Getting ready to give up chasing women

[EternalBachelor]

I have been a disciple of this site for two years now and have wasted a lot of my time at university chasing women to no avail: e.g wasting a lot of time in bars and clubs in the hope of meeting girls, joining clubs and societies just because they had a lot of women, and generally worrying about not succeeding with women. End result, still single, never had a date or a girlfriend, and had lots of soul destroying rejections from girls I really liked.

I have had enough, and believe there are more important things in life and i am sick of the neediness that has been created in me. I think i was much happier at school where in the absence of any women (all male boarding school) I concentrated solely on my studies, my hobbies and broadening myself as a person.

It seems that as a shy, quiet intellectual who has interests that extend beyond drinking to the point of intoxication and partying till all hours, and whose main interests are chess, debating, politics, and weightlifting, that my chances of meeting a similar girl are very slim. Plus it seems that most of the nice girls are taken.

As a result i have decided that I will just focus on getting good grades and a good job when I leave university, use the little free time I have to keep myself in good shape, keep up my societies and work on my saxophone, and spend time with my friends.
If women show up fine, but I am not going to actively seek them. Rather if they cross my path and fit my criteria I will make a move but if they don't then that i fine as I don't need a woman to be happy.

It seems that at college age only a certain type of guy is successful with women, and I am not that type of guy. While I may eventually mold myself into the sort of extroverted, outgoing guy who gets all the girls, the effort that would take would just detract from my more important goals-plus I like being quiet and I don't enjoy parties and pubs.

Is this course of action too drastic, and if so can anyone persuade me that there is still hope and it is still worth trying to find a girl.

 

[dietzcoi]

For God's dake do not give up. Be happy, I went to an all-male military college so I know what you are going thru. I can tell you with 110% certainty that your 20s and 30s will be better. I am in my 40s, divorced and living like a king. My only complaint is wasting most of my 20s and 30s with the wrong woman.

Do NOT make having a woman your goal... if you get the wrong one it is worse than having none. You have plenty of time and if you make a successful career they will flock to you. Funny my father told me the same thing while I was in college and I did not believe it, now it is coming true.

You are only 19. Chill out. Good things are coming.

JUST DO NOT GET MARRIED, at least until you are 30....

It is coming to you. Do you have the patience, or will you be an AFC like I was?

PRL and Player Supreme: Give him some help here...

Dietzcoi

 

[OddTech]

Yeah, don't give up. And don't value your success based on your success with women. You should know that from reading the bible. Women is not your priority. (yeah, easier said than done.)

Just accept the fact that the dating world just suck. Move on and work on your saxaphone, plan your career, etc. Take a sabbatical from sarging for awhile. Enjoy your life without women.

 

[SemperFi719]

Amen to that, women should never be the center of your world. On the contrary, you should treat your life as a book and women are just a chapter or appendix in it. You say you're a desiple of this site for a while now, so you should know better than anyone who isnt that it's your job to be chased, not the other way around. Sure you have to put some sort of initiative, but when you stop worrying about success with women, and start worrying about getting your degree in business so you could be sitting next to bill gates in the microsoft board room, THATS when success starts in your life, and thats when women arrive. I learned that recently, I was putting my ex-girlfriend too high on my priorities list, and at times it was like she was a higher priority than ME! But once she gave me the ol' LJBF I wised up and now i'm working to make my life better. Don't think I want a relationship for a while, just want time to have fun and enjoy life while making myself successful in everyway possible. Once you do this, women will flock to thee. Never give up man, cause thats when they win, and in this world... theres only winners and losers... which one are you?

 

[Trogdawg]

Slow down Eternal and reread what you posted. Why? Because it is exactly what you should be doing with your life. YOUR life. Focus on you, improve yourself, but over all enjoy YOUR life. You shouldn't spend time just to chase women. You go to a club to have fun not to find a girl. Do not withdraw completely though. Keep going out and having fun but don't overdo it. Like everyone else has said, do not make a girl your highest priority. Few are worth that, and fewer still will appreciate it. Instead focus on you and have fun. You only get one life, don't spend it chasing women. Hit on them when they are there but don't search the endless caverns for one.

"If it wasn't for what's between their legs there would have been a bounty on women a long time ago." -

 

[EternalBachelor]

Thanks guys. When I mean give up I don't mean I am going to turn into a misogynist and live like a hermit.

All I mean is I am going to stop thinking about women 24-7 and worrying about not having a girlfriend and trying to do things with the sole purpose of attracting women, and putting all this pressure on myself whenever I am in any situation with attractive females in the vicinity.

Of course, if I came across an attractive girl who smiled at me and flirted outrageously with me, I would not say no but there is no way that I am going to be doing the chasing!

In fact during the times when I have not been looking for a girlfriend is when I seem to get the most female attention. Case in point this summer I was one of many summer students at a bank in the UK. I had decided right from the start that my focus was on work and I would save chasing girls for when I went back to college.

One rather pretty girl had taken a fancy to me, and was dropping several hints. I was blind to them, as I did not want the distraction and was not looking for a girlfriend and as such had not even considered the possibility of hooking up with a girl from work. My project was my focus. I was polite but disinterested. This provoked her to try everything she could to make me notice her, to the stage where one evening when we went out and she got drunk, she started interrogating me and trying to find out whether I had a girlfriend or not and refusing to believe me when I said no. She then asked me what I looked for in a girl-to which to get her to leave me alone, I said a girl who doesn't ask too many questions. The end of that evening rather drunk she tried to kiss me and I just gave her the cheek brush.

Despite all this complete indifference to her, she remained crazy about me and while a relationship is an impossibility now that the summer is over as she goes to a college 10 hours away from mine, it just goes to show what an attitude of absolute desirelessness can achieve.

 

[Craig Reeves]

Well for one, you shouldn't be focusing your attention on getting girls, you're right about that one.

But you also shouldn't be chasing the WRONG type of girls. If you know that you are not into partying and drinking, then don't go to a bar and expect to have any success finding a woman that is your type, duh.

 

[Wubbman]

All this ****ing **** is more complicted than it has to be. I ****ing hate this ****. I dread nothing more than talking to some chick I have a thing for. I'm in Bachelor's place, no girlfriend ever. ****. ****. ****. This is the only area of life where I'm a failure and a ****ing coward. I've completed Army Basic Training and Army Airborne School. I've got my wings! That **** takes balls, yet I have none when it comes to women. Life is so ****ed up. **** do I hate dealing with this ****.

Sorry. This just bothers me to the ninth degree. ****ing **** rat **** mother****er do I hate this ****. ****ing women. All this **** makes me want to **** with their heads just like they **** with mine. ****ing *****-ass mother****ing, ****ing, toad ****ing *****es. Damn all those ****ers to hell!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
For God's dake do not give up. Be happy, I went to an all-male military college so I know what you are going thru. I can tell you with 110% certainty that your 20s and 30s will be better. I am in my 40s, divorced and living like a king. My only complaint is wasting most of my 20s and 30s with the wrong woman.

Do NOT make having a woman your goal... if you get the wrong one it is worse than having none. You have plenty of time and if you make a successful career they will flock to you. Funny my father told me the same thing while I was in college and I did not believe it, now it is coming true.

You are only 19. Chill out. Good things are coming.

JUST DO NOT GET MARRIED, at least until you are 30....

It is coming to you. Do you have the patience, or will you be an AFC like I was?

PRL and Player Supreme: Give him some help here...

Dietzcoi

Your words ring true Dietxcoi - I couldn't of put it better myself!

Eternal Bachelor - Your are still a youmg man and you are giving up???? Hell you just became a man last week!!!! Just don't try so damn hard and relax - you are stressing over nothing - time is on your side (i think there is a song by that title).

Chill dude - don't panic and quit forcing things to happen, they'll happen in due time!

By your screen name. 'Eternal Bachelor' I can tell you have a defeatist attitude - is 19 years of age, two weeks into adulthood, make this an ETERNITYT?????? Don't be so fatalistic, or what you perceive may come to fruition by your own thinking and doing!!!!

 

[gmm567]

wow. RELAX!

You're doing a number on yourself. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. A 43 year old says, RELAX. Women get a lot better as they get older/

It will come. ***** will come to you. Just relax.

You've got a hell of a lot more testosterone than women have.
And hence you've got a lot more of a sex drive. Women's bodies make testosterone once a month (right before ovulation) , our bodies manufacture it every day( it reaches a peak in the morning).

You are at your sexual peak at 18, they don't reach their peak untill 30-though some seem to get a boost around menopause-38-42.

Maybe you should get hooked up with one of those 38 year olds.


GEOFF

 

[EternalBachelor]

Mmm now older women is something that I am interested in ever since watching The Graduate. I have always found women in their 30s much sexier than thin, neurotic college girls. One of my fantasies has always been to be seduced by a beautiful, older women.

Problem is I don't seem to come across many unmarried mature women at my university (apart from lecturers and they are forbidden fruit )

Where are the best places to meet women like this in situations where they actually seduce you?

Oh and eternal bachelor my screen name is rather tongue in cheek. I kind of like the idea of a sort of James Bond lifestyle, where I can lead an exciting, glamorous lifestyle, while having a series of liasions with sexy women. Right now I am just going to concentrate on the lifestyle.

Yeah and geoff you are very right, part of the problem is I do have a very high testosterone levels, and hitting the weights three times a week only makes things worse.

 

[THA REALNESS]

He feels burntout,why shouldn't he just get his priorties together first ?

That's what he wants to do.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Ive been considering the exact same thinking that the poster of this thread has. Ive only been chasing for about a month or so now but ive not gotten one date and its pissing me off that women that I know i can do better than, still flake on me. I figure, in handsome, intelligent, going somewhere in life, confident and charming... why the FVCK am i chasing theM? Im the damn prize to be caught so why am I giving THEM the option to turn me down? Fvck that, im gonna do what the original poster of this thread has and i've been so frustratred lately that ive considered just having a revengeful mindset when the women do start coming onto me. I'll be thinking in my head "ok where the fvck were you at when i was actually trying to get a date but nobody would give me one". And with this thinking i would brush them off... not give them the time a day, flake on them just lke they all flaked on me. If they offered me their number and tried to make sure i call, id say i promise to call and then i dont. If they start trying to set up a day when we can go out ill do the same sh*t women did to me, ill say i'll be busy all week and for them to get back to me. And if they DO get back with me i'll say im seeing someon else now sorry. You get the idea.

 

[THA REALNESS]

I agree with what you are saying but you shouldn't consider yourself "better" you know,i'm saying that you actually think you are better but when you think women should go after YOU ,that's a no-no,you shouldn't chase or court,yet don't expect the same thing.

BTW,getting revenge on them for something somebody else did is self defating ,you DO WANT PUZZY RIGHT? so stop turning them away ,a certain girl pissed you off catch up with her and curse her out don't take it out on your poor d1ck he has nothing to do with it.


Stop playing hard to get ,drop the revenge stuff,and you will be more than ok,belive me.

 

[NewMan]

************8
All I mean is I am going to stop thinking about women 24-7 and worrying about not having a girlfriend and trying to do things with the sole purpose of attracting women, and putting all this pressure on myself whenever I am in any situation with attractive females in the vicinity.

Of course, if I came across an attractive girl who smiled at me and flirted outrageously with me, I would not say no but there is no way that I am going to be doing the chasing!

In fact during the times when I have not been looking for a girlfriend is when I seem to get the most female attention. Case in point this summer I was one of many summer students at a bank in the UK. I had decided right from the start that my focus was on work and I would save chasing girls for when I went back to college.
*****************


Voila.

This my friend is the secret.

Your making women priority - but they are not - YOU are priority.

You do things for yourself.

This doesn't mean you sit back and wait for women - if you meet someone then go for it - be agressive.

But, in the same instant you must convey that you don't NEED a woman - which in fact you don't.

Sp chill - read, keep your eyes open - and enjoy your time.

Things will get better.

 

[mahon83050]

Eternal Bachelor I feel you man. I was in the same boat at 19 and I am 26 now. My situation is a little better, but I have never been with a women longer than a month. It bothers the hell out of me, because I am normal looking, tall and smart.

As I sit here typing this, I am desperately waiting a girl to return my call from last night. See, I am the same fukked up mentality as you. I have been going on a lot of dates lately, but the last two girls blew me off after the first date. If this girl does not call back, it will be the third.

It is tough, because like me, you probably compare yourself to other guys or your male friends. Most of my male friends have g/f's or have had alot more than me. There is not anything they have over me looks or intellect wise. I feel as if I am a failure or inferior to them because of my lack of girlfriends. Yet, deep down I know this is all bull**** and women should not be your priority. If they are, you will be enslaved the rest of your life. So remember, you are not alone.

 

[louis]

Originally posted by SemperFi719
Amen to that, women should never be the center of your world. On the contrary, you should treat your life as a book and women are just a chapter or appendix in it.

... You have to put some sort of initiative, but when you stop worrying about success with women, and start worrying about getting your degree in business so you could be sitting next to bill gates in the microsoft board room, THATS when success starts in your life, and thats when women arrive.

... I just want time to have fun and enjoy life while making myself successful in everyway possible. Once you do this, women will flock to thee.

Good post Semper, but easier said than done isn't it? I guess most people are on this site because they have problems dating women (as I do), and I guess a lot of us are thinking about women a lot of the time.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Thinking about women is different than obsessing over them and defining your self worth as a man by whether you have one on your arm on a daily basis.

 

[SemperFi719]

Originally posted by louis
Good post Semper, but easier said than done isn't it? I guess most people are on this site because they have problems dating women (as I do), and I guess a lot of us are thinking about women a lot of the time.

I completely agree... its easier said than done to forget about success with women and just go about your daily life. But I believe that if you are ever to be a truly successful DJ and bluntly, a man, you will eventually realize that there's only one thing in this world that you have control over, and that is yourself. Everything else is just filler, you have to help yourself before others can help you.

Theres millions of so called "men" out there who ***** and moan about how nobody likes them and how no one cares for them yada yada yada. Its no suprise that these same "men" can't find a woman. They're so busy *****ing about how its all a big conspiracy and yet they fail to grasp that maybe they're the problem.

Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and see the person staring back. Do that sometime today, look in your mirror and see who is staring back. The reason for doing this is because the person you see staring back at you is the same person that the world sees.

Its been stated so many times on this forum and site that it isn't funny. Success starts within, once you start focusing on being successful within, then success will happen on the outside.

Another point that you should consider... if you arent happy with your job/physique/life then how will that reflect in your everyday life? It cant be stressed enough, start focusing on YOU, because when your wife leaves, the so called "love of your life" finds the bigger better deal, and that girl stacy that you were flirting with doesnt give you a second date, you only have yourself to be with. And you better make sure that you can be happy alone, so that later on you can be happy with someone else.

 

[Slickster]

I think this post is a big step forward for you.

If women show up fine, but I am not going to actively seek them. Rather if they cross my path and fit my criteria I will make a move but if they don't then that i fine as I don't need a woman to be happy.

You should have had this attitude all along. I bet you'd be beating them off.

My advice: Keep playing that sax. Find some guys and start a band.