Getting Canceled On - But Why??

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser.

Sorry OP, they just got hit up by Chad or Tyrone. Maybe even Chang.

These first dates went good to you, but not to her. Remember, anything you do or say (as well as don't do or say) can be a turnoff. Even cheering for Clemson.

Or it could be you're dealing with attention wh0res. This is why I only give 1 strike, to hell with all that "put the ball in her court" sh*t because she don't even know the ball's there. She does know there's 10 other guys in her phone.

The only time I go to 2 strikes is if we've had sex.

I don't have time for game-playing attention wh0res in my life, and neither should you.

 

[dude99]

My bad rut of getting canceled on for seemingly no reason continues. Today it happened with an HB8.

Backstory: Went back and forth on Match.com for a good few messages. Asked her out on there straight up. Suddenly the conversation ended. No response. I leave my number for her a few days later incase she changed her mind. Next. Two weeks later I suddenly get this text.

View attachment 1424

The second I saw the "Online dating can be overwhelming" comment I knew I was dealing with an odd duck/phony, but I decided I would give her a shot.

She also messages me on MATCH as well trying to get my attention. Wow.

I respond an hour later and it seems as if her real IL shows through. Suddenly there is no long response, excitement or emoji's. I just had a very weird feeling about it. Then, as seen the morning of the date, flake city.

View attachment 1425

Just WHAT is it with women today? This girl is 34, mind you.
I truly believe we are living in a culture today where there is this new breed of girls who *think* they want something serious, but when it comes down to it, really don't. Perfect evidence is shown in these texts as I described. She's all gung-ho trying to get my attention about a date, then the second it gets down to business with the confirmation, you can sense something odd. No more enthusiasm.

After she flaked with her "Bad cold" cringeworthy excuse, I wrote back saying "That's fine, np. Let me know" to which received no response.

You seem a little to passive, and it is allowing the girls to lead, and when they lead you will be dead in the water.

The chick who suddenly went silent when you asked her out, i would have flat out nexted her after a 2 weeks of silence, i would have had no time for her at all. She was telling you, you were plan b maybe evem plan c.

But if youre still wanting to try, go for something like this :

"Sorry i took so long to get back to you, if your still intetested...etc"

What she is saying here is my last 2 dates turned out to be duds. Now im giving you my time after sitting on my shelf for 2 weeks like a good boy. You were too passive.


You "sure would sunday be ok?"
You're letting her make the decision. Dont do this.

Instead try " sunday is the only time that works for me. Ill pick you up at 7pm."

If its a yes. Then game on. She already proved to be a flake by ignoring your question for 2 weeks. Treat her with indifference. If its a no, tell her to take care.

And the previous girls who flaked. You were way to accomidating.

"Sorry i had to go out of town. How about next week?"
Be in charge of your dating life.

"Sorry hun. Im all booked up for next week."

 

[Glassguy]

I am going to give a little feedback about this OP-

A few days later I reach back out and the convo is going very well with long answers from her. Conversation completely normal. Around the 10pm mark I ask her for a second date and suddenly she stops responding. Legit RIGHT in the middle of the convo.

Whether or not you want to admit it, I would bet anything that you didnt wait 2 days to text her after the date and truth be know, you bored the sh!t out of her by using that phone in your hand to replace the upcoming face to face convos instead of to set up the next date. Too much texting.

She says she has plans but "Maybe next week". She then texts me asking about something else casual. Ok. I don't reach out again until Monday where I ask how her weekend was and the convo is nice. I didn't want to bring up a second date again so quick after getting rejected a few days prior. I wait until Tuesday and ask her out.

At the "Maybe next week" you should have taken that sign of low interest and not responded back AT ALL. Her wanting to chit chat about something other than getting together again and "casual" stuff means that she is friend zoning you and isnt interested in you sexually and I will get to that in a minute.

1.) You are too available because you have no other options. I try to keep in contact with at least 5-10 chicks at all times. This way I remain scarce and mysterious (and busy because I have a life outside of these chicks). Its attractive to females because I am not available all the time. Set up the next date and after you have done that, only respond to her if she initiates. Even then it should be 3-4 messages and then tell her you're busy and have to run but you are looking forward to seeing her at the time that you have the next date set for. Make them chase your attention.

2.) There is no way in he!! that you are escalating on your dates. You dont even mention trying to escalate in your posts. Instead of escalating and coming across as the guy who wants to smoothly take them back to your place for hot fvcking sex, you are the nice guy who is covertly telling them you want a relationship. It is very unattractive.

One thing that I have learned for sure with all women is this-

You will lose more women after the first date by not escalating and coming across as the nice guy looking for a friend/relationship than you ever will as the guy that escalates (in a good way) for sex. Even if you get shut down you will give her more to think about when you disappear between your dates. Women are attracted to men who know what they want and go after it. They friend zone men who are too scared to escalate for sex.

 

[Roober]

This thread sounds like "the nice guy" attempting red pill principles. This is exactly why I suggest, and others here, that you work on your mindset first and foremost. It will eliminate silly questions and posts like this.

I would compare this situation to my son and his reading at age 6. As a kindergartner, He can read second grade books no problem, but his comprehension is only at at a kindergarten level. He doesn't truly understand the concepts because he is working from memory and not his passive intelligence. Many many men on this forum are guilty of this same principle, and they will continue to fail... and continue to blame everyone but themselves.

Go read the book of pook again. Ask questions, learn and apply. Dont look for a quick fix to a big problem.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You had a ton of technical mistakes my friend. That's why you're getting flaky behavior. Don't fret though, if you tighten things up again you'll get better results. For now you aren't displaying confidence and directness. Stop texting to make conversation. Just go for the date. Let's analyze:

GIRL #1:
Very nice first date for drinks in NYC. The only semi afc move I could recall was during the date I reveal that I waited 2 hours for her before she arrived. (I got off work 3 hours before she did and it wouldn't make sense for me to go home which wouldn't have worked out time wise.) I told her I walked around the city and did some things. Didn't come off as a bad thing when I brought it up.

Never do this again. Ever. It wasn't semi-AFC, it was full blown loser. Even if you did do it, she should never know it.

Post date text saying she had a really nice time tonight and thanks again. Good sign! A few days later I reach back out and the convo is going very well with long answers from her. Conversation completely normal. Around the 10pm mark I ask her for a second date and suddenly she stops responding. Legit RIGHT in the middle of the convo. Wow.

Save yourself a lot of hassle but knocking off the conversations. Just get the date. The buildup was unnecessary.

In the morning she says sorry she "fell asleep" (interesting) but yeah my idea for a second date is nice but this week is "very busy" for her how about next week? I say sure. She THEN says "Maybe Tuesday?". I say "Tuesday would work". At that point something just felt fishy and I figured I was on the back burner so I didn't reach out again/chase until SIX days later which was Monday when I asked her if she was still on for tomorrow. She confirms for the date but sounds completely non enthusiastic.

You didn't close. My friend, you have to close. Closing is #1 in sales. Closing is how men of action make moves on women. If she says next week, set the day, time and location immediately. You're expecting her to do the work here and women don't like that.

She cancels the date the next morning saying she has to work late. HOWEVER, she asks to reschedule for Thursday! Interesting again. I tell her Thurs I'm busy but can do Sunday. She says "That should work". Ummm, ok. No enthusiasm again, no nothing. That was it.

Mistake #2. You got hella lucky that she counter offer, then you don't take her counter offer? My friend.... you have to close.

Sunday morning comes and she cancels AGAIN saying she had to go out of town and won't be back in time. Here's the best part... AGAIN she counters and says "Can we do tomorrow after work instead?". I respond cold saying i'm busy after work and we'll just shoot for another time. No response from her, never heard from her again. So wtf? Is setting dates and canceling them the new way of getting out of dealing with a guy?

My friend, she's canceling because you aren't making things happen!!! By a miracle she gives you a third chance, and you don't close the deal? And you expect her to come around again? You have things all backwards. She's given you three chances to make a date and you failed three times.

GIRL #2:
Even better first date over drinks on a Tuesday. Texts me the next morning saying how she had a great time and hopes i have a good day. Thursday i reach out and ask for a casual second date for some wine that Friday. This quick second date invite isn't like me, but I felt we had THAT good of a time on our first date. She says she has plans but "Maybe next week". She then texts me asking about something else casual. Ok.

It was a little soon. Try waiting 5-9 days before asking her out for the second date. She was telling you this indirectly by suggesting next week. That was a window of opportunity for you to close. "Next week is great. Monday @ 6:30, <location>?"

I don't reach out again until Monday where I ask how her weekend was and the convo is nice.

Stop doing this. Stop checking in. Just ask her out.

I didn't want to bring up a second date again so quick after getting rejected a few days prior. I wait until Tuesday and ask her out. She responds three hours later saying "Sure does Thursday work?". I say its fine and ask if 6:30 is good. Her response is "6:30 works.".

You still didn't close. She says "6:30 works." She never said she would be there. You never had a date my friend. Your response should have been:

"Great, so I'll see you Thursday, at 6:30, <location>?"

Something just felt a little off and I didn't sense any excitement in her and there was no more convo after that. The next day comes and there is no communication all day. Well Thursday comes, I text her at 12pm saying i'm looking forward to later and to text me when she's on her way. She responds saying she took off work bc she has a "migraine" and is really sorry but she can't go but maybe we can reschedule for next week. I tell her no problem let me know. That was it. No other words from her.
So again, wtf??

You are almost there, but you haven't closed at all in these stories. That's why you aren't getting any second dates.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

When the majority of people start treating the dating world as a market place, you will be treated as a commodity. Do you think the 45 different brands of toothpaste feel rejected when the woman chooses the 46th?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I'm pretty sure that 95% of the time when a girl texts after the date saying how she had a great time and says thank you it means they had a good time. In addition to that, at 33 and after being out with MANY girls over the years, I can tell you its pretty easy to read whether or not the other person had a good time. Now that being said, your point about them having other options is probably the case. They liked me, but not enough to make me a priority. They have a #1 or even #2 above me, and maybe didn't feel up to entertaining another date with me when the time came. Still kind of sh-tty though for them to go out of their way to confirm the dates only to cancel though. Immature move for two girls who are in their early 30's

She had such a great time, she ghosted you, and got skull fucjed into oblivion.

Next set Don.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

You had a ton of technical mistakes my friend. That's why you're getting flaky behavior. Don't fret though, if you tighten things up again you'll get better results. For now you aren't displaying confidence and directness. Stop texting to make conversation. Just go for the date. Let's analyze:




Never do this again. Ever. It wasn't semi-AFC, it was full blown loser. Even if you did do it, she should never know it.



Save yourself a lot of hassle but knocking off the conversations. Just get the date. The buildup was unnecessary.



You didn't close. My friend, you have to close. Closing is #1 in sales. Closing is how men of action make moves on women. If she says next week, set the day, time and location immediately. You're expecting her to do the work here and women don't like that.



Mistake #2. You got hella lucky that she counter offer, then you don't take her counter offer? My friend.... you have to close.



My friend, she's canceling because you aren't making things happen!!! By a miracle she gives you a third chance, and you don't close the deal? And you expect her to come around again? You have things all backwards. She's given you three chances to make a date and you failed three times.



It was a little soon. Try waiting 5-9 days before asking her out for the second date. She was telling you this indirectly by suggesting next week. That was a window of opportunity for you to close. "Next week is great. Monday @ 6:30, <location>?"



Stop doing this. Stop checking in. Just ask her out.



You still didn't close. She says "6:30 works." She never said she would be there. You never had a date my friend. Your response should have been:

"Great, so I'll see you Thursday, at 6:30, <location>?"



You are almost there, but you haven't closed at all in these stories. That's why you aren't getting any second dates.

ABCs ftw

 

[oldmanofthesea]

One thing I noticed is that it sounds like your text conversations were a little bland. "How was your weekend" etc... technically nothing wrong with that, but that's what most guys are going to be sending her, so in order to stand out, you should consider being a little more creative. Role play. Tease her. Talk about non-traditional things. Hypothetical questions. Playful banter. And of course, limit your text conversations as others have said. It really isn't clear how much you are conversing over text... I usually just send a few (4-8) back and forth texts to set the mood and intrigue before I ask her out on the date which is the main purpose of the text.

I agree with others about them saying they had a great time. 50% of the time it means they really did, and 50% of the time it means they really didn't and they are just trying to be nice in their own misguided way. Since it's 50/50, I've learned to simply disregard the fact that they sent the text. If they do send it, I will use it as an opportunity to ask them out again.

 

[Smartone84]

First time back in a while and wow, I appreciate all the responses. While I did get some quality advice which I'll get to in a second, as always it seems some guys really over analyze everything on here and are quick to bash. For example I mention chatting with a girl for just a bit before asking her out and some guys probably think that means an hour back and forth and boring them before our date which turns them off. Reality is it's literally 3-4 texts before I get to the invite. Many times, (as noted with Girl #2) I even straight up ask them out in the very first text. Just believe me, I know full well that the phone is almost always for just setting dates and that's it. I've been through the whole "you talked too much before the date and got canceled on bc of it" phase.

Whether or not you want to admit it, I would bet anything that you didnt wait 2 days to text her after the date and truth be know, you bored the sh!t out of her by using that phone in your hand to replace the upcoming face to face convos instead of to set up the next date. Too much texting.

Date was Thurs. Didn't text her until Monday night. So I win the bet. You saying I prob bored the sh-t out of her is fair bc I didn't get into specifics, but the reality was the conversation was no more than 3-4 texts back and forth before I got to the second date invite. That all being said, I agree and have since learned, to just cut any BS convo. Maybe ONE text, then go for the date.

As far as me not "escalating" or being sexual so to speak, on my dates, I'm not sure what you mean. Women will find a flirtatious behavior more attractive than a boring "Hi nice to meet you, I'm so and so and want a relationship" behavior, yes, but you can't be fondling women or asking them to fvck on first dates. With me, there's some flirtation, and there's some fun, but there comes a point where it can be over the top and have a negative result. Am I right?

Ultimately, it just came down to lack of attraction and overall interest IMHO. (With Girl 1 and 2), but as @dude99 pointed out, I without a doubt I was a little passive in these situations, and it was likely a problem. It shouldn't be a big deal, but sadly in today's dating world it is. Every so often I slip up and forget to be direct and in charge. I likely paid for it here. Very true that once you allow the girls to lead, it's bad news. Thanks.

Save yourself a lot of hassle by knocking off the conversations. Just get the date. The buildup was unnecessary.

As noted above, I agree here. Get straight and to the point.

Mistake #2. You got hella lucky that she counter offer, then you don't take her counter offer? My friend.... you have to close.

Close?? Lol. I did close. I had a first date confirmed, then the chick canceled on ME. I don't have to take her counteroffer. But for what its worth I WAS actually busy.

My friend, she's canceling because you aren't making things happen!!! By a miracle she gives you a third chance, and you don't close the deal? And you expect her to come around again? You have things all backwards. She's given you three chances to make a date and you failed three times.

"Not making things happen"?? Lol. Are we literally at this point where getting a girl to agree to a date and time is no longer good enough? Bc I don't know what your mentality is. We had a confirmed date, AFTER she canceled the first time. Then she cancels AGAIN. At that point I was done. Cancel on me once, no big deal. Cancel on me twice, and I walk away. I don't care what kind of counter she threw at me. Not worth me prioritizing my time for her anymore, especially with the BS sounding excuses on top of that. You say she gave me three chances to make a date and I failed. Are you serious at this point?

And as far as the other girl, the location was already known before she agreed to the 6:30 time, but I'm aware I didn't note that, so I apologize.