They say you should never judge a book by its cover. There is no better example of this old proverb than my friend Max.
At 5' 4", with a receding hairline, big nose and sunken eyes, Max doesn't exactly fit the profile of ladykiller. So you can imagine what people think when they see him out on dates with strippers and model types.
"He must be rich!"
Actually, Max works at Foot Locker and makes minimum wage. So scratch that assumption...
"He must be famous then"
Although he tried to get into acting, none of his auditions were successful and his only fame can be attributed to his presitigious "Employee of the Month" award...at Foot Locker
"It has to be his personality!
Max is a laidback guy and you would be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't like him. But in my honest opinion, the guy is a bore. All he does is get laid and the rest of his life has suffered for it. I can only handle his company in small doses and for the longest time, I also wondered how in the hell he scored all these girls who would barely give me a second look.
It all started to become clear as we hung out more and more that behind Max's success was a lot of failure!
I will never forget the night I saw his game in full swing. He approached this one girl on the floor who was dancing all raunchy grinding on her girlfriend. The bastard didnt hesitate to sandwich himself in the middle and start grinding them both. They entertained him for a few minutes for a laugh, but eventually they pushed him to the side where he slipped on a patch of booze and fell on his ass. Everyone was pointing and laughing at him, but nobody in the club laughed louder than Max himself...
And so it was the whole night. I watched him get shot down, BADLY I might add, over and over again. It was embarassing to watch, but it never ruined his state and each time I saw a rejection, he saw himself as one step closer to his goal. He must have tried 20 different chicks before he found his target, a cute blonde who he met at the bar and opened by asking her to buy him a drink. The interaction was priceless.
MAX: Hey sweetie, would you be so kind as to buy me a gin and tonic on the rocks? I am havin a hell of a night.
HB: I am not your sweetie and you can get your own drink, creep! (proceeds to talk to her friend)
At this stage of the game I would have bailed. But not Max...
MAX: (interrupting) How about a beer then? I realize that ****tails are a bit more pricey and you may want to get to know me before you make such a commitment.
HB: Are you for real? I said I am not interested, which means GO AWAY!
You would think this would be the final straw, but balls defy logic every time...
MAX: Okay, now that was mean, but I understand where you are coming from. If you just get me a Ginger Ale, I may consider forgiving you for being so cruel and bitter. But please, make sure they put 3 ice cubes instead of the usual 5. I hate it when my drink gets all watered down and..
HB: (Talking to friend) Can you believe this guy?
MAX: Look, I am sorry to waste your time. I realize now that you must be poor and those DKNY shoes are fakes. Forgive my interruption, wrong girl. (turns away)
HB: (grabs arm) Fakes? I will have you know that I work at DK and these babies are for real.
MAX: (To friend) Let me guess. She is the bad girl in this friendship?
Friend: Huh?
MAX: Everyone knows that best friends are like the fuzz...theres the good cop and bad cop. You are obviously the good cop, so I would like to make a gesture. (reaches into pocket) I am going to buy you a drink for being so sweet and taking your friend out to get laid... You are a good friend!
They both stood there in shock for a minute before the started laughing. Unfortunately, I didnt get to hear the rest of the interaction, as a bunch of my friends showed up and I got caught up. But every time I looked at Max, he had the girls either laughing or giving him the "I can't believe you just said that" look.
The best part of all this? Max LJBFed them both and I tell you, no two girls have helped a man get laid as much as they helped Max. A few weeks later he enjoyed his first threesome with a couple of their friends. I didn't hear from him for months afterwards. Last time I spoke to him, he had met a great girl through them and officially declared that his gaming days were over. We will see how true this holds up... once a horndog always a horndog.
However it pans out, I have great respect for Max. He is living proof that while looks, status and power are influential, they are not everything when it comes to macking. In the end, without balls there is no game in the first place.
At 5' 4", with a receding hairline, big nose and sunken eyes, Max doesn't exactly fit the profile of ladykiller. So you can imagine what people think when they see him out on dates with strippers and model types.
"He must be rich!"
Actually, Max works at Foot Locker and makes minimum wage. So scratch that assumption...
"He must be famous then"
Although he tried to get into acting, none of his auditions were successful and his only fame can be attributed to his presitigious "Employee of the Month" award...at Foot Locker
"It has to be his personality!
Max is a laidback guy and you would be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't like him. But in my honest opinion, the guy is a bore. All he does is get laid and the rest of his life has suffered for it. I can only handle his company in small doses and for the longest time, I also wondered how in the hell he scored all these girls who would barely give me a second look.
It all started to become clear as we hung out more and more that behind Max's success was a lot of failure!
I will never forget the night I saw his game in full swing. He approached this one girl on the floor who was dancing all raunchy grinding on her girlfriend. The bastard didnt hesitate to sandwich himself in the middle and start grinding them both. They entertained him for a few minutes for a laugh, but eventually they pushed him to the side where he slipped on a patch of booze and fell on his ass. Everyone was pointing and laughing at him, but nobody in the club laughed louder than Max himself...
And so it was the whole night. I watched him get shot down, BADLY I might add, over and over again. It was embarassing to watch, but it never ruined his state and each time I saw a rejection, he saw himself as one step closer to his goal. He must have tried 20 different chicks before he found his target, a cute blonde who he met at the bar and opened by asking her to buy him a drink. The interaction was priceless.
MAX: Hey sweetie, would you be so kind as to buy me a gin and tonic on the rocks? I am havin a hell of a night.
HB: I am not your sweetie and you can get your own drink, creep! (proceeds to talk to her friend)
At this stage of the game I would have bailed. But not Max...
MAX: (interrupting) How about a beer then? I realize that ****tails are a bit more pricey and you may want to get to know me before you make such a commitment.
HB: Are you for real? I said I am not interested, which means GO AWAY!
You would think this would be the final straw, but balls defy logic every time...
MAX: Okay, now that was mean, but I understand where you are coming from. If you just get me a Ginger Ale, I may consider forgiving you for being so cruel and bitter. But please, make sure they put 3 ice cubes instead of the usual 5. I hate it when my drink gets all watered down and..
HB: (Talking to friend) Can you believe this guy?
MAX: Look, I am sorry to waste your time. I realize now that you must be poor and those DKNY shoes are fakes. Forgive my interruption, wrong girl. (turns away)
HB: (grabs arm) Fakes? I will have you know that I work at DK and these babies are for real.
MAX: (To friend) Let me guess. She is the bad girl in this friendship?
Friend: Huh?
MAX: Everyone knows that best friends are like the fuzz...theres the good cop and bad cop. You are obviously the good cop, so I would like to make a gesture. (reaches into pocket) I am going to buy you a drink for being so sweet and taking your friend out to get laid... You are a good friend!
They both stood there in shock for a minute before the started laughing. Unfortunately, I didnt get to hear the rest of the interaction, as a bunch of my friends showed up and I got caught up. But every time I looked at Max, he had the girls either laughing or giving him the "I can't believe you just said that" look.
The best part of all this? Max LJBFed them both and I tell you, no two girls have helped a man get laid as much as they helped Max. A few weeks later he enjoyed his first threesome with a couple of their friends. I didn't hear from him for months afterwards. Last time I spoke to him, he had met a great girl through them and officially declared that his gaming days were over. We will see how true this holds up... once a horndog always a horndog.
However it pans out, I have great respect for Max. He is living proof that while looks, status and power are influential, they are not everything when it comes to macking. In the end, without balls there is no game in the first place.