Getting bored with girlfriend

[bongo]

Dear polished mature gentlemen,

Background:

I am 27 years old and have a history of social anxiety and depression. I missed out on a lot in high school and college. Nowadays I'm doing my best to change for the better as a person, figure out what I really want to do with my life(since I have a degree in a field I'm not interested in) and improve my social skills.

2 years ago I went to a club with some friends, and met a cute chubby girl, HB6, I'm probably about an 8.5 on a good day. We danced, got to know each other, and after a few months she became my girlfriend. I didn't pursue her, she pursued me for the most part, I just went along with it. I didn't find her unattractive, she was allright, but not that she could turn my head on the street. It has been about 6 years since I had a girlfriend at that point, so it felt great to experience the dating scene again with someone.

Situation:

Fast forward, we have been together "officially" for about 1.5 years. She turned out to be a great girl, with morals, and I trust her completely. However, I've been getting a wandering eye for some time now. I see a lot of attractive women, and frankly it's been making me pretty depressed eventhough I have a girlfriend.

Part of me thinks that I'm settling because I got way too comfortable. She takes good care of me, she's probably in love with me. I love her, not sure that I'm IN love with her. This girl does everything for me. When I graduated from college and was unemployed for some time, she even helped me with jobhunting, texting me vacancies and ****. When I go to her place, she asks me if I've already eaten. When I'm sick, she takes care of me. Pretty much in her perfect-wifey role. The problem is deep down I'm getting bored.

The sex is allright, she wants it more often than I do. Sometimes I try to avoid it because I'm not feeling it, like 70% of the time. Except when I'm drunk, or high and haven't done it for some time.

We have compatible personalities, I can genuinely be myself when we are together and I suspect this will be incredibly difficult to find with another girl, because I'm an introvert. My girlfriend put up with a lot of **** and she is still here. I suspect another girl would have dumped me by now.

As I already stated, everytime I see hot women on the street I get an overwhelming feeling of depression. I guess I just want to 'sow my oats' and experience life in a way I haven't done up untill now, you know. Emo chicks, black women, rocker chicks, asian, latina, I want to fvck em all basically. One night stands, summer flings, I just want to do some crazy **** before "settling down", if ever.

This is a sticky situation that has been consuming me for the last couple of months. I told her that she is a great girl, but I'm not sure that I want a commited relationship right now. I've been honest with her about how I feel, except for the fvcking other women part, but she isn't stupid, so she probably knows what I mean. But I haven't gotten the courage to break up, so we are still together.

When I imagine some other dude fvcking her after breaking up, I get sad. But then again, it's hypocrisy because I want that exact same thing. If I could control how I feel, I would, but I can't. I suspect that girls with her personality and interest level are incredibly hard to come by. Or maybe not, I don't have much experience in the field so who knows.

Anyone been through a similar situation? Just looking for some words of wisdom.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Bongo,
Sorry just a Plate Old Chap!

 

[Bokanovsky]

I not sure that I qualify as a "polished gentleman", so I'm going to give it to you straight. If you're a gentle flower and easily offended, you may want to stop reading now.

2 years ago I went to a club with some friends, and met a cute chubby girl, HB6, I'm probably about an 8.5 on a good day.

A chubby 6 who is an 8.5 on a good day? REALLY??? How does that happen? Does she all of a sudden lose 30 pounds on a "good day", only to gain it back the next morning? Let's cut the bullsh!t, shall we? She is fat and you are not attracted to her. When you met her at the club, you had your beer goggles on. Later, you started dating her because you were lonely and depressed and she was your only plate at the time. And that's really all there is to this situation. Am I right?

I love her, not sure that I'm IN love with her.

PLEASE. Do you even realize how vaginal that sounds? That's how chicks talk to each other. "I love but I'm not in love". That statement doesn't even make any sense; it's a semantic nullity. You do not love her. You just like the fact that she gives you attention, does stuff for you, etc.

I think you already know what you need to do.

 

[bongo]

I not sure that I qualify as a "polished gentleman", so I'm going to give it to you straight. If you're a gentle flower and easily offended, you may want to stop reading now.

A chubby 6 who is an 8.5 on a good day? REALLY??? How does that happen? Does she all of a sudden lose 30 pounds on a "good day", only to gain it back the next morning? Let's cut the bullsh!t, shall we? She is fat and you are not attracted to her. When you met her at the club, you had your beer goggles on. Later, you started dating her because you were lonely and depressed and she was your only plate at the time. And that's really all there is to this situation. Am I right?

I meant she is a 6, and I am probably an 8.5

PLEASE. Do you even realize how vaginal that sounds? That's how chicks talk to each other. "I love but I'm not in love". That statement doesn't even make any sense; it's a semantic nullity. You do not love her. You just like the fact that she gives you attention, does stuff for you, etc.

You're right, it did sound pretty vaginal

I think you already know what you need to do.

Yeah, I've been contemplating it for months now. It's not easy when you don't have other plates at the moment.

 

[Damage360]

Bongo, I was in a similar situation a few years back and not sure I made the right choice.

Picked up several plates and slayed them regularly which eventually led me to break it off with her. Afterwards I continued to nail lots of hot chicks and have a hot gf now that I'm not in love with but is very good to me. Bottom line is I've gotten a ton of great pvssy the last 4 years but never had the same level of trust or intimacy with a girl.

My personal suggestion would be to chase tail on the side discreetly but not break it off unless you really do find another chick you feel strongly for. I've never had the same feelings again. Perhaps you don't love this chick that much so it may not be the same.

 

[pdx1138]

My personal suggestion would be to chase tail on the side discreetly but not break it off unless you really do find another chick you feel strongly for. I've never had the same feelings again. Perhaps you don't love this chick that much so it may not be the same.

^^This

Don't break it off until you land something else or at least have something on a back burner.

Having no options suddenly, sucks.

 

[Digitz]

Time to man up, that's all there is to it. Men make hard decisions; this girl makes your life easy but you need to consider this other human being your dealing with.

If you're not going to marry this girl and be faithful over the long run, it's time to dump her ass.

These fools saying keep dating her and cheat on her on the side have no honor. Some of us have cheated and hopefully it's shown us that it's a horrible mistake. We're all people, be good to them and be good to yourself - have INTEGRITY.

Break up with her, tell her you don't love her and then don't speak to her for 6 months. DO NOT SPEAK TO HER FOR 6 MONTHS. This will be hard on you and her no matter what.

After these 6 months, if you decide to speak to her and you want to get back together, do it, you do love her and it will work out. If not, you've already moved on.

End of story.

Good luck and don't puss out. Be strong and enjoy the emotional pain, it will help make you into a man.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Bongo,

I've been in pretty much the exact same situation as you. I can especially relate to the 'depression' when seeing all these chicks in the street that you would love to bang and feeling you can't do so because you have a girlfriend. One problem is that even if you didn't have a girlfriend you couldn't simply bang these girls, it's not like they would suddenly all be magically available to you. You would have to jump through all the usual hoops of approaching her, taking her out on dates, gaming her, etc. This would take weeks and you still might not bang her after all the work. If you could just grab them on the street and bone the fvck out of them it would be different. Unfortuantely if you did that you'd be going to jail for a long time.

The point I'm trying to make is that when I split up with my gf for the same reason you're considering splitting up with yours, I don't think I fully appreciated the hassle it takes to bang new chicks. I'm not saying it's not worth it but it's tiring and after a while you might end up thinking, 'What's the point?" I still want to bang a lot of the chicks I see on the street, in the gym, in restaurants, etc but knowing how much work it would take puts me off. The 'Game' just gets wearing after a while, although it can be a lot of fun too.

Maybe the only way you can know though, is to give it a go. Tell her you need some time alone or some bullsh*t then go out and try to bang as many women as you can in three or four months. The chances are she'll wait for you given that she's a 6 and you're an 8.5. I think when you get to look beneath the surface of the chicks you want to bang so much you'll see that most of them are actually heinous toads and their appeal for you will diminish. You can't go on like this though, you'll be perpetually dissatisfied.

One realisation I came to, and I don't know if this is just me or other guys feel it too, is that the level of lust you feel for some of these girls doesn't always translate into enjoying sex with them more. There would be times when I'd really lust after some girl but when I banged her for the first time it would almost be a let down. Not because they weren't good in bed or didn't look as good naked as I'd hoped, just because at the end of the day a gash is a gash and sex is sex. I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[Berocca]

Would she want to stay with you if she knew that you were feeling like this and posted this on a forum?

Cheating might possible make you feel even more depressed and conflicted. As you do care for her.

I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt she deserved someone better.

And because I didn't want to miss out on all those pretty ladies I can get.

 

[zekko]

I'm probably about an 8.5 on a good day

Dude, do you know how rare 8.5s are?
There was a thread about ratings not long ago and someone said that they had only seen two HB9s in his life. I liked that post because I totally agreed, there are only two girls I have seen that I would give HB9 to. And I don't believe in 10s at all.

Now 8.5, I've maybe seen a handful of them, no more, in my whole life, and I'm 53. So for you to say you're an 8.5 makes me skeptical.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It doesn't sound like you are doing this girl any favors by dragging it out. Your dating value might be going up with each passing year, but hers is declining. If she wants a commitment that you can't provide and you want to see her happy, then the best thing for her is for you to get out of her way and let her find someone who will meet her needs, while you do the same for yourself.

 

[bongo]

Thank you all for the insights.

I waited a few days to see if I can get a clearer perspective, unfortunately I still feel lost.

I like laying in bed with her, holding her, even cuddling sometimes, I just enjoy her company. Like a poster above said, she also makes my life easier. When I think about breaking up, it's because I know she deserves a man that wants to go all the way with her. From what I've experienced she is a very high quality girl.

But I'm really lusting after other women now. If I did take initiative in high school and college, and fvcked more women, instead of being a loner, maybe I would feel differently. Pvssy is pvssy right? Too bad I don't have the life and dating experience to back up this statement.

I guess I have 3 options: A) Break up , B) Stay with her, open myself up, start flirting with other girls and cheat given the opportunity, C) Accept that I met a high quality girl at this point in my life and get serious with her.

I need to sort it out before I find myself dating her for 5 years and things get even more complicated. Never mind, she probably won't wait around that long.

Time to man up, that's all there is to it. Men make hard decisions; .

Yes, they do, this is a tough one.

 

[IGotGame]

Why don't you tell her the truth....tell her that she's a good girl but your bored and want to see what other people are like.

Ask her if she is open to dating other people? If she says YES then all good for you man.

If your honest with her and you think dating other chicks will make you happy you should definitely go for it. You'll only be 27 once.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

We have a real easy solution here. Tell the chubby girl that you aren't interested in her anymore. The chubby girl would tell you the same thing if she was bored of you. Don't worry about other people's feelings, because when it comes time to your feeling, people will hurt them without a care in the world.

 

[sodbuster]

We are ALL legends in our own minds... go out and TRY to date the 8.5's you think you deserve. IF you can't land them... you aren't an 8.5. I'd do it on the side, no sense losing what you have {and don't think women don't do it to us}. IF you CAN land them, go for it and turn her loose