Getting a girl back

[styleman]

Ok so I'm sure there are many tips around the forum on this, but what's an easy way to get a girl back?

Was in a LTR with her for just under two years.

More or less the reason she dumped me was because I would not marry her yet.

This was about three months back, since then contact has been pretty strong (daily) often arguing.

Spend a few days with her during a friend of her's wedding, slept with her during this time (about a month ago - after the 'break up')

She logs into my facebook account, starts talking to other girls I've been on dates with and then gets ratty with me, swearing at me and calling the girls slags...

I change my fb password, and she throws a tantrum, swears at me, so I'm like fvck it and let her have the password.

I've asked a couple of times to get back with her, which lasts for approximately 24 hours, after which she starts saying am not your girlfriend etc. and the same vicious cycle.

I've even stooped to the level of apologising for not proposing to her yet, this clearly doesn't work all she says is 'you don't know how good you had it'... :box:

So I mean its pretty clear there is a spark there, and she does get carried away, crys, says I miss you etc. but then she gets back to her stubborn self, and tells me I let her down!

How can I make this work?

 

[bukowski_merit]

More or less the reason she dumped me was because I would not marry her yet.

Unless you have overdone your alphaness (and are therefore a ****y jerk who she sees as unobtainable) - then i don't believe this is the real reason.

This was about three months back, since then contact has been pretty strong (daily) often arguing.

And why do you want to be with her? Oxytocin maybe?

She logs into my facebook account, starts talking to other girls I've been on dates with and then gets ratty with me, swearing at me and calling the girls slags...

And you want to be with this girl? And you let her talk to you like this? And you think she respects you?

I change my fb password, and she throws a tantrum, swears at me, so I'm like fvck it and let her have the password.

WHAT? Why the fvck are you letting this woman dump drama on you like this? And why are you submitting to her? This woman is toxic and has serious issues.... and is betaising the fvck out of you! (and you're not even dating!)

I've asked a couple of times to get back with her, which lasts for approximately 24 hours, after which she starts saying am not your girlfriend etc. and the same vicious cycle.

She gets off on it! Do you? Are you addicted to the drama?

Drama is the drug of choice for most women, and a lot of men.

I've even stooped to the level of apologising for not proposing to her yet, this clearly doesn't work all she says is 'you don't know how good you had it'... :box:

Oh man! She's betaising you good man! She's throwing hooks at you left and right and you're ducking into the corner..... stop playing her game! If she wants to interact with you - she must do it on yours terms! If she cannot do it on your terms - she must be disconnected from you completely! Ignore her and forget her...

So I mean its pretty clear there is a spark there, and she does get carried away, crys, says I miss you etc. but then she gets back to her stubborn self, and tells me I let her down!

How can I make this work?

You can stop being a fool!

You're involved in a senseless power struggle with a child (don't care if she's grown - she's a d@mn child!)....

Get out of this drama filled nonsensical betaising attempt! She's getting off on punishing you.... which makes her a psycho.... and perhaps you too.

 

[styleman]

Unless you have overdone your alphaness (and are therefore a ****y jerk who she sees as unobtainable) - then i don't believe this is the real reason.

Sure, I've tried to figure out the real reason, but I'm at a loss, really don't know why.

And why do you want to be with her? Oxytocin maybe?

Well, clearly your only hearing the bad things about her, and she has only been behaving like this since the break-up. I see it as her anger towards me not doing what she wants (whether this is marriage or something else), and I don't see her continuing to behave like this when we're back together. If she does continue, clearly I won't stick around.

And you want to be with this girl? And you let her talk to you like this? And you think she respects you?

As you mention below, she is a bit childish, and I correct her if she does talk to me like this. Sometimes, I just can't be bothered with the arguments, so yes I do let her talk to me like that. Other times I set her straight, but that involves a lot of stern words, her hanging up on me, calling me back ten mins. later and learning her lesson, but unfortunately I just don't feel like being her father all the time.

WHAT? Why the fvck are you letting this woman dump drama on you like this? And why are you submitting to her? This woman is toxic and has serious issues.... and is betaising the fvck out of you! (and you're not even dating!)

Honestly, I find that I get a better reaction out of these other girls when she does such things (higher IL), because they must be thinking sh!t this girl is so into him, I must be missing out on something. So that's why let her do whatever...

She gets off on it! Do you? Are you addicted to the drama?

Drama is the drug of choice for most women, and a lot of men.

I don't mind a bit of drama.

Oh man! She's betaising you good man! She's throwing hooks at you left and right and you're ducking into the corner..... stop playing her game! If she wants to interact with you - she must do it on yours terms! If she cannot do it on your terms - she must be disconnected from you completely! Ignore her and forget her...

I've told her if she doesn't want to be with me, then don't call me. She says I'm being immature, that I'm being selfish, and cries... Honestly, I love her and I feel guilty.

You can stop being a fool!

You're involved in a senseless power struggle with a child (don't care if she's grown - she's a d@mn child!)....

Get out of this drama filled nonsensical betaising attempt! She's getting off on punishing you.... which makes her a psycho.... and perhaps you too.

You could be right, maybe she is just trying to punish me. There are signs of high IL all the way along, and the only time we saw each other since the break up, we yelled and screamed at each other and then end up fvcking 3 nights straight, her running to my gate at the airport after we'd both checked in for separate flights to say bye again...

So, sure she may not be perfect, but I do love her, and so many things we share (no point rambling about her good points). I know there are ways to get a girl back, but clearly I'm not well versed in them! So any suggestions to win her back are welcome...

 

[bukowski_merit]

well... if you're just as addicted to the drama as she is - then carry on...

stop worrying about the girlfriend/boyfriend title.... just embrace the madness and lose your mind...

what else have you go to lose?


and i promise if you get back together - the drama will continue even then... you're going to have to learn to love it, or love to leave it....

one-itis is a b!tch...

 

[styleman]

well... if you're just as addicted to the drama as she is - then carry on...

stop worrying about the girlfriend/boyfriend title.... just embrace the madness and lose your mind...

what else have you go to lose?


and i promise if you get back together - the drama will continue even then... you're going to have to learn to love it, or love to leave it....

one-itis is a b!tch...

How to get back together though?

And you really think its one-itis?

 

[Joe Stud]

Propose marriage to her, like you should have. I'm sure she will change, be sweet, and you two will live happy ever after. :kick:

Is that what you want to hear? :nono:

 

[drak_ool]

there you go ^^^^

what exactly do you want us to say to you?

This girl is a nut job who thrives on drama. She walks all over you and has 0 respect for her man. And you willingly let her do this, which lowers her respect for you into negative digits.

What you seriously think you can beg your way back in the relationship? honestly your responses to her shytting all over you are some of the most pathetic things I've seen on sosuave.

you apologized for not proposing to her yet? what happened to your manhood? did this girl cut off your balls and you're not telling us?

 

[styleman]

there you go ^^^^

what exactly do you want us to say to you?

This girl is a nut job who thrives on drama. She walks all over you and has 0 respect for her man. And you willingly let her do this, which lowers her respect for you into negative digits.

What you seriously think you can beg your way back in the relationship? honestly your responses to her shytting all over you are some of the most pathetic things I've seen on sosuave.

you apologized for not proposing to her yet? what happened to your manhood? did this girl cut off your balls and you're not telling us?

You're so fvcking smart...

Maybe I wouldn't mind marrying her.

Maybe I am not bloody begging! Where the eff am I begging!?

Please, please please, only replies from some people who can actually READ.

 

[#1Svedwyn]

So come on guys, this exactly why I live in Europe... Hey! This is like, completely stupid american situation and even that the responses hasn't even made sense too but... HEY! I am me.

 

[bukowski_merit]

You're so fvcking smart...

Maybe I wouldn't mind marrying her.

Maybe I am not bloody begging! Where the eff am I begging!?

Please, please please, only replies from some people who can actually READ.

As i said - she's playing a very serious power game with you... and you're playing it with her exactly how she wanted (she's writing the rules).

"beg" might not be exactly what you're going... but you are trying to prove your way back into the relationship.... which is exactly what she wants...

and exactly what will not work (for even if you get her back through the means of what you're doing currently - she WILL own your balls. no matter how strong you think you are - your balls will be in her purse.)

but that's besides the point...

you asked how to get her back...

i already answered that.... quit pursuing the title of girlfriend/boyfriend.

quit chasing her.... quit playing by her rulebook... quit letting her manipulate you.

go out with other women... completely ignore this woman....


based on how you are saying she's acting - - - within 2 weeks of this - she will be crying and begging for you to take her back....

that's how you do it and still keep your balls =)....


if you can't do that - - - then just keep doing whatever you want...

 

[styleman]

As i said - she's playing a very serious power game with you... and you're playing it with her exactly how she wanted (she's writing the rules).

"beg" might not be exactly what you're going... but you are trying to prove your way back into the relationship.... which is exactly what she wants...

and exactly what will not work (for even if you get her back through the means of what you're doing currently - she WILL own your balls. no matter how strong you think you are - your balls will be in her purse.)

but that's besides the point...

you asked how to get her back...

i already answered that.... quit pursuing the title of girlfriend/boyfriend.

quit chasing her.... quit playing by her rulebook... quit letting her manipulate you.

go out with other women... completely ignore this woman....


based on how you are saying she's acting - - - within 2 weeks of this - she will be crying and begging for you to take her back....

that's how you do it and still keep your balls =)....


if you can't do that - - - then just keep doing whatever you want...

No, I agree with you. You're right. "completely ignore this woman..." is what might work...

The idea that I'm dating other girls (which I am) drives her nuts, hence her talking to those girls on FB.

I do agree with what your saying bukowski_merit. Note that what drak_ool is saying nothing to do with what I'm doing or what the situation between me and the girl is... its a situation he's invented to make me look like I'm chasing this girl blindly, and that I'm giving her whatever she wants... If he'd actually read the thread properly he'd realise the whole reason for the break up is because I won't give her what she wants... She even goes so far as saying I need a man who will tame me not make me more crazy, when I refuse to play a father role to her.


I mean there's so many details of the relationship I could go into, but I'm not asking anyone to analyse my past or future relationship with this girl. I'm only asking how to win her back! Hence, drak_ool can keep any opinions of me being whipped in his own mind, because clearly that's my problem not his!

 

[styleman]

So come on guys, this exactly why I live in Europe... Hey! This is like, completely stupid american situation and even that the responses hasn't even made sense too but... HEY! I am me.

I live in London!

 

[Joe Stud]

:flowers: Take her out. If you walk over a puddle of water, throw your jacket down for her to walk on. Then on bended knee, propose marriage to her. If you get some tears in your eyes, that will melt her heart. When you get married, bring her your paycheck every week. Try that.

:crazy:

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Ok so I'm sure there are many tips around the forum on this, but what's an easy way to get a girl back?

How about, don't lose her in the first place...

More or less the reason she dumped me was because I would not marry her yet.

Okay for real now. I want to point out to you that you're forgetting something extremely important: attraction is not a logical process.

She can't say that she had a "reason" to dump you, when the real "reason" was that she wasn't feeling attracted to you.

Before I continue...I want you to understand that you're dealing with an immature woman, and you were her "father figure." Yes, that's right, you're trying to get back with daddy's little girl.

She is too immature for you!

She logs into my facebook account, starts talking to other girls I've been on dates with and then gets ratty with me, swearing at me and calling the girls slags...

I change my fb password, and she throws a tantrum, swears at me, so I'm like fvck it and let her have the password.

Just imagine BEING MARRIED to this girl!
She throws a tantrum and swears at you for changing your password on Facebook? Dude, I am by no means an expert on marriage, but if you think about her attitudes in general, just imagine what it would be like if you actually got married and were living with her.

LIVING WITH HER?? What kind of immature, horrible, and retarded things will this girl do to you if you were together 24/7???

This girl can't even respect your boundaries! Man, I have to admit that you aren't that great at setting them, but wouldn't you rather marry a girl who refuses to disrespect people because she is a mature and sophisticated woman? Isn't that the kind of wife you want? Not some b1tchy little 12 year old in the body of a fully-grown female, that's for sure.

I don't care if the sex is AMAZING. Just grab your bags, your self-respect, and get the fvck away from this whackjob for good.

She IS NOT worth your time, your money, your sanity. Nothing. You have your own life, and she is majorly fvcking with it! Tell her goodbye.

How can I make this work?

Read some books, grab some programs and material on psychology, women and dating, success and self-help. I am 18 years old, and trust me, if you find the right program for you, it will open your eyes so wide that you will wonder what you were thinking in all those past situations you regret you had to go through.

Your life will CHANGE. For the better.

And it all starts with one simple decision...

The decision to let go of this wolf-in-sheep's clothing and move on with your life.

Cause right now, the thoughts of her in your mind are the ONLY things holding you back from tremendous success with better-looking, and more mature women.

Are you ready to learn how to get these kind of women?

 

[styleman]

Fine fine.. she may not be the right girl.

But, guys come on, am asking for an effective game plan to get her back...

If she continues to act like a child, I can get out of the relationship... but for now please tips how to get her back...

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Alright...Don't make me do this again.

Now I know better than to waste my time writing something useful for somebody who is unwilling to change.

Let me restate myself, as hard as it may be to accept, there is NO way you are going to get this girl back.

So you want tips to get her back? Well I have some incredible news for you...

THERE ARE NO TIPS!

There is NOTHING that you can say or do to "get" the girl back. Nothing man, and I'm truly sorry. We've all been there at one point or another, to some degree, and I know how hard it is and how much it hurts, but you have to let her go.

Read what I've put in bold in the quote below.

If you pursue this path, I guarantee you will find another woman that you love just as much as this past one.
The big difference will be that she will actually love you back AND you don't have to "do" anything for that.

She IS NOT worth your time, your money, your sanity. Nothing. You have your own life, and she is majorly fvcking with it! Tell her goodbye.

Read some books, grab some programs and material on psychology, women and dating, success and self-help. I am 18 years old, and trust me, if you find the right program for you, it will open your eyes so wide that you will wonder what you were thinking in all those past situations you regret you had to go through.

Your life will CHANGE. For the better.

And it all starts with one simple decision...

The decision to let go of this wolf-in-sheep's clothing and move on with your life.

Cause right now, the thoughts of her in your mind are the ONLY things holding you back from tremendous success with better-looking, and more mature women.

Are you ready to learn how to get these kind of women?

 

[styleman]

Alright...Don't make me do this again.

Now I know better than to waste my time writing something useful for somebody who is unwilling to change.

Let me restate myself, as hard as it may be to accept, there is NO way you are going to get this girl back.

So you want tips to get her back? Well I have some incredible news for you...

THERE ARE NO TIPS!

There is NOTHING that you can say or do to "get" the girl back. Nothing man, and I'm truly sorry. We've all been there at one point or another, to some degree, and I know how hard it is and how much it hurts, but you have to let her go.

Read what I've put in bold.

If you pursue this path, I guarantee you will find another woman that you love just as much as this past one.
The big difference will be that she will actually love you back.

No offence to you and thanks for your help.

However, you are 18, I am not.

You may still be at a stage of your life where you want to sleep with every girl in town - I am not.

You may still be at a stage of your life where you feel that certain girls are unobtainable - I am not.

You may be a negative person, that thinks certain things in life are not possible - I do not.

There have been girls that I've dated, and wanted to get back together with me. I just don't know how I did it... This is the reason for my post, at those times it was subconscious, she came back to me, now its conscious and I don't know how to achieve it.

So, once again thanks for your advice, but I live my life on my own terms - I want this girl back and to see how it goes, so that's what will happen, and I do very much appreciate the advice to not peruse the GF BF title - this is logical...

 

[Kailex]

However, you are 18, I am not.

No offense, but at 18, he seems to have more of a clue than you do.

There have been girls that I've dated, and wanted to get back together with me. I just don't know how I did it... This is the reason for my post, at those times it was subconscious, she came back to me, now its conscious and I don't know how to achieve it.

Then why not do that again... let it be subconscious... why try to force it? Why even ask us in the first place? We've all given you solid advice, all you want to hear is what you want to hear.

Well, guess what, there IS no sure fire way to get her back... want to know why... because SHE DUMPED YOU.

In other words, she made the decision for you.

Want to get her back?

STOP TRYING.

So, once again thanks for your advice, but I live my life on my own terms - I want this girl back and to see how it goes, so that's what will happen, and I do very much appreciate the advice to not peruse the GF BF title - this is logical...

Since you live your own life on your own terms, why don't you just do this on your own? You obviously don't need us to hold your hand.

And don't be surprised if out of the blue... she gets back with you, only to dump you again.

Looking forward to another post in the future from you saying just that.

 

[brekke]

What you seriously think you can beg your way back in the relationship? honestly your responses to her shytting all over you are some of the most pathetic things I've seen on sosuave.

I have done the same stuff before.


Some of the replies on here are by dudes that have probably been damaged by girls. You can get her back. I agree that you should stop trying to define the relationship. When I did that before, it f-ed up things for a while. But then I decided to act how I did before, when things were good.

It was difficult to keep my emotions cool like they used to be, but it was worth it. And you should not bring up the past in a logical manner, nor should you tell her that she used to be a certain way. Just act how you were, and she will go back to being how she was.

I started calling her "baby" and the other things I used to call her again. I talked about wanting to screw her and other things I used to do, and then ignored it when she said "no way!", because that is what they will do at first I guess. And I stopped being sorry for anything, and stopped being a wimp basically.

 

[styleman]

I have done the same stuff before.


Some of the replies on here are by dudes that have probably been damaged by girls. You can get her back. I agree that you should stop trying to define the relationship. When I did that before, it f-ed up things for a while. But then I decided to act how I did before, when things were good.

It was difficult to keep my emotions cool like they used to be, but it was worth it. And you should not bring up the past in a logical manner, nor should you tell her that she used to be a certain way. Just act how you were, and she will go back to being how she was.

I started calling her "baby" and the other things I used to call her again. I talked about wanting to screw her and other things I used to do, and then ignored it when she said "no way!", because that is what they will do at first I guess. And I stopped being sorry for anything, and stopped being a wimp basically.

Thanks, yes this is helpful.

To the others, I agree with Brekke, it just sounds like you've been so hurt up by a break up, and are taking girls way more seriously than they should be. Heck, even a lot of men don't know what they want and don't mean what they say... I'm yet to meat a lady that means what she says, or really knows what she wants!

I'm not hurt by her breaking up with me, life goes on. I've slept with other attractive girls since the break up, something which I'd never do had the break up not happened. The break up has also lead to a lot more clarity in our relationship. I've told her things I don't like about her that I'd never tell her had we been together today.

The girl can't live without me, not a day goes by without her making contact with me (read - long phone calls in the evening) despite suggesting to her that without intimacy, I'm not interested in knowing her... That is more than enough of a sign/IOI that I'm not trying to achieve the impossible.