Getting insecure about my age

[Jariel]

I hate to admit it, but since recently turning 30 I'm starting to get quite insecure about my age. I know that I'm well above average in my looks, physique, intelligence and charisma, and people are constantly telling me that I look great for my age and I'm hotter that guys 10 years younger.

Nice to hear of course, and I do feel like I'm adapting well to my age. The problem is not so much how I feel about myself, but how I feel about the people in my life and my general social circles.

My girlfriend is 8 years younger than me, so are many of my friends and the girls I've dated in the past. I am surrounded by younger people, and on nights out I sometimes feel a bit too old for it and kind of insecure.

Ideally I would have an older girlfriend and socialise with older friends, but in reality most people I know who are my age are settled down, have kids, have no lives outside of work and are generally quite boring. To be honest, I wouldn't even know where or how to find an older girlfriend or new friends.

It's not like I'm depressed over it or feeling sorry for myself here, but I'm just wondering if anyone else feels or ever felt the same and can offer some wisdom here.

 

[grinder]

Aging is a myth told by fat lazy boring people to make themselves feel better.

 

[Jariel]

Nicely put mate! This is my philosophy too. I'm thankful I've never fallen into that trap!

 

[STR8UP]

Why does everyone freak out about hitting 30?

It boggles my mind.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why does everyone freak out about hitting 30?

It boggles my mind.

Too much free time on their hands and seemingly nothing to show for it.

 

[Wyldfire]

If the only thing you feel uncomfortable about is that everyone is younger than you then it's not a very good reason to be uncomfortable. If you have the most in common with that group than groups your own age then who cares how old you are? I'm 41 and socialize mostly with people from the college I'm going to who are sometimes half my age. It doesn't bother them and doesn't bother me. You hang out with who you get along and fit in with...age is irrelevant when you have stuff in common.

 

[STR8UP]

Obviously some people haven't gotten the memo that we are NO LONGER IN THE 1950's. It's OKAY to be in your 30's and dress like you are in your 20's. It's OKAY to listen to the same music they do. It's OKAY to hang out and party and do fun things EVEN IF YOU ARE 30+!

Seriously, I read this article awhile back talking about how there is no longer a generation gap. There is no "dress code" for each stage of your life. Rejoice in the fact that you are in the first generation who is not looked down upon for keeping yourself young at heart.

I know girls who are 10-15 years younger than I am and I can easily sit and have a conversation with them about movies and music ranging from the 70's to today. Why worry about turning 30 when today's generation can relate to you? It's all in your mind.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

Jariel - I like this conviction in you. I like that you want to step back and evaluate parts of your life. A very healthy thing. Gazillons of people go through motions everyday without really thinking about what they say or do.

Recently a friend of ours took a good long look at his life and relocated to Hawaii (from FL), his job offered positions there in a work area he knew he'd enjoy more, it was a financial downgrade but his personal satisfaction has blossomed. His evaluations were all sparked by the garbage truck blocking his drive and causing him to watch them collect a few stops.

I am glad you are taking this moment to check the paths you have chosen and the decisions you set forth and MOST IMPORTANTLY to see if your needs are being missed or met.

I won't steer you to do or be differently, instead I want to stoke the flames of evaluation and tell you to keep thinking it, keep questioning and searching.

Jariel - Great leadership post, great example of accountability for your life. I have to wonder if what you are feeling is 'growing pains'. I hope it never stops for you! LOL

Oh, and Happy belated Birthday!

 

[Jariel]

Thanks guys and gals!

I think at some point we've all seen those creepy old guys or the mid-life crisis guys who can't let go of their youth. I just don't want to become one of those guys! Not that I perceive myself that way at all, and I sure don't see 30 as old...I guess I just feel more youthful than most people my age.

If you have the most in common with that group than groups your own age then who cares how old you are? I'm 41 and socialize mostly with people from the college I'm going to who are sometimes half my age.

Thats cool! And I do feel like I have most in common with these groups. I have some cool and youthful friends in their mid-40s and I don't view them as significantly older, so I guess I'm fretting over nothing.

It's a stupid convention. I don't know whether or not it was created in America, but it's sure as hell perpetuated here to the point of obsession. "I'm too old to be listening to this kind of music," "I need to have this-and-that by age 30, yuppie friends to do the dinner-movie-board game thing with by age 35, my first prostate exam at age 40, and dead at age 90." No wonder people are so fukking bored and boring.

Too many people let themselves be boxed into living by a timetable created by others.

Great point! I think many of us have a tendency to think of each decade in our life as a new era. It really is a dumb convention, but still deeply ingrained. I guess I could have been settled down, wife and kids, mortgage and career by now, but I decided to pack in my career and go to uni as a mature student instead. Best thing I ever did and probably the main reason I'm still so youthful at heart.

I know girls who are 10-15 years younger than I am and I can easily sit and have a conversation with them about movies and music ranging from the 70's to today. Why worry about turning 30 when today's generation can relate to you? It's all in your mind.

Indeed! I completely agree with you. Thanks for the uplifting words!

 

[Jariel]

Jariel - I like this conviction in you. I like that you want to step back and evaluate parts of your life. A very healthy thing. Gazillons of people go through motions everyday without really thinking about what they say or do.

Thank you Pixie! I sometimes think that I should be 100% confident and contented all the time, but in reality that doesn't happen. You're right, it's very healthy and productive to evaluate yourself and see what steps you can take to move forward. It's this same thinking that made me the man I am today.

I won't steer you to do or be differently, instead I want to stoke the flames of evaluation and tell you to keep thinking it, keep questioning and searching.

Jariel - Great leadership post, great example of accountability for your life. I have to wonder if what you are feeling is 'growing pains'. I hope it never stops for you! LOL

Inspiring words! Perhaps I'm experiecing some dissatisfaction in my life that I'm blaming on age. I'll work it out sooner or later like I usually do, then push myself in the right direction.

Oh, and Happy belated Birthday!

Thank you! I'm accepting belated presents via courier or paypal btw!

 

[edger]

It's a stupid convention. I don't know whether or not it was created in America, but it's sure as hell perpetuated here to the point of obsession. "I'm too old to be listening to this kind of music," "I need to have this-and-that by age 30, yuppie friends to do the dinner-movie-board game thing with by age 35, my first prostate exam at age 40, and dead at age 90." No wonder people are so fukking bored and boring.

Too many people let themselves be boxed into living by a timetable created by others.

AGREED 100%. People and their lame, absurd social conventions.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I wanna be that 35 year old partying like a Rock Star with not a care on my mind.

At that age you can't remember what's on your mind if you're partying like a rock star.

Now... Where did I put my bowl of oatmeal?......

 

[edger]

If the only thing you feel uncomfortable about is that everyone is younger than you then it's not a very good reason to be uncomfortable. If you have the most in common with that group than groups your own age then who cares how old you are? I'm 41 and socialize mostly with people from the college I'm going to who are sometimes half my age. It doesn't bother them and doesn't bother me. You hang out with who you get along and fit in with...age is irrelevant when you have stuff in common.

Another good post! The only flaw though that I have with this is the "with age comes wisdom" thing. Many in the college age crowd are still shallow and out of touch with reality..not that people of older ages aren't, but I think it tends to be the case that more older people who are passed the college years are less shallow and more in touch with reality.

 

[edger]

Obviously some people haven't gotten the memo that we are NO LONGER IN THE 1950's. It's OKAY to be in your 30's and dress like you are in your 20's. It's OKAY to listen to the same music they do. It's OKAY to hang out and party and do fun things EVEN IF YOU ARE 30+!

Seriously, I read this article awhile back talking about how there is no longer a generation gap. There is no "dress code" for each stage of your life. Rejoice in the fact that you are in the first generation who is not looked down upon for keeping yourself young at heart.

I know girls who are 10-15 years younger than I am and I can easily sit and have a conversation with them about movies and music ranging from the 70's to today. Why worry about turning 30 when today's generation can relate to you? It's all in your mind.

And yet another good post, absof*kinlutely! I'll raise the horns to this as well:rockon:

 

[DJDamage]

The only flaw though that I have with this is the "with age comes wisdom".

I think there is a fine line between being wise and being immature for one's age. I know a few people in their 30's that act like college kids, you know put their hats on backwards and chug beer like there is no tomorow. Personally I am 27 and I prefer hanging out with people who are a bit more sophisticated, that don't chug beer and pretend they are still in college. I still attend University and the whole "lets go drinking" novelty kinda wears off. I see more and more men act childish for their age and to me its a sign of a western culture demise on men who don't want to embrace manhood and responsibility. Do I know where is the fine line between maturity and fun? no, but as long as you respect yourself, making gains in life (living by your own rules) and don't care what others think of you then you are doing alright.

 

[lookyoung]

I feel the same way sometimes. The girls I date are much younger than I, and alot of my friends are married and have kids. I am 30 BTW and usually date younger woman. I also rather hang out with people my age but there lives are rather boring.

I don't think you should put much weight on this. Its not like your old. You GF is 22 and you seem to be pretty succesful with the ladies. Don't put much weight on it. Do what makes you feel good and have fun.

 

[realsmoothie]

I'll just say what I've said on every thread like this...

...the day I turned 30 was the best day of my life.

 

[KarmaSutra]

To quote Val Kilmers' Doc Holliday: "I'm in my prime."


Believe it. This is when the exciting part of my life begins. When all of the inane bullsh!t goes the way of the Dodo.

 

[MatureDJ]

my first prostate exam at age 40

I had my first prostate exam at age 17. :crazy:

I became semi-retired at age 31.

 

[LoneSilver]

I turned 48 April and had my first second and third prostate examines when I was in my 20's and had my first gray hair at 21.

Don't fit into someones elses mold but make your own.

I am in the best shape of my life I am stonger mentally, body and spiritually now not saying I am perfect.

I do powerlifting-bodybuilding and still wear my hair silver and don't intend to dye it because of some dumbass commerical tells me too to get the babes what a joke.

To me there is no such thing as a mid life crisis when you live your life on your own terms instead of listening to commericials and ignorant butts who still live in 1900's who want you to conform to their crap.

LoneSilver