Getting a number doesnt mean high interest...why?

[Magas]

Theres this problem ive been pondering for a little while now. Im a firm beleiver in using AD's "Whats your number tactic". And so far I have had 100% success with it(worked with like 4 girls). As soon as this occurs I think cool shes interested. But as soon as I call and ask for a date I find out otherwise...why is that? All of but one of these women have agreed to a date on the phone and sound enthusiastic about it. But when it comes down to it...they dont follow through. Dont get me wrong here...im asking them like a man ie:"lets do xxx on sat etc." im not just asking them what do you want to do. This is very frustrating for me here because thats what has happened with the last few girls ive talked to on the phone. So if anyone can explain here whats going on...maybe im missing something. Its obvious that they are not interested b/c i dont get calls back from them...but im wondering if there is something im missing here and not relaizing.

Thanks
Magas

 

[MaMo]

Only 4 girls? There is your problem mate go get some more numbers! Hell with only 4 girls thats like trying to win the lottery! Increase your chances bud

 

[wutang180]

maybe you should just work on ur conversation skills. Ask her alot of questions about herself, but also give some info about urself. Don't make it seem like an interview. I was working out with a friend of mines the other day and I was telling him about the,"What's ur number?" technique, which I use once in a while. He told me, "man you must be ruthless with the ladies, you might as well put a gun in her head and say gimme ur number." We both started laughing and I understood what her ment. I think one should ask the number in a nonthreatening way. Just go up to her and say, "It would be great to get to know you better is there a number where I can reach you?" YOu are really not begging and you are testing her interest level. YOu're not saying anything like,"Can I please have your phone number" or"will you be my girlfriend". If the girl just writes her phone number down without hesistation that's a good sign. Well don't forget what I said, be a little more non agressive when asking the number and increase ur convo skills.

 

[Raoul]

This is just how I see it, but saying "What's your number" backs them into a corner. We all know all these wonderful "signals" women send out and expect us to interpret. They can never say NO directly to a guy. It must come indirectly. By phrasing the question as such, you only give her two options : One, to give it to you, or Two, to admit straight off she's not interested.

That is why I really like this technique. It removes all the hassle of mixed signals later. You find out first. Isn't that better?

Of course there are some girls you still do not want to 'fess up, and just give you the number to get you off their back for the time being. Takes all kinds to make the world go 'round eh?

- Raoul

 

[Maverick]

Hmmmm...

Go out and get some more phone numbers... that's an excellent suggestion... after all this is a numbers game...

e.g. you could collect 7 number, be interested in numbers 1-4 , ignore 5-7, but 1-4 don't like you and later you find 5-7 really liked you...

so you've just got to go through the numbers... you never know what you're going to get... just like your situation SWSWSW (some will some won't so what!!!)

she could've just given you the number just to get you off her case, women don't really know how to say No in person.... it's easier to say it over the phone or just ignore you call if she choses... in a way it's their form of a power play where they control the outcome of the situation... so if you ask and she says no over the phone or say politely that she'd rather not she doesn't have to face or for those who don't take rejection to well and freak out she can just hang up...
see what I mean by powerplay?

plus working on your initial meeting dialogue doesn't hurt... scripting thing out like they do in football... practicing what you'll do the first 5mins of your meeting and what you'll do when certain things arise your experessions and posture could also be of benefit... (practicing in front of the mirrors helps -- but pls no De Niro flashbacks "You talkin to me?....Are you talkin' to me?... - lol)

at least you have a contingency on how to act and react , rather than just winging it...

Good Huntin' mate

Peace

 

[Anti-Dump]

Originally posted by Magas:
And so far I have had 100% success with it(worked with like 4 girls).

So far so good. None told you to take a hike. I like that.

But as soon as I call and ask for a date I find out otherwise...why is that?

Well, you didn't say what each girl said. What they say is important. It tells you where you went wrong.

I know it's alot of work, but I need to see a brief list of what each girl said the first time and whether or not you called back a SECOND time and what they said the second time.

Example:

G1. She said her grandmother was sick and couldn't go. Called back one week later. Said she was busy.

G2. Said sure but wanted to call me back for a time. She didn't call. I called her one week later. I left a message. She still didn't call back.

You have to give a SECOND call one week apart in case her excuse was real.

All of but one of these women have agreed to a date on the phone and sound enthusiastic about it. But when it comes down to it...they dont follow through.

What does 'agreed to a date' mean mean? Does that also mean they all called you back and canceled? How did they get your number? All FOUR asked for it? I don't think that's possible.

Its obvious that they are not interested b/c i dont get calls back from them...

Tell me after you ask for the date and they say yes, how you end up with no date. I don't get it.

AD

 

[Magas]

Ok let me think here. Girl #1 sounded all excited about the date idea but she had to help a friend move that weekend (told me that b4 i asked her out). But was enthusiastic about doing something next week. She asked for my number to call me but never did. I called back like 2 times...one week apart and left msg with mom i think...never heard from her. Number thrown in trash.

Girl #2. Again same thing...got her number called her like 5 days later i think. Asked her out to do something (again really enthususiasticly agreed) said she had some pub-crawl thing going on for sat but wanted to get together. She was on her way out when i called so she asked for my number to call me later in week and let me know. She never called me. I knew ahead of time she wouldnt call (from past experiences with this) so I went ahead and made plans with someone else. I called her like a week after i ha dtalked to her last and left a msg "Hi xxx this is magas call me 555-555-5555". Never heard from her either...at this point i didnt bother with a second call i felt that this msg i left was her second chance since she blew the first chance. Number pitched in trash. So tell me people whats going on here....all the signs look good intially and then nothing happens. Ive come to realize that just b/c they ask for ur number it doesnt mean **** it just means they will never call you.

Magas

 

[Anti-Dump]

The reason could be two things.

Maybe it doesn't work for young guys. Someone mentioned that. I have to think about it. I know if you ask a mature woman for her number she won't give it out that easily and will usually say "we can meet somewhere" or "maybe I'll see you here next week".

From reading this board I get the impression that very young girls are pretty free with their numbers. Maybe they haven't been burned yet by men and are more open. Older women 25+ are more cautious and really have to like you to get the number. I have to think about this.

The second reason might be that my stuff only works 80% of the time.

It is not 100%. No plan is. I know something definite: A home phone number is BETTER than meeting a woman somewhere, or waiting weeks asking for dates that never happen (see Lockman's topic).

I just don't know. I would guess toward the age thing. So why don't you just focus toward getting a "yes" to dates?

No yes, you dump. Canceled dates you dump. That should get you closer to an interested woman.

Well? Sorry if you are disappointed.

AD

 

[XANEUS]

As to the age thing, getting numbers is working great for me. I'm 18 and in college.

I think it would probably work in high school as well, it really isn't a terribly different situation.

The bonus of gettin numbers vs going for dates is multifaceted.

1. It allows you to enact a waiting period which shows that you aren't desperate. (After all, if you've just picked a girl up for the first time all you've done is come on strong.)

2. She's more likely to give a number than a date because she feels she can always reject you later. But that's okay because when it comes time to ask, you should already have #1 and #3 working for you.

3. If you've read any psychology, you should know about the power of commitment and consistency. Once she's given you her number, between then and when you ask for a date, she's going to be rationalizing her actions. She'll convince herself that she really likes you. (After all, why else did she give you the number). Don't underestimate this. It was used very effectively as a brainwashing technique during the Korean War. Just get her saying yes, and she can convince herself of just about anything.

 

[Surfboard]

I see this all the time on the "Blind Date" tv show.

At the end of the date, the guy will ask the girl for her phone number. She'll give it to him every time. Then the film crew will interview each person right after the date to see what their responses toward each other was. One of the questions they'll ask is: Would you want to date this person again? A lot of the time the woman's response is "NO".

As for why they accept a date and act all excited and then back out on you .... I have no idea. I've asked Don Juanita this same question before, and she said that the woman isn't sure of what she wants. Who does know then? If I ever find out an answer that makes any sense, I'll post it here on this forum.

 

[pimpstress keka]

~FEMALE WORDS OF WISDOM~
#1 unfortunetly, a lot of girls are VERY free with their numbers. if they don't get your number from the get go, they don't feel obligated to call or return calls. after all, you asked for her number... SHE'S IN CONTROL NOW. she gets to make the decision on whether or not you guys ever get together.
#2 in slight contridiction to my first response, if the girl gave you her number, there is a slight intrest. please understand that i said SLIGHT.
when are you meeting these girls? parties?-- if that's the case then the atmosphere of the situation will increase your chances of number getting, but not neccessarily the chance of follow through with the girl.

-BOTTOM LINE- relax about it. 4 girls is not the biggest pool to gauge your "skills" on. i'm sure your a great guy... you just haven't found a girl that is worth your time. if they're not going to give you an actual chance then that's their loss.

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keka

 

[Surfboard]

KEKA,

I wanna hear your thoughts on why a woman accepts a date, but then backs out at the last minute. I'm trying to switch roles, but I still can't figure it out. I've had women that I wasn't interested in ask me out before. The thing I usually do is just make up excuses why I can't go. I don't tell them "Sure I'd love to go out with you," and then back out at the last second. That's total bullsh-t. There's no logic there. Try to explain this to us.

 

[pimpstress keka]

fortunetely, i'm not an immature little s**t like the girls that do this are. i don't waste my time if i'm not intrested. but for those girls who are less than mature, they do this for one of two reasons:
#1...because they don't want to be rude. some feel that if they have given out their number, then they have to say yes to an invite out of obligation. "they made their bed and now they are going to lay in it." however, when the girl doesn't really want to go on the date, they back out at the last minute...
in their minds, they are justified because they actually said yes. if they were to say no, mentally they would be branded as a ***** from the get go.
#2... they do this to keep you as a "guy on layaway". by that i mean, they will go out with you if they have nothing better to do on that night (hints the last minute cancellations).

*PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT NOT ALL GIRLS ARE LIKEE THIS*---just like you guys, we have our "bad seeds" that f***k it up for the rest of us--- (that give us a bad name)



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keka

 

[Anti-Dump]

Originally posted by pimpstress keka:
~FEMALE WORDS OF WISDOM~

after all, you asked for her number... SHE'S IN CONTROL NOW. she gets to make the decision on whether or not you guys ever get together.

Sorry Pimpstress Keka. That is traditional dating wisdom.

But it is simply not true. This is why nice guys give up their 50% in a relationship.

The guy is IN CONTROL. The guy asks for your number. If he doesn't ask nothing happens. That's control. The guy keeps you waiting with you not knowing if he will call EVER!

Then, he asks YOU "Let's do dinner.". The date itself is his idea. The person taking action is the one in control.

And if you don't seem interested he drops you.

Many men aren't agressive in relationships because they erroneously think the woman does the choosing.

You are lucky Pimpstress Keka. Very few men are Don Juans. Very few will give you a hard time and seize Love Power.

Sincerely,

AD

 

[pimpstress keka]

Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
Sorry Pimpstress Keka. That is traditional dating wisdom....

You are lucky Pimpstress Keka. Very few men are Don Juans. Very few will give you a hard time and seize Love Power.

I guess the feeling of control lies within who is thinking of it. You made a very good point Anti-Dump. But lemme ask you this? What did you mean when you said that I'm very lucky that few men are Don Juans???



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keka

 

[Don Juanita]

Alot of woman who give out their numbers to guys and then decline the date give the guy their number to get rid of the guy.

Some guys will continue to persist if you decline the number. These girls think if you get the number you'll go away.

Alot of people have caller ID. They can avoid you if you try to call. This is really messed up, but this is how alot of girls think.

Juanita

 

[Anti-Dump]

Originally posted by pimpstress keka:
I guess the feeling of control lies within who is thinking of it.

Exactly.

What did you mean when you said that I'm very lucky that few men are Don Juans???

I meant that you still have alot of control. The focus will be on you, not HIM as I advise guys here.

If there is a guy you are not sure of, he will probably stick around for quite awhile before he realizes you only have a medium level of interest.

With my advice a woman gets dumped fast.

AD

 

[dymesman]

So AD,

you say MEN have all the power.

I thought women did, but I guess when I am man thinks that way he puts himself at the mercy of women.

I felt that we MEN had to IMPRESS women to show them we are worthy of them. I also felt that unless a guy is into RAPE that women call the shots.

When I mean shots I don't mean, they decide everything like a man has no mind og his own. I mean;

IT IS their call if they even want to talk to us.

Their call if the want to date us, sleep with us, or even be with us period.

I thought it was that way.

But your appraoch is different and all the time I was in this forum, I did'nt know that.

You say Ad, that a man has the power, even though he has to go through rejection, false dates, women with attitudes, women who have no INTEREST in us, we STILL have the power.

 

[ChrisFl]

> I thought women did

They DO have the power. They decide whether anything's going to happen.

 

[BigBadJon]

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
> I thought women did

They DO have the power. They decide whether anything's going to happen.

He who feels in control has control. Focus on this to put yourself in a position of power.