Getting brushed off by "high value" dudes

[harkkam08]

There was this guy I met at my previous job, and we seemed to connect. I am 25 years old btw male and straight just FYI.

We joked, and he seemed to enjoy my company. After I left the job we didn't keep in touch but then I helped him get a job in the company that I work for and we started talking again. He now works in the same company that I do but in a different office.

Anyway we managed to make plans and hung out and played some golf together at the driving range.

However the overall issue is that I send him a text, and won't get a reply till a day later, and sometimes no reply at all until I send another text.

If I don't text him, then I don't get a text at all, meaning there is no investment of effort from his end.

I've tried to make plans after that one time, and its always gotten brushed off I feel.

Once he said he didn't have any money, he hadn't gotten paid yet, however the next day I sent him a text message and he apologized for not getting back to me because he was still in the city from hanging out the previous night. All from a person who didn't have any $.

So I decided to let it be, and not message or contact him for a week and a half, and I then I reach out and message him. He doesn't respond so I email him and he apologizes for not seeing my text. I make a mention to hang out with him on the weekend to which he replies "sounds good man, I should be free"

So even with all the missed messages and lack of interest, I feel like alright this guy seems sincere in wanting to hang out, he always apologizes when he doesn't get back to me or read a text of mine.

The weekend comes and its saturday afternoon, and I haven't made any plans hoping that we hang out. I call him and he doesn't pick up or reply to my text messages. At this point I am pretty pissed off.

I let it be for a couple of days, and I message him telling him "Hey dude you should have told me that we weren't going to hang on saturday because I didn't get to make plans anywhere else" and he replied "oh I'm sorry I didn't know we were supposed to hang out saturday, Im really sorry I met this girl and my phone ran out of battery and thats why I couldn't reply and get your messages till the next day"

I didn't even bother responding to that message. That was about two weeks ago and I sent him a text wishing him a happy new year.

The reason this is bothering me so much is two fold

1) I seemed to get along with him really well, I don't have any guy friends, he seemed to like my company and when we played gold he made mentions of how he had lots of fun, so Im confused as to why I'm being brushed off

2) He has a pretty large social circle and the type of people he is friends with I feel like they offer a high social value, they all go to clubs routinely, they dress up and think highly of themselves etc. So to be part of that circle would make me feel better about myself to know that I was accepted. But I can only get to that if I am invited and introduced by this guy.

Being brushed off makes me feel like a loser, like there is something wrong with me that I am not being accepted by him.

Its been about one year since I've been in a situation to make a new friend, and a new friend that could have brought a huge social circle. I was hoping that him enjoying our company and seeing that I'm a fun guy would make him open up and be friends with me.

Now my self esteem has taken a hit and i don't know what to do. I don't know if I should keep trying or give up. I don't know how to feel better about myself.

I hope someone out there can relate to me

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

This is some moist stuff dude. Why do you care about another dude? Go focus on your career. Go chasing girls. This dude thinks your creepy and probably thinks your gay. What kinda man texts another that he doesn't know well talking about hanging out. That'd have me running for the hills.

 

[Mike32ct]

The advice is the same as if you were dealing with a flakey chick. Go by the actions not the words. You are very low on his priority list. He doesn't want to hang out.

As for his club friends, most well established cliques are closed to new membership. The exception is when someone in the clique starts dating someone on the outside. The new girlfriend or boyfriend qualifies for honorary membership because they have to be friendly to a senior member's new significant other.

I have a guy like this at my work. He doesn't do clubs because he's older, but he has a huge social circle of women and men. Do you think he'd invite me anything? No.

Don't take it personally. Meet some women on your own.

But definitely back off and stop contacting this guy.

 

[Aaron B]

you aren't offering anything that he values

 

[FairShake]

You sound lonely. And loneliness is the cause of so many of our biggest flaws. Sometimes its drugs and sometimes its desperate pathetic behavior like this.

Look at it from a different angle. You seem to want to be his friend because he can make YOU more popular. Maybe he senses that. If it was me I'd feel insulted. That's not a way to build a friendship. You need these things to be organic. Two random guys hanging out alone in the beginning is rarely organic. If one of them wants something from the other it's even more "try-hard."

There are friendship options all over. I would put myself out there and go with something that just works better.

 

[harkkam08]

Thanks guys.

Just to add to what was said.

1) I understand when you want something from some one they can sense that. So thats why I made it a point to hang with just him alone to see if I got along with him and enjoyed his company. We had a good time, and I tried my best not to come across as try hard

At one point I had called a while back and he himself suggested "Hey dude we should go out and celebrate at a bar or something" and I said "Yeah sounds good." but didn't jump on the offer like a desperate guy. I instead a week or so later I went for the low key approach, a one on one golfing event which I suggested, to build the relationship. I didn't want to act like I was just using this guy and not enjoying his company.

2) I guess regardless of what you do, you can't hide need and I wanted to be introduced to his social circle so perhaps he sensed that. I don't know.

3) If getting into social circle is closed off as mentioned in one of the replies, then how they hell do you ever get into one when you are older?

4)I may not offer something that he values, and that is true. I don't have a large social circle and I don't like to party or go clubbing. I really just wanted to be introduced to confident people who liked doing fun things. If they went skiing once a month rather than trying to sleep with women at clubs, Id like them even better. To me I just need some cool friends to do things with, who are not horrible around women, but I really want guy friends who routinely hangout at bars and clubs for the purpose of picking up chicks. I really aint a one night stand kind of guy so I won't be looking for guys who do that sort of things.

So maybe I have a different outlook on life and that has an impact?

--------------

But yeah its pretty much certain to not contact this person anymore.

The definition of being needy is when you invest more than the other person constantly for a period of time. I have been doing that, so hence it has become needy and that pushes people even further away.

Would you guys have any advice on how I could go about making friends who do interesting things but not necessary club and party.

This guy I was referring to has friends who are always at parties (Facebook) with a drink in their hand and with a "I'm too good for you" type of look. I really despise people like that, especially when they think they are better when they are not. I also dislike women like that, who are always in ****tail dresses at one party or another.

So To summarize this long a*ss post, what can I do to make some new guy friends who are not awkward around women and have social circles of their own?

 

[Aaron B]

Work on improving yourself