Getting over a Oneitis/girl I feel in love with.

[big weezy]

How do you get over a oneitis or girl you feel in love with?

I tried seeing other girls, removing her from my life as best as I could but every time I see her I feel devastated and a sense of loss. I felt from the start when I met her that she was special. I've never been in love before but this must be what it feels like cos the heartache is devastating.

I can't bear to see her around or with another guy that would just kill me.

I tried spinning plates, slept with a couple other girls but it hasn't helped. I'm at a stage where I wanna move away so I don't see her around anymore. I have an opportunity to go abroad and I think I will do it. What are the best ways to get over a oneitis?

I genuinely feel even now that she is/was special, and had I not acted needy and clingy we would be together. It's crazy I know, but I feel genuinely in love. She's the first girl I've met who I wasn't looking to sleep with as part of the deal (of course I wanted to eventually) but just being with her enjoying her company made me happy. Now it's over I just can't get over her.

She's moved on with her life, I should too, if she sees me she looks p1ssed off and barely says hi. When I don't see her for a few days I feel a bit better but then it just hits me hard when I see her again. I can't avoid her we're both on a small campus. Even when I try to avoid her I end up seeing her walking past me when I go to and from the subway station. Fate has a real way of hurting me. Damn.

 

[underoath777]

It's not love, it's infatuation. I was going through the same thing. I still LIKE and WANT the girl, but within a day all that changed.

Read this post to determine why you feel this way.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93880

Once you diagnose why you feel your oneitis, you'll be able to realize how pointless it is.

Secondly, read this. This will change your outlook on EVERYTHING.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16971&highlight=holy+grail+dating


Those two threads made me realize how trivial it all is. She's trivial. She's not expending any energy into giving you positive emotions. You need to move on. That's it, simply. Stop crying about it and move on.

This sh!t has happened to everyone on this forum, you aren't special and fate is going after you.

I'm telling you this because it holds true for myself as well. I always felt like the victim..that's just life dude. Read those threads and your life will change.

 

[big weezy]

Yeah but I'm not a little kid, I'm 28 years old and never been in love before, I thought I was incapable of love and caring for someone unconditionally not expecting anything in return.

I used to just pick up girls endlessly and walk away if they were p1ssing me about cos I didn't care about them, even gf's I cared about I knew they weren't special so I knew to end things at some point.

This girl was everything I wanted and I couldn't keep my cool to get her. Now seeing her would just devastate me especially if she's with another guy. I rather leave now and pretend she doesn't exist, I was fine until I saw her again today.

 

[underoath777]

I thought I was incapable of love and caring for someone unconditionally not expecting anything in return.

Fvck unrequited love. If she doesn't care about you, try to establish more interest. In the meantime move on.

I used to just pick up girls endlessly and walk away if they were p1ssing me about cos I didn't care about them, even gf's I cared about I knew they weren't special so I knew to end things at some point.

I believe you and I will develop the inner game to act this way around ALL girls, as long as we notice our mistakes and improve.

This girl was everything I wanted and I couldn't keep my cool to get her. Now seeing her would just devastate me especially if she's with another guy. I rather leave now and pretend she doesn't exist, I was fine until I saw her again today.

There will be more, just meet more girls.

Being upset will get you nowhere. I'm upset right now too. But it's not going to help. So I'm saying fvck it and moving on.

Oh btw, DON'T move because of a girl. I've done it, my brother has done it, and we both regret it. Horrible idea.


Read those posts like I said. If you read it and seriously apply it, you will feel better.

 

[big weezy]

I feel I have to leave, I can't stand seeing her with another guy, she's not just another girl, I honestly genuinely felt she was something special, someone I wanted to chill with. I've never met a girl like this before and my game was no where near tight enough to pass all her silly tests and now it's so bad she's cold towards me.

I'm going to leave because I had so many reasons to leave and only her to stay for and now it's over I can't bear to see her. Being away will help me get over her and I can start again to improve my game from scratch.

Is there any other methods to help me get over a oneitis?

 

[tonyrunkzz]

Is there any other methods to help me get over a oneitis?

Well bro i know what your going through and only time cures these things so your best bet is to go abroad. Start working out at a gym it really ellivate's the mind. Most of all just be strong because theres no easy way of getting over a onetis this just takes time.

 

[big weezy]

Why can't I get over this feeling of loss and love?

It's really devastating that I keep thinking about what should have been etc even now where she has more free time and all her friends have gone home for the holidays for a month, had I not messed up then i'd have all this time with her but because she's repulsed by me now being by herself alone in her room is more appealing.

 

[FreD_BeaR]

Why can't I get over this feeling of loss and love?

It's really devastating that I keep thinking about what should have been etc even now where she has more free time and all her friends have gone home for the holidays for a month, had I not messed up then i'd have all this time with her but because she's repulsed by me now being by herself alone in her room is more appealing.

ya know what man, you are not alone. Ive gone through and am still going through with the same thing.

I think about it pretty much everyday, its hard to believe, but its been almost a month, and it does still suck, just a lot less. At first I was unfazed, but after listening to advice (not from sosuave, which was part of my downfall) I turned AFC. My head was rattled, I was confused, and didnt know what to do. I made things worse a few times. My biggest problem was I wouldnt accept that it was over. I kept thinking we will get back togwther, especially because previously i didnt care, i was just in it for a good time. But things change.

I had some realll reall bad days, days I didnt think would ever happen. I never ever thought I would have been effected like this, especially from someone I had just been recently dating. Its all a game, and its up to you to stay in control and keep your mind in perspective.

Dont allow yourself to feel down about it, eventhough it is hard. Dont feel sorry for yourself, or think back what could i have done differently. Before I was a very strong person in control and had everything figured out. I got dumped, and thats all it took to eff me up in the head. But now im realizing it, i was a bit depressed and am getting out of it.

Think about YOU, whats best for YOU. which is what part of my downfall was also, not thinking for myself enough. Do things because YOU want to, not for others.

What im in the process of doing, is bettering myself. Becoming a stronger me mentally. I need to fix and improve myself. Being more postitive and less negative. Ive realized a big problem of mine is, I just dont care. And that is very negative, I need to start caring more, about everything! I can now see that friends of mine that are always so out going and happy and positive, those who are successful with women and life in general. They put effort into talking to people, they genuinly care about the person when they are talking to them, while for me it's like I ask questions about them because i feel obliged to, not because I care.

Anyway, to get over oneitis, you need to think for yourself. Now is a time to improve yourself whatever that may be. Its clear youre in a bad spot like I was, being down on yourself and feeling like the girl is all you can think about. Hell I stll think about her tons, but it will be less and less. Now i obviously think back to where I messed up, but I overanalyze, i need to just let it be. Go to the gym like previously mentioned, thats what helps me out a lot. Working out gives an abundance of self confidence, makes you look better and feel better. For now, just stop harping on it man, I know it's hard, but focus on you, no one else is going to.

 

[tafakna]

Why can't I get over this feeling of loss and love?

Norepinephrine and Dopamine. Research about these two neurotransmitters deeply related to love.

It will not help much, but at least you will understand what you're going through.

The faster you realize that a lot of people go through the same problem, the faster you realize that she might be special but she's not unique, the sooner you will start to feel better.

I've been following your posts (including under other screen names) and indeed it's impossible to turn this around. But you can at least learn from your mistakes and not repeat them next time.