gf and her yoga pants

[danthemann]

i dont want to come off as a controlling guy or anything but when i see a chick in those tight yoga pants i cant help but look. how would you handle a girlfriend who wears clothes like this. jeans are ok but what about those spandex/yoga pants that outline ever detail from the waste down? on one side its attractive and sexy but i cant help but think it kind of brings negative attention. dont get me wrong, its good to know your girlfriend is hot but arent there, less 'forward' ways to portray this? thoughts?

 

[Single4Life]

Stop caring about her so much. You love her too much. It's normal and natural for us men to feel this way, it happens to me too. The only way to succeed in this, is to stop caring.

If you try to tell her to stop, she will feel that you are too controlling, or she might be sweet and listen to you - but then she will do it when you aren't looking.

If you stay quiet, it will eat you up inside and ruin your happiness/confidence. You may start to worry about guys hitting on her, and why is she looking for this attention, etc..

You can't allow her to feel like she has to "hide things" from you, so you don't get upset. This opens the door to her having a secret, second "outlet" where she can do the stuff she likes when you aren't around. Like wearing the stuff she likes to wear. And that might even lead to more secrets behind your back. And it makes you look like a *****.

Just get it into your brain that she, at any point in time, can completely destroy you emotionally and stick a knife in your back with any guy she wants, even your best friends.

So, stop caring about stuff like this. Have your fun, screw her brains out, love her the right amount, spend time with her like any fun loving normal couple, but stop sweating her. If the way she dresses one day leads to her ****ing some other guy, shrug your shoulders, throw her out of your life, and move on.

Stop caring.

 

[rhythmic]

Above post is good. Especially agree with "love her the right amount".

Hang up your hang-ups. Besides, this gives you license to make yourself attractive when she isn't around, without her questioning it (assuming you have the ability to be attractive too!).

It comes down to trust. Most girls will get attention from other guys - ones worth bothering with, anyway - do you trust her to disregard that attention?

 

[BobMo']

Agree with Single4Life. It's the only way your going to survive in dealing with women these days. Survival, in any sense of the word, takes work.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Isn't it sad that our lives have been reduced to "surviving" in dealing with women these days?

The only way we are going to THRIVE instead of survive is to take our power back. We lost it because we were spineless and afraid of rejection. Our politicians are afraid of losing votes.

When a man treats a women right and creates what she feels is a "safe" environment (a construct in her own head, of course), he can and should infuence her greatly.

I personally think the OP's feeling is reasonable, even though many might not agree. He's not out of line to feel that way. I would work it like this:
When you're out and about with her, find one who looks fat in those pants and point it out (not in reference to your girlfriend's pants. Rather, just as a random observation). Occasionally point out women who are exposing themselves and implying how "cheap" it makes them look. No big discussion, just plant the seeds that you're turned off by it.

Once you've done that a few times, she will start to reconsider how she dresses. A worthwhile woman dresses to please HER OWN man, not the world at large.

 

[Juan Don]

You can't allow her to feel like she has to "hide things" from you, so you don't get upset. This opens the door to her having a secret, second "outlet" where she can do the stuff she likes when you aren't around. Like wearing the stuff she likes to wear. And that might even lead to more secrets behind your back. And it makes you look like a *****.


Stop caring.

so TRUE!!!!! single4life's entire post but, this excerpt is where **** starts to deteriorate in a relationship i think. vent here, vent on paper. whatever you do don't say it to her. think of when you first started going out. you weren't controlling you didn't have feelings of controlling her. that's what she liked and was attracted to you(speaking in general not towards op) you start losing her attraction when you start dictating her every move. pick and choose your battles.

 

[exile663dfx]

Isn't it sad that our lives have been reduced to "surviving" in dealing with women these days?

The only way we are going to THRIVE instead of survive is to take our power back. We lost it because we were spineless and afraid of rejection. Our politicians are afraid of losing votes.

When a man treats a women right and creates what she feels is a "safe" environment (a construct in her own head, of course), he can and should infuence her greatly.

I personally think the OP's feeling is reasonable, even though many might not agree. He's not out of line to feel that way. I would work it like this:
When you're out and about with her, find one who looks fat in those pants and point it out (not in reference to your girlfriend's pants. Rather, just as a random observation). Occasionally point out women who are exposing themselves and implying how "cheap" it makes them look. No big discussion, just plant the seeds that you're turned off by it.

Once you've done that a few times, she will start to reconsider how she dresses. A worthwhile woman dresses to please HER OWN man, not the world at large.

I agree with this to a point. However, I dont see the problem with her wearing what she wants. What are you? Her dad? Do you own her? Do you take charge of her life? Take a step back and understand that you should only take charge of yours. It seems to me you have invested time into this girl and have emotionally attached yourself to her like a annoying flea. Look at the bigger picture dude: you only have control of your life, noone elses. So take charge of what you can control. Don't listen to people who tell you to show her how she dresses so she stops. That is controlling.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Stop caring about her so much. You love her too much. It's normal and natural for us men to feel this way, it happens to me too. The only way to succeed in this, is to stop caring.

If you try to tell her to stop, she will feel that you are too controlling, or she might be sweet and listen to you - but then she will do it when you aren't looking.

If you stay quiet, it will eat you up inside and ruin your happiness/confidence. You may start to worry about guys hitting on her, and why is she looking for this attention, etc..

You can't allow her to feel like she has to "hide things" from you, so you don't get upset. This opens the door to her having a secret, second "outlet" where she can do the stuff she likes when you aren't around. Like wearing the stuff she likes to wear. And that might even lead to more secrets behind your back. And it makes you look like a *****.

Just get it into your brain that she, at any point in time, can completely destroy you emotionally and stick a knife in your back with any guy she wants, even your best friends.

So, stop caring about stuff like this. Have your fun, screw her brains out, love her the right amount, spend time with her like any fun loving normal couple, but stop sweating her. If the way she dresses one day leads to her ****ing some other guy, shrug your shoulders, throw her out of your life, and move on.

Stop caring.

This is spot on.

Problem is most guys here are not completely self confident and don't understand how attraction works; therefore they cling to the woman they are with because any attention (whether bad or good) is better than being alone in their heads.

Empower yourself, develop more weapons in your arsenal to learn how to seduce and attract women. Once you become a man of high value and your girl knows this; she won't do stuff that might cause you to leave because SHE will be the one who's afraid to lose you, not the other way around.







PIMP

 

[Nutz]

Above post is good. Especially agree with "love her the right amount".

Hang up your hang-ups. Besides, this gives you license to make yourself attractive when she isn't around, without her questioning it (assuming you have the ability to be attractive too!).

It comes down to trust. Most girls will get attention from other guys - ones worth bothering with, anyway - do you trust her to disregard that attention?

Worst. Post. Ever.

It doesn't come down to trust, it's about being respectable and respectful of your partner's feelings. If he's uncomfortable with her parading the goods around town for all to see, then he has every right to say something about it. If she's a good person she'll take his input to heart an want him to be happy and will refrain from wearing them outside of the gym.

Isn't it sad that our lives have been reduced to "surviving" in dealing with women these days?

The only way we are going to THRIVE instead of survive is to take our power back. We lost it because we were spineless and afraid of rejection. Our politicians are afraid of losing votes.

When a man treats a women right and creates what she feels is a "safe" environment (a construct in her own head, of course), he can and should infuence her greatly.

I personally think the OP's feeling is reasonable, even though many might not agree. He's not out of line to feel that way. I would work it like this:
When you're out and about with her, find one who looks fat in those pants and point it out (not in reference to your girlfriend's pants. Rather, just as a random observation). Occasionally point out women who are exposing themselves and implying how "cheap" it makes them look. No big discussion, just plant the seeds that you're turned off by it.

Once you've done that a few times, she will start to reconsider how she dresses. A worthwhile woman dresses to please HER OWN man, not the world at large.

Completely agree. That last bit reminds me of something I heard a few years ago regarding a bride to be losing weight. The groom to be should say "if you can lose the weight (for the wedding) for them (the guests), then you can keep it off for me because I'm your husband and I come first." It makes an outstanding point and sets a solid frame of where things should be.

 

[loveshogun]

So much debate for such a non-problem.

You know, if you really have that much of a problem with how she dresses, break up with her.

If you're going to answer back with rationalizations like "but that's my only problem with her," I call bullsh*t. Either make the compromise and deal with it, or don't.

Though, chances are, if this was the only problem you have with a girl you're dating, you wouldn't be asking strangers how to handle your relationship. Really, I'd say you were asking out of insecurity. That's a personal problem, not her.

Between you and me, I have bigger things to worry about than who is staring at a woman I'm dating.

 

[5string]

Unless she's sportin' some cameltoe, I don't see WTF the problem is here.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The issue is, who is she trying to impress with what she wears? What is the deeper, true motivation, her perceived payoff? This could be different for each girl.

Everyone has different comfort levels with this, and someone who is more conservative in their outlook is no more wrong than someone who doesn't care.

 

[bukowski_merit]

It's fear.

We can tip-toe around it and call it other things; but it's fear of competition...

Of having her "stolen" from you.

The way I see it is - you have 3 options.

1) Hard Leadership
2) Soft Leadership
3) No Leadership

Hard Leadership is telling her flatly "do not wear those pants" and leaving it at that. Soft Leadership is similar to what Atom Smasher is suggesting. No Leadership is what half the people are suggesting (to just let it go or leave her.)

Either way, you're in a bit of a double bind. Say something - and she'll resent you. Say nothing - and you'll resent yourself (and her for not being able to read your mind).

You caring is not going to go away (reading "don't care" is not going to change you). Your fear and your jealousy are not going to go away. Even if she stops wearing yoga pants - you'll still find something that makes you feel uneasy about her displaying "goods" to other buyers.

It's ok to feel this way... Feel the emotion, but control your action.



If all else fails; if you're feeling like you'd like it more if she never went out, never dressed sexy (except for you), and you wanted to kill her if she disobeyed you - well.... There's still places on this earth where you're free to be a tyrant to women. Kidnap her and move there. Then you'll have complete control. :rockon: