Getting back into the dating world, Did I fvcked up last night? Or is there still hope?

[Lover_boy]

So I’ve been away from the dating scene for about a year and last night hung out with this chick which wasn’t a date but I did want to escalate. Anyways hear me out ...

So i enrolled in salsa classes about 4 months ago, I went from having two left feet to now knowing how to dance a little bit. On Friday this really cute chick came into class for the first time and after class we chatted and exchanged numbers. She said she wanted to go out to dancing events and I told her that the class sometimes goes out and that I’ll let her know when there are some. The next day I hear about this dancing event so I told her to come and she agreed. We went separately to the event but since I was the only one she knew from the class we stuck together most of the time in the dance room and danced together occasionally.

But where Things didnt go so well was that in these events, everyone dances with each other and there are guys that dance really good. So we would be sitting together, talking and watching people dance and then other guys would just sweep her away and Ask her to dance. It got to the point that I started feeling My anxiety rising as i just sat there by myself while the girl that I was trying to get to know kept dancing with other guys. Mind you my dancing skills are 3/10 and the guys she would dance with were 8/10.

It got tothe point that I just completely shut down, I got awkward, and the interaction with her became bland. My mistake was in inviting a girl that i wanted to get to know to a shark fest.

At the end of the night, we left together, I walked her to her car and said we‘ll keep in touch blah blah blah. In her eyes I’m sure she sees me now as a nice guy that doesn’t know how to dance lol.

The only hope that I could think there is for me is that, she would always return to me whenever she finished dancing with another Dude, she asked me questions throughout the night, was very friendly and I know she is single and I am assuming she doesn’t have many friends here since she just moved here and did not have any plans on a Saturday night when I asked her at 7pm to come out at 10pm.

I want to take her out on a one on one date for real this time but Idk if there’s any hope.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Stop taking her to dancing events. Ask her out for a drink. Playing safe will always end up in a loss. Taking risks will get you shutdown but will also lead to successes.

 

[Lover_boy]

Stop taking her to dancing events. Ask her out for a drink. Playing safe will always end up in a loss. Taking risks will get you shutdown but will also lead to successes.

Fvck that’s so true, should I wait a little while to ask her out again? Or just go for it

 

[manfrombelow]

The fact other boys "swept her away with their dancing skills" while you were sitting there awkwardly put you at a very disadvantageous position with this chick.

Like @BackInTheGame78 has said, stop taking her to dancing events where you cannot demonstrate high values (obviously), but instead ask her out to bowling, and night drinking, and escalate from there.

The sooner you move the better. Just text her and ask her out. Tell her that you know this awesome ABC place and you want to meet at XYZ time. Don't ask her if she's free or something like that. Just tell her to meet up.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Fvck that’s so true, should I wait a little while to ask her out again? Or just go for it

Yeah definitely wait a while...don't come off as super thirsty.

 

[Lover_boy]

Would it have been appropriate to ask her not to dance with other guys or not let her dance with other guys ? It doesn’t seem really proper since she wasn’t even my date for the occasion but how else could I not have appeared weak

 

[manfrombelow]

Would it have been appropriate to ask her not to dance with other guys or not let her dance with other guys ?

Of course not.

You can't control her, and why would you keep bringing her to dancing events if you don't like her to dance with other boys?

 

[Slowhandluke]

Here's some tough love:

Sounds like she is out of your league. Time to level up your "personal value" so you can compete with other guys or choose other women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Would it have been appropriate to ask her not to dance with other guys or not let her dance with other guys ? It doesn’t seem really proper since she wasn’t even my date for the occasion but how else could I not have appeared weak

Why are you bringing her to other dance events of you are worried about her dancing with other guys?

Invite her out for a drink.

 

[Lover_boy]

Hey everyone, just wanted to run by this thread again and inform you all who replied on a little update on this.

So after I had thought I blew it that night when we went out to this dance event, I saw her again at salsa class last friday. We danced amongst the classmates and after class when everyone stays to chat and or dance, I left the class and didn't say bye to her. She texted me later that night asking if I had left and that she wanted to talk to me about whether I knew of any more upcoming social dance events. I replied saying yeah "I left I got plans that I needed to get to" and that I would let her know about a possible one for tomorrow. Also asked her if she was available Sunday to grab a drink and she said she was going skating but that after skating that she'd be down to meet up. We agreed to speak sunday morning and left it at that.

The next day (saturday) I texted her about the event that some people from class were going to, this one was actually a club and not an academic "social" dance event where people mostly just go to dance. She'd said she'd be down and that she was going out tonight and she might pass by. She said she'd pass by around 12am. I asked her if she was going alone or accompanied and she said "for the moment alone, unless I convince one of my friends to go, why"? And i responded, "well to go together, unless you have plans of going with an admirer of yours, then its best I dont interrupt (laughing emoji)" She said relax lol and then about 40 min later said she was on her way and that she was going by herself . She got to the club before me about 20 min prior and waited for me in her car until I got there.

When I got there she had a bottle of old par to pregame before going in, we took some shots and chatted a bit in her car, she mentioned she had a dog, and when I said "so you live by yourself and your dog" .. she responded saying "I live with my dog, my cat and .. (paused for a second) and my husband. It turns out she has a husband! I asked a bit confused where he was at, and she said "hes traveling". I paid it no mind and continued on with the night. At the club, I paid her entrance (she had no cash) and she bought me a drink. We sat by ourselves away from the crowd and I told her that I only wanted her to dance with me all night, she said "yeah why not".

The night carried on and we danced all night very sensual, grinding, and even had our foreheads and noses touching. I could see in her eyes that she was feeling the vibe and that she likes me. We stayed until 4am dancing and drinking and then decided to leave. The next morning she texted me asking if i got home ok and saying how tired and hungover she was. We had spoken at the club about going out sunday evening (since that was the original plan) but when she texted me the next morning I told her to just get some rest and that we'll go out next weekend.

So, any thoughts on this married chick, dancing, drinking and grinding with me until 4am? She mentioned shes been married for 10 years and that the relationship is great. But what is a married woman doing out with some dude at a club until 4am? I definitely want to take her out again and escalate more, she had fun with me and so did I.

 

[member160292]

What in the world….

OP are you sure you’re not an undercover brotha? Like swinging the other way type of undercover

 

[Lover_boy]

Lmaoo what u mean bro just want some clarity

What in the world….

OP are you sure you’re not an undercover brotha? Like swinging the other way type of undercover

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey everyone, just wanted to run by this thread again and inform you all who replied on a little update on this.

So after I had thought I blew it that night when we went out to this dance event, I saw her again at salsa class last friday. We danced amongst the classmates and after class when everyone stays to chat and or dance, I left the class and didn't say bye to her. She texted me later that night asking if I had left and that she wanted to talk to me about whether I knew of any more upcoming social dance events. I replied saying yeah "I left I got plans that I needed to get to" and that I would let her know about a possible one for tomorrow. Also asked her if she was available Sunday to grab a drink and she said she was going skating but that after skating that she'd be down to meet up. We agreed to speak sunday morning and left it at that.

The next day (saturday) I texted her about the event that some people from class were going to, this one was actually a club and not an academic "social" dance event where people mostly just go to dance. She'd said she'd be down and that she was going out tonight and she might pass by. She said she'd pass by around 12am. I asked her if she was going alone or accompanied and she said "for the moment alone, unless I convince one of my friends to go, why"? And i responded, "well to go together, unless you have plans of going with an admirer of yours, then its best I dont interrupt (laughing emoji)" She said relax lol and then about 40 min later said she was on her way and that she was going by herself . She got to the club before me about 20 min prior and waited for me in her car until I got there.

When I got there she had a bottle of old par to pregame before going in, we took some shots and chatted a bit in her car, she mentioned she had a dog, and when I said "so you live by yourself and your dog" .. she responded saying "I live with my dog, my cat and .. (paused for a second) and my husband. It turns out she has a husband! I asked a bit confused where he was at, and she said "hes traveling". I paid it no mind and continued on with the night. At the club, I paid her entrance (she had no cash) and she bought me a drink. We sat by ourselves away from the crowd and I told her that I only wanted her to dance with me all night, she said "yeah why not".

The night carried on and we danced all night very sensual, grinding, and even had our foreheads and noses touching. I could see in her eyes that she was feeling the vibe and that she likes me. We stayed until 4am dancing and drinking and then decided to leave. The next morning she texted me asking if i got home ok and saying how tired and hungover she was. We had spoken at the club about going out sunday evening (since that was the original plan) but when she texted me the next morning I told her to just get some rest and that we'll go out next weekend.

So, any thoughts on this married chick, dancing, drinking and grinding with me until 4am? She mentioned shes been married for 10 years and that the relationship is great. But what is a married woman doing out with some dude at a club until 4am? I definitely want to take her out again and escalate more, she had fun with me and so did I.

I have a feeling this is going to end badly for you OP.

Either she will fvck you and then start playing games or will keep teasing you and you will get nowhere with her.

And her husband will eventually probably find out and you better hope he isn't a crazy one with a gun.

 

[Lover_boy]

I have a feeling this is going to end badly for you OP.

Either she will fvck you and then start playing games or will keep teasing you and you will get nowhere with her.

And her husband will eventually probably find out and you better hope he isn't a crazy one with a gun.

I get where your point, and the fact that she was out with me while in a married relationship is a huge red flag. Unless there is something i dont know about.

 

[Reyaj]

Her behavior is unacceptable for a married woman. That being said that's her husband's problem.. she is looking to be seduced. I'd hit it and just be careful..

I'm going to make a separate post on hooking up with married women as I have a few in float on my end..

 

[Lover_boy]

Her behavior is unacceptable for a married woman. That being said that's her husband's problem.. she is looking to be seduced. I'd hit it and just be careful..

I'm going to make a separate post on hooking up with married women as I have a few in float on my end..

Maybe they have a super open relationship, she wasn’t wearing a ring on her finger that night either

 

[Kotaix]

So I’ve been away from the dating scene for about a year and last night hung out with this chick which wasn’t a date but I did want to escalate. Anyways hear me out ...

So i enrolled in salsa classes about 4 months ago, I went from having two left feet to now knowing how to dance a little bit. On Friday this really cute chick came into class for the first time and after class we chatted and exchanged numbers. She said she wanted to go out to dancing events and I told her that the class sometimes goes out and that I’ll let her know when there are some. The next day I hear about this dancing event so I told her to come and she agreed. We went separately to the event but since I was the only one she knew from the class we stuck together most of the time in the dance room and danced together occasionally.

But where Things didnt go so well was that in these events, everyone dances with each other and there are guys that dance really good. So we would be sitting together, talking and watching people dance and then other guys would just sweep her away and Ask her to dance. It got to the point that I started feeling My anxiety rising as i just sat there by myself while the girl that I was trying to get to know kept dancing with other guys. Mind you my dancing skills are 3/10 and the guys she would dance with were 8/10.

It got tothe point that I just completely shut down, I got awkward, and the interaction with her became bland. My mistake was in inviting a girl that i wanted to get to know to a shark fest.

At the end of the night, we left together, I walked her to her car and said we‘ll keep in touch blah blah blah. In her eyes I’m sure she sees me now as a nice guy that doesn’t know how to dance lol.

The only hope that I could think there is for me is that, she would always return to me whenever she finished dancing with another Dude, she asked me questions throughout the night, was very friendly and I know she is single and I am assuming she doesn’t have many friends here since she just moved here and did not have any plans on a Saturday night when I asked her at 7pm to come out at 10pm.

I want to take her out on a one on one date for real this time but Idk if there’s any hope.

TL;DR All this thinking? Stop doing it.

You're too busy second guessing yourself to be present in the moment. And you have to be present to close the deal. Just enjoy yourself. You need to figure out if she's high or low interest and act accordingly. If she's low interest, move on. If she's high interest she'll be very receptive to going out on a date.

Either she likes you or she doesn't, it's no skin off your back.

 

[madeit]

Here's some tough love:

Sounds like she is out of your league. Time to level up your "personal value" so you can compete with other guys or choose other women.

Absolute garbage

 

[madeit]

Hey man, at the end of the day we can focus on the positive. You met her at the class where there were probably a lot of other people there. So she chose you. You did all sorts of things right.

Focus on the good you did a lot of things right - not every single date goes 100% great.

Also - I'd agree with guys here that you can take girls out to drinks - probably doesn't hurt to try again , unless you will see her often in class/ in social circle then I would wait and let things rekindle in class/ not push too hard.

In terms of taking her to the dance event : Yeah it'd be better if you were a good dancer.

But more importantly -if you go to a social thing with multiple people - you want to be more social than her. At a dance thing it is a disadvantage but still doable.

Basically if you had lots of friends and were chatting the entire time with people and didn't give a F about her dancing - it could have gone well.


Example : A woman once invited me to a christmas party at her yoga studio lol. I knew no one there and actually it was tons of dudes - and she knew tons of people. I KNEW not to follow her around. I just chatted with whoever was near me - she'd check in on me from time to time and I was able to honestly say " oh yeah doing great do your thing" while she chatted with friends she had, dudes who probably wanted to sleep with her.

Eventually she asked me to help look for her purse in this side room - she kissed me, and started asking what I had to do in the morning where I lived ect. ( green flag haha) and I patiently let her talk to people then took her home.

So anyways - a strategy to keep in mind for next time ( also become one of those awesome dancers - bring a girl there AND kill it dancing with her and other girls , that'd be a win).

I personally also would - be chatting with guys with less experience then me and maybe even teaching them a shine or two - as there may be multiple guys good at dancing with the girls but almost none doing this - so now you'd also have a bunch of dudes who like you, think you are a cool/ something of a leader/ teacher and that would REALLY separate you and be very attractive to the woman.

But overall - focus on the win. You got an attractive woman to go somewhere to meet you and she kept coming back to you - if you did it once you can do it again, and again and again - and it'll pay off if you keep it up

 

[Romjuan]

Couple things ive noticed. You lack confidence (worried about other guys dancing better will lower you) and you 100% can **** this girl. I wouldnt recomend it bc she is married. If you choose to do that, all you need to do is be aggressive. I can assure you, you arent the first guy shes probably cheating on her guy with.