Get her out of your head completely

[DJoneday]

Girl and I broke up about a week ago. It was a bad breakup for me just because I did everything right, and in the end my and her parents screwed it up (long story, unimportant).

Bottom line is I know I need to get over this. I've read the breakup guides, I've done what they said. She's been talking to me, and we hung out once (I had to get stuff from her), and by the end she was laying on me. I'm about to leave and she hugs me....tells me she still wants to be with me but she isn't ready for a relationship right now. Whatever, I'm fine with that, I say to deal with her life and it's not my problem anymore, and she can call me some time if she thinks she's grown up and we can talk.

Well i've been out and DJing other girls, and i've been at the top of my game. THe only problem is I can't get this girl off my mind. I've been constantly busy, having a good time with friends, I've been writing a lot of music (in a band) and working a lot....in the end my mind always ends up on this girl. I was offered sex by an HB8.5+ the other night (she handed me the goddamn condom), and I turned her down because it almost made me sick from thinking about my ex. Last night I even had a dream we were together (not anything dirty), but just going out like we'd used to, and it set the bar for a ****ty morning.

In the end, I'm wondering what you all do to get girls out of your head and move on. I'm not contacting her at all or doing anything that includes us, but for some reason I just can't forget about her. It's not even throwing off my DJ game, but it's just really making me sad I guess, which is something I havn't felt in a long ass time.


Thanks.

[edit] not sure if it matters, but while me and this girl were going out, I did it all like a true DJ, and it worked perfectly....but I still felt a lot more for this girl than any of my past girls for some reason, something about her seemed to really get to me [/edit]

 

[Eddymj89]

Hey. Know exactly how you feel man, had the same experience just recently, and doing the best I can to do the same. Even though I'm only fourteen, I've had to go through too much mentally, and am quite glad I stumbled along this website. Anyways, there are many things people tell you you can do to forget about girls. Obviously, this one means something to you, because there is something about her that attracts either an apparant or non apparant part of you. The first thing you need to find out, is why you feel the way you do about her. What is it you like about her, is it her appearance, is she kind, is she smart, ambitious, whatever. That way you can know what it is you need to get over. You also don't have to try and avoid a girl to get over her. If you hang out with a person more, you could find out something you didn't like about them, and therefore find reasons not to like them. Maybe they're shallow, selfish, or something else horrifying in a girl, you never know. Perhaps I'm reading your entire post incorrectly, but if what I'm thinking is correct, those things may help. You can also try a more creative approach, and write down things you think or feel, hell even things you do. You can do this in a poem, journal, etc. I find whenever I'm depressed or sad, and I write, it helps to guide those feelings away. Probably the most popular response to this problem is to find someone else out there with what you want in a girl, or liked in a previous girl. It doesn't mean you're trying to rebound, or replace her. It just means you're trying to move on and find someone else you can care about.

 

[AFK Protector]

You know what, Eddymj. I think you brought up a whole new concept. I've been avoiding my oneitis for a long time and got over her, but it will only be a temporary solution.

What you suggested, "hanging out with them more," could be a definite solution. Thanks a lot. I've been running from my fears and not conquering them. Welcome to the forum btw.

 

[Eddymj89]

Thank you, I truly appreciate that. I'm always glad to help other people out with their problems, and I think that this forum is the first step to finding my own happiness in life, in the stead of relying on others. Best of luck to you.

 

[DJoneday]

Update:

I went out with three girls last night to a fair... an hb9, hb7 and hb7.5. The hb9 and hb7 were all over me all night, asking me to go on rides with them (which I did), paying for me to try and win them stuffed animals, hugging on me (The hb9 tried to kiss me during a ride but it jolted and she missed, haha)

Point being, I hadn't talked to my ex in days, and the entire time I still had her on my mind. I was trying to push her out and just enjoy the three girls I was with (no other guys there), but just everything I saw reminded me of her (had gone to fairs with her before). Last night she asks me what's up and says that she's back from her trip. I say i'm going to bed and she's supposed to call me today...i'm not sure if I should set up a time to hang out with her to take the advice from an earlier response here or just keep trying to cut her off and hope it passes?

Thanks

 

[Eddymj89]

Well you're better off trying to hang out first, instead of waiting awhile and then if it doesn't work screw up all that waiting by scheduling something. So always try the seemingly more convenient one before you get yourself into a confusing situation.

 

[Stratocaster]

The best remedy:

An extended period of time with no contact. You won't get over her over night, it will take time---which varies from person to person. One fine morning you will wake up and tah dah---she will no longer be on your mind.



I would object to the comment that you should look for a girl to be with with similar traits as the one you are trying to get off your mind. That will only make the situation worse.

 

[DJoneday]

What i've tried:

No contact for over a week (she's send me texts and stuff, i've opened them and read it but never responded)

Hooking up with other girls

Smoking weed (first time in over half a year)

Filling up all my spare time with friends and doing hobbies n such.

Writing some songs about it


None of it's worked. I still feel the same way about her as I did when Iwas with her. I've even passed up sex TWICE by an amazing girl my age and an even hotter co-worker who's 6 years older than me. Did I pass it up because I felt like i was betraying my ex or someting? No. I passed it up because any kind of intimacy between me and them brought memories of my ex tha I couldn't stop.

What doesn't help is that she keeps having friends tell me she still likes me, and wnats to be with me, and wants to hang out but "can't" be with me because she's not "ready for a relationship" now. She has my friends giving me notes from her...and i'm trying to get her off my mind. It's hard as hell. The problem is that I want to get her out of my head and mind so abd, but at the same time I feel like I'm in love with the girl. AFC? Maybe. But I've been with plenty and never felt this way about any of them.

More of a rant, but more advice would mean a lot. Thanks.