Gf always wants her own way

[mrRuckus]

Generally, I just want to have my way sometimes. When I suggest going somewhere, it would be nice if she'd agree without trying to change things, or stopping to shop or run an errand. I'd like her to let me lead more (and be a man!) without putting a dampner on it. As well as things like massages and things in the bedroom...

She doesn't "let" you lead. You just do.

Don't "suggest" going anywhere. She obviously doesn't respect your suggestions hardly ever so she's lost the priviledge of having input into your decision making. You say "we're going to go here" and if she says no then you go no where with her. Say "I'm going here if you'd like to come" then you grab your coat, put on your shoes and walk out the door before she has time to object.

I give her multiple orgasms every single time (before and during sex), so I have no problems there and always leave her very satisfied. The problem here is that I am not being satified and it's another aspect of her selfishness.

She goes down on me, but only for like 30 seconds, then expects me to spend forever on foreplay, by which time I'm bored and not really in the mood. Plus her bossiness is a real turn off.

Dude dump her.

Her attitude towards sex speaks volumes and you'll never be happy with her in the long run. The good women after you give them an orgasm will push you on your back and suck the skin off your bone in reciprocation.

She should be rubbing herself all over you and everything else. I've asked girls before if they like something or other and they'll sometimes admit "it doesn't really do anything for me" and when i ask why they say "because you like it."

My ex wouldn't say "can i have a massage." She'd say "want to trade massages?"

You're NOT going to change this aspect of her personality. This stuff is innate.

 

[comic_relief]

That doesn't sound like the wisest thing to say.

She knows that I am a straight shooting guy and calls it as it is. I let her know that I lost her that minute that my life would go on. She knew that she did not hold any power over me that I did not give her. This kept me to her for so long and she is still obsessed with me. What works for one person won't work for others.

You're NOT going to change this aspect of her personality. This stuff is innate.

Attitudes are impossible to change unless the person is willing to change it for a reason. I would not have changed my AFC attitude unless I WANTED to. A person must have a reason to want to change their attitude. It is possible, but someone must have a fear of something to do so(imo). I had a fear of not getting a girlfriend in order to change my attitude of life.

As to Blusher, I will quote Westcoaster: "Women are not like fine win. They do not get better with age."

Best of luck

comic_relief

 

[comic_relief]

btw Jariell,

I would like to get in contact with you and talk about some other things that other people don't need to know about, but can't PM you. could you PM me your email or something.

comic_relief

 

[Nighthawk]

I thought it was fixable until I read the sex issues. For me, selfish in bed = NEXT, every time.

 

[mrRuckus]

She knows that I am a straight shooting guy and calls it as it is. I let her know that I lost her that minute that my life would go on.

That is not anywhere near the same as "I don't care."

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

Put her back in her place she'll repect you for it. Once you hand over your balls your relationship will end.

 

[Desdinova]

- she's just very self-centred and inconsiderate.

- I love it rough and prefer to be dominant, but she complains every time I do. She says I hurt her, or that a position is uncomfortable, or I'm doing it too hard etc. She also says she gets scared if I'm too dominant. Talk about killing the mood!

This woman isn't meeting your qualifications for your ideal woman. This stuff isn't going to change tomorrow, after you talk to her, or after you two get married. This stuff is going to remain the same, and possibly get worse. You can only wrap duck tape around a leaky pipe so many times before it SHOULD be replaced.

The question you should be asking yourself are "Can I live with a woman who's self centered, inconsiderate, and lousy in bed for the rest of my life?"

Her good qualities may outshine her bad qualities, but it doesn't make her bad qualities disappear. You need to decide what you can put up with and what you can't. If her bad qualities are really getting on your nerves, perhaps you should start searching for a woman who doesn't have these personality defects.

 

[Jariel]

I agree with most of what has been said, and I have to consider that it may ultimately be better to let her go. I am very attached to her and I know it will break her heart too, but maybe we're not the ideal couple afterall.

I do want to at least let her know and give her a chance to change. It has made a difference with some issues in the past, and it may just be a matter of snapping her out of her complacency. Hell, I've needed snapping out of my complacency (thanks for the wakeup call guys), so I'll give her that chance first.

 

[Delta]

as for withdrawing - it might be like training a dog, if there is not a clear and IMMEDIATE cause/effect between deed and punishment, the point might be lost.

howabout simply COUNTERING her when it is reasonable to do so?

her: no, i don't want to do that. let's do this.

you: no. we did what you wanted last time. we're doing this this time.

---------------------------------------------

you're not being a d1ck or anything at all offensive. you are simply doing what is right and fair.

you are NOT going the other way and trying to bully her. but you are simply being as you have always been - just doing what is right and fair. and insisting that compromise be two sided.

and if you constantly insist on playing things that way, then she's gonna get it and you'll bring the situation to a head most likely.

luck

delta

 

[Jariel]

Update: I think we have turned a corner.

I have been less enthusiastic this week and stopped making an effort. I told her I had studying to do and decided not to see her mid week. She tried to make plans for the weekend, but I told her I'd have to let her know. She was sending me erotic text messages and saying how much she missed me and I just wrote a polite "hope you are well. Am really busy studying, but I'll catch up with you soon" type message in response. I basically acted how I genuinely felt - unenthusiastic - rather than acting like a sulky brat, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, she had been getting paranoid all week that I was planning to dump her because I was not being my "usual loving (read: attention-giving) self". I think that was enough just to shock her and make her realise I am not to be taken for granted.

Last night I calmly told her how I felt there wasn't much in the relationship for me lately. She was hurt, but I was reasonable with her and she agreed that she had been self absorbed lately and apologised.

There was no need to get angry or uptight with her, and I just suggested that some things (like shopping, girly movies etc) she is best doing with her friends and some things I'll do with mine.

Well, we had a great night. She gave me a massage, the sex was incredible and passionate and we just spent our time alone together without her so much as talking about herself and what she wants.

Whether it will last remains to be seen, but it was definitely a positive change and she's at least aware of the problem and can try to avoid repeating it.

 

[Warboss Alex]

Jariel, I'm glad to see it's taken a turn for the better, mate.

I would've suggested telling her straight out. If you're in a serious relationship there's no more games, no more guessing what the other is thinking, none of that. If you want to make it work you have to be honest with each other at all times, otherwise stuff like this builds up and will hurt the relationship in the long run. Best nip it in the bud, so to speak.

It's obvious that she wants you - that's good. Now you know what to do next time.

It's my belief if that if a girl really wants to be with you, then you'll be able to talk to her openly about any such issue. If you can't talk to her about it, or you can and she doesn't like it.. then she's not the girl for you, simply.

Have fun!

 

[Tazman]

Just realize that this isn't done. As soon as she gets comfortable again, things will gradually revert back to the way they were. I know people say it's good to "talk" about the relationship, to get it out in the open, but I don't think you should've revealed your hand by "telling" her why you were acting a certain way. You should've left her "wondering" why you were behaving that way so as not to make it seem like it bothered you that much. Basically, you play dumb when she asks what's wrong, let her decide whether she wants to try and make you happy. When she acts up, all you do is respond without actually verbalizing anything because you want her to be a bit anxious.

It may be fine, but from what I've seen and experienced unless there's some really disrespectful things being done to you, you shouldn't have to tell a chick what you want when she starts acting up. She "knows" what you like because she was giving it to you before, she's just decided that you aren't going anywhere (or whatever combination of reasons) and she doesn't feel the need to accomodate you the way she used to. When things don't "bother" you, it usually means it is of little importance, and that's why your willingness to walk away has such a profound effect. The key is making them "want" to make you happy (through actions), you shouldn't have to tell them to or threaten to leave. That's the short term solution, if it even works.

 

[DanelMadr]

During the last few months, however, she has started to demand her own way a lot.

Hi Jariel, I like your Tips....pretty good summary.

To your problem/question.....

IMO all that dominant, alpha, leading, masculine Man behaviour preached here on sosuave is OK. Nothing against it. It certainly sparks up attraction.

But most of girls were raised in female-dominant home with slightly submissive fathers or none.

They are used to have control over men and social climate even demands it to be "independent, control-having" women....'Tame, domesticate your boyfrined- playa' cosmo type of thing.

For LTR they need guy who is not so dominating....
Yes, they marry predictable, obedient nice-guys after all.

Like most of the guys have some feminine traits...some women have masculine traits....they are more dominant than "ideal" woman would be. They hate to be "under" - being submissive doesnt match with self-respect...to a point they stop take care of themselves, dont like dominating sex (find adventurous sex something opressive)....extreme examples are feminists. I think most of them are cases of 'Mind over Emotions' and they should stop stage-acting and be more sincere to themselves....they are just playing tough...'I dont need a man' etc.

Girls try to embarrass me and make me uneasy. Fearsome testing they do. I hate it when they do this and in most cases I just win "the battle" and walk away. I find it disrespectful to a point of big turn off for me. In some cases....they wait and try to take control in bed when they feel they have you. AWFUL experience. It is mind-game after mind-game....they just dont want to "lose" which is immature and totally pathetic. The same goes for guys who try to dominate for whatever price btw.

How to solve it? You could "break" her....Make fun of her dictator traits and tell her you see through that shell right to her tender-hearted soul. She thought she has you solved but you also made her

Is it really that bad? AFC phobia - paranoia isnt it?

She speaks about marriage....maybe she wants to know if you are able to spend more time with her at home, settle down...if you are that dependable guy who wont leave her home alone with kid in belly.

Or she is just not flexible type of person, too self-centered, selfish etc.

You have to decide it of course.

Good luck.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you can't talk to her about it, or you can and she doesn't like it.. then she's not the girl for you, simply.

They are simply incapable of sitting down and having a logical conversation. If you sit around waiting for the one girl in 2343804928 that you can have an actual conversation where they listen and respect what you have to say even if they don't like it you just might end up sitting on your ass for a decade or two. Of course i know you already have that woman.


This girl is going to revert back to the same old sh1t pretty soon. They always do.

 

[Jariel]

Well for now at least, things have really changed. We have talked about things, including the sex issues. Her being bossy during sex was a misunderstanding, as she thought I liked it that way and generally thought guys liked the woman taking control (her ex-boyfriends were wimps). That has been corrected and we've been trying lots of different things, and we have really recaptured the passion.

As for her wanting her own way, I guess that's my fault for getting slack and letting her have it too often.

To be honest, communication has always worked well in this relationship for nearly 11 months and it has cleared this issue too. There's nothing to say she won't revert back to wanting her own way, but it's upto me to be on the ball and not let it get that way again...or to speak to her sooner rather than later.

Playing guessing games is what women do in my opinion. Men speak their mind.

 

[Demon]

Never cater to anyone... unless you work in catering or want money.

 

[Tazman]

To be honest, communication has always worked well in this relationship for nearly 11 months and it has cleared this issue too. There's nothing to say she won't revert back to wanting her own way, but it's upto me to be on the ball and not let it get that way again...or to speak to her sooner rather than later.

Playing guessing games is what women do in my opinion. Men speak their mind.

It's all about "context". Sure you speak your mind, but there are certain things you should'nt HAVE to verbalize. If your girl is being bossy, selfish, etc., you simply don't put up with it. There's no need to sit down and have a "talk" about it, because you're already nipping it in the bud through your "actions". 11 months is not long at all, you have to maintain your frame or you'll constantly be tested.

You brought up the issue so she knows why you started acting distant, meaning, she KNOWS you weren't just busy. That's not what you want her to think. Look at it this way, when your girl started acting up why wasn't she worried about your feelings? You said yourself that things weren't like this in the beginning, and as I mentioned 11 months is really not a long time at all. Who's spending time and effort thinking about this and adjusting? She sure isn't, she's just doing as she feels, and so should you.

It's all about impressions. If she feels like you could take it or leave it (as in you don't get mad about it, you simply walk away) she would be more careful about the way she treats you. Having "talks" about relationship issues seems logical, and it truly is, but not when you're dealing with women, they respond better to "actions". Don't take this literally however, sure you should talk about things, but complaining about the relationship is the role of the woman.

 

[Themanthatcan]

Don't drops hints.If you want her to know something get straight to the point.Demand her respect and time.If she doesn't give you it...SHES NOT WORTH IT.

 

[Chrispy]

The conclusion of this thread -communication-was like a bulb going on. Thanks for sharing your experience.