Getting over a breakup and becoming a better man

[Dman101]

I just got out of a relationship and I'm still in a lot of pain about it because I thought I was the one, but Im trying to move on. I feel the pain when my mind wanders and thinks about her and trying to get her back so my confidence isnt as high right now but I'm trying to stay busy.

I'm looking to really change my life and become a better man right now. I'm 27 years old, tall and good looking and have all of the symbols of success in life. I realize honestly that my biggest problem with the game is that I dont put myself out there enough. After work I just go home and relax read forums, books and websites looking for a magic pill wasting my time and youth. I do think its important to have some self improvement study going on, but I know that I overdo it and waste a lot of time.

I'm naturally shy, quiet, and a little nervous, but I feel that I have really grown a lot mentally and feel a lot more confident, social, and just became a much better person. Right now, I only go to the clubs once a week or so and if I dont get anything that night I stay womanless. My one thing is that because I dont go out during the week that much, Im not that natural and comfortable in social settings. I want to do something to just put myself out there and get over all of this fear. I was thinking about going to different malls and just talking to random women as an exercise to become more comfortable in my own skin.

Its been a little difficult the last few days to focus on things, but I really want to get my life in order so that I can just have fun and not stress on stuff. Can you give me some ideas on how I can continue to grow as a person, and put myself out there more so that I can attract more women in my life and be happy. Thanks

 

[Gro0ver]

Try going to a regular dance class....loads of single women there.

Salsa, Jazz, rumba.....give them a go. It won't hurt your game to become a better dancer :rock: plus it's great fun.

 

[Don Wha]

dman,
I was recently in your position too. What you need are goals. Something to strive for. Then think of ideas of how to reach those goals. I started to focus less on girls and more on myself and my career.

I set a goal to save a certain amount of money by the end of the year to purchase a condo. I hit the gym at least 3 days a week to hit my target weight. I enrolled in a couple active events such as the tough mudder and sprint triathlons to keep me motivated. I'm enrolled in a Master's program which I hope to be 3/4 of the way done by end of the year. I plan on taking a bartending class to pick up a side gig to earn some extra funds (and to meet chicks). I also joined 2 flag football leagues. We just finished and won the championship in one and my other team is currently in the playoffs in the other. Needless to say, I have been keeping myself busy as ****.

I'm 26, soon to be 27. I have maybe 1 day out of the week to bum it, sit around and relax, if I'm lucky. I'm not sure about you, but my days, weeks and months have been flying by and I feel as tho I dont have enough hours in the day to accomplish the things that I want. The clock is ticking and we need to stop procrastinating on the things we need/want to get done. My father (who has passed away) always asked me "why put off something for tomorrow when you can do it today?" It kinda saddens me to see you waste away your youth.

It seems like your goal is to be more social. The only way to be more social is to get out. Go to happy hour events with co workers. Meet up with friends and/or acquaintances you usually dont hang out with or havent seen in a long time. Pick up some hobbies and join some groups. Being social is not about doing things and going places just to meet girls. It's about getting ur ass off the sofa and meeting new people and talking to people. It doesnt matter if they're men or women, old or young. The more you socialize with people the more you get used to it.

Think of what you like doing or would like to be involved in. Any sports? Hiking? Dancing? Musical instrument? For almost every interest, there are social groups who meet regularly. Look for those groups and meet them, talk to them and learn from them. Dont just focus your world around meeting women. They will come and go. Who know's you might meet someone in one of your hobby groups.

Good luck.

don wha

 

[Dman101]

Thanks bro, yeah right now I'm really putting effort into building my body. I just went from 6'4 228 with a lean frame and huge pot belly down to 207 in the past month stomach is much smaller now. Once I get down to like 195 or and very lean I want to have that football player look get up to like a lean 225 or so. I just really want to become the guy women drool over rather than having the mentality that I need to chase women. I am good looking dress well have an expensive car, but for some reason that just doesnt seem to help much as much as I thought it would I think its about energy and building up the body. I know I still have a little hesitation, and fear in me to get rid of.

Really just want to get my life in order and focus on having fun. I realize now that I just need some hobbies and need to get a life other than trying to learn how to pick up women. I love playing basketball, love the idea of starting a business to make money to eventually quit my job, love watching boxing, playing poker, and working out. I know I'm not that deep of a person right now so I think thats another thing need to really become more well rounded and have interesting things to talk about.

 

[Serg897]

Really just want to get my life in order and focus on having fun. I realize now that I just need some hobbies and need to get a life other than trying to learn how to pick up women.

There is a thread right now on the front page of this forum about how "spinning plates" does not merely mean seeing many women - it means having other priorities with your life as well.

I was recently dumped by a girl I considered just a few months ago to be an HB10. We had mindblowing sex for a while but she got tired of me and kicked me to the curb, really fvcking up my mindset and self esteem for a while. We all know what its like to be in a horrible rut that a particular woman will put us in.

The revelations that have come out of that experience have been invaluable though. You must have your own identity outside of any woman. Your own reason for living, for being. Loving yourself. Embracing solitude. All of these things give you POWER in any relationship, as you will easily be able to see through a womans bullsh!t if you dont have the fear of solitude or losing her.

Have goals. Go to the gym. Be social and get involved with various activities (meetup.com is a fantastic website). There are so many things you can do with yourself if you are willing to put in the effort. After a while you will be a more well rounded, confident, in better shape, and independent person - and that girl if she ever gets to know you again she will realize how stupid she was. But by then, she will be irrelevant.

Good luck my friend.

-Serg

 

[TonyBaloney]

I am of the same mindset - was running a few girls this time last year, but when you loose plates, or a girlfriend, and all your other pals are settled down, it gets frustrating and you get caught in a rut.

I'm ok - ish weekend, normally have something to do of an evening time, its just during the week, i cant seem to get motivated to do anything.

Had a horrible messy breakup (or rather she walked out and disappeared on me after 4 year on/off relationship with a npd) and that knocked my confidence badly. Im just starting to feel better after 6 months!!!!!

What is meetup.com like? Is it all international travellers?? Just gotta find something to get me out rather than the gym (i work as a logger so have enough excersize!!!!

 

[morepoonplease]

Thanks bro, yeah right now I'm really putting effort into building my body. I just went from 6'4 228 with a lean frame and huge pot belly down to 207 in the past month stomach is much smaller now. Once I get down to like 195 or and very lean I want to have that football player look get up to like a lean 225 or so. I just really want to become the guy women drool over rather than having the mentality that I need to chase women. I am good looking dress well have an expensive car, but for some reason that just doesnt seem to help much as much as I thought it would I think its about energy and building up the body. I know I still have a little hesitation, and fear in me to get rid of.

Really just want to get my life in order and focus on having fun. I realize now that I just need some hobbies and need to get a life other than trying to learn how to pick up women. I love playing basketball, love the idea of starting a business to make money to eventually quit my job, love watching boxing, playing poker, and working out. I know I'm not that deep of a person right now so I think thats another thing need to really become more well rounded and have interesting things to talk about.

At 6' 4" 225 you'll still feel skinny, I didn't feel muscular till I hit 240, I was as high as 275 jacked but lots of body fat and poor endurance I'm at 247 now trying to be a lean 240...