GF asks "Do you ever think I cheat on you?"

guppyscum

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What do you guys think this means?

I have been dating this girl for 6 months or so and she pops this question last night, I sort of brushed it off by saying I don't entertain the thought, and if it happening I guess it would be a blessing in disguise...

Still it makes me wonder what the intention of this question is.

She has had super strong interest level leading to this point, we have had our points of difference, but they have been resolved in one way or another.


She did seem quiet though last night, come to think of it, usually she is rapt to see me and makes an effort.
 

guppyscum

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I really find it hard to believe she has.. it doesn't suit. But I have to agree it's a strange question.

Hmm, am I being naive here? She has been super devoted over the last 6 months..
 

ElChoclo

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Karma's point is valid. The correct answer to this one, even if you think otherwise, is always no. If you say yes you are authorizing the possibility. Implicit in that answer is that you don't consider it a blessing Guppy.
 

guppyscum

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I essentially answered no, however I qualified it by saying that if she did, then I would leave her, and hence, be a blessing is disguise.

Perhaps I have scared her off telling the truth?

Hmm, I am taking her out for her birthday tonight, perhaps I should press this issue, or forget it?

Confused..
 

STR8UP

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Can you say, "RED FLAG"?????
 

guppyscum

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Yes on the surface, but I really think it may be a reaction to my occasional elusivness. Perhaps she is trying to pull back some authority and create doubt in my mind (which has worked lol)

Anyway, why bother myself with this? If I find out I know what to do. All her other behaviour has been fairly typical of strong interest level.

It just threw me a little...
 

ElChoclo

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Saying that if she did would mean that she gets dumped, is giving her the wrong "frame" as the NLP freaks would argue. You are envisaging the scenario. Sure be suspicious, but don't be adopting it as a possible outcome.

Also, implying that she might cheat is an unacceptable use of "authority". You BTW should be the one wielding the authority.
 

guppyscum

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Hmm I am seeing your point now.

But by definition, didn't she invite a discussion on the topic?

EDIT: I thought by sternly saying no, that was showing strength, and then perhaps conviction when I mentioned that if she was cheating, the result would be the end of the relationship?
 

ElChoclo

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That makes more sense. But you used the term "blessing". When you get a blessing, you are receiving something from another person, not exercising autonomy, so the actual words used are important.

Besides, allocating a penalty does inherently envisage the possibility of the crime occuring.

A better kind of discussion would not consist of you telegraphing your future actions, but rather exploring the issue in a more sophisticated fashion. You could have asked her what kind of emotions she thought a man might experience in that situation. Once she says what kind, you then say "See, that is why I know you would never do it, because you are not the kind of person who would want to make someone feel like that."
 

flexion_

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Just make some joke about it and avoid the question. She may have just been watching some soap on TV or watching Dr. Phil. It it becomes a trend then just say "no'. Don't bother trying to figure what women say.
 

guppyscum

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Cheers ElChoclo, that is making much more sense, next time I might try to address the situation with less emotion on my part and be a little more pragmatic with response.

Easier said than done. lol.

Come to think of it, after that particular conversation we were discussing character traits, and a negative trait she mentioned of mine was hot-headedness. I agreed, however I feel the flipside to that emotion or trait is spontaneity, which is a part of my character I value...

Anyway, thanks mate; I am seeing this situation more clearly.
 

Rollo Tomassi

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******** to English translation:

********: "Do you ever think I cheat on you?"

English: "I was hot for a really cute guy I met today, but I AM involved with you so I was wondering if you would ever suspect me being unfaithful in doing something I already want to do?"
 

Latinoman

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Rollo Tomassi said:
******** to English translation:

********: "Do you ever think I cheat on you?"

English: "I was hot for a really cute guy I met today, but I AM involved with you so I was wondering if you would ever suspect me being unfaithful in doing something I already want to do?"
I agree with that.

Sometimes is sucks to have the knowledge and understanding of "womanes" and other stupid traits that women have. But then again, knowledge is power.
 

JohnJones

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She was looking for an ego boost, in my opinion.

She may be the kind of girl who thinks that jealousy is normal and appropriate and that there is something wrong with a man who doesn't feel it. For whatever reason it was on her mind (she read an article, whatever) and she wonders if you would go apeshyt if she cheated on you (because that would confirm your love). So, she's giving you a shyt test to check your confidence level.
 
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Drill her man.

"DO you think I would ever cheat on you?"
"If I told you I did, how would you feel?"
"I cheated on you last month, I tried to tell you but you said you were tired so I ignored it"
"I was meaning to tell you, we never were exclusive"
"No, I wouldn't think it was cheating, because we're only fvck buddies"

Just bring up harmful questions. She may be creating drama because she doesn't think you care about her... they think that way, they need confirmation that you care. Sometimes they even want something to be afraid of, if she knows you don't care about her cheating, what's to stop her from actually cheating, if you're not going to read the signs.
 

Bourne

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There is no reason to drill her with intoregattion.

There is a reason she asked this question. Just keep your eyes and your gut feeling open. You might find out bad news soon.
 
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Iggfugginzactly

Don't get all up in her face, just manipulate her according to your fears. It will happen sooner or later in the relationship. If she brings up the fear of cheating with you now, than the fear will only become stronger in the future. Make sure she knows your feelings now. Make sure you understand hers.

As long as you know the goal when you drill her with interrogation than you can control the outcome.
 

Phat

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Signs Of Cheating

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

Cool He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

1Cool Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

2Cool Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

3Cool He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
 

Nighthawk

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JohnJones said:
She was looking for an ego boost, in my opinion.

She may be the kind of girl who thinks that jealousy is normal and appropriate and that there is something wrong with a man who doesn't feel it. For whatever reason it was on her mind (she read an article, whatever) and she wonders if you would go apeshyt if she cheated on you (because that would confirm your love). So, she's giving you a shyt test to check your confidence level.
I agree. And to a certain extent she is testing to see if you are easily-fooled, not necessarily so she can cheat on you, but to confirm she is not seeing some dope. Women don't respect men who trust women.
 

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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