Getting Into Relationships With Women With Kids (If You Don't Want Them)

[jhonny9546]

If you've never envisioned having children of your own, would you be open to being in a relationship with a woman who already has kids from a previous relationship? And would you be willing to spend time with those children, maybe one day a week doing activities with them, even if they're not biologically yours?

 

[Westminster]

Not a good idea. You've got all the disadvantages of having kids without any of the advantages.

If you're going to spend time with kids make sure they're your own.

 

[jhonny9546]

Look like someone here had some experience about it.
I mean, kids are not forever, but maybe 5 or more 10 year, then they become adult and have a life on their own right?

 

[SW15]

As a childless man who is now in his early 40s, I'm starting to deal with this reality. I am managing to avoid single moms but I'm not sure how much longer that this can last.

I don't desire to spend time with children that aren't my own. I also don't want to step into a messy co-parenting situation.

Dating and forming new relationships is already difficult enough with a childless woman. The added complexity of her single parenthood and my childless status isn't a battle that I want to fight.

I mean, kids are not forever, but maybe 5 or more 10 year, then they become adult and have a life on their own right?

Incorrect. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about dating a woman with children.

Her children are always going to be present in some fashion.

It's possible that the burden is reduced after 18, but that's debatable.

In the USA, in the last 2 generations (Millennials and Gen Z), it's been common for adults 18-29 to either live at home for a period of time or require significant financial support and attention after age 18.

For a childless man, this will be annoying to deal with as the relationship continues.

Childless men and single moms are a bit of an awkward fit.

 

[RickTheToad]

As a childless man who is now in his early 40s, I'm starting to deal with this reality. I am managing to avoid single moms but I'm not sure how much longer that this can last.

I don't desire to spend time with children that aren't my own. I also don't want to step into a messy co-parenting situation.

Dating and forming new relationships is already difficult enough with a childless woman. The added complexity of her single parenthood and my childless status isn't a battle that I want to fight.



Incorrect. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about dating a woman with children.

Her children are always going to be present in some fashion.

It's possible that the burden is reduced after 18, but that's debatable.

In the USA, in the last 2 generations (Millennials and Gen Z), it's been common for adults 18-29 to either live at home for a period of time or require significant financial support and attention after age 18.

For a childless man, this will be annoying to deal with as the relationship continues.

Childless men and single moms are a bit of an awkward fit.

Much worse now. I know plenty of parents who are in their 60's and 70's who still have their kids living with them at 36+ years of age. Life it just too easy for some people these days.

OP, just use them for holes and stress release. The headaches you'd receive about being a boyfriend or step whatever are so not worth it. I know a dude, I was fvcking his ex-wife in my 20's who legally adopted her daughter and she divorced him a few years later. She was a trainwreck, but a great fvck. Anyways, don't be that guy. BTW, that guy, last time I checked, is still also living with his parents. He was 10 years older that her and moved into his parents house after the divorce. She also wrecked both of their credit and filed bankruptcy.

I truly never understood why a dude would allow a female to ruin their lives, but I guess that's free will.

 

[SW15]

Much worse now. I know plenty of parents who are in their 60's and 70's who still have their kids living with them at 36+ years of age. Life it just too easy for some people these days.

No, life is not too easy. Young adulthood has been very difficult for the last 2 generations.

Older Millennials like myself graduated from school into the worst economic contraction since World War II in the late 2000s/early 2010s.

Generation Z has graduated into a pandemic induced recession and a white collar, inflationary recession (2023-present).

Since the 2000s, both Gen Y/Millennials and Gen Z have had it worse in their young adult years than the Baby Boomers or Generation X did.

Since the dot com recession of the early 2000s, it's been super common for young adults 18-34 to live at home for extended periods. I've observed this to be more of a young male problem than a young female problem. It's much more challenging to establish oneself as a young adult now with salaries not keeping pace with inflation, low earnings from being newer to the workforce, and high housing costs. For white collar workers, especially white collar male, there's the constant threat of layoffs.

In a better case scenario, the only time that an 18-22 year old spends at home with their parents are summer vacations when college isn't in session. That's still even a burden for a childless man dating a single mom of an 18-22 to deal with.

A child turning 18 doesn't diminish the parenting burden that much.

The headaches you'd receive about being a boyfriend or step whatever are so not worth it.

This is true. This is much worse for childless men.

Single dads are more accustomed to a lifestyle with children. When a single dad gets into an extended relationship with a single mom, they have the commonality of children from previous relationships. Even that situation is a headache.

 

[RickTheToad]

No, life is not too easy. Young adulthood has been very difficult for the last 2 generations.

Older Millennials like myself graduated from school into the worst economic contraction since World War II in the late 2000s/early 2010s.

Generation Z has graduated into a pandemic induced recession and a white collar, inflationary recession (2023-present).

Since the 2000s, both Gen Y/Millennials and Gen Z have had it worse in their young adult years than the Baby Boomers or Generation X did.

Since the dot com recession of the early 2000s, it's been super common for young adults 18-34 to live at home for extended periods. I've observed this to be more of a young male problem than a young female problem. It's much more challenging to establish oneself as a young adult now with salaries not keeping pace with inflation, low earnings from being newer to the workforce, and high housing costs. For white collar workers, especially white collar male, there's the constant threat of layoffs.

In a better case scenario, the only time that an 18-22 year old spends at home with their parents are summer vacations when college isn't in session. That's still even a burden for a childless man dating a single mom of an 18-22 to deal with.

A child turning 18 doesn't diminish the parenting burden that much.



This is true. This is much worse for childless men.

Single dads are more accustomed to a lifestyle with children. When a single dad gets into an extended relationship with a single mom, they have the commonality of children from previous relationships. Even that situation is a headache.

My heart bleeds for you. I came back injured from the "war", PTSD, didn't have a stable job or housing. I hit rock bottom and then was able to pull myself up from my bootstraps, get sh!t in gear, go to college, buy rental properties and strive. Still have the PTSD from time to time, but I deal with it.

Males are too weak these days. They do not know real struggle that people before them had. Cry me a river.

 

[Manure Spherian]

maybe 5 or more 10 year, then they become adult and have a life on their own right?

I’m in my 40s and see my and my wife’s family (including my stepdad) often, particularly during the summer. Do you think adults just disappear?

It takes a special, and I mean fu-king special, kind of man, to get involved with another family in the right way. And no, my stepdad wasn’t such a man.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

Reminds me of the 1955 novel “Lolita”

When you are screwing a mom and being the dysfunctional and irresponsible drunk bad boyfriend, while her teenage daughter lives in the house

Man I’ve been there before…

 

[Solomon]

I date women with kids casually at best (FWB's/FBuddies) but if that was the only choice it would have to be an empty nester

 

[DJ Novice]

I would stay away from women with kids in primary or high school as they will most likely want you to become some sort of pseudo parent.

Spending time with young children that are not your own is just not enjoyable and awkward. You will find many of your dates will be hijacked with the kids having to come along, being needy, sick, misbehaving etc. and the date having to be cut short.

Sleeping over or solo dates can be hard to arrange with babysitters needing to be arranged. There is also a strong chance you will be expected to contribute financially to their upbringing (birthday presents, holidays or outings with them etc.).

Stick to women whose kids are at university or older and more independent, ideally with part or full time jobs. Women with young kids may be enjoyed for casual times in the short term but eventually it will cease being fun.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

Nicely said. I’ve seen all of the above scenarios before, including the Lolita with no dad. It was a lot of drama and danger as well.

But to be honest I’ve always gravitated towards bad girls and troubled women.

Nowadays I pass on moms unless they are like skinny yoga grannies can be fun in a sick way, they’re grouchy women but easy lays and usually entertaining.

 

[Travel memoir21]

My heart bleeds for you. I came back injured from the "war", PTSD, didn't have a stable job or housing. I hit rock bottom and then was able to pull myself up from my bootstraps, get sh!t in gear, go to college, buy rental properties and strive. Still have the PTSD from time to time, but I deal with it.

Males are too weak these days. They do not know real struggle that people before them had. Cry me a river.

What Branch were you in and what conflict were you involved in......if you don't mind me asking?

 

[The Duke]

If you've never envisioned having children of your own, would you be open to being in a relationship with a woman who already has kids from a previous relationship? And would you be willing to spend time with those children, maybe one day a week doing activities with them, even if they're not biologically yours?

Its never been a huge deal breaker for me and I've never had children. I've dated a few women that had kids and enjoyed some of their activities. While she was busy with her kids I was off doing my own thing most of the time. I never had any of them ask me to pay for their kids, nor did I have to deal with any ex's. All of them had ex's that they shared custody with so rarely did it effect our plans.

The only issue I ever had was with my LTR that had an 18yo son that was on his own. He didn't follow thru on some work he was supposed to do for us and she got mad when I ripped his azz.

The women I've dated that didn't have kids weren't as nurturing, and caring as the women who did. They were also less more selfish and had higher level careers.

I probably wouldn't date a girl with kids that didn't have a dad.

Do what works for you.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Lol....I've dated a few Latinas here in South Texas who had kids. They were family oriented, down to earth and definitely had this grounding tex -mex friendly vibe. Went out to a few backyard bbqs parties with them, had some pinatas being playfully bashed, lol... some tejano music playing in the background......good times man...good times.

 

[jhonny9546]

I appreciate the content of everything here,

All of them had ex's that they shared custody with so rarely did it effect our plans.

Especially: did you ever doubt that he could see the ex for sex? What was your limit?

 

[RickTheToad]

What Branch were you in and what conflict were you involved in......if you don't mind me asking?

Sure. Afghanistan. Coast Guard.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Sure. Afghanistan. Coast Guard.

Coastguard? Were you Individual augmentee program or something like that? Thanks for your service man

 

[SW15]

Coast Guard.

Thank you for your service.

I came back injured from the "war", PTSD, didn't have a stable job or housing. I hit rock bottom and then was able to pull myself up from my bootstraps, get sh!t in gear, go to college, buy rental properties and strive. Still have the PTSD from time to time, but I deal with it.

Males are too weak these days. They do not know real struggle that people before them had. Cry me a river.

You had significant issues.

While graduating in 2008 and 2009 into a bad recession is not as immediately traumatic as being a solider in a war like World War II, Vietnam, or Afghanistan, it can still be bad in its own way.

Some members of the Classes of 2008 and 2009 might have even ended up homeless. Lots ended up living with the parents. It was a really bad time and it wasn't entirely their fault.

The Classes of 2023-2025 are experiencing similar things.

Additionally, economic uncertainties do contribute to lower birth rates. The USA has had a lower per capita fertility rate since the 2008 recession. Fertility never truly recovered from 2008.

Childlessness seems more common in men than women. The premise of this thread is the childless man-single mom combination.

I think a lot of males who finished high school, college, or graduate school in the late 2000s-early 2010s and experienced negative economic consequences ultimately ended up childless either by choice or diminish SMV coming off of diminishing earnings that come out of graduating into a recession.

 

[The Duke]

I appreciate the content of everything here,



Especially: did you ever doubt that he could see the ex for sex? What was your limit?

I don't spend time worrying about stuff like that. I'm secure with who I am.