General relationship maintainance guideline

[DjVelvet]

This post is here to help you guys to maintain a healthy LTR. Similar posts may have been made.

Secondary, it also helps you to differentiate between a LTR worthy chick from a fling.

Nope, its not a guide for any financial investment or rather, emotional investments. Investment which you give to a girl.



Investment I would break it down to :-
Time investment - the amount of time spent on a chick.
Monetary Investment - amount of money/assets spent on a chick.
Emotional Investment - the level of hope and interest in a chick.
Physical Investment - S3x (applied on chicks)

Always keep her interest level in you slightly higher than you to forbid heart broken. Or keep your interest level slightly lower than her at all times.

I will grade interest level from 51-100%, below 49% is LJFB case.

Example: - A HB of interest level about 80% on you. You should be around 70%. Gauge it yourself. Always "invest" slightly lesser than the girl. If she prepare a sumptous meal for you, do reward her with a small kiss and compliment. Or maybe offer to bring her to a single romantic drink by the bay. And that's it!

Don't do things like saying I love you for the next 5 days, bring her for a holiday and pay for everything or buying 99roses because you think she deserves it. Don't do that!

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Another important point to note. When a girl is all over you for 1-2weeks after you know her, always invest minimumly. Its only when a girl that's all over you for an average of 2months without any inconsistencies (meaning no flakings of dates, kept you confused, no sometimes cold sometimes warm), then you start to invest in her, but always keep a cap of slightly lesser interest level than her. Consistency is the key.

The question of asking her to be your LTR gf? Nah.. Never ask that question. Only the girl knows when to be your gf. When she feels that it's the time, she will initiate or signal you. My past 8 gfs (Most STR). 4 of them initiated. And of the 4 initiated, i have higher power & control.

(This whole post is targeted on LTR btw.)

Remember, other than interest level in the girl. There's another much important factor. That's the girl's character and ATTITUDE. I can't emphasize more. ATTITUDE is more important than her interest level. Some girls can have high interest in many different guys.

Why is it important?

Example:- You are out with friends outside to enjoy your day, you don't feel like asking your LTR along. She may think... Are there girls at your side? Bad attitude girls... i would think extreme clubbing girls... they will go out with their girl friends. who knows a guy of high DHV pick her up. ATTITUDE - INTEGRITY issue here.. If she is a bad egg although high interest in you, she may fuk the guy. and you may not know it. GOOD ATTITUDE? turn down the guy politely and smile, "I have a BF"

In my strong opinion.

High interest Bad attitude = FB/Fling and NO MORE THAN THAT.
High Interest Good attitude = LTR material

Low interest, yet oneitis on her (meaning high interest than her, where her interest level in you is just 49% or below. Typical LJBF case) =
DROP and run as far as possible. If you can control as being platonic friend. Good. But Chances are your ONEitits may not heal unless you found better chicks. <I only re contact my exes when i found another hot chick GF, whom's all over me of course>

I would recommend dropping her on the above. No platonic or "Well, maybe she has hot friends" excuses on yourself. Chances are she told her friends she DUMPED you, and you will have EXTREME DLV. I studied/ worked at female environment. I know girls gossip to the max. Maybe a mere 3% will keep their own secrets.

I hope this post will help you guys.

As above are all personal experiences and advices i gave to my guy friends, greatly helped a lot of guys out there.

Good luck

 

[Phyzzle]

Have you read Anti-Dump's Machine? End of the DJ Bible (bottom of this page). His philosophy is much like yours.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Good Post DJVelvet.



Welcome to the Sosuave Army of soldiers...

 

[DjVelvet]

Have you read Anti-Dump's Machine? End of the DJ Bible (bottom of this page). His philosophy is much like yours.

Not really. I got the ideas here and there while applying it myself. I am giving based on personal accounts (Got dumped once really badly). Feel free to debate and comment on it. I'm not the best and We are all here to improve.

Vel

 

[Hitman10000]

I don't think interest levels should be measured per a number level or pseudo-scientific method as well. She is either into me or not.

Another thing, dating is not a bunch of business transactions, you will instinctly know when a girl is not all that into you or when you feel she is not worthy of investing time and money. Unfortunately this instinct can only be learnt for some men through dating multiple women or at least have good understanding of people.

 

[DjVelvet]

I don't think interest levels should be measured per a number level or pseudo-scientific method as well. She is either into me or not..

Interest level is just a rough gauge on how much the girl is into you. 51% would just mean the girl is slightly interested (possibly will go out with you to see how you'r like as a person) and you may experience flakes due to her having "other plates" around.

99% Interest would mean she will destory and wreck the prison just to see you once, if ya a prisoner.

True enough, most people use the general guideline on whether a chick "is either into me or not". But specifics like the above would help you better gauge where you stand and apply actions based on the level.

That will link back to the very basics of attraction.

Another thing, dating is not a bunch of business transactions, you will instinctly know when a girl is not all that into you or when you feel she is not worthy of investing time and money. Unfortunately this instinct can only be learnt for some men through dating multiple women or at least have good understanding of people.

This is discussion worthy.. Good life example.. My current relationship (2 months), she flaked on me many times (like 3 times) but i knew from day1, she is slightly attracted to me. Since i have nothing to lose, I might as well spin her while looking for other prospects.. But she just can't make time for me for day 2 at that point.. Many would have dropped her and "feel she is not worthy of investing time and money"

Happens that she's free for a coffee date day2. Used some routines on my own style, Attraction is rebuilt with some comfort... And now we had gone through a day 9 and she said the "3 magic words" to me.


In contradiction, I do agree a very important point made "this instinct can only be learnt for some men through dating multiple women or at least have good understanding of people"

Everyone needs constant practice.

Vel

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

A Marriage FR

A lot of this goes back to my thread The Desire Dynamic, so I'll reference that instead of going into some long winded post about that. I will say however, that IL (or desire) in an LTR or marriage is crucial to sustaining it.

In any LTR/Marriage you will constantly be sh!t tested in order to reassure a woman that you were a good choice to pair off with. The best way to pass these tests, or simply divert them, is to maintain a high IL. Women will tell you the way to do this is by that nebulous term "romance", but I will tell you this is the surest way to make yourself pathetic. The idealization of "Romance" for women is prepackaged for them in pop culture. Oprah or Dr. Phil (*hock, spit*) will say that the secret of a good relationship is to "keep it fresh", but this usually translates into supplication behavior that puts a woman on a pedestal and makes her feel like a Princess, rather than maintianing her Desire level for the PRINCE she's married to.

"Romance," like any other gift or compliment should ALWAYS be a treat for a woman, used only sparingly and then only as a reward to reinforce a desired behavior. There are far better techniques to achieve that elusive "freshness" that you're never quite able to maintain - which is of course why we pay for it. For example:

Romance according to Tomassi, A Field Report
Oddly enough this happened last night so it's still pretty fresh in my head. Last night I was going to play some guitar with the guys I'm jamming with now, but due to a scheduling error we cancelled it. Rather than call my wife to tell her I'd be coming home (which would only make her expectant of me), I waited until I was about 2 blocks from my home to call her on my cell phone. I said to her, "If I blew off jamming with the guys tonight, will you wear that hot, white lingerie I like when we fukk tonight?" I could tell I'd caught her off guard and I was TELLING we were going to have sex later that evening (no asking permisson or "can we please fukk tonight?"). She laughed and said "uh sure,..", this was right as I pulled into my driveway and I still had her on the phone when I walked in the door and said "OK, here I am."

After our daughter had gone to bed I made martinis for us and purposely only had a small one for myself. I used C&F on my wife while we chatted on the couch. Now, she's used to this from me but because I'd prefaced the evening with giving her the impression that the PRINCE was taking time away from other things to come home and knock it out with her she was eating it up and mirroring my advances back to me. I never saw the lingerie last night because we were too busy going at it right on the couch and then moving to the bedroom. I kept up the C&F while we were at it and there was no "let me get cleaned up before we do it" there was no "we better hurry it up so I can be asleep by 10:30" - it was Game On and we had some fantastic sex all because I was setting the frame.

This is how you "keep it fresh." Understand, this is the same woman I married 10 years ago. There were no roses, there was no wine or a candle lit dinner. There was martinis in my home and me setting the frame. And tonight I will bring her some flowers to reinforce a desired behavior.

 

[DjVelvet]

A lot of this goes back to my thread The Desire Dynamic, so I'll reference that instead of going into some long winded post about that. I will say however, that IL (or desire) in an LTR or marriage is crucial to sustaining it.

The Desire Dynamic

Great material, Tomassi, internalizing this information is essential for the "mid-to-late game".. Far too many people go well in the early stage and failed during half time, pondering what have they done wrong..

An extensive topic which deserves to be discussed and learnt now, preparing for the future. Maintaining a relationship is 10folds harder than getting a chick.

Vel