Getting over Oneitis - A guide

[darksprezzatura]

The degree of severity of Oneitis is in direct proportion to how one views him/herself in terms of their self worth and level of self esteem.

If someone has low self-worth, they will cling, hold on, plead, supplicate--anything really--to keep their partner. However, someone with a healthier self-concept will still feel Oneitis, though at a much lower level. So if you find yourself manifesting many of the physical signs OP listed (very true as I used to suffer from this--bad), the problem is in how you see yourself. Dating another woman will not help as you'll simply start the Oneitis process all over again. Like an alcoholic thinking a different brand of whiskey won't be as addictive.

You've heard it said millions of times on this site to work on yourself, and this is why it's so important. The more you gain confidence, self esteem, and improve your overall self worth, it's like building strong immunity against any nasty virus (Oneitis and related afflictions).

If anyone wants DIY tips on how to improve your level of self esteem and self worth, PM me. But please be serious, don't blow smoke, and don't waste my time.

Good luck.
~Dash~

This hits so close to home.

I remember being in a similar situation years back but my reaction was very different from how I'm dealing with right now.

This time, as I have a fixed schedule and routine where I'm growing slowly and steadily daily, I have SOMETHING to be excited about.

- A new fitness goal
- New music to play
- A great direction in my career
- I'm at one of the best shape of my life and getting better
- having this site to keep my grounded with a purpose

These things are helping me stay relatively okay despite the pain I'm going through.

Great share Dash.

 

[Visionist]

I'll ask Dash here for the benefit of everybody, but how do you reconcile the idea that your self improvement - which in my case means losing about forty to fifty pounds - is purely for you and not to attract females?

I'm in a sort of mental limbo, where I know it's crunchtime and that I need to take drastic action. Hire a dietitian and call my old personal trainer level of drastic. It's gonna be expensive, it's gonna be seriously tough. I have no choice remaining. I need to see a gastroenterologist first; I'm that screwed up inside.

Obviously I need to lose the weight because it's vital for my future health, but here's the kicker: I don't have the motivation to do it for that reason alone.

All I can think about instead is girls when I think about losing weight. I need to get my finances back in order too, and I actually abandoned a well paying teaching job recently to give me all the time to get back in shape. A foolish move no doubt, but all the schools here are shut now anyway 'cos of the beer virus.

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

I swear I have the wrong motivation.

 

[Glassguy]

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

You do it for both. First and foremost you are doing it for yourself. To be healthier physically, mentally and emotionally.

Attracting more women/higher quality women is the byproduct that comes with it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'll ask Dash here for the benefit of everybody, but how do you reconcile the idea that your self improvement - which in my case means losing about forty to fifty pounds - is purely for you and not to attract females?

I'm in a sort of mental limbo, where I know it's crunchtime and that I need to take drastic action. Hire a dietitian and call my old personal trainer level of drastic. It's gonna be expensive, it's gonna be seriously tough. I have no choice remaining. I need to see a gastroenterologist first; I'm that screwed up inside.

Obviously I need to lose the weight because it's vital for my future health, but here's the kicker: I don't have the motivation to do it for that reason alone.

All I can think about instead is girls when I think about losing weight. I need to get my finances back in order too, and I actually abandoned a well paying teaching job recently to give me all the time to get back in shape. A foolish move no doubt, but all the schools here are shut now anyway 'cos of the beer virus.

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

I swear I have the wrong motivation.

After you get let down enough. Used enough. Taken for granted enough. It won't be hard to do for self.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I'll ask Dash here for the benefit of everybody, but how do you reconcile the idea that your self improvement - which in my case means losing about forty to fifty pounds - is purely for you and not to attract females?

I'm in a sort of mental limbo, where I know it's crunchtime and that I need to take drastic action. Hire a dietitian and call my old personal trainer level of drastic. It's gonna be expensive, it's gonna be seriously tough. I have no choice remaining. I need to see a gastroenterologist first; I'm that screwed up inside.

Obviously I need to lose the weight because it's vital for my future health, but here's the kicker: I don't have the motivation to do it for that reason alone.

All I can think about instead is girls when I think about losing weight. I need to get my finances back in order too, and I actually abandoned a well paying teaching job recently to give me all the time to get back in shape. A foolish move no doubt, but all the schools here are shut now anyway 'cos of the beer virus.

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

I swear I have the wrong motivation.

Start walking, my word, its do-able....I'm at about 70 pounds over so you're ahead of me; after 5 weeks I see a barely perceptable difference but there IS a difference.
Could also be the giving up of wheat products for over 1/2 a month now too.
Those two goals, along with cutting back on coffee, is what
I'm working on. Baby steps. Recording everything on a 24"x36" wall erasable calendar so my progress is visible with data.
My motivation to start walking was actually to improve my blood circulation after quitting smoking again.

You'll find your motivation in your current state of biology. Gastro doc test results will no doubt motivate you. Trust your gut(sorry, not sorry for the pun)

 

[Visionist]

I've been let down pretty much constantly, for decades, but instead of sending me into the MGTOW camp it's made me want to pursue girls even harder.

I was on a road trip to Cannes & Monaco with three other dudes last week, we just made it back before Italy closed itself off. Anyway these dudes are all heavy hitters, loaded down with women who fight for their attention, and one of them is in awesome shape, not to mention eleven years younger than me (lucky b@stard lmao). I didn't exactly cover myself with glory on this trip, although looking back one demure French waitress I met would probably have been fair game. I didn't go beyond holding her shoulder and C&F telling her to bring me a Corona, ah well. My confidence is in the gutter.

I was dumped upon the entire trip by one of the guys who constantly took the pi$$ regarding a girl I liked who he got with instead, effortlessly. He did it the blue pill way by buying her an expensive dinner but he still got to pound her all of that Goddamned summer. I often found my temper beginning to slip with him.

Anyway, I got a lot of $hit to fix.

 

[darksprezzatura]

After you get let down enough. Used enough. Taken for granted enough. It won't be hard to do for self.

Read this ^ and again ^.

Start walking, my word, its do-able....I'm at about 70 pounds over so you're ahead of me; after 5 weeks I see a barely perceptable difference but there IS a difference.
Could also be the giving up of wheat products for over 1/2 a month now too.
Those two goals, along with cutting back on coffee, is what
I'm working on. Baby steps. Recording everything on a 24"x36" wall erasable calendar so my progress is visible with data.
My motivation to start walking was actually to improve my blood circulation after quitting smoking again.

You'll find your motivation in your current state of biology. Gastro doc test results will no doubt motivate you. Trust your gut(sorry, not sorry for the pun)

Good job on recording the data, it helps forming habits which I'll talk about below.

I'll ask Dash here for the benefit of everybody, but how do you reconcile the idea that your self improvement - which in my case means losing about forty to fifty pounds - is purely for you and not to attract females?

I'm in a sort of mental limbo, where I know it's crunchtime and that I need to take drastic action. Hire a dietitian and call my old personal trainer level of drastic. It's gonna be expensive, it's gonna be seriously tough. I have no choice remaining. I need to see a gastroenterologist first; I'm that screwed up inside.

Obviously I need to lose the weight because it's vital for my future health, but here's the kicker: I don't have the motivation to do it for that reason alone.

All I can think about instead is girls when I think about losing weight. I need to get my finances back in order too, and I actually abandoned a well paying teaching job recently to give me all the time to get back in shape. A foolish move no doubt, but all the schools here are shut now anyway 'cos of the beer virus.

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

I swear I have the wrong motivation.

Doesn't matter what your source of motivation is as long as you take steps towards whatever you want to ACHIEVE..

Don't think of it as you not being good enough for girls or something on that line. but maybe about what YOU want to do.

Regarding what you're struggling with:

Nutrition is key.

You can never out train a bad diet no matter what you do.

Distributing macros as 40% protein 40% fats and 20% carbs helped me. Alongside lifting heavy weights improved my body composition.

As the other guy said, BABY STEPS.

 

[gettinit]

Immediately seeing other women has never worked for me, once "infected". Its just a few hours of pointless distraction, because deep down, its just another woman reminding you of where you really want to be. I'll just do anything but date for a few weeks and have always been amazed at the clarity that results. Instead of seeing all of the things good things that you saw in your oneitis girl, you then start to see how much better girls than her are out there. I dated a "distraction" girl and recently ran into her again. Hotter and cooler than I remember and I'm pretty sure that this was due to my mindset at the time.

Although anyone can get a case of oneitis (even with a rotation one can manage to get under your skin), having a mindset that it is her loss, will keep the severity from being nearly as bad. This REQUIRES building your self esteem. Aside from the mental and health benefits of getting in shape and doing what YOU enjoy, you also seem to develop a thicker skin along the way (at least I did). Although it may still nag you a bit, it will allow you to move forward again with a better mindset. It took me a few to toughen up. Even if "feelings" creep in, I can now look at things more objectively and decide if its good for ME and proceed accordingly.

The bottom line is that there is not an instant cure. A change in your core mindset takes time and it is time well spent.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I kid you not guys, I believe I'm able to deal with my current oneitis better because my routine has 5 ironclad habits which I won't quit no matter whatever I "feel".



- making my bed, grooming myself

- playing and recording music everyday

- lifting weights and running

- cooking my own food, high protein

- working on my career and education



My main plate diplomatically dumped me two days back whom I was highly attracted too.

She said she was into me but kept delaying plans, making excuses, overall being flakey, I bailed.

I started hitting on girls immediately since three days, got 6 numbers, a couple of which crashed but 2 HB 8 girls already who are already interested in me and willing to go out.

Even though these girls are way better looking, but as I haven't consistently had sex with them, this oneitis keeps haunting me, but I know I'll manage, as I have in the past.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I kid you not guys, I believe I'm able to deal with my current oneitis better because my routine has 6 ironclad habits which I won't quit no matter whatever I "feel".



- making my bed, grooming myself

- playing and recording music everyday

- lifting weights and running

- cooking my own food, high protein

- working on my career and education



My main plate diplomatically dumped me two days back whom I was highly attracted too.

She said she was into me but kept delaying plans, making excuses, overall being flakey, I bailed.

I started hitting on girls immediately since three days, got 6 numbers, a couple of which crashed but 2 HB 8 girls already who are already interested in me and willing to go out.

Even though these girls are way better looking, but as I haven't consistently had sex with them, this oneitis keeps haunting me, but I know I'll manage, as I have in the past.

When you get enough quality sex and companionship you will stop longing for the fantasy of what you thought the ex could be. It'll no longer make sense. It'll be uncomfortable thoughts.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Immediately seeing other women has never worked for me, once "infected". Its just a few hours of pointless distraction, because deep down, its just another woman reminding you of where you really want to be. I'll just do anything but date for a few weeks and have always been amazed at the clarity that results. Instead of seeing all of the things good things that you saw in your oneitis girl, you then start to see how much better girls than her are out there. I dated a "distraction" girl and recently ran into her again. Hotter and cooler than I remember and I'm pretty sure that this was due to my mindset at the time.

Although anyone can get a case of oneitis (even with a rotation one can manage to get under your skin), having a mindset that it is her loss, will keep the severity from being nearly as bad. This REQUIRES building your self esteem. Aside from the mental and health benefits of getting in shape and doing what YOU enjoy, you also seem to develop a thicker skin along the way (at least I did). Although it may still nag you a bit, it will allow you to move forward again with a better mindset. It took me a few to toughen up. Even if "feelings" creep in, I can now look at things more objectively and decide if its good for ME and proceed accordingly.

The bottom line is that there is not an instant cure. A change in your core mindset takes time and it is time well spent.

I understand where you're coming from.

It's really just convincing your body that there are lots of women out there who are looking for you and want you to win.

A rejection or ego driven oneitis makes you feel as if she was the only source of "good feelings" and you won't ever feel the same again.

As many of us have been through several oneitis ( I'm assuming), it takes just some faith in yourself and your life to get back on horse.

- GFTOW (Go **** ten other women)
- Improving inner game
- Improving outer game

are all messages to your body about the same thing.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Never put poosey on a pedestal, she is not special.

She first needs to prove her swlf for you to value her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'll ask Dash here for the benefit of everybody, but how do you reconcile the idea that your self improvement - which in my case means losing about forty to fifty pounds - is purely for you and not to attract females?

I'm in a sort of mental limbo, where I know it's crunchtime and that I need to take drastic action. Hire a dietitian and call my old personal trainer level of drastic. It's gonna be expensive, it's gonna be seriously tough. I have no choice remaining. I need to see a gastroenterologist first; I'm that screwed up inside.

Obviously I need to lose the weight because it's vital for my future health, but here's the kicker: I don't have the motivation to do it for that reason alone.

All I can think about instead is girls when I think about losing weight. I need to get my finances back in order too, and I actually abandoned a well paying teaching job recently to give me all the time to get back in shape. A foolish move no doubt, but all the schools here are shut now anyway 'cos of the beer virus.

How do I train my psyche into believing "I will make sacrifices, for me. I will get back in shape, for me" instead of "I will make sacrifices, to be attractive. I will get back in shape, to be attractive"?

I swear I have the wrong motivation.

Think of it in terms of self-respect. Making those improvements will garner respect from yourself first, and then also men and women.