Getting over girlfriend's sexual past

[FruitLoops]

Here is a background:
I am currently dating my coworker. While i was at her place last night she said she wanted to be honest with me and told me that before we got together, last year during the christmas party at work she had sex with one of the coworker (who i know and work with him) at her place. She added that she was drunk and it was a one time thing.
I didnt react at that time and stayed normal like nothing happened. But it stirred my mind completely. I just cant seem to get this thing out of my head. I got mind ****ed to the extent that i ended up imaging that dude banging her on her bed (the same bed i had banged her a couple of minutes ago :/). In fact i actually had a thought of breaking up with her. I know it sounds dumb on my part, but i just cant seem to get over it. I suppose it also has something to do with the fact that we guys dont get along very much.
If anyone has been in such situation, how did you handle the situation.
How should i deal with this sexual past stuff?

 

[Kotaix]

Dating coworkers is a bad idea. As for your mind... just let it go. You can't control what your mind thinks, but you can clear your mind and let the thought pass. Either you learn to let go of what's eating you or it will eat you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dating coworkers is a bad idea. As for your mind... just let it go. You can't control what your mind thinks, but you can clear your mind and let the thought pass. Either you learn to let go of what's eating you or it will eat you.

Any tricks how to slip past these thoughts and refocus?

 

[AttackFormation]

Any tricks how to slip past these thoughts and refocus?

Imagine cvm shots from a succession of men into the mouth of every girl you talk to and them loving to swallow the cvm after they've been fvcked, choked and loved being called a dirty slut by guys just using them for sex. Should reduce it all to the same level where you don't feel like you're missing out on something or getting a particularly bad deal.

 

[backseatjuan]

This is BS! Yea, no matter who we are, men or women, we fcked people from time to time, even coworkers. But her telling you this sht. How to take it? Would you tell her that you fcked someone? I'm thinking she told you that not to be honest with you, as if I just fcked this one guy, yea.. No no no no! She told you that because she is banging him from time to time, at a minimum. Fck that sht. What girlfriend???

No girlfriend would say sht like that. It is assumed we are all sexually active. This is no girlfriend. This is fck buddy. Treat her as such.

If you emotionally a whimp, then fck off.

 

[FruitLoops]

This is BS! Yea, no matter who we are, men or women, we fcked people from time to time, even coworkers. But her telling you this sht. How to take it? Would you tell her that you fcked someone? I'm thinking she told you that not to be honest with you, as if I just fcked this one guy, yea.. No no no no! She told you that because she is banging him from time to time, at a minimum. Fck that sht. What girlfriend???

No girlfriend would say sht like that. It is assumed we are all sexually active. This is no girlfriend. This is fck buddy. Treat her as such.

If you emotionally a whimp, then fck off.

well firstly i work at a small workplace where all the coworkers know each other. I am not defending her but i suppose maybe this is why she told me this.
Anyways secondly i am not really attached to her. The reason that its bugging me is because i am taking this upon my ego that how on earth did she end up banging this dude before me who is much inferior in looks and personality than me.

 

[lamath]

Its just a fact that she would have slept with other ppl,.

The mindset should be .not give a ****, your are better than all those chump.
Thats the Alpha way, of you cant its gonna bite you i the ass might as well Next her

 

[AttackFormation]

The reason that its bugging me is because i am taking this upon my ego that how on earth did she end up banging this dude before me who is much inferior in looks and personality than me.

Looks and emotional excitement aren't the only factors in who women have sex with in the moment. Inhibition, self esteem and options are also factors. Alcohol = lower inhibitions. Low self esteem = lower/dysfunctional standards. Few options + alcohol + low self esteem = even lower standards.

 

[FruitLoops]

Dang!! Right on dude.

 

[backseatjuan]

Sounds li,ke your'e a nice guy

 

[AttackFormation]

Dang!! Right on dude.

If you think that's a truth, and this one encounter of hers sent your head spinning, you don't wanna know what they (because it's much easier for them being women) can do after they break up with a guy or just because they feel like it. Go on a "hoe phase" as I saw one of them call it and another girl tried to brag to me that she had been doing. Any one girl you talk to will probably have been on one "hoe phase" at the very least. Also keep this in mind when they have the gall to try to say things like they don't usually do this/they only have sex in a relationship/they're not that kind of girl/whatever it is they hope you'll believe and accept.

You really have to stop sorting women into different categories of sexuality, for your own sake. Just imagine all of them have fvcked several dozens of men who they've done everything with. Don't have these virgin fantasies or whatever it is about them.

 

[FruitLoops]

If you think that's a truth, and this one encounter of hers sent your head spinning, you don't wanna know what they (because it's much easier for them being women) can do after they break up with a guy or just because they feel like it. Go on a "hoe phase" as I saw one of them call it and another girl tried to brag to me that she had been doing. Any one girl you talk to will probably have been on one "hoe phase" at the very least. Also keep this in mind when they have the gall to try to say things like they don't usually do this/they only have sex in a relationship/they're not that kind of girl/whatever it is they hope you'll believe and accept.

You really have to stop sorting women into different categories of sexuality, for your own sake. Just imagine all of them have fvcked several dozens of men who they've done everything with. Don't have these virgin fantasies or whatever it is about them.

I am already aware of the fact that she had previous sexual encounters. It never bothered me and i never gave a $hit about it. But this particular incident that she told in particular got my head spun.
Like i said earlier, i am somehow taking it upon my ego that she has banged this guy that i particularly dont get along with and who is even inferior in looks than me.

 

[In2theGame]

Here is a background:
I am currently dating my coworker. While i was at her place last night she said she wanted to be honest with me and told me that before we got together, last year during the christmas party at work she had sex with one of the coworker (who i know and work with him) at her place. She added that she was drunk and it was a one time thing.
I didnt react at that time and stayed normal like nothing happened. But it stirred my mind completely. I just cant seem to get this thing out of my head. I got mind ****ed to the extent that i ended up imaging that dude banging her on her bed (the same bed i had banged her a couple of minutes ago :/). In fact i actually had a thought of breaking up with her. I know it sounds dumb on my part, but i just cant seem to get over it. I suppose it also has something to do with the fact that we guys dont get along very much.
If anyone has been in such situation, how did you handle the situation.
How should i deal with this sexual past stuff?

In my opinion, that's a good thing she told you because she's being upfront with it as to not hide anything. I would think you'd be pissed off if you found out through another source instead of her being directly honest with you. Any Woman you date, They have fvcked other guys and you have fvcked other girls. The only thing I can imagine that bothers you is that all of you work together and like you stated, you don't like the guy. Obviously if she's not talking to the guy anymore or interacting with him in any way, you're good but if she's willingly still in contact with him then that's definitely a problem.

 

[Kotaix]

Any tricks how to slip past these thoughts and refocus?

Yes, practice Zen to quiet your mind, and learn the value of not trying to control life any more than you absolutely need to. I can't even begin to describe the change of mindset that comes when you realize that you trying to control everything in life is one of THE biggest mistakes you can make. Any kind of control you think you have is just an illusion that will be brought crashing down by a divorce, health problem or natural disaster you never saw coming. The less control you have, the less there is to disappoint and upset you. And the kicker is that when you give up trying to control, and your mind is still, you then see that the universe heaps opportunities on you every day and you were too busy thinking to notice it.

I strongly recommend Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryo Suzuki. Also, Alan Watts has some great lectures on how your mind gets used to thinking compulsively and how to quiet it.

 

[In2theGame]

What's really bothering OP at the core is imagining that guy (That he doesn't like) getting his c0ck sucked by his now GF and also imagining that guy bending his GF over and fvck her doggystyle (Possibly Anal too) and the male ego doesn't like that. Like the poster above me mentioned, You have no control over what happened and as long as she isn't interacting with him and not lying to you.

 

[FruitLoops]

What's really bothering OP at the core is imagining that guy (That he doesn't like) getting his c0ck sucked by his now GF and also imagining that guy bending his GF over and fvck her doggystyle (Possibly Anal too) and the male ego doesn't like that. Like the poster above me mentioned, You have no control over what happened and as long as she isn't interacting with him and not lying to you.

true that. You have no idea what all styles did i imagine her doing with him and it kept my blood boiling.

 

[In2theGame]

true that. You have no idea what all styles did i imagine her doing with him and it kept my blood boiling.

LOL! I know you have all the outrageous questions running through your mind.

 

[lamath]

true that. You have no idea what all styles did i imagine her doing with him and it kept my blood boiling.

He probably try to bang her again after said incident, if it only happened once you can tell yourself you 1 up him

 

[FruitLoops]

He probably try to bang her again after said incident, if it only happened once you can tell yourself you 1 up him

Well thats what she told me. It only happened once and that she was drunk that night. And i know she was inebriated cause even i was there in that party. I am just not sure if they continued it after.

 

[In2theGame]

Well thats what she told me. It only happened once and that she was drunk that night. And i know she was inebriated cause even i was there in that party. I am just not sure if they continued it after.

The only way to really find out is to ask her upfront and straightforward "Did you guys hook up more than just once? I'm not going to judge you or anything, I just want to know the honest truth". I have to agree with Stormrider on this one when he mentioned that Women fear being judged and looked at in a negative light so you will need to genuinely let her know, you wont judge the outcome. However you will need to control yourself if she opens up and says "Sigh..... Ok...well...... We were hooking up a few times afterwards and he would come over sometimes". At this point I know your mind will begin to imagine things lol and wonder.... "I wonder if she used to take his loads all the time... Did she swallow? How many times and way did her fvck her!"