Getting over feelings of betrayal

[GoldVault505]

I wanted to know of anyone else is with me here. Basically, I'm beginning to turn myself around regarding women (going to school in NYC really helped with that). But I can't help feeling betrayed by my mother on account of how I was raised. She is of the feminist persuasion and raised me to "respect women." I'm sure her intentions were good, but she wound up teaching me to respect physical and conversational boundaries to the point of putting women on a pedestal and never actively showing sexual interest. Combined with all the shyt I had to endure in school, it made me a failure with women. Does anyone else feel betrayed by their upbringing? It's just hard for me to get over the idea that someone who loves me poisoned me with ideas that led me to fail. Any thoughts?

 

[scrouds]

Check! Me too. Took until after college for me to turn that around much, so you're very much ahead of that.

 

[women haze]

My Mom would always belittle me and we would argue constantly until she had died and now I feel empty inside.

Atleast your parents taught you respect....I learned to be clingy and never want to let a b1tch go..

 

[Son of anarchy]

Your moms? you should see elementary/middle school in Europe where 90% of the teachers are female raised in a post feminist university environment and the few male teachers are afc or afraid to talk.
Its the rule to give high marks to girls to push their ego even if they are useless idiots while reproaching a guy even for kicking a ball in the yard.
Oh yeah since we are talking about moms,mine was close to yours except that she stopped later after i did something.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I wanted to know of anyone else is with me here. Basically, I'm beginning to turn myself around regarding women (going to school in NYC really helped with that). But I can't help feeling betrayed by my mother on account of how I was raised. She is of the feminist persuasion and raised me to "respect women." I'm sure her intentions were good, but she wound up teaching me to respect physical and conversational boundaries to the point of putting women on a pedestal and never actively showing sexual interest. Combined with all the shyt I had to endure in school, it made me a failure with women. Does anyone else feel betrayed by their upbringing? It's just hard for me to get over the idea that someone who loves me poisoned me with ideas that led me to fail. Any thoughts?

Femminists are confused, and they use femminism to compensate for deep feelings of inadequacy. It's important to remember that your mom didn't do this maliciously, and that she probably embraced femminism not knowing what to do about her issues with men. It offered relief and validation, though in a twisted way. She certainly thought that she was doing the right thing with the way she raised you.

I grew up in a female-dominated family, one mother, three sisters, all of a femminist bent. Absentee father. I've been starting to assert myself with them all now, and an unexpected benefit from that is they are respecting me more. So you see, you can change things.

Just remember that she taught you the way she did in ignorance (I'm not saying she's ignorant, just that she is unaware). You can choose to rise above it and in the process demonstrate to her that you do not accept her philosophy and that you are your own man.

 

[Atom Smasher]

My Mom would always belittle me and we would argue constantly until she had died and now I feel empty inside.

Atleast your parents taught you respect....I learned to be clingy and never want to let a b1tch go..

Dude, the best thing you can do for yourself right this minute is to get rid of that signature. That attitude is going to insure that you remain stuck in AFC-land.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your moms? you should see elementary/middle school in Europe where 90% of the teachers are female raised in a post feminist university environment and the few male teachers are afc or afraid to talk.
Its the rule to give high marks to girls to push their ego even if they are useless idiots while reproaching a guy even for kicking a ball in the yard.
Oh yeah since we are talking about moms,mine was close to yours except that she stopped later after i did something.

No different at all here in the states.

 

[GoldVault505]

Femminists are confused, and they use femminism to compensate for deep feelings of inadequacy. It's important to remember that your mom didn't do this maliciously, and that she probably embraced femminism not knowing what to do about her issues with men. It offered relief and validation, though in a twisted way. She certainly thought that she was doing the right thing with the way she raised you.

I grew up in a female-dominated family, one mother, three sisters, all of a femminist bent. Absentee father. I've been starting to assert myself with them all now, and an unexpected benefit from that is they are respecting me more. So you see, you can change things.

Just remember that she taught you the way she did in ignorance (I'm not saying she's ignorant, just that she is unaware). You can choose to rise above it and in the process demonstrate to her that you do not accept her philosophy and that you are your own man.

Actually, I don't really blame her at all. She's been happily married for years and I have no evidence to the effect that she has ever cheated, nor do I have the slightest suspicion. She came to feminism from what I think is a pretty legit position, back when women really didn't have much choices. So she doesn't have "issues" with men. In fact, I would have to say that she is one of the most reasonable feminists I know. I was just talking to her tonight about it, and she was saying about how her stance is that their ARE differences between men and women and that the balance of her feminist philosophy is to grapple with the very real differences between men and women without either reducing them to simplistic explanations or curtailing the freedoms that women currently enjoy. My mother is not a misandrist by any stretch.

That being said, my mother's admonitions to respect women and their personal boundaries and not be too aggressive sexually, combined with insane reinforcement from the rest of society, and relentless teasing for classmates, helped to hinder my suave, debonair sensibility. I mean, heck, when I was 8-10 years old I loved listening to swing music and dressing in suits, using clever humor and talking like I was the smoothest thing since silk. I was all ready to join the Rat Pack at the tender age of ten! Somewhere in between then and now (age 20) I convinced myself that due to the feminist revolution, that classic old-school approach would not work anymore and that women had actually changed (LOL!) and didn't go for smooth, witty, well-dressed devils anymore. I thought they actually went for nice guys who "respected" them and not Don Draper-type dudes who would seduce them aggressively.

If only I had read articles like this...

http://www.observer.com/2008/arts-culture/mad-about-man?page=0,1

.... when I was younger!!! Feminism helped create a generation of gutless saps who would do anything a woman wants. But these men don't make for gina tingles.....

But now I am on the dawn of correction.

Onward, SoSuave soldiers!

 

[Joshski]

my mom told me i couldn't get a gf until i was 16...so i never rly even TALKED to any girls...i just started talking to them last september (beginning of school year)

 

[GoldVault505]

bump

 

[londonzen]

mines a ***** basically she always called me and my brothers poofs and wimps
from when we were 5 and 6, if we saw a girl from school or somewhere and waved she would ask us laughing
"whos that ?well shes not your gf as she is too good for you lot aim lower"

she would say this if it was a hb10 or even a hb5

she would often telll us" when you wake up 2mor i will be gone and i wont be coming back" and would often hide

she would tell us we were ugly until i got to about 16 and every one else started telling her how good looking they thought we wereat 1st she would disagree and then she started jumping on the bandwagon.

she still ask girls question like wat do they see in us

this affected us all different

me the oldest am quiet have issues with trust and push girls away when they get too close, i also cannot commit or show my feelings for girls i do generally like(they say im cold)
i also only go for only at least hb7 or up i think i do this to show my mum she was wrong

the middle bro 1 year younger was always the kid cassanova when he was younger always with girlfriends always singing and all the auntys loved him.
as he got older he got more quiet and very agressive and jealous to cut a long story short he constanly falls in love with known hos which adds to his aggresion and jealousy.
hes i in jail atm for punching his boss who called him a poof .
he refuses to talk to my mum when he phones.

my littlest bro 4 years younger than me is the quietest but seems to get girls (always hb9 at least) without even trying.
he has trust issues to and pushes girls away aswell.
and has a rule he doesnt cheat on girls but he will drop a girl in a sec if something better comes along.
hes a very nice guy but very blunt with his speech

 

[Atom Smasher]

To this day it pains me to have to treat women the way I have to. I want to be nice, respectful and friendly, but they quickly get bored with that and consequently we have to play these games to manipulate their emotions. Very sad.

Just today at church I had to give the cold shoulder to a fish I have on the line, and it pained me to do so. Two weeks ago, I gave loads of attention to her and her aunt (they are similar in age), and I knew I would have to make up for that by backing off. I had also noticed that the aunt hadn't returned an e-mail I had sent last week.

I play guitar on the worship team. After service I could see that they were milling about waiting to see if I would come down off the stage to talk with them. I decided to give $20 to a guest minister who was speaking today, so I went down near the girls with my 20, put it in the box, and said, "How are you doing" to them, said "great", and then went back up on the stage to pack up.

The AFC in me tells me, "You blew it. You should have engaged them more, and now they will lose interest".

That may be so, but I'm having to try things in order to calibrate myself socially. It seemed like the right time to back off since I gave them too much validation last time.

The bottom line is that I hate having to play these manipulative games, but it really is a necessity in today's society. I sure wish that women valued respect the way men do, but the fact is that they don't. Treat a woman with the same respect you would treat a man, and watch how fast she runs. What a shame. What does that say about women and their values?