getting into relationships with hot girls with boyfriends

[magickarl]

see this is a damn complicated topic. there's clearly cases of it working out and cases of it not. what bothers me is how i'm stuck on this girl. i've asked about this before, and listened to your guys' advice about dating other girls to forget about her/not get dependent on her. guess what? even when i'm making out with someone else, i'm still thinking about her. i'm just drawn to her

just to satisfy my curiosity, if i decided to go for it, how would i go about this situation then? first of all, i'm not trying to steal someone that isn't showing some interest. for instance, at first i did all the planning, hangouts etc, but after listening to you guys, i made myself scarce, didn't always answer her phone calls to hangout. if she was just a friend, she wouldn't really care right? but then she started calling me to go study, to get ice cream with her, etc. she says she invites our other friends too, but it always ends up being me and her alone

Oneitis is an insidious thing. Are you obsessed with this girl, or just strongly attracted to her? If it is the former, you will **** things up before she ever gets the chance to.

when we talk, she's the one that brings up sexual topics. we were talking about weed in college, and she straight up asked if i had sex on E before, and how amazing that would be. when we are hanging out at night, she doesn't pick up her boyfriend's call (i see it on her phone), and sends it to voicemail repeatedly. she even told me how her current bf met when she was seeing someone else, and how they started "hanging out as friends" when both of them just knew it was a lie and were attracted to each other (is this a FZ sign, or her dropping a hint about us?). she also said she never cheated, that when she knew she wanted the new guy, she broke it off with the old

There are two things here that strike me as important. In a way, they conflict.

1. Suppose you hit fast forward and you were her boyfriend. Are you happy that your girlfriend is out talking to guys about boning on E, ignoring your phone calls and having late night study (read: drinking) sessions with dudes that want to stick their weiner in her? Because that is the type of girl she is.

Continue the visualization. She started hanging out "as friends" with her current boyfriend, then jumped ship to him when she got bored of the one she was with. She then started hanging out "as friends" with you, until she jumped ship to you when she got bored of the one she was with. What are you going to do when she mentions shes going to go out studying with her new pal Tommy?

2. The situation is a bit better for you, assuming she told the truth about not cheating. We'll get to that in a minute though. If she was telling the truth, it lends her a significantly greater amount of integrity than if she just started boning the new guy without showing her current boyfriend the respect to end the relationship first. It shows she has enough decency to spare someone she cared about the extra egg on the face, and that she values decency over impulse.


is physically escalating the only option i have if I decide to pursue her?

No, but it is probably the quickest.

If you are dead set on this thing, what I would do is give her a **** test. The next time the conversation goes "that way" I would say something about how its too bad that shes hooked up already, or you would be all over that. Watch her reaction:

1. If she physically escalates with you, or pulls a what he doesn't know... The good news is you can **** her, the bad news is that she will be useless to you as a girlfriend.

2. If she says that she is comitted to her boyfriend, or otherwise LJBF's you. You need to forget about her before the oneitis eats you up and go find a new target.

3. If she hints that she is unhappy with her relationship, and may be single soon, this is the scenario you want. Distance yourself until one day (probably shortly), she calls you about how shes butthurt that her and her boyfriend split up and wants to hang out. Make your move then.

I would really see a doctor about that oneitis though.

 

[ne0phyte]

haha it does seem like i got oneitis bad. but magickarl, u make a very good point about imaging myself as the future bf. her having late night drinking "study sessions" with one of her male friends doesn't scream "high quality mate". but you see how conflicted the situation is.

she's dropping all these hints, but not making this easy (nor should she). i think next time we go out, I'll physically escalate to the point of kissing her, then say too bad she's not single and walk away. that's something I can live with rather than trying to start things off by cheating.

keep the thoughts coming tho, guys

 

[Jeffst1980]

If you want to get her in a relationship with you, don't push her to cheat. No woman, when asked how she met her husband, will want to say that it all began when she cheated on her ex.

You're gonna have to make her come to the decision that she's outgrown her BF, without pressuring her. This means continuing to live your own life, dating other girls, etc.-- while allowing her to build an emotional connection with you. That means making her qualify herself to you, and then rewarding her. Make her excited to get your validation. Keep the kino light- don't move too fast or she'll freak out- and keep things ambiguous overall.

With any luck, her curiosity will get the best of her in time and she'll decide that it's worth venturing out of the safety of her existing relationship to pursue something new and exciting. This doesn't necessarily have to do with you; women that are open to flirting outside of their relationships are typically bored with their current situation to begin with. You can't "steal" a girl with high interest in her BF.

Most quality hot girls ARE taken, and spend very little time as single women. BUT--A LOT of them are less than thrilled about their relationships, so if she's flirting with you, chances are she's not *really* taken and can definitely be gamed. I don't recommend making girls cheat, just because it directly implicates you as the cause of her breakup, and that's a lousy way to begin a relationship. Let her come to her own decision and play it cool for now--trust me, if she wants to be with you, she'll find a way to make it happen.

 

[ne0phyte]

so do i make my interest obvious by saying something like "if you were single, yadda yadda yadda" or keep it ambiguous?

 

[Jeffst1980]

so do i make my interest obvious by saying something like "if you were single, yadda yadda yadda" or keep it ambiguous?

Nah. She knows what's up- no need to call attention to it. In fact, don't bring up the fact that she's in a relationship at all.

This is one of the RARE occasions where going indirect is the better option--you need to dial up the tension by being unpredictable, without verbalizing anything.

 

[UltimateScoundrel]

so do i make my interest obvious by saying something like "if you were single, yadda yadda yadda" or keep it ambiguous?

Another possibility: Sometimes a girl doesn't want to stray, she just wants her ego stroked and to know that lots of men find her attractive. Does she want you or does she just want to know she could have you and that's plenty?

Honestly, if you are thinking about her so much while you're with someone else, maybe YOU need to be single. Why stay with someone if you know you don't have a future? You're just making yourself unavailable for no reason.

Plenty of women have cheated on their boyfriends with me in the past. I ended up regretting it most times. Only one time did I end up dating the girl and that was the one I regretted most. She dumped bf for me, we dated, she dumped me for guy who came out of left field. She didn't like the idea of being a cheater, and being with me reminded her of that. It could never go anywhere. ****ed me up real good for months, actually, because I was pretty hung up on her.

My advice is to use your judgment and know that there are plenty of possibilities:

1. You're wrong. She's not interested.
2. She's just after attention.
3. She leaves him for you, then goes back to him.
4. She leaves him for you, then leaves you in the same way for someone else.
5. She cheats on him with you to help her end a bad relationship but doesn't actually want to date you.
6. She leaves him for you, you end up in a good relationship.

Most of those outcomes aren't the best, so make sure she's worth giving up what you have.

 

[Szyzzlin]

You'd be better off going for single girls... because they are just looking for a guy to fall in love with. A chick with a BF always has him to fall back on and direct her emotions towards.

Contrary to popular belief... hot girls don't get asked out that often. If you can find a single one, she may only have you on her plate. If you run some sick game on her for a few dates... she'll fall in love (case closed).

Girls with BFs can todder back and forth and are unreliable. But, do what you gotta do... each situation is different.

 

[ne0phyte]

there are definitely more bad outcomes than good in this situation. and yes, going for single girls is way more straightforward. it's just this one's better than the single girls i know

 

[zekko]

Most quality hot girls ARE taken, and spend very little time as single women. BUT--A LOT of them are less than thrilled about their relationships, so if she's flirting with you, chances are she's not *really* taken and can definitely be gamed.

Some girls have a different boyfriend every week. Obviously that's not a very stable situation.

How would you like it if you took a pass on this girl, only to find out a month later that she broke up with her boyfriend and is now with some other guy?

Contrary to popular belief... hot girls don't get asked out that often

You don't post your age. This may be true when the guys around them are very young. But once these hot girls are old enough to reach a certain dating pool, I guarantee you that guys will be all over them like flies on manure. Whether they have boyfriends or not.

 

[ne0phyte]

Some girls have a different boyfriend every week. Obviously that's not a very stable situation.

How would you like it if you took a pass on this girl, only to find out a month later that she broke up with her boyfriend and is now with some other guy?

so then, what's the way you recommend to do this? i've never done anything like this, but right now i'm agreeing with jeffst1980 said. keep some light kino, make her excited by my qualification and just try to be better than her current bf. it's risker (of getting friendzoned) than making my interest known and walking away, but i can't do that since she's in my immediate social circle. me walking away from her would mean losing my study group (and i kinda need my group not to fail haha). and i don't want to physically escalate to the point of her cheating.

this sound like a good gameplan? of course, i'm gonna try not to get hung up on the outcome of this. but i would agree with what zekko said. I would rather try and fail rather than never know. rejection is better than regret. always

 

[terran2k]

I think you've already failed because you want to get into relationship already and she has a boyfriend.
everytime I see a guy (myself included) wanting to get into a relationship with a girl, it ends in a big fail.
when I don't want it, its when the chase me to get into one.

 

[Re-ac-tor]

What terran2k said.

Oh, and don't let this fuk up your studies.

 

[ne0phyte]

I think you've already failed because you want to get into relationship already and she has a boyfriend.
everytime I see a guy (myself included) wanting to get into a relationship with a girl, it ends in a big fail.when I don't want it, its when the chase me to get into one.

you're absolutely right if i have my heart set on her - which i don't. and it's not a case of blind one-itis where i see a hot girl and i instantly want to marry her. nor is it one-sided unrequited love. she's in my class, we talk, we have much in common. she flirts with me, i flirt with her. i think there's an opportunity, and if there is, i don't want to miss it. that's all.

and thus, i have to show some interest, while remaining aloof. all i'm saying is i'm at the point where i know the basics. I'm going to be a challenge, make her do the chasing, and reward her enough so she doesn't think i'm obtainable and out of reach. if it happens it happens, if it doesn't, oh well, at at least i went for it.