Getting back into the game... Need your help to de-rust

[tosh]

Ended up in a relationship for 3 years, which ended a week ago.

I hit a club to talk to girls just like old times. Seems like my in-person game has not been affected (got a really hot girls number) but I need help with the follow-up stuff. Seems like I've lost the ability to just be non-chalant about using the number and landing a date. I need some hand-guiding...

48 hours after I number closed I sent the following text:

Me:

"so... Miss XXX. How many other guys did you seduce this weekend with your powerful 'unfriendly' look?"

This was referring to me teasing her in person about how she has to work on her eye game.

response (1 hour later)

Her:

"How many OTHER guys? That sounds as if I seduced at least one... Didn't go out yesterday - just did a bit of sport and catching up with some old friends who BTW seem to be quite happy to see my unfriendly look again! How many other unfriendly girls did us seduce?"

(2 hours later)

Me:

"None of course. I'm a well behaved shy boy... Couldn't you tell? As for your look. I have a feeling it was caused by the loud music. In the name of science we should test my theory by meeting up in a quieter place. A drink in YYY after work? You pick the day and I'll pick the bar"

It's been a day since and I have received no response. I know this is child's play but I'm rusty! Could one of you geniuses deconstruct this in terms of what I've done right, wrong, and how to proceed from here?

Thanks!

PS: my feeling is that I hurried things too much by going for the date-close in 2 texts

 

[iliketennis]

i'd say you did it right except for telling her you didn't get with any chicks. i would have ignored the question or given a vague response.

 

[tosh]

Thanks for the input Toby.

The purpose of that part was to make it sound like as if I actually did talk to other girls, without saying so. I come off quite confident/aggressive in real life so the "I'm a shy boy" statement should have triggered a "yeah right, you talked to dozens of girls" response in her head.

I think I just moved to the date question too fast. I should have flirted some more. I just find this stage of seduction rather boring. Text messaging really does suck. I am going to just give her call on Thursday/Friday I think if I get nothing back. Or maybe wait till next week.

Any other feedback appreciated.

 

[tosh]

Just received this (48 hours after my invitation):

It will have to be Thursday then. But I'm not sure yet coz I'm a bit ill

Analysis time!

90% chance: this is a sign of low/medium interest and her leaving the door open for flakeage.

8% chance: She is actually ill

2% chance: Very interested but not wanting to seem too keen.

So let's assume the first one. What are my options?

1) Assume her interest level is too low, and take action to raise it (pre-date) to prevent flaking

1a) ignore her message completely until next week

1b)

Hey....I actually ended up agreeing to play XYZ sport on Thursday. I'll call over the weekend to arrange another meet time

1c)

Hey... Let's leave it for next week. Let me know when you feel better

1d) call her out on it.

"Leaving the door open for a last-minute decision eh? Don't worry little girl, you'll have fun..."

2) Do nothing drastic, give her the benefit of the doubt, and see whether she decides to flake.

2a)

No worries. I'll give you a call Thursday to see if you're feeling well enough to meet up. [+something ****y/funny]

Thoughts? I think 1b and 2a are the best options.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Your only mistake is putting too much stock on this one interaction. Very good job at getting back into playing right away. Looks like you haven't lost much of a step.

A couple of basics you are overlooking will continue to affect your interactions/follow through's if not adressed.

1). Suggest/invite/ask her to get together right before or when you get the number. Get a strong comitment when doing so. This should eliminate any wishy washiness and flaky vibe they throw out there a few days later. So not only should you move fast, but even faster. "Date closes" need to happen quick, when her interest is peaked. If you are getting her number, she knows exactly what is going up. No need to delay, or detour the seduction by playing text message tag and delaying the process for almost a week, with no set plans.

2. You are right. Texting really sucks, unless you know how to use it in the right context. You need to be doing the initial contact by phone. Calling her, chit chatting to remind her of her interest in you, then suggesting a get together ASAP. Too often broads will pull things off like flaking not committing, etc., as it is. Texing just brings out the worst in those type of girls. Texing gives them an even easier vehicle to continue that type of stuff. Not how it should be, that's just how it is.

3. Again, a phone call is the only way to make your first move. Once there, you need to make sure you are the one leading and making the MOST IMPORTANT decisions. When you told her, "you pick the day, I pick the bar", you communicated you were handing over the power to her. Be decisive. Take the lead.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

double post.

 

[CarlitosWay]

Your only mistake is putting too much stock on this one interaction. Very good job at getting back into playing right away. Looks like you haven't lost much of a step.

A couple of basics you are overlooking will continue to affect your interactions/follow through's if not adressed.

1). Suggest/invite/ask her to get together right before or when you get the number. Get a strong comitment when doing so. This should eliminate any wishy washiness and flaky vibe they throw out there a few days later. So not only should you move fast, but even faster. "Date closes" need to happen quick, when her interest is peaked. If you are getting her number, she knows exactly what is going up. No need to delay, or detour the seduction by playing text message tag and delaying the process for almost a week, with no set plans.

2. You are right. Texting really sucks, unless you know how to use it in the right context. You need to be doing the initial contact by phone. Calling her, chit chatting to remind her of her interest in you, then suggesting a get together ASAP. Too often broads will pull things off like flaking not committing, etc., as it is. Texing just brings out the worst in those type of girls. Texing gives them an even easier vehicle to continue that type of stuff. Not how it should be, that's just how it is.

3. Again, a phone call is the only way to make your first move. Once there, you need to make sure you are the one leading and making the MOST IMPORTANT decisions. When you told her, "you pick the day, I pick the bar", you communicated you were handing over the power to her. Be decisive. Take the lead.

100% agree.....good stuff Gangster couldn't have said it better!

 

[HeyPachuco!]

3. Again, a phone call is the only way to make your first move. Once there, you need to make sure you are the one leading and making the MOST IMPORTANT decisions. When you told her, "you pick the day, I pick the bar", you communicated you were handing over the power to her. Be decisive. Take the lead.

How? Because even if he suggested a day, its still in her POWER to say yes,no or flake. I think the OP worded it right. If he said this day and at this bar, that can communicate subconcious "desperation" even if the OP isn't simple because of the time format between text's. A phonecall before the OPs last text message to clairfy a Day 2 wouldve been better.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

How? Because even if he suggested a day, its still in her POWER to say yes,no or flake. I think the OP worded it right. If he said this day and at this bar, that can communicate subconcious "desperation" even if the OP isn't simple because of the time format between text's. A phonecall before the OPs last text message to clairfy a Day 2 wouldve been better.

He texted, not called! End of the story. Worrying about the details of the text is irrelevant at this point.

You're thinking too much. Logic. I only speak from what I've learned in a couple of hundreds of these "first contacts" after initial meetings. Obviously the OP is not satisfied with his result. He didn't handle the situation right. You agree with what he did. Guess what? Scoreboard. He doesn't like the final result up 'till now. If you are not too experienced and haven't figured it out through your own lessons learned, you should learn from the experiences of others.

Whenever you are resorting to overanalyzing the intricate details of what you should/could have said, it means you already blew the most important part of the interaction, the initial contact. What he says exactly is not as important as having NOT text. You CALL, not text, and you avoid all these trivial details that just make it harder on yourself. As I told him, he was already putting too much stock on a particular outcome with this one. When you do, you worry about stuff that you just listed, as worrying about what the text is communicating, etc.

Bottom line, she knows you are interested, and she is somewhat interested, so she gives the number. If you then proceed to pvssy foot around the issue and start playing text tag, and when you finally decide to invite her to get together, you make it worse by not being as direct as possible, and start giving her all kinds of options, you will PREDICTABLY start getting the type of responses the OP got.

 

[Ease]

Well a positive answer from her is better than a flat out no.

Sounds like extremely flakey terratory though, i agree.

If you want another opinion, id say give her a vague positive answer for the thursday, unless she gives you a clear positive sign of interest in meeting on thursday (which she probably wont), then cancel on the day or day before. Flake on her before she gets the chance to do it, then leave the door open for yourself to rescheduel a date on your own terms.

Whatever you choose to do, give a vague positive response to her, but show her less interest.

ie. im thinking: 'ok no probs x'

then on thursday after radio silence on both sides: 'hey, cant make it today, something came up, ill call you x'

 

[tosh]

Yeah, I think you are being a bit too hard on me Gangster.

While I agree that texting was a mistake, and that the current situation is a result of suboptimal on-the-day interactions, there is no harm in analyzing the best course of action moving forward. After all, this entire site was built on analyzing male/female interactions at different stages. It's not like I'm in love or obsessed with this girl. She is just a random hot girl, like many others I will talk to in the near future. All your points are valid tho.

Thanks for everyone else's input as well. I still haven't decided what to do exactly. I will probably just call her Wednesday and get a feel of her level of interest over the phone. That being said, I was just wondering, whether anyone has tried the preemptive calling out strategy? It's quite risky and experimental but it MAY work? Something along the lines of (if it were a text):

"Awww... Sounds like little Marta is having second-thoughts about meeting up? I guess I didn't charm you as well as I thought I had on Friday! Anyway, let me know if you decide to give it a swing on Thursday. I will sharpen my seduction skills just in case, meanwhile. Ciao"

Negatives:
- Giving her total control! (but let's be honest, she has it already)
- Annoying her that I am doubting her intentions (if she actually is sick, unlikely)
- (Maybe) Showing lack of confidence <- because of defeatist attitude

Positives
- Negating any pleasure she may get from planning a flake. She knows she will get no attention post-fluke.
- Almost egging her on to meet you by suggesting she won't
- (Maybe) Showing confidence <- because she can already see you are not terribly upset by a potential flake.


Or am I just talking crazy?

 

[tosh]

Alright, I've gone with something a bit experimental:

"Hey. Basketball was awesome...
As for drinks, I think we're both losing interest, which is normal after only a 5 minute chat in a club. Enjoy your weekend (practice your flirting!) and I might give you a call next week..."

Let's see what kind of reaction this gets, if any.

 

[tosh]

Hope nobody minds me spamming this thread. I am using it as a personal "diary/analysis of flakitude and how to prevent it"

Seems my last trick did something. Got a very fast reply:

Her: "I don't know if I'll be able to flirt tonight coz my nice colleagues arranged for 5 back to back meetings for me today... I'm knackered, i'm starving. I need shower :-("

Analysis: She noticed she was 'losing' my interest and is attempting to get me to keep chatting/texting. Notice the content though: boring emotional tampon stuff. This is where I have a chance to regain the frame. I will ignore her for 4 days while I chat some new girls up this weekend!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Alright, I've gone with something a bit experimental:



Let's see what kind of reaction this gets, if any.

I like this strategy; I think it did exactly what you were hoping it would; elevate interest, even if its only temporary.

As for your original text conversation, I think it went pretty well, but agree with your own analysis. You most likely didn't create enough attraction on the original close and have a little bit of work to do to build her comfort level before she agrees to meet up with you again.

Either way I think taking control of the frame was smart; now she'll work harder for your attention and be willing to meet up if she had any interest at all.




PIMP