Getting this girl..

[jackofasses]

Alright, this is my second post and I'll probably get ridiculed or whatever but I really don't give a damn.

in my last post I mentioned about this long distance relationship I sorta had going with a girl in texas (I'm in canada.. yeah, go on, laugh.) She's SUPER beautiful and has got to be one of the sweetest things ever. Absolutely awesome. Now, we've talked ALOT since christmas. damn near every day, no less than every 2 unless she's been off on vacation or whatever. Anyway, about a month or so ago completely out of the blue she just said she wasn't sure if she felt the same way about me anymore and wanted to be friends.

First reaction from me, and everyone else was that she's found a guy closer that she's interested in (yeah, it's happened to me before.) OF course, upon calling her on the BS she said there isn't anybody but she just didn't wanna feel these kind of feelings at this point in her life. Anyway, we managed to talk it out and get stuff semi-normal. She was pretty stressed out with school too. Anyway, I know studying is important to her so I told her I wouldn't harass her much during her exams because she needs that time to do well in school. So we would talk briefly some nights and then call it quits. One night though, we started talking and I mentioned a dream I had about being a cop and doing a strip search on her. She totally got into it and was telling me to tell her and whatever, but I really didn't want to distract her. She seemed pretty ticked when I let her go. Anyway, she finished her exams, then disappeared for damn near a week. Finally got ahold of her and she said she was really busy moving back home, unpacking and catching up with old friends. Then, in the middle of a normal discussion she turns around and says "We don't talk like we used to, let's just be friends." Which is more or less a death sentence. I kinda lost control of my emotions (didn't cry, didn't cuss, but tried to talk it out or whatever to see what's REALLY going on, she just says she doesn't want to try anymore.)

Now, as I said, i've had something similar happen before with the last girl I really really like (whom I had known for 8 years and who my gut STILL after everything tells me I should be marrying.. my brain however says No. it's not worth it.)

anyway, this girl from texas, I know most people say cut your losses, it's a death zone. But she still comes on to talk to me all the time, saying she misses me and says i'm sweet when I tell her I wish I could just watch a movie and hold her and stuff, so I dunno. Part of me says to chill the hell out, be confident, she'll come back. But the part of me that keeps reading these forums is telling me forget it, she's gone.

Give me some GOOD advice. I'm not looking for Joe cool who thinks he can bang any girl he wants to to pipe up and just tell me to flat out get rid of her. I want to try and work out a relationship that I feel is worth saving and that i know has the potential to be amazing. We both have very similar interests, I apparently know how to turn her on with the right words ALL the time, and she apparently cares more about me than her ex who is her best friend (save your comments on this.)

Anyway, for the serious people who are here to give CONSTRUCTIVE advice on creating and mainting relationships, please provide input. anyone who's just going to laugh or provide a cyber slap to the face and borderline insults, save it.

 

[realsmoothie]

This isn't the place to get that kind of advice. I understand how you're feeling, but from your tone of voice (and your defensiveness) it's pretty obvious that you KNOW you're blowing this out of proportion.

My advice? Give it time. If it's destined to be such a great relationship then she'll push it that way at some point. If you push things it will only make you look "AFC" as the guys here call it, and it won't help your cause anyhow.

Keep in touch with her, sure. It can't hurt, as long as you're willing to move on for now.

 

[jackofasses]

Basically, I caved into this girl ALOT too and I know damn well that I put her on a high horse because she is by far the HOTTEST girl who has ever shown ANY interest in me. Which was really nice. I honestly have no idea what I did for her to like me in the first place other than being nice. We just hit it off and it worked. But I think that maybe I caved too much? Maybe I need to take her down off the high horse and take control again.

That's more or less what i'm looking for, I could just say "screw you we're doing it my way" but then I'm a ****, not what i'm looking for. I wanna still be nice, but I want to try and take some of that control back without her realizing it. I have other personaly stuff to work on, this I know, and am working on. and if I truly have to move on, I could do it. However, I would rather at least try and bring this back from the brink than just say F it all.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

You ever try listening to what she is saying?

"We don't talk like we used to, let's just be friends."

Did she tell you to believe that? No, but you did anyways. If she's telling you something like that, I'm surprised you didn't stop to think of what she's saying and reflect on that rather than "listen to her" and give in.

Where things go wrong is when you try to speak logically about it. Doesn't it just feel like a losing battle all the time when you try to speak in the "but our love was great! IT WAS WORTH IT!!" stop with the remember the time? or I wish it was what it was like before! And just LIVE like how you did before. This feeling that she speaks of when she communicates what she said is the very feeling that's created when you two first got together.

Obviously with time together, things could become mediocre and although one might still love the other, there's still a feeling of emptiness in the relationship. That's the feeling of doubt or thinking you two are too of much different people to be together. You'll begin to complain about "how she always wants to go to the bar" or "how I never get to be with my friends" (examples).

To fix that remember how it is when you had your single life before your relationship with her and think about what had changed or what is different. Maybe in how you behave or act or what you did in your life before that you no longer do now. Think hard about that and try to remember what attracted her to you in the first place and try more of that WITHOUT telling her why or that you are doing it. Just do it. Once you figure that out, phone her up and cut through the BS by realizing that it IS BS and don't get into it. Block it by "not playing the game" with her and be more of who you would have been to any other girl or person you'd treat BS with.

hope that helps.

 

[jackofasses]

You ever try listening to what she is saying?

"We don't talk like we used to, let's just be friends."

Did she tell you to believe that? No, but you did anyways. If she's telling you something like that, I'm surprised you didn't stop to think of what she's saying and reflect on that rather than "listen to her" and give in.

Where things go wrong is when you try to speak logically about it. Doesn't it just feel like a losing battle all the time when you try to speak in the "but our love was great! IT WAS WORTH IT!!" stop with the remember the time? or I wish it was what it was like before! And just LIVE like how you did before. This feeling that she speaks of when she communicates what she said is the very feeling that's created when you two first got together.

Obviously with time together, things could become mediocre and although one might still love the other, there's still a feeling of emptiness in the relationship. That's the feeling of doubt or thinking you two are too of much different people to be together. You'll begin to complain about "how she always wants to go to the bar" or "how I never get to be with my friends" (examples).

To fix that remember how it is when you had your single life before your relationship with her and think about what had changed or what is different. Maybe in how you behave or act or what you did in your life before that you no longer do now. Think hard about that and try to remember what attracted her to you in the first place and try more of that WITHOUT telling her why or that you are doing it. Just do it. Once you figure that out, phone her up and cut through the BS by realizing that it IS BS and don't get into it. Block it by "not playing the game" with her and be more of who you would have been to any other girl or person you'd treat BS with.

hope that helps.

You sir, are my F-ing hero. I mean, I want to act how I was acting before, being nice, funny, non chalant, the whole kit because i know that's what it was. I also know that when I got my Xbox 360 and started going out more it started going down hill. But yeah man, I'll just turn off the heartstrings for a bit and act how I acted when there wasn't any emotional attachment to begin with.

How do I avoid totally falling into the friend zone though? I don't want to be that emotional buffer should she ever decide she might like some other guy before I manage to "be the man" to make her want me back.

 

[Rex Man]

First off, you don't have to be 'Joe Cool' to say believe that you situation is hopeless. That said, I've been in a somewhat similiar scenario. Don't feel like typing much so here's a quick to-do list.
1. BY ALL MEANS DON'T STOP GOING OUT AS MUCH!!!DO NOT!!!
2. Talk VIA Webcams(At least you can do some freaky stuff)
3. It's summer time in 2006. See if she'll come see you. (Now there's a good test of IL)
4. Keep putting your eggs in different baskets cuz this one sounds like it could be dead.