Getting Divorced- Boy was that a Disaster!

[sodbuster]

Could be worse, you could have child support,visitation plans,etc. for the next 18 years.

 

[Magma]

This is what Leykis has to say about birth control:

Regardless of the situation always use birth control.

Whoever uses the birth control has the control.

You should be using birth control AND so should she. The pill is NOT the only form. There's about 12 different forms of birth control , they can't be allergic to all of them.

If a girl is not on birth control, she wants to have a baby. Maybe not right away, maybe not with you, but if it happens she won't be too upset.

Regarding the OP, I must say that it is a sad tale indeed. There are some SERIOUS lessons to be taken from this case study. The one that I would like to focus on is the use of birth control.

I use a condom EVERY TIME. I love my job, I travel all over the world, and am building a nice little life for myself. A child at this time in my life would seriously ruin the lifestyle that I've grown accustomed to.

In fact, Leykis goes so far as to suggest that you dump Tobasco sauce into the condom after you've blown your nut. I wouldn't go that far. However, the point is stressed that you MUST take matters into your own hands and PROTECT YOURSELF and the life you lead.

I just...don't know what to say to the OP. Such a sad tale. I applaud your tenacity in this situation. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your NEW life.

 

[Ballie]

I feel for you broer, so many of us have run foul of these Border Personality Disorder (BPD) women and carry deep scars. Just don't have anything to do with her again, it is very difficult though. I met a real mad witch after I got divorced and am still recovering - but that cured me of the drunken PU scene and am now looking for a quality woman.

 

[J Roc]

I Hope You have learned your lesson: DONT EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!

 

[window]

can someone tell me what is the point for a man to get married...from what I can tell there are very few hapilly married men out there. Prenup or nup sorry babe.

 

[In2theGame]

I decide to get married to her. We were going to get married anyway afterall. My friend tells me I'm making a mistake. I decide to ignore him from this point forward, I blame him mentally for the abortion and decide not to listen. My dad tells me not to do it, she's not pregnant anymore and tells me that I don't really know her. Says I should take my time and life with her a year or two first, tells me I'm getting the milk for free at this point anyway, so why am I rushing into buying the cow. My fiannce pressures me into marrying her, saying "do you love me or not, are we going to get married or not?" I decide to prover to her how much I love her. I decide that we'll elope. The entire drive there my gut feeling is screaming at me telling me I'm making a mistake. The same feeling I had when I first set eyes on her, the same feeling I had everytime I saw/heard a red flag, the same feeling I had the first time time I banged her after the abortion (in that case my guy was screaming at me to end it and get the hell out). I did the same thing I did everyime I had this feeling- I pressed on anyway. We got married.

So, all was well in good right. We were married. We'd probably have a honeymoon period, where everything would be cozy, for a few months- so I thought. A few days after we were married I get a phone call at work. She is at the apartment pool drinking alot of vodka with her childhood friend. Ok.... I thought we agreed that there would be no hanging out with, or drinking with, the opposite sex in the absence of the other parter. She says her friends dosen't count since he's really ugly and "gay but he dosne't know it". I'm upset, but I don't know what to say at this point. She invites me to join them at the pool when I get home. I say that I just want to go to bed- I had worked 12 hours on 3 hours sleep and I was really tired. I get home and they're drinking together and listening to music, they're both completely plastered. I say to have fun at the pool and I get into bed. She insists that I join them at the pool, when I refuse and stay in bed she responds by blasting the music. I am fed up at this point, and I just want to sleep so after arguing a few minutes I agree to go- just so I can sleep by the pool. We go down there and soon she starts talking **** to her friend about me. I get pissed and soon respond in kind. She escalates- next thing I know I hear my lovely wife, whom I love so much, insulting me in public- telling me that I have a small ****, that its nothing compared to black ****, that she LOOOOVES black **** and that the basketball players she use to **** really laid it to her well. I tell her to **** off and I walk away. She follow me all while telling me how much she HATES ME and how much she LOOVES Black ****. We get to the apartment- I tell her I am leaving her. I start packing up my things. I grab the letter she wrote me after the abortion, the one where she told me how special I was and how much I meant to her- I throw it at her tell her that it was obviously a lie and complete bull****. She goes and lays down on the bed. I do the only thing I can think of to show all the frustration, anger, and hatred I have for her in that moment- I throw a glass of water on her and call her a lying malcious b-itch. She freaks out. Says that no one does that to her. Starts throwing and destroying my property. Throws my TV onto the floor. Throws my computer monitor against the freezer. Starts throwing cans of corn at me. I tell her she's psycho and start carrying **** to my car. In and out I go- and I hear her crying on the phone to her mom, saying that she made a mistake and that she loves me. She asks for a hug- tells me she's so sorry- that she's just resentful over the abortion- she blames me for it saying I made her feel "insecure" with the things on my computer and with the "looking"; that she loves me and that she's sorry (while crying the whole time). I buy it and forgive her.........

Needless to stay (meant to say say, but I'm going to leave it like that because its probably a Freudian slip) this was only the first of many fights in the following weeks and topics included:

-Her constant insistance that an open marriage/swinging would be healthy for the relationship since we were both still young and horney looking to "sow our oats" and me telling her that she was f-ucking insane if she thought that I would stay in that sort of marriage. That that's not what marriage meant to me, and that I would get divored before I did that espically since I would be liable for raising/paying child support for another man's child if she got knocked up doing these things.

-Her constantly using the fact that I was totally against these things to provoke me and push my buttons

-Her stating on multiple occasions that she thought we should breakup/seperate and that we werent right for each other- and me saying that we should try to make it work since we were married (she did this back when she was pregnant too- and I said "make it work for the baby"; turns out she was just using it as a huge powerplay, a way to sieze control of the frame whenever I did/was on the verge of doing so.)

-Her insistance on seeing her male friends... alone and going to the meat market area with her female friends for "drinks" (aka girls night out) and my total opposition to this.

-Unprovoked Insults

-She left me in the middle of the city at NIGHT once- when I got out of the car after I was sick of listening to her insults in the middle of a fight. She went home, refused to pick me up that night AND the next day. Said it was my fault for being stupid and getting out of the car in the first place. :cuss: Luckily I had a friend I could stay with for the night. Had to take the train the next day......

-Left during the middle of Dark Knight because "she didnt like how it portrayed women". (this is the same women that would never pay for dinner back when she was single) I refused to leave with her. Home was 5 mins away. Did she take a cab or ask for the keys? No. I found her drinking at a bar and flirting with other men when I got out of the theater.

-Told me she ****ked over 30 guys in one year one night when she was drunk. That she used guys to take her to fancy resteraunts, that she went to NYC- ****ed a cop in a back seat of a cop car in an alley, and then went and had dinner with her "boyfriend" lawyer later that same day

Even after all this, I was still buying her bull**** about loving me after every fight. I accepted the whole "we are both contributing to the problem" line, I accepted the guilt she laid on me. All while this was happening I was getting up at 4:30 AM and usually working till early/late evening. I ad to come home and deal with this ****. I had to spend my weekends dealing with this ****. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

The last straw was when she provoked a fight when visiting me for lunch one day. I jokingly remarked "yea, during marriage sometimes guys just zone out and they don't hear what their wife is saying" she flips out at this and starts a fight over it. She says she's going home and walks away. I'm pissed and I let her. I let it go. Later that day I go home- no one is home, but I decide to take a nap. I get a call from her telling me that she thinks we should get seperated, I ask her where she is- she says meeting a friend for drinks..

I had had it with her. I get ready to move out, get my **** together. I'm getting my **** out when she comes home. She uses her typical tactics to get me to stay again. I stay... again. But this time I was done with it. I had reached the tipping point, every morning I would wake up wondering why the **** I was still at her place, still married to her. I could no longer excuse away her behavior, I could no longer accept the guilt she said at my feet. I told her I was leaving- she begged me to stay, said that would change, that she had turned a new leaf, that life would be different now, that we were soul mates and were meant to be together, that she would do everything she could to prove her love to me. I told her that she had six weeks of marriage to prove her love to me, and she had failed miserably; that I had gone from begging her to stay when she did that "seperation" crap for the first time to moving out and getting a divorce because of her, that she had no one to blame but herself for the situation she was in now (she was "crying" alot when I read her the riot act for how ****tily she treated me).

I'm moved out now, and I'm filing for divorce today. I can't even relate how good I feel today, I feel happier then I've been in a long time and I realize that I have something that I've been missing for a long time. Hope and Optimism.

Next time: Lessons I learned.

I believe you will become a much better man after all of this. I too was involved with a girl like this and i seriously thought i was gonna kill myself from all the nagging and stupid fights she brought up. i mean my goodness, these type of women are capable of driving a guy to sucide. I ALMOST! married her and thank god i didnt.

 

[Fantasy]

Wheh, man! That was quite a ride! I always say that the reason the divorce rate is so high is due to fact of many people ignoring red flags.

Thank goodness, man, you are able to esacpe with virtually no baggage. Just regroup and now you will be much wiser. You just got 20 years of marriage experience rapped up into 6 weeks. Red flags are you friend!!

Good luck!

 

[romangod]

can someone tell me what is the point for a man to get married...

The whole point for a man to get married is to have his heart ripped out before he goes to the poorhouse. Good Luck.

Cheers!

 

[sodbuster]

The onlly reason for marriage is kids-don't want them,don'tdo it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Aenigma,
A wonderful post,your Lady certainly has problems,best rid of her.....The advice you received was so good.........Nice to see Ballie back again....Tell me Brother Under the Southern Cross,what happened with you and that big Afrikaaner Heifer you seemed so happy with......Is there anything you have learned that could assist your older friends,in their journey through this minefield called Life?

 

[Zarky]

Nice, thanks for bumping this legendary necro-thread. Good stuff, should be archived somewhere.

I have to admit I've never encountered a chick like this. Dated one about 1/10th as crazy, never anything like this.

Are there warning signs in the beginning of the rel'p when you encounter a BPD chick like this? I'm not into drama so maybe I've gone out with BPD chicks and they've realized there was nothing to latch on to me with. I dunno.

It seems that at some point the man is sort of complicit in his own abuse. Perhaps it takes such a long time to get to that point that he doesn't notice his gradual descent into hell.

 

[Bluntmaster]

The only difference between what happened to Aenigma and what happened to me is luck. I was banging a BPD girl just as crazy as his up until April of this year. I was banging her raw because she told me she can't get preggo. She was divorced 3 times already but I didn't care because the sex was so good I thought I was in love. Busted nuts in her all the time. Her father is a minister.

We broke up in April and a month later she is preggo with some dude she met on POF and married him in July.

 

[The Inside Man]

What an absolute nightmare. Pretty much worse case scenario on repeat. Aenigma, what are you up to these days? Hopefully you're a new man doing new things. Like Zarky said, dated a girl that was probably 1/10th as crazy, got out in time. Believe it or not, there's still good women out there though.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

I decide to get married to her. We were going to get married anyway afterall. My friend tells me I'm making a mistake. I decide to ignore him from this point forward, I blame him mentally for the abortion and decide not to listen. My dad tells me not to do it, she's not pregnant anymore and tells me that I don't really know her. Says I should take my time and life with her a year or two first, tells me I'm getting the milk for free at this point anyway, so why am I rushing into buying the cow. My fiannce pressures me into marrying her, saying "do you love me or not, are we going to get married or not?" I decide to prover to her how much I love her. I decide that we'll elope. The entire drive there my gut feeling is screaming at me telling me I'm making a mistake. The same feeling I had when I first set eyes on her, the same feeling I had everytime I saw/heard a red flag, the same feeling I had the first time time I banged her after the abortion (in that case my guy was screaming at me to end it and get the hell out). I did the same thing I did everyime I had this feeling- I pressed on anyway. We got married.

So, all was well in good right. We were married. We'd probably have a honeymoon period, where everything would be cozy, for a few months- so I thought. A few days after we were married I get a phone call at work. She is at the apartment pool drinking alot of vodka with her childhood friend. Ok.... I thought we agreed that there would be no hanging out with, or drinking with, the opposite sex in the absence of the other parter. She says her friends dosen't count since he's really ugly and "gay but he dosne't know it". I'm upset, but I don't know what to say at this point. She invites me to join them at the pool when I get home. I say that I just want to go to bed- I had worked 12 hours on 3 hours sleep and I was really tired. I get home and they're drinking together and listening to music, they're both completely plastered. I say to have fun at the pool and I get into bed. She insists that I join them at the pool, when I refuse and stay in bed she responds by blasting the music. I am fed up at this point, and I just want to sleep so after arguing a few minutes I agree to go- just so I can sleep by the pool. We go down there and soon she starts talking **** to her friend about me. I get pissed and soon respond in kind. She escalates- next thing I know I hear my lovely wife, whom I love so much, insulting me in public- telling me that I have a small ****, that its nothing compared to black ****, that she LOOOOVES black **** and that the basketball players she use to **** really laid it to her well. I tell her to **** off and I walk away. She follow me all while telling me how much she HATES ME and how much she LOOVES Black ****. We get to the apartment- I tell her I am leaving her. I start packing up my things. I grab the letter she wrote me after the abortion, the one where she told me how special I was and how much I meant to her- I throw it at her tell her that it was obviously a lie and complete bull****. She goes and lays down on the bed. I do the only thing I can think of to show all the frustration, anger, and hatred I have for her in that moment- I throw a glass of water on her and call her a lying malcious b-itch. She freaks out. Says that no one does that to her. Starts throwing and destroying my property. Throws my TV onto the floor. Throws my computer monitor against the freezer. Starts throwing cans of corn at me. I tell her she's psycho and start carrying **** to my car. In and out I go- and I hear her crying on the phone to her mom, saying that she made a mistake and that she loves me. She asks for a hug- tells me she's so sorry- that she's just resentful over the abortion- she blames me for it saying I made her feel "insecure" with the things on my computer and with the "looking"; that she loves me and that she's sorry (while crying the whole time). I buy it and forgive her.........

Needless to stay (meant to say say, but I'm going to leave it like that because its probably a Freudian slip) this was only the first of many fights in the following weeks and topics included:

-Her constant insistance that an open marriage/swinging would be healthy for the relationship since we were both still young and horney looking to "sow our oats" and me telling her that she was f-ucking insane if she thought that I would stay in that sort of marriage. That that's not what marriage meant to me, and that I would get divored before I did that espically since I would be liable for raising/paying child support for another man's child if she got knocked up doing these things.

-Her constantly using the fact that I was totally against these things to provoke me and push my buttons

-Her stating on multiple occasions that she thought we should breakup/seperate and that we werent right for each other- and me saying that we should try to make it work since we were married (she did this back when she was pregnant too- and I said "make it work for the baby"; turns out she was just using it as a huge powerplay, a way to sieze control of the frame whenever I did/was on the verge of doing so.)

-Her insistance on seeing her male friends... alone and going to the meat market area with her female friends for "drinks" (aka girls night out) and my total opposition to this.

-Unprovoked Insults

-She left me in the middle of the city at NIGHT once- when I got out of the car after I was sick of listening to her insults in the middle of a fight. She went home, refused to pick me up that night AND the next day. Said it was my fault for being stupid and getting out of the car in the first place. :cuss: Luckily I had a friend I could stay with for the night. Had to take the train the next day......

-Left during the middle of Dark Knight because "she didnt like how it portrayed women". (this is the same women that would never pay for dinner back when she was single) I refused to leave with her. Home was 5 mins away. Did she take a cab or ask for the keys? No. I found her drinking at a bar and flirting with other men when I got out of the theater.

-Told me she ****ked over 30 guys in one year one night when she was drunk. That she used guys to take her to fancy resteraunts, that she went to NYC- ****ed a cop in a back seat of a cop car in an alley, and then went and had dinner with her "boyfriend" lawyer later that same day

Even after all this, I was still buying her bull**** about loving me after every fight. I accepted the whole "we are both contributing to the problem" line, I accepted the guilt she laid on me. All while this was happening I was getting up at 4:30 AM and usually working till early/late evening. I ad to come home and deal with this ****. I had to spend my weekends dealing with this ****. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

The last straw was when she provoked a fight when visiting me for lunch one day. I jokingly remarked "yea, during marriage sometimes guys just zone out and they don't hear what their wife is saying" she flips out at this and starts a fight over it. She says she's going home and walks away. I'm pissed and I let her. I let it go. Later that day I go home- no one is home, but I decide to take a nap. I get a call from her telling me that she thinks we should get seperated, I ask her where she is- she says meeting a friend for drinks..

I had had it with her. I get ready to move out, get my **** together. I'm getting my **** out when she comes home. She uses her typical tactics to get me to stay again. I stay... again. But this time I was done with it. I had reached the tipping point, every morning I would wake up wondering why the **** I was still at her place, still married to her. I could no longer excuse away her behavior, I could no longer accept the guilt she said at my feet. I told her I was leaving- she begged me to stay, said that would change, that she had turned a new leaf, that life would be different now, that we were soul mates and were meant to be together, that she would do everything she could to prove her love to me. I told her that she had six weeks of marriage to prove her love to me, and she had failed miserably; that I had gone from begging her to stay when she did that "seperation" crap for the first time to moving out and getting a divorce because of her, that she had no one to blame but herself for the situation she was in now (she was "crying" alot when I read her the riot act for how ****tily she treated me).

I'm moved out now, and I'm filing for divorce today. I can't even relate how good I feel today, I feel happier then I've been in a long time and I realize that I have something that I've been missing for a long time. Hope and Optimism.

Next time: Lessons I learned.

I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain't one!!

Seriously though.... you should have known once she let you piss on her LOL

 

[Reyaj]

With women I think you have to pick the lesser of the evils. Unfortunately the one you found was more toward the bottom of that list.

Consider yourself lucky