Getting over what people think and peoples feelings.

[BigDave]

ok, i seem to have a bit of a problem here. I cant seem to stop worrying about how other people feel about stuff and what people think of me. For example, if i plan to do some stuff with people and then back out of it because i think they are nerdy or i just dont want to do stuff, i might give a lame excuse etc and then worry the **** out of if they think that im ****ting on them.

When i get drunk and do stupid stuff and people tell me about stuff i did, i then get very worried about the way people view me and also, in the past i have drunkenly made out with girls,and you know how the beer goggles work, you see them again and they can sometimes be just plain ugly. I worry about the chicks feelings n **** cos i have a tendency to just avoid them after and i worry about whether they feel ****ty.

I suppose ive just got too much of a nice guy in me, but then again theres the bastard side that comes out too. I suppose im asking how i can get over what people think of me and how do i stop worrying about how other people feel so damm much?? its starting to drive me nuts!

I may alter and add to this later but theres a general outline of my problem.

 

[khanboy]

I know where you're coming from, I had the same problem.

Some things I realized:
If you, being human, feel like this about yourself, what are the chances, they too being human, feel the exact same way about themselves?

There is a reason people form cliques, and it isn't necessarily because they like the people, but because they crave acceptance.

Nobody cares what you do. Use yourself as an example. Go out and watch people, see some do crap that is just weird. Notice how you could not care less. Realize others feel the same towards you.

You can change your attitude and mental state at any time. This is a harder one to both grasp and achieve.

I don't know if you'd find any books helpful, but after reading a few books on confidence and attitude I felt so much more ready to tackle my life. Books such as:
As A Man Thinketh By James Allen (free)
The Ultimate Secrets Of Total Self-Confidence by Robert Anthony (7 USD)
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (7.50 USD)
Any books written by James Allen are gold in my opinion.

With time, others will not deter you,
khanboy

 

[squirrels]

No one will remember you when you're dead...time wipes clean all transgressions. The only thing you have to ask is are YOU happy with the way YOU live and the choices YOU make while YOU'RE alive?

 

[Scought]

I hear ya

BigDave I feel ya.
I care what people think. So i stress. However, if there is ever a time I don't stress, I take the attitude that I dont care, i couldn't care less what they think.
However, when I'm like this I am a straight up A**hole.
When I dont care what people think i can be a straight up jerk. OTherwise I take peoples thoughts and emotions to heart.
I am polite but when I dont get it back, I can get upset and it aint pretty.
But I am too judgmental which reflects on me.
I laugh to myself when someone does somethin stupid. Or i look at someone and instantly judge. SO I assume I am always being judged and feel like I have to act a certain way all the time.
That is quite draining.
I am not sure how to help, you juave have to be you, and I could toss some lines at you about how to forget everyone else, but it's just practice.
Just say to yourself that if they have a problem they dont know you, and to know you is to love you. So, part of it may be you are judgmental or you care what others do, therefore you care what they think of you.
It's hard to please people, even harder when you do and they dont care.

 

[penkitten]

ok dave i am going to try to help you.

think of your feelings as toliet paper .
everyone has toliet paper.
everyone likes toliet paper.

when you are very young you may feel embarrased to go buy toliet paper alone, afraid someone may see you buying the cheap kind or something.

then one day you realise that you should not be embarrased that you went in alone and bought nothing but toliet paper and the
reason you dont feel any shame.... they actually think better of you for using your toliet paper!!!

 

[BigDave]

has anyone had any results using affirmations etc?

 

[GropeDope]

I had this problem too. I used to put too much thought into what other people would think about me and how they percieve me (what I do, how I look, what I am saying, and other stupid little things). The pathetic part was that I was always fully aware of the fact that they really DIDN'T GIVE TWO ****S ABOUT ME but something in my screwed up head just kept making me preoccupied with that stupid bs...and I knew that no one actually cared.

It was like this "mental disease" you're stuck with that makes you think you are some famous, important mother****er that everyone is watching all the time and gives a **** about... and that causes you to overthink almost every single thing you do and makes you question/worry about almost everything that has to do with yourself. It causes tons of ****loads of anxiety. Problem was that nothing I did could help me got around it. Well that's not true because drinking/smoking actually WOULD kill it off for a few hours but it was always there again when I was back to soberity. Simply "telling yourself" to stop thinking like that and reciting to yourself "no one gives a **** about me no one gives a **** about me chill out and relax" did absolutely nothing for me because telling yourself **** (affirmations) from the outside to the inside won't do anything for a problem that you are internalizing wherever you go. It's something buried deep inside your mind and if it were as simple as just telling yourself "Stop paying attention to that ****" then we obviously would have gotten over the problem years ago, don't you think? I believe the problem springs from something to do with neglect or a lack of wanted/needed attention during some period in childhood - adolescence that causes you to give it to yourself/internalizing it all.

A LTR with a great female and being around a new set of friends helped tone it down for me somehow. I don't really remember how I started to get over it I think it had something to do with being around the right type of positive people as much as possible...and that forced me from inside to ease up on overstressing that **** and keeping myself occuppied with other things. I mean I still have some occasional days where little bits of this old problem crops up but its usually only when something else is stressing me out and I'm all alone.

Sorry...don't really have much else to say about this but I know EXACTLY how it feels and what you go through when your mind keeps thinking this way.

 

[One on One]

I used to do that a lot, but now I hardly ever do. Here are some books that might help you:

The Four Agreements - Ruiz
The Power of Now - Tolle

Hope that helps...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Getting over what people think and peoples feelings.

This is more difficult than most people think! For some reason, usually infancy, you were raised/trained/ to pay attention to what others think.

Maybe you were conditioned to think that way. Now it's necessery a lot of work in order to stop this proccess! I don't think that just with affirmations you'll solve it! Of course it's useful but it'll not solve it!

You have to know WHY you're so concerned with that! Look at you in your past times, the things that may have triggered that "concerning". I've solved a lot of personal issues by seeing how I was raised, the things my parents did/said to me, a deep analisys of that. Because most of what you are is a consequence of the environment you had to live!

Sometimes I was simply too nice to people. I was seeking approval, and ended up being hurt (because not everyone wil give you the approval you're so craving for, and you will not stand up for yourself afraid of losing that approval). And what happens is that you'll blame others for that, when actually the problem is with you!

Those kind of analisys is what start to open your mind, you understand better why you do what you do, and you start to know who you are!