Getting noticed in the right way.

[masterp]

Hey,

First time caller, long time listener etc hehe. I am a seperated guy who works as a music teacher in a private music school (divorce is in the process and there is no love there anymore, just friendship). When I'm not teaching I'm performing in bands and doing the musician thing.

For about 6 months I've been very interested in a female colleague and fellow musician. Lately I've become "extremely interested" to the point where she is my first and last thought of each day. We get along great as friends, no problems there, and we have a great respect for each other's talent.

Here's where I have a little trouble. She is a very popular lady. I mean, everyone who meets her likes her, she lights up a room (you know the type). Because of this, in a group situation with our colleagues, I constantly find it hard to keep her attention or stay in a conversation when the others (who are NOT romantically interested in her) are vying for a piece of her time. Because of this I'm constantly feeling "interrupted" when trying to engage her in conversation and try a lot of the great tips I've read on this site. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like the others any more than she likes me, but I don't feel like I'm on equal footing if that makes any sense.

I know there's an obvious answer like "ask her out on a date to get her to yourself", but I think there's a greater issue at hand which is that I'm either

a) in dire need of help in being an engaging conversationalist (likely) and

b) in dire need of some tips to plant the seed in her mind that I'm interested in her without doing the obvious and asking for a date (also likely).

If I do things wrong I could end up looking like a real idiot. She's only just recently found out that my marriage is over and thus probably needs time to start seeing me as a 'single' guy again.

Help and opinions much appreciated. I'm happy to elaborate if needed but I don't want to over inform in my first post.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by masterp
If I do things wrong I could end up looking like a real idiot. She's only just recently found out that my marriage is over and thus probably needs time to start seeing me as a 'single' guy again.

Some things to think about.

1. Any attempts at romance now are going to be seen as "rebound" in her eyes. It might take some time, maybe a lot of time.

2. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the term but you have a pretty good case of Oneitis going here. It'll pretty much kill any chance you have with this woman if you let it. So stop it.

She's not the only woman in the world. I don't care how great you think she is. Its in your head. The sooner you can do this the better.

3. You work with this woman? If so, you are heading for trouble.
Even if you are cool with it, she may not be.

4. Letting her know that you are "interested" may not be your best bet. Considering your recent divorce it may backfire on you. You may want to just play things cool for a while and just focus on increasing her Interest Level in you without giving away your romantic interest. Fun should be the focus when you are together. Forget about any relationship ideas for a while. She'll become interested when she realizes how great of a time the two of you have together.

5. Any woman who gets involved with you now will undoubtedly have some troubles with your recent divorce. On top of that I'm sure you are raring to find some new woman/relationship. My advice is take some time to yourself. Enjoy your new "single" status and get your bearings before you jump into anything serious. I'm sure you could get laid if you wanted and that is fine but if you are looking to get involved in a relationship right away you may be setting yourself up for failure.

 

[RedKnight04]

my first and last thought of each day.

First!

Stop that right away. In fact stop that BEFORE anything!!

You cannot think of her everyday or you will get hooked on her. Everything she does will start to sway you. Go out and stay busy. Do your music that you have a passion for and don't stop to think about her and let her interrupt your OWN time and space. Seems hard right? It is, but if you think about her all day then my friend you will end up forcing yourself to be perfect and lose.

Why?

For as in the words of shakespeare. "Thou will act like a fool!" Maybe he didn't say all that but you will end up doing something STUPID.

Does a man that gets girls think about ONE all day? Thats what I thought.

Now lets talk about approaching her.

First of all, don't try to be Mr. Slick so fast. Don't think you have to be such a sly guy to make yourself look like you want nothing with her because frankly SHE KNOWS. Anyway you approach she STILL KNOWS.

Next, throw your techniques aside FOR NOW.

Don't try to figure out what to conversate about and what your doing wrong, just be ****y and funny. Read all the threads you can about this, read the bible and pick up on the character that is being portrayed by ****y and Funny.

You can even make an approach with it!

If you see her look at you because your dressed so suave or something say:

"Umm excuse me miss, but I don't like where your eyes are going. I may be handsome but I'm not on display!"

All-in-all don't try to seek her aproval as contradicting as it sounds. Don't try to keep her attention going with your words. Have fun around her, make people laugh AROUND her. Have conversation with people AROUND her.

Don't leave her out of anything, just have no worries.

Act like you can do no wrong.

Now since you've seen her for about 6 months now I don't know how you've acted or whether or not this could DEFINITLY work. But hey, whatever you end up doing, stay confortable and confident and a LITTLE bit ****y. Most importantly, study humor, and make her laugh. Then your gold.

GL

 

[masterp]

Re: Re: Getting noticed in the right way.

Originally posted by Slickster
You may want to just play things cool for a while and just focus on increasing her Interest Level in you without giving away your romantic interest. Fun should be the focus when you are together. Forget about any relationship ideas for a while. She'll become interested when she realizes how great of a time the two of you have together.

Actually that is exactly what I told myself after I posted. I don't want this to be a game or a chase. I like this girl and I'd rather her be a great friend than a failed conquest.

5. Any woman who gets involved with you now will undoubtedly have some troubles with your recent divorce. On top of that I'm sure you are raring to find some new woman/relationship. My advice is take some time to yourself. Enjoy your new "single" status and get your bearings before you jump into anything serious. [/B]

You're right again. When things fell apart I'd planned on being single for a while, but this kinda came along and I felt myself thinking about it a lot.

Time for a step back perhaps. It wont change the way I feel about this girl but sometimes the head has to rule the heart.

Thanks!

 

[masterp]

Originally posted by RedKnight04

All-in-all don't try to seek her aproval as contradicting as it sounds. Don't try to keep her attention going with your words. Have fun around her, make people laugh AROUND her. Have conversation with people AROUND her.

Don't leave her out of anything, just have no worries.

GL

Thanks heaps (as we say in Australia). Your post is also really helpful.

I knew I did the right thing asking about this, because even just hearing the points of view (let alone putting the advice into practice) is helping me totally ****ing chill out about it. Thanks!

 

[chicksrock]

masterp, welcome to the DJ game
if you use your DJ skills right, you can get pretty much any woman you desire
1) detach yourself from you target...you do not NEED your target
2) when you are with the woman...make sure you do the 3 basics
-Eye contact
-****y and friendly attitude
-kino (touch)
3) just try to hang out with her as much as you can....whenever you see her utilize the opportunity fully....almost like STALK her ...don't leave her side...DAZZLE her with your charm....

and then slowly...without making a big deal of it ...ask her out somewhere....and slowly play things from there..
hope you've been doing the eye contact thing ..its very powerful...
GOOD LUCK!