Getting sh!t tested by a 20 year old!

[The Grue]

Hello everybody,

I posted about a month ago about a 20-year old(Katie) who does private lessons with me.
Since then, there have been some developments.
1. About 3 weeks ago, Katie and I went for a drink after our lesson(our lesson are late 9 to 11 at her place- she has a female room mate). The bar was almost empty and we drank till 4. We left and as I was walking her home, she grabbed my hand and we walked like that until her place, at which time she let go.
My urge was to just kiss her then and there but I kept thinking about our teacher-student relationship.
The following week we have a lesson at my place. She looks at a family photo and comments that my brother is cute and that she is single. Truth is my brother(28) is much closer to her age than I am(38), but I don't know if this was just some kind of test on her part.
3. Last week, again after our lesson,we go out drinking. There are a few common friends with us.
One of the guys, Chris(30), is a friend of mine and I suspect he has had sex with Katie in the past. At one point she starts massaging my neck and back. I told her to cut it out(felt awkward in a bar full of people) but she wanted to continue.
Anyway, she continued to stroke me around the neck. Genrally, she was using a lot of kino, touching my ribs and chest from time to time.
A few minutes later, she left with Chris and they went to her home together. I was a bit shocked to see that.
Logic, says they screwed, although Chris told us they just hanged for a while and then he left(We play basketball together and sometimes talk about this stuff).
I don't know if she was just horny and if I missed another opportunity. Maybe in was never really there...

I am not sure how Katie feels about me. It seems that I am given opportunities to get intimate with her, but they are there for a moment and then they are gone.
When I mention stuff to do, she always wants to come along, but she often changes her mind.
Her kino is good, mine minimal.
I was ill today and stuck home, so we chatted on messenger for about an hour.
She is always all smiles around me, and I am pretty sure I will have more opportunities.
The thing is, I am letting my inhibitions about being her tutor get to me and not just going after her.
Can you guys help out? How do I approach her?
Is there real interest here or is she just flirting? Am I doing something wrong?
I got out of a long term relationship last October and I have been dating women around 30-35. However, it is a first with someone as young as Katie. I think this too may be holding me back. Is there any literature I should read on issues with younger women and older men?

Thanks for any help,

 

[amoka]

who gives who the lesson? Are you the teacher or the student?

 

[The Grue]

I see what you're saying amoka...
that even though I am the teacher I am getting schooled.

Although 38, my experiences with dating much younger women is ,unfortunately, non-existent.
Possibly, it may not be too late for me to learn a few things....

Can you suggest how to handle the woman in question?

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like she's giving you some "ins" and you aren't capitalizing. You're acting like a nice guy. She likes you, but you need to do things to get her motor running. Quit thinking so much about it, and have fun and flirt with her. Joke with her.

However, if she went home with some other guy right in front of me, I'd probably have second thoughts about ever getting into a relationship with her. So now that that's out of the way, you may as well try and game her and get you some of that pvssy too.

 

[The Grue]

Yeah, I didn't like the fact that she was massaging me in a club full of people and going home with another guy.
But she is just that kind of girl I guess.
Just gonna forget the teacher-student bit and hit it...

 

[romangod]

Can you suggest how to handle the woman in question?

You can't be a wuss although you're old enough to be her father. Next time you get a chance, reach over and kiss her. Whatever happens after that will be self-explanatory.


Cheers!

 

[Mr. Me]

I'd wait until after her lessons are over and done with before you try anything, first of all.

In the meantime, yeah, her going home with someone else can't mean that she's THAT into you. If she were, she'd have insisted YOU take her home, and I think you realize that. But as she's got her hands on you, you have to figure she's got some sort of interest.

I don't believe pushing her away will drive her away, unless you're nasty about it. If anything, it makes them want you even more.

Along those lines, the fact that you're the teacher makes you forbidden fruit which could be a factor in her interest in you. They want what they can't have.

Bottom line is: you're dealing with a baby. They're babies when they're 20.

Sh1t test? Nah. She's just bouncing from one guy to another. That's what they do at 20.

 

[The Grue]

I teach her English privately(she is from Spain) and we are both living in Europe.
A problem is that she flakes on me.

For example, during a break in our lesson, i could hear her from the next room talking to some guy on the phone who didn't want to go out with her.

She was telling him that drinks were on her, but he was coming up with one excuse after the other no to go out with her.
Her interest in me is nt at such a level.
Last week, we had arranged to meet up with her room mate for a ride to the beach.
When we made the plans the previous night, she insisted that she wanted to go with me and told me to call her and wake her up.
When I texted her, she didn't answer.
She woke up late and called 2 hours after.
I had made other plans and when she offered to meet up I told her I couldn't.

As I stated before, she shows interest, but it is there for a moment, then it is gone. I just have to take advantage when the next "moment" comes up.
And it will, I am pretty sure about that...

 

[game.r]

I'm gonna reply to this without reading any other responses. I'm no expert. But i think you need to get out of your own head and ACT! You're gonna get friend zoned if you don't.

If she's playing with you, then just keep the relationship professional. No drinking together, no hanging out. Tutor her until times up then get the hell out of there. Oh and don't have her over to your place, go to a neutral location... your place is only for "romantic" interest.

Otherwise you're just one of her girlfriends

 

[Mr. Me]

i could hear her from the next room talking to some guy on the phone who didn't want to go out with her.

He's probably tired of her antics. You know what they say: whenever you see a beautiful woman there's a guy somewhere real glad to be rid of her.

When I texted her, she didn't answer.
She woke up late and called 2 hours after.

"Oh, I was sleeping" is on page one of their Excuse Book.

Texting can get you caught in their game if you're using it like they do.

When they flake, dump them. They've already shown you they don't give a merde, Senior.

You have to decide if you wish to live by your terms and have control over your life and be treated very well and dump those who don't treat you well and find those that do, or hang onto the roller coaster of bullshyt just because you can't walk away from a pretty face and hot bod.

 

[jophil28]

You have to decide if you wish to live by your terms and have control over your life and be treated very well and dump those who don't treat you well and find those that do, or hang onto the roller coaster of bullshyt just because you can't walk away from a pretty face and hot bod.

Golden words by Mr Me....
That statement is the nuts and bolts of dealing with women, and people in general.

 

[squirrels]

Look, do you WANT to bang this girl or NOT??

Make your decision. Either you want to keep a professional student/teacher relationship with her, or you want to bang her.

Stop chickensh!tting around. You could've banged her like three times now. She probably DID go home with that other guy because she wasn't getting any from YOU.

You don't need any literature or fancy advice. You just need to decide whether you wanna bang this girl or not. Assuming it's not too late and she hasn't gotten bored with you chicken****ting around.

You're giving her too much value because she's 20. It means nothing.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Just **** or get off the pot already. This has got Rom Com written all over it

 

[MrLuvr]

You are in Europe, she is Spanish, my guess is that she doesn't give a damn about your age.

Any normal Spanish guy would have been banging her by now. She probably thinks you are gay at this point.

 

[The Grue]

Ok, I have gotten your message loud and clear.

Mistake to adhere to the teacher-student relationship, especially considering her character, her lifestyle and the kino going on.

Mistake to text her.

Mistake to put too much emphasis on our age difference.
You're right MrLuvr; when I first mentioned my age, she didn't even bat an eyelash.
I think it is much more of an issue with me than it is with her.

I will correct my ways next time we meet.

 

[decades]

you have had ample opportunity to close her but you haven't tried. take the risk and get on with it. if you get rejected then forget about her and live with the memories of holding hands with a 20 year old chick 18 years your junior. there are reasons 20 years old chicks decide to hang with 38 year old guys and most of them are F'd up.

 

[The Grue]

I never said I was a Don Juan, in fact I am all too conscious of my shortcomings concerning women and dating, Persistent Exaction.
Is it wrong to want to learn and improve?

As for the reasons a 20 year old women would hang around older men?
I don't know.
I am not a sugar daddy, if that is what you're implying.
In fact, she pays me quite well for the lessons.

 

[MrLuvr]

I never said I was a Don Juan, in fact I am all too conscious of my shortcomings concerning women and dating, Persistent Exaction.
Is it wrong to want to learn and improve?

As for the reasons a 20 year old women would hang around older men?
I don't know.
I am not a sugar daddy, if that is what you're implying.
In fact, she pays me quite well for the lessons.

Don't listen to him. He is a moron. Spanish girls date guys 10 to 15 years older without batting an eye. Believe it or not, there is much less of an age stigma outside the US.

Idiots like P.E who perpetuate the age bias is the reason why you are in the state of paralysis you are in now. Block this fool's comments out of your mind and do what you have to do. There will always be guys like him holding you back.

 

[decades]

I never said I was a Don Juan, in fact I am all too conscious of my shortcomings concerning women and dating, Persistent Exaction.
Is it wrong to want to learn and improve?

As for the reasons a 20 year old women would hang around older men?
I don't know.
I am not a sugar daddy, if that is what you're implying.
In fact, she pays me quite well for the lessons.

pays you for lessons? what does that have to do with "dating" her? I did not say it was wrong to date her. I said are you going to make a move? I am not the only guy who said this. And yes in the USA, it is very unusual for an inexperienced 38 year old to close a hot 20 year old. It happens but so do lightning strikes. Perhaps it's different where you live? And more often than not, women that age who hang with 38 year olds have issues. Of course there are some folks here who are ok with getting played by a "girl" 18 years his junior. Let's hope she is the exception. I have no problem at all with you trying to hook up with a 20 year old. I am waiting for the field report in fact.

 

[The Grue]

Don't listen to him. He is a moron. Spanish girls date guys 10 to 15 years older without batting an eye. Believe it or not, there is much less of an age stigma outside the US.

Idiots like P.E who perpetuate the age bias is the reason why you are in the state of paralysis you are in now. Block this fool's comments out of your mind and do what you have to do. There will always be guys like him holding you back.

Again, age is not an issue for her, at least not an over riding one. She made that clear when I told her I was 38 and she replied "that doesn't matter".

Not much more to say at this time, I will get back to you all when I have something post-worthy.

Thanks for the advice,