GF Big Dilema, (A real world issue not no bf gf drama bs)

[Black Panther®]

So i just got out the phone with her and let me take you to the end of the conversation real quick, I hanged up on her.

Now let me take you to the begining and my issue here.

Well i tried to pull aside all the bs and boyfriends jealously etc bs and today for the first time we actually talked about real life, about us, about the future. Well i did, cause i bought it up not her. She would never talk about such subjects with me, she does not care about me in that way it seems.

I asked her in what she plans to do when she finishes school, she said look for a job, (duhh) she did not get my question so i asked her again in a more direct way, I asked her where does she plan to live and what about me.

She said that her license would only allow her to work in the state of FL but that if she is gonna live in another state she would have to take that state's test.

Ok no prob, to this point, but later she mentioned that if she cant finish school she migh join the service. ok

She mentioned that she would like to live in Ga. Ok


My problem here is this.
We agreed to be or trynna make this a LLLLLLLTR (meaning we are to be together for yrs and yrs if gods willing to.) but it seems like im the only one trynna make this work and putting thought into our relationship, for her it seems like she doesnt really care about being with me, or having a LTR with me she rather wants a Short term one, at least thats how she is acting.

When i ask her about her plans for me and her for the future she cant give me an answer, i understand that she doesnt know yet, **** i dont even know but i do know that i want her with me and in my life, wherever and whatever i decide to do with mylife, she doesnt think like i do, doesnt love me like i lover her, she just thinks about her her and her, she never puts me in her plans for the future its just her, instead of her considering me, then plan, she just thinks about her her and her without putting me into the mix. you know how when its 2 you supposed to think as if we are 1, she does not do that damn it.

When she said about joining the army airforce or whatnot, she said it with such carelesness , like i dont mean nothing to her, then after i mentioned it to her she said that thats not going to happen that she is not joining, so i ask her why, she says cause she dont have to, she didnt even say cause i dont have to AND i care and love you too mucn and i dont want to leave you.




You all see what im talking about you all, then i ask her "what do you see me as" She got the nerd to say, " as somebody who wants to do everything right away and plan everything right away" wich aint the case, i just want to have a slight idea of what her plans are, cause plans are never going to be just how you plan them, changes are always going to occur, you just have to adjust , thats just life.

She does not get that.

after a 37 min convo totally frustrated and angered i hanged the phone on her after telling her "you dont want to have a LTR with me you just want somehting short, a bf for now, you do not put me in your plans for the future , you only thinkg about you".


To be honest with you all i feel like she just with me for the sex, she just my gf cause she doesnt feel like fing somebody that aint her bf cause she feels like that classifies a girl as ho'. To be honest with you all we have had more sex than we have gone out, or get to know each other, thats why i said im my other thread that i was planing in cutting out the sex, until she decides to act like a gf and treat me like a bf instead of like a fukbuddy, its like sex is all she wants.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Okay, let me get this straight... this might take me a minute, so bear with me.

If I'm understanding you correctly...

• You think she's just "using" you for sex.
• You don't think she likes you "in that way".
• You brought up a conversation about your future together.
• She didn't seem too interested.
• She made comments that you were being too pushy.
• You pushed it some more.
• You ended the conversation by yelling at her that you are the only one who cares about the future of your relationship.
• Then you hung up on her.

Dude, I can understand what it's like to feel like you're more into a girl than she's into you sometimes. In this case, though, the girl is telling you to back off and let her breathe and you're pushing the pillow tighter on her face. You're suffocating the living piss out of this girl.

I'm not even going to mention the similarities between what you posted and what someone might see on ivillage.com.

I just will not go there today.

 

[Black Panther®]

you right giovanni, i appreicate you a veteran and experienced man to take a look into my situation, i really do.

What is your suggestion here then? to just back up off this situation without it being clear and me knowing what her intentions are?

i mean...

 

[Andromax]

Man,


Oh my god.

I almost thought you were the chick in this relationship.


No offense. I feel for you. I want you to be happy.

But you ARE SO F-CKIN WHIPPED.

You have a dependency...

That dependency is your "girlfriends" happiness on your "HAPPINESS!!!"

THAT IS NOT COOL!!!!!

Andromax

 

[Fenderules]

yeah giovani is right but you see that so i dont need to comment. (plust i dont have expererience anyway) lol

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Black Panther®
What is your suggestion here then? to just back up off this situation without it being clear and me knowing what her intentions are?

Okay, man, let's think about this logically for a minute. Let's consider the possibilities about your question ("What are her intentions?").

1. She loves you and intends to be with you forever. She wants to get married on a Saturday afternoon with pink flowers in her hair and have a honeymoon in Jamaica, followed by Happily Ever After.
2. She intends to keep you around as long as you are fun, convenient, and hassle-free. Considering recent history, that might be a very short fuse burning here.
3. She hasn't really made up her mind about her intentions yet.[/list=1] Okay, so if it was Option #1... she would have said something. If you're sitting there carrying on about wanting to know her intentions, et cetera, and her intentions are the same as yours obviously are, she would tell you rather than go through all that grief. So I think we can safely rule out Option #1.
   
   Option #2 is a possibility. If that's the case, she'll probably be cutting those strings pretty soon here. You haven't been very hassle-free lately. However, chances are if that were truly her original intention, she would have told you much sooner than this. Most guys are cool with that sort of arrangement, where you're "with" someone but not super-serious. If you wouldn't go for it, some guy would have. So I'm going to say that Option #2, while more likely than Option #1, is still not super-likely.
   
   So that leaves us with Option #3 as pretty likely. We've got a girl here trying to balance her professional/career life with the social/romantic aspects of her life. She may still be deciding how she wants to approach the idea of long-term romance or even marriage (children, etc.) and how she will be able to do all that with the career that she has gone to school for. By having outbursts when she tells you that she isn't sure how she wants to proceed, you may be making her choice easier for her and not in a good way.
   
   So you need to back off a little bit. Don't suffocate her, don't give her ultimatums and don't accuse her of not loving you sufficiently. And you'll probably want to save the hanging up on her for when she does something really wrong.

 

[MacDiddy]

Panther.. this is gonna hurt you more than it will hurt me... but here goes...

You, I repeat... YOU are about to be NEXTED.... There are no other course of action to save this relationship...

+Your behaviour over the phone is so not what she wants in a man and that has fueled her desires to move on.
+You have lost her respect... It cannot ever be regained. Even if you are still with her, it'll never be 100%. As a man, can u live with that?
+As a result of the above two points, her behaviour has changed accordingly and she now will be casual and even blase in her dealings with you.

Your only saving grace is to swallow some humble pie and exit with you chin held high.. It just wasn't meant to be dude!!

Remeber.. a girl will do anything for a guy she's totally fallen in love with...

 

[Black Panther®]

tx yall

 

[JohnJones]

I've had conversations with my g/f like yours, though I'm on the receiving end, not the giving end.

Frankly, after they got a little more frequent than I'd like, I really wanted to say something like: "please, shut up. I like you and I am enjoying the time that we have together and I have all kinds of thoughts about the future. But you sound like my f-ing boss who b1tches me out when he thinks I am already messing something up that I'm not even supposed to be working on yet. So, just calm the f--k down for a while."

You cannot make people talk about something they don't want to talk about. Put people under some job/school pressure, they tend to think of their relationships as a bastion of peace and tranquility, they do not want to think that its where another person is mad at them.

See if it blows over and then take it easy

 

[NewMan]

BP

Another conversation and thread in the same vain as all the others.

Not trying to ride your a## here - but every thread is about your fvcked up relationship.

Here is a tip.

Click on the DJ Bible link and read it.

Ok... further...

1) Never Ever, ever, ever, ever tell a b#tch that you want to be with her for the rest of your life/ that you love her/ that you want to live with her/ that you want to marry her BEFORE she tells that to you. Ever. Never. NEVER.

2) You are giving ALL of the relationship power to her. I say this time and time again. The minute you show weakness. The minute she realizes that you like her more than she likes you - you are fvcked. She needs to initiate all the moves.

3) you will only push her away by forcing issues. By being a little boy when on the phone with her. Let me tell you, you will NEVER be able to control anyone. You will NEVER be able to change her or her way of thinking. Ultimatums do not work. You either accept it, or you walk away. Don't waste your time trying to make her something she isn't.

'nuff said.

 

[Desdinova]

Dude, you really sound like you were jumping to conclusions that she is SUPPOSED to want a relationship with you. I know that to be in a good LTR or even a marriage with someone, you need to have similar goals in mind for the future. However, you were dictating to her what she should want instead of letting her persue what she wants. If her ideas for the future don't match yours, the two of you probably aren't compatible for each other for the long haul.

Also, you can't create a LTR, you have to let one develope as the two of you progress.

 

[thejuice]

Im going to back you black, but only on your intentions. Its ok to feel a little fvcked at this moment but you went about it in the wrong way. You should have asked her in a non direct way and a more calm demeanor

 

[Black Panther®]

Originally posted by NewMan
BP

Another conversation and thread in the same vain as all the others.

Not trying to ride your a## here - but every thread is about your fvcked up relationship.

Here is a tip.

Click on the DJ Bible link and read it.

Ok... further...

1) Never Ever, ever, ever, ever tell a b#tch that you want to be with her for the rest of your life/ that you love her/ that you want to live with her/ that you want to marry her BEFORE she tells that to you. Ever. Never. NEVER.

2) You are giving ALL of the relationship power to her. I say this time and time again. The minute you show weakness. The minute she realizes that you like her more than she likes you - you are fvcked. She needs to initiate all the moves.

3) you will only push her away by forcing issues. By being a little boy when on the phone with her. Let me tell you, you will NEVER be able to control anyone. You will NEVER be able to change her or her way of thinking. Ultimatums do not work. You either accept it, or you walk away. Don't waste your time trying to make her something she isn't.

'nuff said.

i really hate when people lie just to make themselves look/sound intelligent , the man is liein about me and my gf.


This guy just does not appreciate me on this board and i just registered this past week, he said that "here comes another thread of my f'ed up relationship" when my RL with this female is going as smooth and good as possible there are just things about her PAST that im curious about and i would like to know still its no issue whatsoever.

This thread i made is the only one where it was one and my only issues with her and its not even an issue its just something that will happen in every relationship at one point or another.

He came across as if im posting on this board everyday about me and my girl having problems when thats not the case, we have neve have no problem, never have a real argument, an we are having a relationship just as good as best ones out there.

He just needs to check his facts and stop lieing, and trying to make me look dumb/low/small and tell things like they are dont lie just to make yourself look good,.

Again i have never posted about me and my gurl having real issues in our relationship, i only made 2 other threads about her in wich both was about her past , and i was curious in your opinions, so how does this man come and says that im in a f'ed up RL and that im insecure, got low self steem this and that this and that.

Its obvious that he does not like me for some reason, wich i dont know why cause i have never replied to non of his threads or made no comments directed to him, he just jumped and came out of nowhere with no facts to say that in always making threads about my "f'ed up RL" and lieing for no reason, wich is a lie.



This guy is a disgrace .


I got non else to say. thanx to everybody who posted and posted their views on this.

the thread can be close now.

 

[MacDiddy]

Panther Dude.. just chill...
Newmans got his own problems..but his intentions were good..

Being brutal and honest is by far the least painful route to take in dispensing advice to guys such as yourself. Most guys take forever to get out of a messy relationship. I mean forever. They seem to believe that things will get better or there is still a chance. You gotta be slapped and woken up to the realities and to take appropriate action NOW rather than later.

 

[Desdinova]

Its obvious that he does not like me for some reason, wich i dont know why

Newman doesn't hate you or nothing, he's just giving you a smack in the face so you'll hopefully wake up to what's going on instead of lying to yourself.

 

[Black Panther®]

See, Thats why most guys on this board do not wanna post their issues with their "main girl" relationship.

Like i said there is nothing wrong with us, i just wanted to see her vision for the future, shoot if if every relationship in the world posted their problems in this site i bet yall be saying the samething "oh next her she is no good" and im sure that those problems would be bigger than my girl not being clear about the far future and her carreer yet.

Like i said this is the only thing im not happy with and yall make it seem like its some cheating problem or something.


Man let me stop, im out

 

[Desdinova]

See, Thats why most guys on this board do not wanna post their issues with their "main girl" relationship.

Yeah, they're too scared to have some sense kicked into them

The attitudes of the people on this site was the exact same when I showed up. I posted something, and everyone took turns in kicking my ass. I could've turned around, cried, and went home. But I didn't. I stuck around, got my ass kicked into line, and now I do some of the ass kicking around here. It separates the people who don't want to do the work from people who do.

 

[stalluproar]

Nexted is my opinion too. There are some NEVERS when it comes to interacting with women in a relationship:

1. Crowd her
2. Jealousy
3. Implicit talk about future with each other

The best thing you can do is end it FIRST. Go out and date women, then talk to her in a few weeks and talk about how this girl you are dating is so sophisticated and then say I would like to hang out as FRIENDS. If it is too bitter afterwards, then move on.

 

[MacDiddy]

Panther... You wrote enough for most people to get a general impression of what was going on in your love life, or lack there of. You got kicked in the guts because this is what this site is all about. ACTION.. the DJ way, or the DYD way or the Speed Seduction way. The core attitudes are all the same...

NEVER take disrespect from women.
Being with you is the best choice your woman can make.
You make no excuses for being a MAN..

Just think about it.. What would a Don Juan do??? Is he into saving relationships? Does he make women treat him with disrespect? Does he waste his time arguing?

Now you can continue this less than perfect relationship with your girl, many AFC's have, but is this the DJ way? Will this lead to a DJ quality of life.... I think not!!

 

[NewMan]

BP...

Search on my user name - you will see plenty of threads posted by me regarding my problems and issues.




But - then maybe I am wrong.

Maybe you didn't post about how your girl is a liar.

Well there you go then. Everything is good in your world.

I stick by what I said though.

We've all been there.