out of her.

BIG mistake! You don't need to know. When she has a problem and is acting moody, offer her the chance to open up, if she doesn't then stay out of the way and do not get involved.

I am totally opposite so I am open with my problems, and I will let you know if I have an issue, and we can get it resolved.

That's because you're a man and generally speaking, that's how our logic works. What's the point in playing guessing games and causing drama when it can be resolved easily and life can go on, right?

I have a hard time understanding what she does, but I know she is just a closed off person.

As a man, you will NEVER understand women! Seriously, it's best not to even try. Unless you have done something seriously wrong, like cheat on her, then you have no reason to try to understand her. Let her get on with it and get back to you when she's less moody.

But when her actions (being super distant, quiet, one word asnwers, indecisive, etc.) are effecting me..when do I draw the line, and be like look "You have a problem...great. You've made it obviously clear of that, and I know you are not going to discuss it with me, so please dont bring both of us down here with your mood"

Yeah, it really sucks when they're like that. My girlfriend does the same - goes cold and distant without any logical reason. I usually respond with the same kind of behaviour. I turn away from her, don't put my arm around her and show her less attention. She soon comes round and tells me what's wrong.

My advice might sound harsh, but it's seriously the best plan of action. Whenever my girlfriend gets into these moods or is down, I don't get involved because honestly I don't have time for it.

 

[OfficeSpace]

My current g/f is extremely independent as well... And she isn't one who likes to give PDA's either. But when we're alone, she's loving. At first it bothered me, and her quiet personality drove me crazy. The girls I'm used to are usually all over me, but not this one.

I dumped her, and we both realised that we missed just being with eachother. Well, a few days after breaking up we got back together. Basically, when I broke up with her, getting back together made our relationship stronger. It also helped reassure me that this chick was really into me, because her actions didn't back it up when we were together.

I have learned to accept her for who she is and I know I can't really change her all that much. I think the same applies to you in this case.

You can either try to change her (prolly not gonna happen)
You can dump her
Or you can accept her for who she is

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If you don't like her then find someone else. She isn't going to change as you have said... you can't change people. I'm not sure why you are trying to change her either.

I agree. If it's too much to handle just move on.