Getting nowhere with this girl

[2c2bt]

I really like this girl, and I'm not sure what to do.

She's my counselor, and she's a year older than me.
I'm 26 and she's 27.
The only reason she talks to me and is nice to me is because it is part of her job description.

If we had met on a normal cirumstance, she would have told me to get lost.

I have told her that I cared for her, and wish we could be closer.
She just avoids talking about it, and says for me to get over it because it's never going to happen.

No matter what I do or how confident I am, she still doesn't like me.

Any advice?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sorry to tell you this but it's a professional 'no-no' for a counselor/therapist to get involved with a client/patient.

 

[2c2bt]

I feel really stupid about liking her.
And the worst part is, I can't even talk to her about it because every time I bring it up, she wants to talk about something else.

 

[bp1974]

If she got involved with you she would lose her job. No ifs, no buts. I suspect that the reason you're so attracted to her is because she is so nice to you (in her counsellor role). That's something you might want to explore, perhaps with a different counsellor (a man, maybe, to prevent the same thing happening again). Why do you need a woman to be nice to you, listen to you and understand you so much that when it happens you think you're falling in love? Interesting question.

 

[2c2bt]

I don't know what to think of a girl that is only nice to me because she is supposed to be.
Other than seeing her for counseling, she could care less if I exist.

 

[Bungo Pony]

You know what I think is ironic about this situation? You've found the ONE THING she can't help you with.

 

[Knicknack]

stop wasting your time and money on this rat... she is playing the game and milking you. let me give you a bit of advice. surround yourself with cheerful and fortunate people. avoid those that emulate your weaknesses. if you are moody and gloomy, find people that are outgoing and cheerful. if you lack confidence, find someone that is confident. happiness is contagious. so is gloominess though.

 

[Krassus]

Listen, she's very clearly not interested. So stop wasting your time and forget about her. And no, you're not confident. If you were, you wouldn't be wasting your time on her.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Isn't it a part of counseling that the patient gets fixated on the counselor? So counselors are trained to spot this and deal with it, I had thought...

If it's really a problem, get another counselor. Keep going though, it sounds like you have issues and need to keep working.

Keep in mind that people are paid to be nice to you--or act nice to you for any number of reasons that are not because they give a whip about you--about 98+% of the time.

Examples: every clerk you've ever met in every store you've ever stepped into that was nice to you was getting paid for it.

Even without getting directly paid for it, people treat you Ok for reasons other than caring about you at all. Examples: Your boss. Your co-workers. Strangers on the street. Waiters. Bartenders. Friends. Acquaintances. People on the bus who don't want a confrontation and so let you sit next to them even though they want the seat next to them empty.

All of them usually aren't nasty to you. They probably treat you ok whether they like you or not. You'll run into a few isolated @ssholes, but those numbers don't compare with the people that just leave you alone or treat you Ok.

The list goes on forever. It even includes your mother being nice to you as a 2 year old even though she thought you, as a 2 yr old, was the most hellish thing she's ever encountered.

Don't sweat it, it's all good...

 

[BGMan]

"I have told her that I cared for her, and wish we could be closer."

Big hairy NO-NO right there!

"She just avoids talking about it, and says for me to get over it because it's never going to happen."

Naturally. She probably wasn't interested in you to begin with, and when you spilled your guts to her, she was thinking, "Augh! Get away!"

"No matter what I do or how confident I am, she still doesn't like me.

Any advice?"

Find another woman.

BGMan

 

[Good_ol_boy]

"I really like this girl, and I'm not sure what to do.

She's my counselor, and she's a year older than me."

This is so common, it has a name "Transference".

You might need to get a different counselor, because ethically and legally she can't respond to this.

 

[Cheiradawg]

Next

 

[2c2bt]

Re: Re: Getting nowhere with this girl

Originally posted by BGMan
Naturally. She probably wasn't interested in you to begin with, and when you spilled your guts to her, she was thinking, "Augh! Get away!"

Ya. That's what's so upsetting. It's like no matter what I do, she doesn't like me.
How am I supposed to feel good about myself?

 

[Krassus]

Her not liking you probably doesn't even have anything to do. To begin with, she'd lose her job if she were to respond to you in any way other than how she does now. Isn't that enough for you? You gotta understand that the world doesn't revolve around you. There is a million reasons why a girl may not like you, and you yourself are just one of em. So why do you have to assume the worst? And besides, what IF she didn't like you BECAUSE of you? 99% of the women you meet in life aren't gonna fall in love with you, so does that mean you're a bad person? But its exactly the same way for each of them when it comes to guys. Anyway, what i'm trying to say is this: you came to the right place. Start reading and a few months down the road, you'll be scoring with girls better than her. See that link to the Bible in the top right corner? Start there.

 

[bp1974]

Ya. That's what's so upsetting. It's like no matter what I do, she doesn't like me.
How am I supposed to feel good about myself?

One of the main reasons people go into counselling or therapy is so they can learn to feel good about themselves without relying on others.

 

[2c2bt]

Thanks.
I'm sure your all thinking just get over it and move on.

Here I am so head over heels for this girl that I drive 30 min at 8 in the morning just to see her .

And I am in such a bad position because
A) She doesn't even like me.
B) Even if she were to like me, she would get in real trouble if she did anything beyond therapy.

It's an utter dead end.
And lucky me.
I get to be the one left all broken up in the end.
Her loss right?
But for some reason, I still feel sad.

 

[Krassus]

Listen, Anthony Robbins said it best. When something bad happens, the difference between a wise person and an unwise person is that the wise person spends only 20% of the time thinking about the problem and 80% about the solution, while the unwise does the exact opposite.

That's exactly what you're doing. You're stating the problem over and over again. And guess what, you're not helping yourself. All you're doing is making it seem worse. While in reality, you won't even remember what she looks like 2-3 years from now.

What i'm saying is this, you're one of the EXTRAORDINARILY LUCKY 0.000001% of the world's men who have access to a resource such as this. It gives us the opportunity to acquire wisdom that in the old days, only old, weathered men would have.

So take advantage of it, dammit! You've already established what the problem is: you're unable to get the kind of women you want. So here's the solution, YOU'RE STARING AT IT. Nearly everyone here was in your same exact position once, but they turned it all around. And you can too if you focus on the SOLUTION, not the problem!