Getting too Attached

[kk2004]

Im starting to see what you guys have been talking about, when a man pursue's he will LOSE.
When i first met my gf I was myself, a man, as good with her and as good without her, I was not using her to complete me, I was already completed. Now that I have been going out with her for a while, Im starting to become a little sappy and what happened today made me realize that I had been falling down this hole for a a while.

Be a MAN. U Must.

Guys I have become too needy, I need her apporoval, she needs to say nice things to me, I have become a little sappy. Her actions reflect that, I can sense things VERY VERY well. I can see her intrest level is starting to decline.

Here is the mistake I made, I became too attached, I acted needy and I didnt become a Man, a man lives by his own will. I am letting this gurl control my feelings now.

I need help guys, she still shows intrest, she says she loves me and she cares, she laughs at my jokes and she says "ur horrible" when i make c&f, but Im starting to care whether or not she cares aout me. Before I was as willing to lose her, it didnt matter, I was cool with her or without her. Now im starting to care. Which I know isnt good, it will drive her away.

I just need some advice thanks

 

[Hellboy]

I need her apporoval, she needs to say nice things to me

Why? Let her actions speak.

 

[kk2004]

they do

her actions are the same as before, they speak as if the care. I have never payed for her when we go on a date, I have never bought her gifts, I ask her to do me favors and she does them. Her actions speak well, but they too i can feel that she is not doing them happily for me, she is a little diffrent than before. I want her to be happily doing things for me.

 

[medjaun]

I know where you're at. Just got out of an 11 year relationship/marriage myself. After reading this forum I realized what a wuss I turned into being around my woman and letting her influence me. I starts slow and next thing you know...

Thank god I realized my errors.

 

[DJStudent]

Well to actually reply to your questions, I think I provide some help.

For most guys, it's not hard getting attached to a girl. Once we start thinking about all the time and how good that makes us feel, we feel like we need to be their with them and have their approval on everything just so that it will make them happy and in return makes you happy. It really is a vicious cycle that guys put themselves in and then don't know why the girl left them.

To move away from this type of attachment, you have to do it very slowly, and in your case even slower. If you were most guys, this wouldn't be too hard but once you're in a relationship, damage control can be a little hard.

Start off by thinking back to what you did when you weren't with your girl. Meaning sports, working out, dancing, hanging out with your buddies, and etc. You get the idea. Slowly incorporate that into your daily life and make that an IMPORTANT priority. JOB and FAMILY should be more important than your girl because you guys are young. If she's a good girlfriend and you treat her right, there's no reason to spend every waking moment with her, she's going to be there when you need her.

In your case, you might want to slowly incorporate things you use to do for fun but do it over a month. Meaning slowly concentrate on having that be an important factor. She will pick up the fact that your busy but won't be alarm or paranoid. Paranoia from a girl is about the most un-attractive and annoying thing out there, and you certainly don't want to turn your girl into that. So build up week by week of your activity and incorporate more once you feel ready.

This attachement is what DJ's sees as desperation and we all know the first rule of being a DJ is to kill that desperation.

Just think about this. Does Jay-Z spend every fricken moment with Beyonce? NO and he's retired, or so he claims. She's like a walking goddess with the powers to bring every guy in the world to their knees but does he give up his spot as the MAN in the relationship? NO. He's still the same Jigga man he always was, with and without her. That's why they've been dating longer than most high profile has been married!

 

[MetalFortress]

There's nothing wrong with BEING attached, or caring about her, as long as you can work it in YOUR favor.

 

[DJStudent]

Please enlighten me as to how to work it in YOUR favor?

Also I'm talking about general attachment as well. I agree it's fine to be attached to your mate but there's a certain line that you cannot cross. So for those that cross that line, then I give that advice.