GF admitted to me she had sex with her ex while we were dating (but not exclusive)

[Cremasta]

So what? As long as she had a shower between roots, who really cares?

The fact is, you WON, you were BETTER, she wants you!

Now keep your options open and have a backup on the side, because she certainly does!

 

[Slickster]

She has low respect and low interest in you.

It's already over.

 

[nek]

This is simply a no. When a girl is REALLY over a guy, she's doesn't need to check feelings by ****ing him. Women are in tune with their feelings. Hell, she doesn't want to even communicate or be around him. Especially if there is a new guy in the picture that she's really into. When women are done, they're done. She's not done with this guy. Do you know why she tells you? She has you pegged as the 'comfort' guy. Not the sexy guy. Not to be a ****, but she just wants to make sure you'll be an obedient chump who can be easily manipulated. Move on. I'd say keep her as a **** buddy but the reality of the situation is that you're emotionally invested. How do I know this? You're posting about it here. Chalk this one up to experience and move on.

 

[floydb25]

She had sex with him because she wanted to have sex with him. She didn't give two $hits about your thoughts on the matter. She still doesn't care, aside from what it may cost her with you.

This.

Also, don't assume that she feels bad or shameful - moreso not wanting to feel guilty about it. That's why they reveal these things after some time has passed, and try to downplay their bad behaviors at the time. It's on their minds, and they feel guilty about it, and want to rid their minds of that guilt. But they want to make sure they don't have to suffer the consequences for it. Hence, claiming you weren't exclusive at the time, and seeing if she still had feelings for him. This is called BS. There's always an excuse and justifiable reason - AFTER the fact. At the time, she just went ahead and did it - without a damn what you thought. Or even told you about it. Because she didn't CARE - and probably still doesn't.

She likely did the same thing with him - telling him you're not officially together or exclusive, are on the rocks, she's not sure how she feels about YOU, or whatever. This is how they justify cheating, sleeping around, or whatever. The same excuses and lies are made to both parties - with the intention of not feeling any guilt, being justified, and getting away scott-free.

Chances are, if you call her out on it - she'll just call you a jerk, say you weren't even together, and make you look like the bad one. Blah blah. Been there.

Never assume that anything they do is for you, out of genuine "care" for your feelings. In this case, not feeling guilty, justifying their actions, and not wanting to lose you as a result... All for HER.

Even reading between the lines... She's basically saying she needed to know if you were the right one for her - by sleeping with someone else. Not only is that retarded female logic and a bold-faced lie, but she's suggesting that you weren't good enough for her, and she needed to see if she liked her ex more. She didn't need to see if she still had feelings for him, or cared about yours. That's just an excuse and fog of air to be perceived as righteous and justified as she's having sex with him. And that's all it is, when you cut through the BS. It doesn't make sense or add up, because it's NOT TRUE. Feelings have **** to do with it.

Best case scenerio: she wanted to have sex with him one last time. But that's all it was, and should be viewed as. Don't believe any of the fluff inbetween.

 

[ItsAllAboutMe]

There's a bigger issue here than just her having another d1ck inside her. As bad as it sounds, that shouldn't even bother you. You weren't exclusive, so who cares? I banged other girls while I was dating my wife before we were exclusive, so what?

The BIG problem is, why did she tell you about it? If she was into you, she'd have kept that sh1t secret and hidden away forever. And girls are capable of keeping their mouths shut when it bodes well for them to do so.

So now you're feeling disrespected, and you should. Not because you shared a pvssy, but because your girl doesn't have high enough IL in you to not risk losing you, by telling you something that could do nothing but cause problems. Seems to me like she's setting up her escape. Unless you're constantly badgering her about it, and in either case it's obvious you supplicating to her and have one-itis.

My advice....pull back and up your game. You're about to lose this one. Treading dangerously close to IL level that's nearing the point of no return.

Pretty true post brother. Like you said unless he was badgering her telling OP was so risky on her part as it could of meant getting dumped, therefore either setting up an escape.

 

[Down Low]

Not 50 years ago a girl who had sex at ALL before getting married was known as loose or easy or a "chippy" and socially ostracized.
And here this girl has sex with a guy as she is dating another guy, just to "make sure" she has no "feelings" for him?

How have things gotten this fvcking bad?

Stupid baby boomers ruined everything.

Burn this into your memory.

I'll put it old school, the way my father would have seen it.

She spread for you, so she's yours. Then she cheated. Then she rubbed your nose in it.

It's as plain as day. She used you like she used him. She hurt you like she hurt him. She's trash. Walk.

 

[bigneil]

The problem here is that men are expecting women to be monogamous - even when there is no commitment.

Women are NOT monogamous by nature. They are not evil and flawed if they enjoy sex. Unless she was BEGGING you for a commitment then you shouldn't have expected one.

I think the biggest problem on this forum is that men want to demonize women who don't automatically display the highest interest and the most devoted behavior, as if we deserve that by default. There is something to be said about winning her over the long term while giving her too much space.

However, it's probably true that her interest level could be higher, and that there are improvements to be made so that she (or the next girl) won't be as tempted by other men.

 

[Masculinity]

She admitted to me tonight that she had sex with her ex about 3 days before we became "exclusive" just to "make sure she had no more feelings for him".

What should I do? Forgive her or dump her?

This is one of the most ridiculous excuses to justify having sex with an ex that I have heard lately. I am willing to bet this chick has you classified in the "ehh... " category. In other words, she has you around until something better rolls around. If she's having sex with other dudes before you are in relationship; what do you think she'll do when you are? This was only 3 days before you two became official.

I saw a movie lately that really hit me. At one point, the main character says "we accept the love (or also respect, etc) we think we deserve." Do you think you deserve to be treated the way this woman has just treated you? I don't think so, bro. Dismiss her and move forward with someone who's worth your time.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o66IPMWA05A

 

[bigneil]

3 days is hardly a LTR.

Regarding commanding respect, I think the man has to constantly be willing to walk away (without complaining). With that dynamic he is constantly pushing her away and she is constantly reeling him back in.

 

[Aristippus]

She admitted to me tonight that she had sex with her ex about 3 days before we became "exclusive" just to "make sure she had no more feelings for him".

The desire always comes first, then the rationalization. The rationalization is usually b.s. Especially when it comes to a lying, cheating woman.Let's break this down to end the confusion. This is how to translate what a woman is really saying when she tries to use b.s. rationalizations to justify her bad behavior. We'll start with your scenario.

She said: "I slept with my ex because I wanted to see if I still had feelings for him."

Translation: "I slept with my ex."


Other scenarios-

She says: "You should pay my bills because you're my boyfriend and you should support me."

Translation: "You should pay my bills."

She says: "My girlfriend is sleeping with this guy she met because her and her husband don't get along."

Translation: "My girlfriend is sleeping with this guy she met behind her husband's back."

* I could go on but you get the point. Any justification that comes after the actual facts is usually b.s. Anything that follows the words "because", "just", etc. is a signal that in many cases, what you're about to hear next is b.s. and is to be ignored. Especially if the first part is something that you find unacceptable.

 

[asa_don]

She admitted to me tonight that she had sex with her ex about 3 days before we became "exclusive" just to "make sure she had no more feelings for him".

If you believe this little tale then I have some beach front property in the middle of Nevada to sell you.

These chicks will come up with any excuse to give a guy.

Dude you you really have to think this one through?

This girl was about to be your girlfriend and she should have no reason to be with an ex. Shows how much little respect she has for you.

She is not your girlfriend

Dump her ass

 

[Trump]

Careful now.

While I agree that we shouldn't always expect high interest right away, we should be absolutely certain they are not choosing you after they had their fun with the others, also known as "settling".

It is no mistake that women choose to "fvk the bad boy, marry the beta". Don't be the one that commits to leftovers. But that should not keep you from fvking her when it is your turn.

Personally, I don't mind committing as a leftover if she

a) signs a pre-nup
b) finances 50/50.

Other than that, just buy them things and f-them.


To the OP: To make sure she had no feelings for her ex, she had to have sex with him? What would she have done with her ex if she had some feelings for him?

 

[Trump]

I used to think that way, until I realized that when I am the one commiting to them in this situation, I am the one who is limiting my options so that she can feel the security of "landing a guy".

Danger I see the point but you could argue we all arent Ferraris, and in the end aren't you trying to move things along? I know the "feeling good" emotion isn't there when she didn't pick you initially, but unfortunately we are not in a world of feeling good, we are in the world of getting things done.

When you are not a woman's first choice, it is perfectly logical that she will be more likely to cheat on you or leave you. She is already operating from a medium interest level at best and she thirsts hungrily for a higher value man such as she experienced before.

Fair enough, that's why you get her to sign a piece of paper saying "if I cheat or of the like, its divorce and I get nothing."

Also, if you are not her first choice and she puts down half the money or mortgage, I don't think she'll leave that easily for a higher value guy. Girls value their money more than being associated with a high value. They watch it like a hawk.

Another point, just because she is operating on a high interest level at the beginning is no guarantee she will not stray. You get the right guy to get the emotion stirring in her, whether you are medium, high or low, it's game over.

Combine that with the knowledge of a man who makes the right decisions in his life should by able to pull ever increasing quality of tail as he approaches his maximum Sexual Market Value (whil hers continues to decrease), and the strongest conclusion is that commiting to a woman in this scenario is ill-advised.

Not only is her value dropping while yours is rising (thus you are locking yourself in to less than you can achieve), but her interest level was never altogether high to begin with, and suddenly you are taking a huge risk in commiting to someone whose value you are nearly certainly beginning to surpass.

I see the points here, but don't think the mans value is as high as you may think when he gets older. Women still can pull easy upto about 40 if they look ok.

When you say "right decisions", that's in business. Girls are all about emotions. I've made so many right decisions and have a lot of assets and money, let me tell you, they don't care. Why? Because I don't connect, Im cold, I don't skydive and waterski without a helmet. It's about emotions, feeling good, looking good, emotions, emotions, emotions. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

 

[Slick Mick]

I'm the ex, youre a rebound and she's a c**t. Run like hell