Getting LTR ex back? I'm very much confused...

[milkypoo]

So this girl i was dating for sometime over a year, LTR decided she wanted to take a break with me. She wanted to take a break at the beginning of the school year.

I was pretty much upset over this. But her reasons were that she's a senior now in college and that she's confused, doesn't know what to do after college, and wants some time to herself. so i caved in and agreed with her to go on a break, because she was someone i loved so much. After the one month break....she decided she wanted to break up and just be friends. The thing is afterward the break up thing, she told her best friends that she crys all the time and holds my sweatshirt and misses me all so much, also the picture of us kissing during xmas is still up on her desk. Not only that but her parents love me too. Also that she said to her best friends that "yea...i'll probably get back with him" i got all this from one of our mutual good friends. We were so much in love. I think it was the summer break, because we live far from each other and don't really see other much during that time.

Then her friends asked me to join their team for a sport and i decided to join just as a friend, while my ex is fine with it. I still sometimes visit my ex at her job at night and just talk. She loves when i come to visit, sometimes it feels like we are still together, but when i leave, i leave like a friend.

What my question is how or what do i do to finally get her back? or should i just give up? i know she still loves me.

Should i wait it out, stop visiting her at work, stop talking to her online and just act like friends during the sports meetings.
or
should i visit her sometimes during work to keep her accompany? and slowly build on that??

Please help?

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Move on, grow up in life.

 

[speedo_meme]

Cut off contact or tell her to step up to the plate. There's no reason you shouldn't be together if you're in love. Obviously she's got a problem. Is she dating other people that you know of? Maybe you're being a total AFC and need to back off. It seems like she really wants to love you but you're killing it by being AFC.

 

[frivolousz21]

NO..


the bytch broke your heart..because she wasnt sure with her life BOO FYCKING HOO!


you dont need to do this to yourself

 

[frivolousz21]

There's no reason you shouldn't be together if you're in love.

AGREED

Then her friends asked me to join their team for a sport and i decided to join just as a friend, while my ex is fine with it. I still sometimes visit my ex at her job at night and just talk. She loves when i come to visit, sometimes it feels like we are still together, but when i leave, i leave like a friend.

HOw do you do this to yourself

dont you see.

YOU DONT REPSECT YOURSELF!!!!1

COME ON MAN... think about it..

read the bible.

 

[NewMan]

stop being her GF.

 

[Qmanchoo]

Once again DonJuanMonk has nothind useful to add.

Anyway, I think I know what's going on here to a certain degree. We are friends now, but an ex of mine once said to me "I know me and my pervious boyfriend are meant to be together, eventhough we broke up a year ago. He still comes to see me, talk to me, buys me christmas gfits, but I just don't _want_ to be with him right now.

She doesn't feel it for you man. She loves you, but doesn't emotionally WANT you. you see the difference? Once is this strong emotion that grows over time, the other is that gut level animal attraction for you. You need both.

You're probably acting less like an attractive man and more like a girlfriend. When is the last time you took her on an adventure, busted her chops a bit (in a playful way), shown her that you have a life outside of her that is attractive and fun, done something where she noticed you were really creative smart and witty, dominated an environemnt or a social interaction to show your manhood, shown some backbone when someone tried to step on you while she was around, posed a challenge to her by making her earn getting back together with you, not having a "Well I"m here if you want me" attitude, made sure she knows she does not control you, had a REALLY good and drawn out argument that got her emotions flowing and you stood your ground???

All of these things lead to mega attraction and love man. If you have done none of these things she will not be attracted to you.

Ex's are only Ex's because the spark went away and she wasn't looking to settle down. You can always re-spark an ex that once loved you.

 

[milkman]

Originally posted by milkypoo
So this girl i was dating for sometime over a year, LTR decided she wanted to take a break with me. She wanted to take a break at the beginning of the school year.

I was pretty much upset over this. But her reasons were that she's a senior now in college and that she's confused, doesn't know what to do after college, and wants some time to herself. so i caved in and agreed with her to go on a break, because she was someone i loved so much. After the one month break....she decided she wanted to break up and just be friends. The thing is afterward the break up thing, she told her best friends that she crys all the time and holds my sweatshirt and misses me all so much, also the picture of us kissing during xmas is still up on her desk. Not only that but her parents love me too. Also that she said to her best friends that "yea...i'll probably get back with him" i got all this from one of our mutual good friends. We were so much in love. I think it was the summer break, because we live far from each other and don't really see other much during that time.

Then her friends asked me to join their team for a sport and i decided to join just as a friend, while my ex is fine with it. I still sometimes visit my ex at her job at night and just talk. She loves when i come to visit, sometimes it feels like we are still together, but when i leave, i leave like a friend.

What my question is how or what do i do to finally get her back? or should i just give up? i know she still loves me.

Should i wait it out, stop visiting her at work, stop talking to her online and just act like friends during the sports meetings.
or
should i visit her sometimes during work to keep her accompany? and slowly build on that??

Please help?

Okay, first, as you maybe know by yourself, you have done mistakes in the past. Avoid these mistakes in future relationships.

Telling you that she want a break for some time and the other shít she told you is a very clear sign that something is wrong between both of you.

From what you have told us, we cannot really know what it is, sounds a bit like you maybe were finally kind of boring or predictable or something with the effect to this in the realtionship.

Give us more background if you want advise referring to what you could have done better in the PAST.

Okay, but your question was, what you could do to have a chance being with her together again in the future.

Okay, it´s pretty easy. The way you deal with each other at the moment is not good for you cause you are unhappy and want her not only as a friend, also she is crying cause it seems she still loves you. So what you have to do is to change it. Make unmistakable clear that you will stop this and that there are only 2 possibilities.

1) You two will end this completely cause it´s not good for both of you. You will not see her again and look for another girl.

2) You are together again.

Be honest and nice with her and tell her how it is and that you still like and love her. Then it´s her decision and respect it.

 

[speedo_meme]

I want to agree with you Milkman, but the sosuave rambos are gonna come down on us with the thunder. Yep, you just have to get the attraction up again. But (to the poster) ask yourself, is it really worth this much to you? If you have to work this hard for her, you will always have to work this hard to keep her attracted. Maybe she's not the one for you man. I say do what Milkman said or completely cut off contact with her, as to not drive yourself insane. Of course, I said this a lot simpler in my post earlier.....

 

[frivolousz21]

Ex's are only Ex's because the spark went away and she wasn't looking to settle down. You can always re-spark an ex that once loved you.

ok so you are saying..she loves him.

but doesnt have that attraction for him..that desire you have when u first fall in love...because he become to afc and feminem like a friend?

 

[milkypoo]

nice suggestions

This crazed ex of mine does have emotional problems, and she isn't dating anyone else....i guess it's just the first heartbreak is always the worst.

MAN UP!

Thanks

 

[Qmanchoo]

I have to change what I said so that it comes across correctly, add a bit more detail.

If you had a reltionship with a girl and she loved you, really loved you and it was obvious she felt that way towards you very strongly, but things ended because she lost attraction to you...BUT ended on a good note (ok I guess we should see other people) not a (**** off hoe I hate you) kind of way, then it is possible to re-spark her attraction for you.

And if it ends in a "**** you hoe I hate you!" kind of way and she wants to get back together with you at a future date run for the hills or get a restraining order =p

 

[coder]

Start pursuing other women. It’s the only way. Start acting like an Alpha so other women will be attracted to you. Don’t hide this from her or push it in her face. When she realizes that you are not on her leash, which she will, she will have to decide to let you go or pursue you. If she pursues, make her work for it. If she doesn’t, you are already moving on with your life. Stop being her slave. Stop always being there for her.